Grasping At Straws

[billd1]

I've been on this forum almost eight years now, and I have not found any help with my Shyness problem.

Actually, on joining, I didn't expect to find any help.

As a broken down, wrecked and ruined, old man, I am Helpless and Hopeless to find any help with my problem.

My main focus in this thread will be my efforts at trying to find help, all the way back to my young adult years.

And, my efforts are what I call, "Grasping At Straws."

And, by telling the long story of my Grasping At Straws over the past 40 or so years, I'm hoping those younger than me might be better able to find help with their shyness than I have, and not wind up in their old age in the same, Helpless, Hopeless situation that I have been all my life, and will be in, until I Depart the Physical Vehicle.

[billd1]

My first story, the beginning of my disenchantment with Professional Help, & my gravitating toward lay support groups is next.

It is about a Very SPOOKY encounter I had with a doctor.

[billd1]

I remember back in high school, most of the other guys could grow hair on their face, but I seemed to be much slower maturing than them.

I think for a young guy to be a bit worried about such a thing is not unusual in the least.

But, when I saw a doctor to discuss this with him, his reaction did nothing but make me think that doctors, and other professionals for that matter, are not all they are cracked up to be.

And, this very spooky experience with this doctor, who I'll call "Dr. A," was the beginning of my conclusion that lay support groups, for me, at least, are preferable to "professional help."

I felt somewhat nervous confiding my concern to Dr. A.

After I did so, what did he say?

"There is something that you are not facing."

That was it. He was not in the least interested in whether my body was maturing as rapidly as it should.

And, he was right. There was something I was not facing.

My shyness.

How could he, having just met me, know that about me?

I'm sure he didn't know specifically what it was that I was not facing.

But, he was right. I was not facing the problem of my shyness and trying to solve it.

When he said to me: "There is something you are not facing," I felt like he could read my mind, like he knew all about me and I could not keep anything private or secret from him.

Dr. A (maybe Dr. A-- H---?), after a brief examination simply told me: "You can expect little change," then told me: "I am treating young men your age for baldness. Suppose you had cancer and only had six months to live?"

He gave me the old lecture, that "what matters is the attitude you take toward it."

"You should be glad you can't grow hair on your face. That way, you won't have to shave."

I didn't tell him that I wanted to be able to grow hair on my face so I could shave it off.

I wanted to grow hair on my face and keep it on my face, because I thought I'd look good with it. for Cripes Sake!

Then he went back to "there's something you are not facing."

Well, he was right about that, I knew that I was not facing the problem of my shyness. but helping people with that problem was not his specialty.

I asked him about a physical condition that I'm sure a lot of young men might very well have a valid reason to be concerned about.

Why would that mean that there was something I was not facing?

If there had been an Shy Anonymous, I would have told Dr. A:

"Yes, you are right. There is something I am not facing. It is my shyness. Do you know if there are any local Shy Anonymous groups, and when and where they meet?"

To be continued -

[billd1]

To continue and conclude the Story of Dr. A-

Seeing that Dr. A was not interested in my not being able to grow a beard, I asked him if other doctors would tell me any different.

Well, that was a NO-NO question.

He told me, "yes, there are doctors who will tell you different. There was one man who felt that he was loosing his manhood, and he went to a doctor, or the man said he was a doctor, and they sacrificed a goat, and cut off the goat's testicles, and rubbed them in the man's face."

Dr. A was insulted by my question, so he decided to insult me back.

I certainly did not mean any insult with my question.

I was just so young and socially inexperienced to know how to properly phrase my question.

I should have asked, "could you send me to a specialist?"

After he put me in my place with the insulting goat sacrifice story, he told me he could send me to a specialist hundreds of miles away, who was doing experimental work in endocrinology.

Well, I certainly did not want anyone experimenting with my endocrine system.

I told that to Dr. A., and said, I'd just accept it.

He told me "I wish I had the condition you had," we shook hands, and that was that.

I then left, his office and got back to my business.

It was an EERIE, SPOOKY, SCARY experience that I will never forget.

[billd1]

The Very Spooky Dr. A will always be with me, but I don't think that what I saw him about was any unreasonable obsession with me.

One reader of this story mentioned seeing a glass as half full or half empty, and being the optimist that I am, I see the glass as half full. There's more where that came from, and the glass is going to be filled all the way.

I was optimistic that Dr. A was wrong that there would be little change, and that eventually I would start growing a beard, and altho it was slow over more years than I wanted, it finally happened.

If a youngster in the situation I was in all those years ago ever confided in me, I'd tell him about my own experience, and warn him not to have any hormonal treatments unless there were something very seriously wrong with his body.

Dr. A said my situation was hereditary, and I asked my parents if there were any men in our family who didn't grow beards, and they didn't know of any.

If Dr. A is still living and I saw him today, with a full beard, I wonder if he would say he was wrong to tell me that I could expect little change?

It really doesn't even matter to me.

Today, I have people telling me: "shave that beard," and calling me "Santa Claus."

So, while my beard might not be exactly how I'd want it to be I have what I wanted when I saw Dr. A.

I don't really like long beards, and prefer to keep mine trimmed short, but, if you knew more about me, and my hopefully long gone practice of sometimes going too long without showering, you might understand why I sometimes to too long without trimming and get called, "Santa Claus."

