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Post by shyangel32 on Mar 23, 2014 21:10:40 GMT -5
To message someone who I barely know (previously mentioned in other post) on facebook? We are both shy but I am much less shy behind a computer I just don't know if he would find it creepy that I messaged him... Thoughts??
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Post by mollymalone on Mar 24, 2014 10:05:41 GMT -5
I think you should go for it. To me, Facebook and social media are kind of "neutral territory". The worst that will happen is that you send the message and you don't get a reply. No one likes when that happens, but I think it's worth it. There is nothing creepy about just sending a quick hello to someone.
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Post by StarFall on Mar 24, 2014 14:57:01 GMT -5
I think it depends. Are you already friends with him on Facebook?
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Post by shyangel32 on Mar 24, 2014 15:57:50 GMT -5
I think it depends. Are you already friends with him on Facebook? I am not his friend on fb but since he knows that I know his full name I'm not sure if that would make it less weird? It's just that I rarely see him because every time he comes into my work I am with a customer so I don't get much of a chance to say anythng even if I had the nerve!! I wonder if finding him on fb is sort of the modern equivalent of looking him up in the phone book, or if it would just scare him off?
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Post by retrovion on Mar 25, 2014 0:10:26 GMT -5
It wouldn't be weird. Might even flatter him. By the way, can get your fb name please? ^-^
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Post by shyangel32 on Mar 25, 2014 22:14:46 GMT -5
I feel like if he is interested he might find it cute, but if he isn't it might be stalkerish to him :/
I hate anxiety as much as I hate being shy
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Post by StarFall on Mar 25, 2014 22:24:43 GMT -5
I feel like if he is interested he might find it cute, but if he isn't it might be stalkerish to him :/ That's what I was thinking. Since you're not friends on FB he is going to know that you specifically searched for his profile in order to message him. Which means he could be either flattered or creeped out. Do you share any mutual FB friends with him?
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Post by shyangel32 on Mar 25, 2014 23:21:12 GMT -5
I feel like if he is interested he might find it cute, but if he isn't it might be stalkerish to him :/ That's what I was thinking. Since you're not friends on FB he is going to know that you specifically searched for his profile in order to message him. Which means he could be either flattered or creeped out. Do you share any mutual FB friends with him? Unfortunately I don't have any friends in common with him he does know I am interested, or at least he was told, (I don't know what his self esteem is like and for all I know he might have thought it was a joke) and he did ask a coworker about me a while back and blushed while doing it... I just cannot fathom that he is interested in me. I don't want to mess anything up by scaring him
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Post by Strawberry on Mar 25, 2014 23:30:06 GMT -5
I kind of think getting "creeped out" by someone who looks you up on facebook is something a woman (who is not interested) is more likely to feel compared to a man (who is not interested).
I think you should just go for it. What have you got to lose exactly? It's better to find out now than later!!!
*I'll just add...sending one message is not being like a stalker. Sending multiple messages, however, without response or even after getting a bad response, is what would be considered 'stalkerish'...just sayin'.
**Double add. I just want to say 'WELCOME' to all the newbies. It's nice to see some new members and the board becoming more active.
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Post by shyangel32 on Mar 25, 2014 23:38:55 GMT -5
I kind of think getting "creeped out" by someone who looks you up on facebook is something a woman (who is not interested) is more likely to feel compared to a man (who is not interested). I think you should just go for it. What have you got to lose exactly? It's better to find out now than later!!! *I'll just add...sending one message is not being like a stalker. Sending multiple messages, however, without response or even after getting a bad response, is what would be considered 'stalkerish'...just sayin'. **Double add. I just want to say 'WELCOME' to all the newbies. It's nice to see some new members and the board becoming more active. Thank you for the welcome It's funny, he is so handsome, successful, and kind, that I cannot understand why on earth he would be shy! Then I wonder why he would want someone like me. I am literally just... Average... I have an ok job, definitely not a "10" in the looks department. It's true though, I think in general, women analyze the heck out of a lot of things where men don't do that so much...
