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Post by Slinky on Dec 29, 2013 17:25:43 GMT -5
Just wondering if anyone had attempted something like this? Challenging your shyness or social anxiety through putting yourself in settings that become increasingly anxiety-inducing.
I work in a job where I have to deal with large numbers of people everyday, which has helped with my general anxious feelings around people, yet outside of the comfort zone I now have there I still struggle a fair bit.
I've done little exposures (half the time, without really realising I'm doing them) such as talking on the phone regarding work issues, dealing with delivery drivers and, my pet hate, prolonged small talk with customers. I feel I've done really well with these, yet I'm concerned that I always have the feeling that I'm winging it most of the time, having that low bubble of fear burning away that I have to keep under wraps.
I made conversation with a girl a few months ago about the tattoos she had along one of her arms. She initiated the convo, and instead of my usual smile and a few words, I managed to maintain a decent level of chat with her. I was genuinely interested which obviously helps. Then a few weeks later I saw her again and she made a point of coming over and updating me on how her design was going. I could feel myself getting nervous in the face of someone making the effort to continue a conversation from a while ago, sweating a bit, not knowing what to do with my hands/arms, rushing my words. But I didn't make an excuse to get out of the situation, I just talked to her politely, being friendly and open and felt very good afterwards.
I dont know why, but I feel I have to point out I wasn't nervous because I fancied her or anything like that, more the act of conversation itself with someone I really don't know at all. Like I was somehow witnessing myself doing it and being hyper-aware of how awkward I could appear with my arms first folded in front of me, then behind, trying not to sweat too much, trying not to stumble over my words, trying not to be too aware of how I was talking....
As a result I've consciously tried to be more open to these sorts of interactions, and not avoid them so much. Which is very hard at work, and will make my life easier with how much time I have to spend there. Exposing myself more and more, bit by bit, to various interactions of varying levels of intensity and anxiety.
I know exposures can come in many forms, from going to a place on your own, maybe going for a walk on your own in an unfamiliar setting too. Maybe a bit of shame exposure such as deliberately dropping something in a public place, looking around to see who, if anyone, is looking. Or simply making a phonecall you normally dread having to make, letting yourself feel the nervousness, anxiety, and constant pull to escape, but completing the task in hand.
As usual I've rambled, but I just wondered if anyone had attempted anything similar?
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Post by Astroruss on Jan 15, 2014 23:19:31 GMT -5
What? Oh . . .I'm sorry, I feel asleep after reading all that rambling. Anyway, yes, I teach computer classes nowadays and it challenges me to come up with new, interesting things to say all the time. Usually I do okay until i get a really tuff, complicated question from one of the students. It's demanding on me. But other than throwing out drunken, schizophrenic bums from the library that's the most challenging thing for me so far. Oh, of course, and dating women. That's always hard. But I try it anyway.
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Post by lostmyself on Jan 17, 2014 15:49:45 GMT -5
I know exactly what you mean SlinkyNinja, my social anxiety level has improved a lot over the past year because I'm interacting a lot at work. I started making a real effort not to avoid people and to initiate conversation. We're not allowed to have tea at our desks so daily I'll spend time in the kitchen sitting with colleagues and chatting, sometimes small talk, sometimes more in depth, I find some people easier to talk to than others. Now colleagues will come into the kitchen when I go in there to chat to me which improves my confidence.
Just keep at it, sometimes conversations will be harder than other times but the more you interact with people, the more you will know them and have more to say.
I haven't made any out of work friends from there, I still need to learn the skills of friend making but my confidence is definitely better.
Dating must be quite challenging for anxiety, guess we all have to do it sometime though.
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Post by Scotty on Jan 22, 2014 2:40:25 GMT -5
I've basically been working in retail for ten years now...which is a depressing though,lol. That said, it has helped me grow a lot and get better at interacting with people. I still get awkward moments, but overall talking to people and making small talk isn't as difficult. I still need to work on making new friends, as a lot of the old ones I made through work have moved on. I feel I've been doing well though since I have been hanging out with a couple of different coworkers outside of work. It takes practice. If it goes badly, you do your best not to let it get you down. Rather learn from it.