[billd1]

Doctors are only one of many different types of professionals that many people go gagga over.

Also, judges, religious leaders, political leaders, and law enforcement officers to name just a few.

Can anyone think of more?

Maybe, back in the Good Old Days, or the Bad Old Days, when things were simpler, slower, and life was less complicated than it is today, the old rock of society of troubled people confiding in doctors was valid.

But, those days are long gone.

I think that today, if someone is gagga over a doctor, it is probably because the doctor prescribes them feel good drugs.

Reportedly, before Eddie Fischer married Elizabeth Taylor, she assured Eddie that her doctor would prescribe for Eddie whatever feel good drugs he wanted.

[billd1]

Where to go to get where I want to get to . . .

I suppose the most significant year in my Life As an SA, was The Seventh Grade.

Any of you other SAs feel that way?

[ura]

What's an SA?

[billd1]

Thanks for the question, ura. An SA is an abbreviation for a person suffering from what today is called Social Anxiety, and in earlier generations was called Social Inadequacy.

Some SAs might also suffer from shyness,but some may not be shy.

I would say that often Shyness, SA and SP (Social Phobia), combine together in one person to handicap them in their lives.

[ura]

I read your story about the doctor billd1 and it was interesting, I get where the doctor was coming from about other people worried about cancer but honestly it wasn't a particularly helpful answer, the answer maybe that he should've given is that some people do indeed grow facial hair at different rates. My friend in secondary school had his first beard at an extremely young age, whereas at 26 I still can only grow a goatee and some facial hair surrounding it. To me I don't mind that much and never have, it's not an issue that annoys me but I suppose a doctor's answer like that wouldn't satisfy me either and he was pretty blunt about it too.

Regarding Social Anxiety I have it and I feel like I've become a lot better at dealing with it. I'm starting to wonder if it's not shyness anymore as much as preferring my own company or simple introversion, I at one point (contrary to most of my life) had been going out so much to various things I just wanted to shut myself off inside. Traditionally I have been quite shy though, I almost accept anxiety as part of my life and try to just manage with it, I can't address a room full of people without panicing but I feel like I'm getting by.

[marle]

I think a lot of doctors don't have a very good 'bed-side manner'. Your (billd1) story is an illustration of that.

[billd1]

Sept 2, 2016 11:16:03 GMT -5 ura said:

I read your story about the doctor billd1 and it was interesting, I get where the doctor was coming from about other people worried about cancer but honestly it wasn't a particularly helpful answer, the answer maybe that he should've given is that some people do indeed grow facial hair at different rates. My friend in secondary school had his first beard at an extremely young age, whereas at 26 I still can only grow a goatee and some facial hair surrounding it. To me I don't mind that much and never have, it's not an issue that annoys me but I suppose a doctor's answer like that wouldn't satisfy me either and he was pretty blunt about it too.

Regarding Social Anxiety I have it and I feel like I've become a lot better at dealing with it. I'm starting to wonder if it's not shyness anymore as much as preferring my own company or simple introversion, I at one point (contrary to most of my life) had been going out so much to various things I just wanted to shut myself off inside. Traditionally I have been quite shy though, I almost accept anxiety as part of my life and try to just manage with it, I can't address a room full of people without panicing but I feel like I'm getting by.

Thanks for the reply, ura.

Shyness is a word that is loosely used, and a lot of times, I hear people describe others as shy, when I would not have thought of those people as being shy.

I think that people who are not shy might not know how to function socially.

That's why I prefer the old fashioned term, "social inadequacy."

When I introduced myself as being socially inadequate,one poster replied, that calling myself that, sounded like I did not like myself.

I certainly did not agree with that person, and didn't "get" why they would say such a thing.

There are all kinds of support groups, where people introduce themselves as having all kinds of problems, many of them compulsive. Compulsive gamblers, debtors, shoplifters, hoarders, and many other types of problems in addition to narcotics and alcohol.

I don't see that a person having any of these problems and admiting it, would mean that they do like themselves.

But, problems functioning socially whether due to shyness or not, continue to hinder people, regardless of the terminology used, so if SA-SP is the current term used by pro counsellors interested in such problems, I'll adapt and use those terms.

[billd1]

Sept 2, 2016 12:20:30 GMT -5 marle said:

I think a lot of doctors don't have a very good 'bed-side manner'. Your (billd1) story is an illustration of that.

Thanks for the post, marle. I agree fully.

[billd1]

I suppose the reason I found that doctor and his saying "there is something that you are not facing, an attack that I had no defense against.

In society at large, people with all kinds of problems that they are not facing, can pose as normal people, and confidently feel that they can get away with it.

I don't think any of us like the fact that someone can tell something about us within a minute of meeting them, that we thought was something private and secret.

It was just very eerie, spooky and scary having that doctor tell me, "there's something you are not facing," the first thing he said to me.

[billd1]

Since I think The Seventh Grade might make a good thread unto itself, so I started a thread by that name here on this board.

shyunited.proboards.com/thread/10245/seventh-grade

I might say a few things here on the "Grasping At Straws" thread about the Seventh Grade and its importance in my life and my SA/SP, but want to concentrate on my adult years, and my eventually deciding that lay support groups would be preferable to Professional Help, in my case.