how do I get somebody back ?

[putter65]

Hi

I have been single all of my life, only had a few dates here and there, never had a great deal of luck. About 2 months ago I met this woman online (a lonely forum) and we hit it off really well. I really connected with her, we had loads in common.
We added each other on facebook and over a few weeks it became quite intense. She said she liked me, said I was wonderful and we arranged to meet. She would often talk about sex and she teased me a lot saying she wanted to make love to me.

Anyway we met up and it was a lovely day, we chatted, walked hand in hand, kissed, made plans to meet again. It was lovely !

She has issues though and has had a horrible past. She has poor self esteem and goes to classes. Soon after we met, she sent me a message saying she couldn't tell if I like her, she liked me but couldn't read the signs very well. I found this odd because
I had enjoyed myself, paid her compliments, kissed her and made further plans. I assured her that I was interested. Over the next 2 days she changed and became a bit off. Her courses were making her upset and tired. On one night she looked thru all my posts
on the forum, ones from months ago and found something to use against me. She said she didn't want it to continue, couldn't cope with having a man in her life at the moment, it was too soon. I wrote back but it was no good. She has kept me on facebook
and she is still on the forum but isn't 'talking' to me.

It seems such a shame, we were so well suited and I liked her very much. I knew she had issues but I was willing to cope with them.

I can't help thinking everything she wrote was rubbish before we met, just a tease. Or she liked me before we met and then was disappointed. She did write on the forum she had a 'lovely day' and she did say she 'cared' about me but is too broken for a relationship.

I don't know what to do, obviously I am upset, thought it was my time. I had a lovely day and then it's over, back to square one.

Any advice ?

Thanks !

[Rose]

Back off and give her some space, but let her know that you're available if she ever wants to give you another chance and talk about it. It could be that she's using an old post of yours as an excuse to distance herself from getting too close to someone at such a vulnerable time in her life. Or maybe something you said had genuinely hit a red flag with her. I don't know. Whatever the reason, respect it and just make it known that you're available. Let her come to you next time.

[putter65]

Thanks. I think she did look thru my old posts on purpose to find something. She asked me hundreds of questions, she was bound to find something she didn't like. I am giving her space. Not contacted her since Saturday, liked any of her stuff on facebook either. She posted a photo on the forum and I just put a small comment of 'nice photo' - she did the same to my photographs. She hasn't blocked me on the forum or deleted me on facebook. On the forum she made a comment to somebody else that she felt that unhappy and was chasing her friends away and she hoped they would check in with her when she is ready. Don't know if that was aimed at me. We both make comments on the forum on the same posts but not directly to each other. I notice she is logging on the forum quite often.

My plan is to do things slowly, maybe 'like' her facebook stuff at the end of the week and then maybe write her a short letter a week later asking her how she is. I can't believe somebody can say all that stuff 'I love you' s then 4 days later just switch it off to nothing.

[putter65]

It's dead as dead. I wrote a letter today, didn't get a reply.

What annoys me I was happy before I met her, really content and now I feel awful.
Her teasing like she did was totally out of order in my opinion. I just don't believe a word anybody says online anyway.
How can she say all those things and then just switch a switch to turn them off so easily ? I think she has probably just moved on to somebody else. She definitely tried to find an excuse to get rid of me.

I know I should think 'lucky escape' but I am not at the moment.

[putter65]

got a text saying we are still 'friends' and was giving us some space to make things easier.
getting a letter later on today.

[putter65]

Lets just be friends because of her issues and kids.
Oh well !

[putter65]

'friends' is just crap, I know how it works.
When I started sending messages to her, I swore to myself that if it suddenly ended, I wouldn't be upset. I always expected her to disappear, or meet somebody else, the classics !
It's like everything she wrote, everything she said meant nothing. How can she switch off so suddenly. I certainly haven't.

[putter65]

we swapped a few comments on facebook last night, nothing heavy.
I don't know if it's progress or I am deluded.
I keep reading her letters to me before we met, how positive she was that we would have a relationship. We had a lovely day as well, she even put that in a message on the forum. Now she is flirting with everybody on the forum as though she couldn't care less about me. I feel awful, just sad and lost and empty and wishing I hadn't put myself thru it. Nobody seems to care either.

[putter65]

It all boils down to her attitude completely changed after she met me. Not on the day but after that. She says she wasn't disappointed in me but I don't believe her.