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Post by missklew on Jan 5, 2014 15:24:27 GMT -5
Why are there always things pulling me in multiple directions?
This is the thing. I want to quit my career and IT and do something else that doesn't pay that much but it is something I really want to do.
Problem: I am getting pressure to continue because I do make a lot of money.
Pressure is from my husband and from my son indirectly.
My son is stuck in a bad situation. He caused it. Somehow I feel obligated to bail him out.
But I keep helping him and still he does nothing to help himself and stays in the same dumb situation.
He blew through an entire trust fund and didn't even bother to pay off his car so he is stuck living with my psycho mother in a very isolated rural town with no jobs with no car.
My son is in his 20s. He is an adult. I think he should be able to figure things out for himself.
So in order to help him out financially would mean for me to keep going in this soul sucking career that I hate.
I keep thinking when the heck do I actually get to live my life and do what I want to do and not give up what I want to solve other people's stupid problems they caused themselves?
I really don't know how I keep getting into situations with other who are so draining.
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Post by Slinky on Jan 5, 2014 16:20:09 GMT -5
I think there has to be a time where you just have to put yourself first. If you have a yearning to go do a specific thing, I say do it.
It sounds like you'd only be staying in your present job to satisfy other people? Are there similar sacrifices made for you?
I'll be the first to admit it's very hard to start putting yourself first in these situations, when you are used to thinking of others. Even when the consideration isn't seemingly returned. When you are a caring person who wants other people to be happy, it's hard to break the cycle when you may be being taken advantage of.
I don't know if this is the case with you missklew, but I feel the initial anger, betrayal, silence of other people is worth riding out if you are going to be happier looking for something you really want to do. If these people truly care, surely it's in their interests for you to feel better within yourself? If they are worth their salt they will overcome such feelings, as will you overcome your perceived obligations when you find what you are looking for.
I hope you go for it.
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Post by Astroruss on Jan 5, 2014 23:56:56 GMT -5
I am not a parent, nor am I an entirely settled adult either, so I can't really give you such advice as you require.
But I see my parents act, helping me and my brother and the occasional relative in need. They guide these such adults to the correct decisions, but can't make the decisions themselves. Myself, I know. I worked at a useless job for seven years while my own parents told me to quit it and find a real career, because that job would never be good for me. Turns out they were right. But they couldn't decide for me.
So it is with you. You cannot act for your son. He has to.
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Post by missklew on Jan 6, 2014 4:22:10 GMT -5
Thanks to you both. You have helped more than you will ever know.
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