Post by anothershy1 on Sept 26, 2016 12:55:56 GMT -5
So something I never, ever thought possible I became amazing friends with a girl and I've fallen for her, something I never thought it possible and get on amazingly well. We've been friends for over two and a half years now, we always have such fun together, do things together and always hang out with just the two of us. Anyway I don't want to ruin the friendship, if the feelings are only one sided, she has always said boyfriends have always been friends first. I've even told her I've never had a girlfriend before, that’s the kind of trust bond we have which hasn't put her off. I wish I knew if she was interested.
I'm just not sure how to move it on, respectfully HELP. I tried to tell her face to face the other week, but just can't get the words out, I just wish I could say it looking deep into her eyes. I can happily look her in the eyes put my arms around her and cuddle her. This whole thing is just so confusing and thankful for anyone else’s opnion.
So something I never, ever thought possible I became amazing friends with a girl and I've fallen for her, something I never thought it possible and get on amazingly well. We've been friends for over two and a half years now, we always have such fun together, do things together and always hang out with just the two of us. Anyway I don't want to ruin the friendship, if the feeling are only one sided, she has always said boyfriends have always been friends first. I've even told her I've never had a girlfriend before, that’s the kind of trust bond we have which hasn't put her off. I wish I knew if she was interested.
I'm just not sure how to move it on, respectfully HELP. I tried to tell her face to face the other week, but just can't get the words out, I just wish I could say it looking deep into her eyes. I can happily look her in the eyes put my arms around her and cuddle her. This whole thing is just so confusing and grateful for anyone else’s opnion.
IMO, it doesn't look like its one sided at all. Two and a half years. Always hanging out, doing things together, having fun together. Trusting one another. If she isn't doing these things with her other male friends, then i'd say you're pretty special to her. And given that she also said her past boyfriends were friends first, i think your chances are good.
How to do it? Don't ask me. I think you would know better since you were able to be friends with her for a long time.
Doing and saying the wrong things most of the time 24/7. Being me means having to endure people not liking me.
Depends on how strong your feelings are, or you could potentially see them getting. If they are at the point where you can't really focus on anything else, you just NEED to tell her/ask her out. Unfortunately there's no other way around it.
I, like many other people, have been in this situation and the longer it goes on, the more you are really torturing yourself. For your own peace of mind and sanity in the long run, find a way to say it. Even if it ends up being a text, where you can think a bit on how to word things. Tell her how you've been feeling, without pouring absolutely everything out as to not scare her. If the friendship is strong enough this shouldn't be a problem, you are being honest after all. Be wary of putting your heart and soul on the line obviously (easier said than done I know!) but take pride in what you are attempting to do too. It's hard, scary, and you should be proud of being willing to take that step. And if she's a good person she will see that, whatever the answer may be.
I hope this doesn't come across as patronising or simplistic, but from experience I think it's the only way you'll know. And you need to know to potentially get what you want, or get another answer and begin to work through how you feel and look for potential partners elsewhere.
And for the record, I ended up in a position where I literally HAD to say something as I couldn't think of anything else and it was beginning to affect the friendship anyway. I basically started to act weird (or weirder), lol. We talked a lot via text as well as face to face, so I ended up telling her in a text where I had time to word things as I wanted and not sound like a maniac. It was a starting point to talk about it face to face later on. She was ok about it as the groundwork of the friendship had been strong beforehand, though there was a little apprehension on both sides afterwards which is understandable when one type of relationship could potentially be developing into something else. Just something to keep in mind.
I hope you can do it, and that it turns out the way you'd like it to
It can seem that way yes! If the feelings are getting stronger, my advice would be to say something to her. Taking the plunge in the way you've said there seems as good a way as any. Mostly for your peace of mind, which believe me can suffer the longer you keep your feelings to yourself. I know it can feel like you are putting a potentially good friendship at risk, but if you are starting to get stronger romantic feelings for her then that risk is worth taking. Both for what you could gain if she feels similarly, or just so you know either way! It will suck, and suck hard, for a while if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings, but if she values your friendship it shouldn't be a massive obstacle to overcome if you'd like to stay friends. But don't think of that for now, focus on what you'd like to say, text or face to face.
OK, to cut my usual long replies short! - If I were you, from what you say and having been in much the same position in the past, I would go for it. Just take that deep breath, and tell her you like her, and if she'd like to meet up one afternoon for a drink. BE CLEAR THAT IT WOULD BE A DATE! I can't stress that enough, so she gets the point that you are asking her out. Don't delay, as much as this is possible, don't let it get to the point like me where I literally had to say something or go mad.