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Post by Strawberry on Mar 25, 2014 23:45:53 GMT -5
I kind of think getting "creeped out" by someone who looks you up on facebook is something a woman (who is not interested) is more likely to feel compared to a man (who is not interested). I think you should just go for it. What have you got to lose exactly? It's better to find out now than later!!! *I'll just add...sending one message is not being like a stalker. Sending multiple messages, however, without response or even after getting a bad response, is what would be considered 'stalkerish'...just sayin'. **Double add. I just want to say 'WELCOME' to all the newbies. It's nice to see some new members and the board becoming more active. Thank you for the welcome It's funny, he is so handsome, successful, and kind, that I cannot understand why on earth he would be shy! Then I wonder why he would want someone like me. I am literally just... Average... I have an ok job, definitely not a "10" in the looks department. It's true though, I think in general, women analyze the heck out of a lot of things where men don't do that so much... Indeed. Time to stop thinking and start doing!! Try to put aside your own self-esteem issues. Try and maybe not take it too seriously. Think of reaching out to him as merely a way to get to know him better (maybe looking at it this way will feel like there's less pressure, making it easier for both of you.)
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Post by shyangel32 on Mar 25, 2014 23:58:52 GMT -5
I know if I don't I will regret it... I would much rather do it in person but I am incredibly awkward and won't even remember how to talk I'm afraid!!
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Post by StarFall on Mar 26, 2014 1:31:23 GMT -5
I think in person would be best, but I completely understand the awkwardness and nerves of interacting that way with someone you don't know very well. It seems like I forget what words are when I'm around a guy that I have a crush on. Not to mention blushing and other assorted awkwardness.
Anyway, what Strawberry said is good about trying not to take it too seriously. If you do decide to message him keep it simple and casual until you see how he responds.
Good luck in whatever you decide!
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Post by shyangel32 on Mar 30, 2014 0:16:25 GMT -5
So I went ahead and messaged him. I mentioned that I would love to get together sometime and included my phone number just in case, and told him to text or call anytime. The next morning he replied to my message and also texted me saying good morning... We messaged back and forth a little bit. I apologized if I sounded silly to him and he said no, I don't at all. He said twice that I seem sweet. The next day I messaged him, saying that I know it is short notice, but would he like to get together tonight? I also said that I understand if he couldn't or didn't want to. He read the message but never even responded. I am really upset by this... If he wasn't interested why did he text me in addition to facebook messaging me? But if he was interested, wouldn't he have at least responded to me, even to say no? He is very aware that I am interested... He has asked my coworkers about me... I do not understand at all but I really like him and wish I knew what he was thinking
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Post by Strawberry on Mar 30, 2014 21:26:27 GMT -5
Well...I think it's VERY good news that he messaged you and sent a text to you. And his response sounds good.
As for his not responding about the next thing....it's a pretty crappy thing to do, and, unfortunately, there's no way any of us would be able to tell you the *real* reason with 100% certainty he didn't say anything (as issues/circumstances/personality varies so much from person to person), but I assume some potential scenarios could be:
1) Maybe he IS so shy that that was too little notice for him. Or maybe he expected to exchange a few more messages over a few days before meeting up. Some people are very slow to warm up. 2) Is it possible he is seeing/dating someone? Did he answer the question about being single? This could be very likely. Maybe he didn't want to say 'no' specifically, as it would make him appear he is not interested at all...even though he is. And even though not responding at all is worse. I don't understand people... 3) Your divorce is final now? I guess there could be a concern over being worried about a mean ex. Even if he's an ex....maybe. 4) He could be worried about getting into another relationship, being emotionally vulnerable again. But I would think the desire for human connection would supersede that worry. 5) He's very busy? I don't think that would be a good excuse, though. It's not hard to tell someone you can't do something because you have other plans.
He may very well fit into some other description that I can't think of. By his initial response, though, I would assume he is at least somewhat interested. But yeah...it's probably better if some guys speak up about this...
Anyway...I think his initial response to you keeps the door open to, in the very least, conversation. If a few days pass or whatever, you could still text to see how he's doing.
Don't make the mistake of letting a crush last for too long if it doesn't seem likely to go anywhere, though. If he's shady for too long, it's probably not a good sign.
Anyway, I'm really impressed you have the guts to contact him and put forth the effort. Hopefully the final outcome will be good for you. Good luck!
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