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Post by Zoe on Jan 10, 2016 6:05:38 GMT -5
So I am putting a spin to this Exposure - anxiety therapy post thread. I will be facing one of my worst anxiety provoking activity this year which is driving. I plan to slowly expose myself to driving again, initially with my dad being in the car as well for moral support. I think i stopped practising once i got my Provisional plates a couple of years ago. I will post updates throughout the journey and my ultimate goal will be to feel comfortable and confident as a driver. If anyone has gone through a similar phase, i am all ears to hear your advice. Also does anyone else want to challenge themselves with something that has been making them anxious? Would love to have a goal buddy to motivate and cheer each other on
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Post by ura on Jan 10, 2016 17:54:35 GMT -5
I got my provisional license about two or three years ago and went for lessons, prior to that I was absolutely terrified of driving and still don't feel comfortable driving in fast places without a decent driver next to me. Honestly exposure therapy is the only solution for driving I'm afraid, I've found nothing helps deal with anxiety as becoming competent at whatever task you're doing. I'm pretty confident at driving most places now but just not motorways yet, I'm more cautious in housing estates though cause I'm worried kids will do something stupid.
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Post by skyhint on Jan 10, 2016 22:10:24 GMT -5
So I am putting a spin to this Exposure - anxiety therapy post thread. I will be facing one of my worst anxiety provoking activity this year which is driving. I plan to slowly expose myself to driving again, initially with my dad being in the car as well for moral support. I think i stopped practising once i got my Provisional plates a couple of years ago. I will post updates throughout the journey and my ultimate goal will be to feel comfortable and confident as a driver. If anyone has gone through a similar phase, i am all ears to hear your advice. Also does anyone else want to challenge themselves with something that has been making them anxious? Would love to have a goal buddy to motivate and cheer each other on Sounds like a good idea. I'm sure you will be great.
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Post by Zoe on Jan 11, 2016 5:47:35 GMT -5
I got my provisional license about two or three years ago and went for lessons, prior to that I was absolutely terrified of driving and still don't feel comfortable driving in fast places without a decent driver next to me. Honestly exposure therapy is the only solution for driving I'm afraid, I've found nothing helps deal with anxiety as becoming competent at whatever task you're doing. I'm pretty confident at driving most places now but just not motorways yet, I'm more cautious in housing estates though cause I'm worried kids will do something stupid. Thank you for your sharing your experiences and thoughts on this matter, it gives me both hope at the end of the tunnel and closeness to know I'm not the only one feeling this way about driving. I tend to blank out and get really flustered when someone beeps their horn, did you ever get that problem? If so, is there any inner pep talk that can be used to counter the nerves?
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Post by ura on Jan 11, 2016 15:33:45 GMT -5
Sadly not no, I have no pep talk and don't really use them yourself, but I mean just consider that you've probably driven whatver router you're own a couple of times so if you just focus on driving and don't think too much about what you're doing it should help. Also I'm not sure what your father is like but you say if he's there for moral support than I would assume he's patient and an experienced driver, probably just driving with him enough times will put you at ease, my father thought me to drive (I had to get lessons but before that I had gone driving with him enough I knew more or less how to drive), drive with someone you feel comrtable with and just practice are the only tips I can give you and lastly remember there are assholes on the road, don't let them intimidate you or change your emotions.
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Post by Zoe on Jan 16, 2016 6:10:23 GMT -5
Sadly not no, I have no pep talk and don't really use them yourself, but I mean just consider that you've probably driven whatver router you're own a couple of times so if you just focus on driving and don't think too much about what you're doing it should help. Also I'm not sure what your father is like but you say if he's there for moral support than I would assume he's patient and an experienced driver, probably just driving with him enough times will put you at ease, my father thought me to drive (I had to get lessons but before that I had gone driving with him enough I knew more or less how to drive), drive with someone you feel comrtable with and just practice are the only tips I can give you and lastly remember there are assholes on the road, don't let them intimidate you or change your emotions. Thanks Ura!
