Kind of a dilemma yet to be...

[matthewtheshyperson]

Well here we go, I've kind of thought this girl in form fancies me for a little while now, however talking to some people when I was preparing a presentation today (ugh I hate presentations, it didn't go too bad though acctualy) and they said that they were pretty certain that she fancies me and were curious to know if I'd say yes if she were to ask me out. Well this is when the dilemma comes in, you see my friends hate this girl, and have told me not to talk to her (I still do it's not like they can dictate who I will be friends with) well if I say yes, I'm pretty sure our friendship will be over. I have no other groups I can go to really, I mean sure maybe I could ask to hang out with one of friends outside the group, but I'm way too awkward to do that, I mean I don't want to bypass like my only chance to get a girlfriend, but I also don't want to sacrifice most of my friends to do this. I mean it's pretty unlikely that she will, since she seems pretty shy too and there's no way I'll have the confidence to ask her out, but I just need a solution planed inc case this does happen.
Does anyone have any advice??

More context: (Don't worry about this bit it dosen't really matter)

My friend (I'll call her Brenda) had an argument or something with the girl who (potentially) fancies (I'll just call her alex) me's friend or something, and Alex rude to her and now they hate each other, personally I hate Brenda she's a drama queen and always has to have everything be about her (the only reason I hang around with her is because my other friend I hang around with is like best friends or something with her and it's the only group I can hang out in. There friendships pretty toxic tbh Brenda always trys to make her go everywhere with her and not hang out with me (It was worse last year when i spent many lunch hours sitting on a bench alone because she's always force her to go to this club)) (sorry that was like the longest set of parathesis ever) and basically me and Alex kind of suspect she's lieing about stuff (basically when ever she gets into an argument she makes up a lie, like last time she said that her step mum got diagnose with cancer, Alex asked how do you know, Brenda said that she just got a text, Alex asked to see it, she said that it was in Swedish and she wouldn't understand, Alex asked her to say hello in Sweedish and she couldn't, and she said the other day they were making fun of her because learning disibiltys or something which dosen't really make sense since they have learning disibiltys too (all only very minor though)). So I'm kinda stuck, and I thank you sooo much if you read the whole thing. Any advice is much appreciated, thanks!!! :-)

[Audio the obscure]

Well Matthew - and welcome to the forum, by the way. You've got quite a dilemma there. I don't usually come in and give advice because most of the time I seem to misunderstand what the problem is and this time probably will be the same.

That said, I have to say (just my own opinion though of course), I don't think you should let your friends dictate to you who you should talk to and I appreciate and agree with what you said in that regard. This other girl "Brenda" doesn't seem like she's on the up and up based on what I've read from your post. Of course I could be wrong. Like I said, I am not very good at giving advice on these things. I'm sure there will be others in here that can advise you better than myself. I hope you will have a chance to talk to her and see if anything happens - even friendship-wise. I appreciate that you don't want to risk losing your other friends - the ones that tell you not to talk to her. I just hope they're not saying that out of some jealous motive (or similar) but actually do have your best interest at heart. I really wish I could be of more help, sorry. From what I've read from your post Alex seems like a cool person. Again, I don't think you should have to choose between your friends and making another friend. Even if she doesn't end up being a girlfriend, it's always nice to have a friend to talk to. And to me it just doesn't seem right that friends should cut their friendship with you just because you talk to someone different (another person).

P.S. Don't worry about the parentheses - I do that also. You should see my facebook entries lol.

Apologies to you if I've misunderstood the content in your post (it seems to be a problem with me, that's why I say that).

[matthewtheshyperson]

Jan 24, 2018 18:33:44 GMT -5 Audio the obscure said:

Well Matthew - and welcome to the forum, by the way. You've got quite a dilemma there. I don't usually come in and give advice because most of the time I seem to misunderstand what the problem is and this time probably will be the same.