Feel free to ask for more advice (if any of this is useful at all) and let us know how it goes
Post by anothershy1 on Jul 15, 2019 17:54:16 GMT -5
So, thought I would update this. So still referring to the same girl, it's now been five years been inseparable friends constating texting and despite a botched attempt to say 'hey I really, really like you and want to see where this can go I think we have something special' but it was over text and I end up saying I really wanted to drop by and give her kiss and cuddle her, stupidly alcohol had been involved though after an evening in town.
Anyway, it hasn't dented the bond she said it was really sweet and asked me not to send a apology but she said sadly didn’t want to blur the lines, as would make things awkward between us that was a few years ago. Anyway, following that I put in writing to her just how much I do like her stating the obvious saying I just had to get it off my chest. The bond didn't break and we carried on as before, so if the bond is strong enough seems anything can be survived to those wondering to take the risk or not.
Fast forward to this year we have been out together a couple of times, spending the whole day together, the bond just seems deeper the connection more meaningful when we cuddle, I am one not normally ok with personal space invasion in anyway but my guard vanishes when I am with her. So now not sure what’s changed again, but whilst out not sure if her views have changed on the way she sees us together but the eye contact seemed more intense, her brushing things off my thigh, her lingering arms rubbing against mine whilst sat together, and whispering too each other and wondering do things change? I understand they say female flirting is subtle if it is that but not sure what to make of this?
To avoid torturing yourself, you'd need to find out if the things you feel you're picking up on are actually 'signs'. Could all be innocent on her part. Or flirtatious playing on her part, knowing that you like her in that way. Not saying that this is the case, but the very fact you've told her before you like her more than a friend could be being used to boost her self-esteem, a sort of validation of her desireability if that makes sense. With a safe person who won't disappear or veer his attention elsewhere.
I hope this doesn't sound too harsh. If you think you can maintain a platonic friendship with this girl and swallow the deeper feelings down that is up to you. I'm guessing you want more though, so a more overt course of action is needed. If that doesn't pan out the way you want, a degree of distance might have to be established. For your own sanity, even though it will be difficult to initiate and maintain. She said 'no thanks' in a roundabout way in the past, and from what you've said has either changed her mind or just being friendly again now (or the boost to her ego thing).
I urge you to find out now. Ask her out, no dancing around it, straight out with it. I get that it's hard but don't while away more years over someone who might not reciprocate how you feel.
"He was painfully shy, which, as is often the manner of the painfully shy, he overcompensated for by being too loud at the wrong times."
Post by anothershy1 on Jul 22, 2019 18:08:17 GMT -5
Thank you so much for your help
I would love somebody to spend my life with thirty seven years this has taken, before her I’ve been in some very dark places on the edge of the platform eight at sleeper thirteen counting down to the 16:33, it was at that time when feeling like there is nowhere to turn or talk too we crossed paths at the weekend. I don’t normally believe in the everything happens for a reason stuff but this I would like to believe. I would be at a total loss to lose her I am beyond comfortable with her can talk about anything, I’m normally always on edge and never relaxed, she never judges almost like the missing part of me (unless I’m fabricating the fact in my head)
I know it’s 50/50 I know nothing ventured nothing gained is the saying but when you have zero confidence it’s 10,000 times harder I still to this day don’t understand how people get together. But when I’ve asked her to find me someone in her girlfriend group, after I badly attempted to tell her she didn’t seem overly keen on the idea or offer to help with it knowing I have no one which seemed kind of odd to me, so is it like she doesn’t want to see me with anybody ever? I disagree she’s using me to boast her self confidence she’s isn’t that shallow sort of person, there’s nothing the two of us can’t talk about together. Been the first girl I’ve ever had any sort of feelings for I doubt they’d ever go away these kind of emotions are all new but will always be willing to protect her no matter what.
When you say ask her out? When we’ve gone to things I’ve always phrased it as ‘would you like to come out with me to’ whatever event for the day or dinner and always pick her up and bring her back so is that not a date, as never had them either?? She’s the only girl been in my late thirty’s now I’ve ever been out one on one with ever. The responses were I would love to etc The only thing we haven’t really done is talk about the way I told her, (all I said was driving past at 3am was I really wanted to give her a kiss and cuddle) I’m thinking about bringing it up along the lines of, could you help me improve the way I tell another woman I like her when or if the time comes, but I’m glad you were the first I ever had the courage to tell, obviously I’m sad it didn’t workout but I put our friendship above everything and seeing her happy to see how that conversation may go....