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Post by Sigh on Mar 29, 2014 12:34:35 GMT -5
I am afraid... I hate having to admit that - to myself, to anyone else. I guess it sounds a little melodramatic maybe? I don't know.
Not sure how to start this. I'm under a lot of stress at the moment. I work a volunteer job 8 hours a week. I covered all the admin work when there was no paid admin for nearly a year, somehow I coped with all the stress. But now things have taken an ugly turn. I'm having to do work from home on top of what I do whilst I'm there. It's almost constant - I am responsible for producing their newsletter (the last one was around 3000 words, all typed by me) and I got elected as their committee secretary. I was told this was simply taking notes and its turned into a hell hole of constant work I have to do from home, producing minutes, agendas and reports from brainstorming sessions with little help or input from anyone else (I've never written any of these kinds of documents before either). At least the newsletter is only quarterly... these things are every month! I feel ill all the time... headachy, sick, anxious, insomnious... I feel like... I dunno what. I'm agoraphobic and I have panic disorder, as most regulars here probably know, (aside from the shyness) and I am so afraid right now that I am heading for a relapse and I have worked so hard to be well, so fucking hard. I don't deserve this. But I don't know how to get out of the situation. On top of it all my grandfather died last weekend and I'm now finding I'm struggling with my nerves again when I was practically not having any issues with them at all, aside from being stressed.
My bad days now are what my good days once were, but I'm still worried that everything I've fought so hard for is going to get taken away from me again. If I could only sort this situation out I'm sure I would start to feel a lot better.
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Post by Slinky on Mar 30, 2014 10:30:31 GMT -5
I'm sorry you're having a rough time of it Sigh. And I'm very sorry to hear about your Grandfather It's hard to work through feelings you have about losing a loved one at the best of times, nevermind when you are having a lot more besides heaped onto you. From what you've said it sounds like they are taking advantage of your better nature, especially in a voluntary position? Definitely sounds like paid work you're being made to do now. As hard as it is, I would think you need to stand up to whoever is handing out this work and say you need to have some of it taken off you. Especially in light of your anxiety and agoraphobia. I have to run now, but I'll try to get back and say more! Back! Anyway yeah, I guess it's going to have to take you bringing the issue up with your supervisor/boss-type person? Basically to say the workload you are being expected to do now is too much, unfair, and/or more than the role of a voluntary worker should be expected to do. I'm well aware how that that can be, but sooner rather than later would hopefully lower some of the extreme anxiety and stress you seem to be under now. The longer you do the work now, the higher the expectation that you'll do it all the time. I know this situation all too well myself. I hope you manage to get it sorted Sigh
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Post by Strawberry on Mar 30, 2014 20:35:17 GMT -5
^ Definitely take Slinky's advice about standing up for yourself. It's definitely not an easy thing to do. I've had to do it a couple of times myself. Once, for kind of a silly reason....but it was a time when I just became so fed up with everything and others were complaining too (but were passive about it). I'm still quite proud of myself for confronting someone. And even speaking out in front of a group of people about an issue (even though they didn't back me up at all ). And more recently, I'm in a liiiiiiiiiittle bit of a similar situation. Took on a part-time, temporary position (no benefits), which has now turned into 40 hour weeks, because someone quit. (who quit because *she* had become overwhelmed and sick of it....staying late or going in early to finish things and skipping lunch basically--no overtime allowed). People have told me I shouldn't do that. And I ended up setting a little meeting with my supervisor. While neither time really had the perfect outcome or anything for me, just confronting people about things can take a load off of you. And give you experience in standing up/speaking out for yourself. Again, even if it's an outcome that's not what you're hoping for. Anyway, my situation is very small compared to yours, as at least I'm getting paid (well, for most of the time :/ ). I think it's absolutely absurd for them to expect you to do ALL of that work and without pay. Maybe you can just get out of that committee secretary portion? You should not have to take work home, particularly. Just let them know it's too much. Tell them you have other things going on outside of volunteer work that you have to get figured out. And maybe they can find someone else who wants that experience. I must say, regarding issues you've had, I'm EXTREMELY proud of you for doing all of this work. It sounds very time-consuming and hectic, and I think it speaks loads about you by how much you've been working so hard. The great thing is....is that you can use all of this experience you're getting to list on resumes (or CVs? whatever it is you all call it). Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Also, I'm really sorry to hear about your grandfather. *hug*
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Post by mollymalone on Mar 31, 2014 7:52:43 GMT -5
I agree with what these folks have said. No position is worth sacrificing the progress you've made concerning your mental health. And as much as we wish they might, no one ever sees someone else working that hard and offers to let them off the hook. I think this is one of those times that life is going to force you to stand up for yourself for the sake of your well-being. I would suggest sooner rather than later, because the more it builds the harder it will be to have a calm, rational conversation about it. I wish you the best, I know it isn't easy.
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Post by Outcast on Apr 2, 2014 10:56:19 GMT -5
My condolences with regards to your grandfather.
I think i can relate somewhat about having all these fears (conscious/subconscious) control your every move and feeling sick because of it. I think it has really affected my overall health for the worse and there is no known cure for it. I really don't want this to happen to anybody else. Sometimes i wonder if it's all worth it to expose yourself to these fears. Will you be able to overcome them and become "desensitized" ? Or will it only make things worse?
Right now, i'm trying to will myself to become more fearless. Hoping to see if that's really possible.