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Post by Slinky on Jan 20, 2016 15:02:43 GMT -5
I had extremely bad anxiety when learning to drive. Nerves would overwhelm me at the mere thought of my next lesson, and often while I was in the car too. But I got there, somehow! I still get nerves a fair bit when I drive now, it's not really something I like to do, moreso out of necessity. Though I could still get around with public transport and walking I knew I had to challenge myself to at least get my licence so I had the option of driving open to me in the future. That's what spurred me on really. Unfortunately like a lot of things, it is through exposure that you will get better and begin to master the anxiety you feel, bit by bit. You are challenging yourself and actually getting out there. You should be very proud of yourself for that to begin with! Doubly so when you factor in a natural proneness to anxious feelings. With me, I tried not to berate myself for little mistakes. After all that's the only way we learn anything. In those situations I tried to remind myself of how big a deal it was for me to be facing my fears and not to worry too much. Of course this works some times, and not others! And definitely celebrate your achievements, no matter how small you think they are. Be proud of yourself. It can be hard with the whole sensory overload of it all, horns blaring, constant movement all around, always having to be aware. But stick with it, and you will find your own personal ways of handling these things as you encounter them. Good luck and keep us posted
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Post by Zoe on Jan 23, 2016 8:13:06 GMT -5
Thank you everyone, I am taking all your advice on board. So a little update, last Sunday I was going to meet up with my colleague at her house to visit another mutual friend that lives near the city. Dad guided me driving through 2 major highways and learning how to change lanes across a bridge. It was a nervewrecking experience but he told me i did quite well. Once i got to my colleagues home, dad drove off and I waited for her a little bit to get ready before she drove us (as in myself and her) to our mutual friend's home. Our mutual friend's son was having his 5th birthday party.
To be honest i was quite overwhelmed as there were over 10 strangers and their little kids as well that i don't know and i haven't been in this environment before. My colleague being a mom herself quite quickly eased into the party and i learnt to shadow what she does. Whilst i didn't interact much (apart from saying hello and can i help them with something), i still give myself a pat on the back cause i could have just freaked out and ran out of the place causing embarrassment to the colleague that drove me their and our mutual friend that was hosting the party.
This weekend has double demerit points cause we have Australia Day next week so driving practise will be postponed until after Australia Day. So how is everyone out there in the Shy United community? Anyone else would like to share their Exposure - anxiety therapy?
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Post by skyhint on Mar 14, 2016 14:35:40 GMT -5
How is your driving gpoing Zoe? just remember the world is full of idiots and most of them can still drive without getting into a crash! So if they can do it so can you. And so can I! I got my license last week!
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Post by Zoe on Mar 31, 2016 5:47:58 GMT -5
How is your driving gpoing Zoe? just remember the world is full of idiots and most of them can still drive without getting into a crash! So if they can do it so can you. And so can I! I got my license last week! Hello Skyhint First of all, congratulations on getting your license! I've driven twice since the last time i wrote an entry on here mainly because I had a really bad episode with my mental health issues and had to be medicated which made me quite groggy and lethargic. My body is slowly getting used to the medication so i hope to try again soon. Did you get your full license or it is provisional?
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Post by skyhint on Apr 6, 2016 14:02:26 GMT -5
How is your driving gpoing Zoe? just remember the world is full of idiots and most of them can still drive without getting into a crash! So if they can do it so can you. And so can I! I got my license last week! Hello Skyhint First of all, congratulations on getting your license! I've driven twice since the last time i wrote an entry on here mainly because I had a really bad episode with my mental health issues and had to be medicated which made me quite groggy and lethargic. My body is slowly getting used to the medication so i hope to try again soon. Did you get your full license or it is provisional? I got my full license. Hope you are feeling better and able to come off the meds.
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