Hi! I'm 18 years old and starting pre-med abroad this September, so I have a lot of free time on my hands from now till then.
This is my diary detailing my attempts to become a more social person. Aside from the fact that it's hard for me to go through med school without socialising (very competitive environment where you have to suck up and know everyone), I just hate how shy I am, how everyone thinks I'm a snob because I don't speak, and how I dwell on the smallest of instances for weeks to the point where I can't sleep.
I can be loud with my close friends but with new people I can't even utter a single sound, it's embarrassing and has been crippling for me. I finished high school not long ago, and I've come to the realisation that I only had 2 real friends, haven't talked to any guys (all girls high school), haven't been to any parties, haven't had any real life experiences (was very sheltered by my parents)... basically I wasted the 5 years.
I'm hoping that before I go to university I can learn to become a more open person. It really is difficult, however.
My wish is that by keeping a diary here, I can stick to my goals.
Namely, I want to: 1) Talk to one stranger everyday. 2) Find a part time job where I'm exposed a lot of people (perhaps retail). 3) Make a few new friends. 4) Learn something new (Chinese).
Of course, this is easier said than done. Hopefully I can enter some success stories in here, and it isn't a depressing recount of my failures.
First entry! For the past few days I've been on a trip with my brother and his friends whom I didn't know prior. I can't really say it's a success since I didn't really say much to them (although I kept trying to convince myself to, I was too afraid). It went pretty well though, the new experience was really thrilling and I drunk alcohol with a group of people and played cards till 6am for the first time in my life. They were all very nice people, I wish I had asked questions and carried on conversations rather than give short answers though. I hope they didn't misunderstand me and think I was snobby and cold. Next time I'm going to try harder to ask questions, I'm not a good talker but I can listen well.
Today was really embarrassing for me. On the tube I was reading my book when a bunch of loud kids came in, I didn't look up since I didn't want to seem like I was annoyed by them. By the time I did 5 mins later I noticed their grandpa was standing with no seat available nearby. I moved then, but everyone must have thought I was very selfish.
After that on the bus when I was getting off I lost my ticket and was scrabbling for it in my purse and pocket for ages. I delayed the bus by so much and dropped everything in my pockets, I felt so terrible. Eventually the bus driver just let me go but my face is red just thinking about it... Argh!