To start with, one of the things i've noticed about myself lately is how i've become more jumpy and startled by a few things. So i decided to train myself to expect the unexpected. It has helped a bit take away some of the things that could otherwise surprise me.
I also try taking deep breaths more often, since this has helped me before.
I've read that trying to think more positive also helps, so i've also been trying that one.
When you're not afraid of things, you are usually relaxed and sometimes bored. So i've been trying to reenact that feeling of being bored, and just trying to maintain it to help me get relax. But i think letting yourself get too relaxed makes you open to being startled easily. Whenever something pops up all of sudden to break you from that relaxed state.
Acting tough. It's been said a lot that sometimes if not often, that feeling can follow once you act like it long enough. So I try that as well. It's easier said than done i know, and doesn't always work. But trying it out for me is better than nothing.
There are times, when i see people in real dire need of help. That sometimes i forget about keeping quiet and surprise myself by speaking up. So i guess, thinking more about other people or other things helps too.
Sometimes, i just feel tired/angry of all these fears getting the better of me. Deciding and saying to myself that i want this pattern to finally stop. I would then imagine trying to face up to these fears. Trying to keep calm and be strong and fight them. It's a hard battle, and that still doesn't always work. But i still want to try.
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Post by Outcast on Apr 2, 2014 19:24:49 GMT -5
Just wanted to add.
As for dealing with stress and people, I've also had my share. To the point where i would convince myself that generally most people cause me stress.
Currently, i'm trying to fight this feeling too and i just want to share how i am trying to go about it.
First, be ready and willing to forgive people often. I just notice that some people just get on my nerves sometimes, and people do things that i don't like. The act of forgiving them, TRYING to let bygones be bygones somewhat eases the stress i feel.
Second, i try to keep myself from judging people. By keeping in mind that not everything is black and white, and that most of the time , it's really gray area with people. All of us have our reasons for doing things. Not everyone can really understand them unless are really put in our shoes. When i catch myself hating some people, i try to remember the times i was afraid of people judging me/hating me for something i have done or not done.
Third, express yourself / talk to someone. It's very liberating feeling to just be able to conquer this fear of expressing yourself and it's relaxing to just be able to talk to someone even if it's just a relative for starters.
Again, i cannot stress enough the importance of conquering your fears and facing them. Telling yourself " I am not afraid!" "Enough is enough." Just deciding once and for all that you don't like to live that way anymore. It's not worth getting sick for. Don't let fear or other people dictate what you want to do with your life. Well, that's what i try to keep in mind these days.
I'm not saying it's easy. It's just that i think we should fight these fears. I don't want to be bullied by my fears anymore, and i would rather go down fighting them.
Oh and i forgot. Learn to laugh at yourself and other things once in a while. Try not to take life too seriously. That's another thing i think that might help.
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Post by Outcast on Apr 3, 2014 11:00:33 GMT -5
As to stress related work. Well i also have my share of it and have also been trying to manage it. Here are some things i try to remember and follow while at work. Management is more lenient with me, so i'm not sure if any of this will work for you.
1. Don't try too hard. My main purpose for this is to try and lessen the pressure and stress i feel when i'm trying to push myself too hard. So it's kinda like working at my own pace i guess.
2, Since i'm kinda slow at everything i do, i try to convince myself that as long as i am at least focused with the work i should be doing and not get distracted, i should be able to get enough things done.
3. Working smarter rather than harder. Like prioritizing what needs to be done first and what are the things that can wait. Or trying to figure out how to do things easier, faster with minimum effort. I guess trying to find ways to be more efficient. Am i needlessly doing double work things like that.
4. If you can, try to be prepared or do things in advance, instead of doing them at the very last minute. That way i avoid the stress of cramming.
5. Try to be organized or lessen the clutter so you know where to find the things you need when it's needed.
6. Know that just like life, not everything will always go your way. There are somethings that are just out of your control. So i just try to accept it and adjust however i can.
7. Don't forget to breathe when things become too busy, stressfull or hectic. Of course, i also tend to try acting bored again when things get too tense.
8. Avoid seeking perfection from yourself and others. Accept and admit if there any mistikes you've made. All of us makes mistakes, be open to the fact that it may have been an error in your part. Guilt can also be a source of stress for me, so i try to remember not to be too hard/strict when i deal with the people at work. To be more understanding.
9. Don't be afraid to ask when you are unsure about something or need something from someone. Double check. It's better to be safe than sorry. No shortcuts.
10. Take full advantage of lunch breaks. Stretch, walk around, relax a bit. Take frequent breaks if possible if your just sitting down for hours just like me.
11. Don't keep to yourself. It helps lighten the mood, if you can at least talk to someone, tell a few jokes here and there.
Well...that's what i've got so far. At least some of them seem to help me a bit.
Sorry if i posted too long and too much.
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Post by Astroruss on Apr 5, 2014 14:29:46 GMT -5
Sorry to hear that Sigh. I know you'll get through this.
It sounds like you have a lot to handle, with those two jobs. Maybe you could cut back on the volunteer job a little? I used to volunteer a lot when I was unemployed, but never so much at a time like it sounds you do. Are you being tested for a position at this place?
Being in charge of a newsletter can be very daunting. The tyranny of the blank page, they call it. Starting something from scratch is always hard, but those brainstorm ideas will come to you. Just don't feel like you have to tackle it all at once. And it is hard to get people in a committee to contribute and pull their weight, and get their work/ideas in an timely manner.
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