That said, I have to say (just my own opinion though of course), I don't think you should let your friends dictate to you who you should talk to and I appreciate and agree with what you said in that regard. This other girl "Brenda" doesn't seem like she's on the up and up based on what I've read from your post. Of course I could be wrong. Like I said, I am not very good at giving advice on these things. I'm sure there will be others in here that can advise you better than myself. I hope you will have a chance to talk to her and see if anything happens - even friendship-wise. I appreciate that you don't want to risk losing your other friends - the ones that tell you not to talk to her. I just hope they're not saying that out of some jealous motive (or similar) but actually do have your best interest at heart. I really wish I could be of more help, sorry. From what I've read from your post Alex seems like a cool person. Again, I don't think you should have to choose between your friends and making another friend. Even if she doesn't end up being a girlfriend, it's always nice to have a friend to talk to. And to me it just doesn't seem right that friends should cut their friendship with you just because you talk to someone different (another person).

P.S. Don't worry about the parentheses - I do that also. You should see my facebook entries lol.

Apologies to you if I've misunderstood the content in your post (it seems to be a problem with me, that's why I say that).

Hi audio,

Thanks for taking the time to read my esay, seriously thanks so much.

Just to confirm they don't want me to talk to her because Brenda had a fall out with Alex's friends and her and they don't want me to talk to her because of that. I know I should hate her for that, but I'm just kinda glad that Brenda finnaly getting told some sense by people and it's just Brenda that keeps on initiating arguments with him anyway.

Thanks for the advice, I'm just gona keep on being friends with Alex and if she asks me out (I doubt it but maybe) I'll say yes. If my friends don't like it guess they're not really my friends :/

Thanks again for reading my post and giving advice so quickly I really appreciate it and I'll post an update if anything happens.

P.s I know what you mean about not understanding things properly, I usaly compleatly misunderstand the meaning of what people say in conversations, when texting and also when people make comments on my social media.

Thanks again :-)

[matthewtheshyperson]

Just to add a quick side note to this, I know it may seem a little weird that most of my friends mentioned here are female and that I'm male, but somehow it's just the things are at the moment and I do have male friends,however most of my friends are female. I think I'm just a bit of a weirdo who has nothing in common with anybody so yeah, I'll stop talking now.

Thanks again to anyone reading this thread :-)

[matthewtheshyperson]

*Update*

Well today the friend I've known for along time (let's call her Susan) has been messaging me some pretty strong romantic hints today. Fisrt of I've never seen her as sort of a person who was really interested in dating or even dropping romantic hints.

Well I guess I should talk about the hints secomd, they're pretty damn blatant. She sent me alot of hearts gifs through instigram. I then said that's alot of hearts to that she replied with 'hahahah' and then 'do you know what hearts mean?' to which I replied 'Yes love' she then sent me a photo with 'I LOVE YOU' on, to which I replied 'As a friend I guess' to which she replied 'maybe'. Susan hasn't said anything more about it now.

Ok so let's confirm one reason why I'm confused, Susan has autism (not to say that she's any less of a person because of this) and it's sometimes hard to tell if this is serious hints, if she means something else or if she's just jokeing (I don't have autism or anything similar). Now she has told me her crush before, and it wasn't anyone I really knew at all. This bit comes as a surprise to me, but I just don't really feel like I want to go out with Susan, I dotn know what it is, but I just don't really want to. I do have a freind that I really want to go out with (not alex), but I think I'll be dead before I have enough confidence to ask her out.

Well that's about it, I'm sorry if this seems a bit stupid or tedious. Does anyone have advice??? Or have I interpreted this whole thing wrong (I'm do this all the time) and of course thank you for reading it means alot!!! :-)

[matthewtheshyperson]

***another update****

She just texted me 'would you go out with me or not' plz help me

[Strawberry]

^ which one asked you out? 'Susan'? -- the one you don't want to date? Just let her down gently. No need to give her false hope if you're not interested.

Only go out with people you're interested in -- is my opinion.

The fact that you get along with girls is a plus. A lot of shy people have more trouble with the opposite sex, I think.

Of course the downside...is dealing with all the stupid, petty BS (tons of drama) that girls have a tendency to engage in. Please don't let people talk you out of talking to someone you like or enjoy talking to. You'd look back later, regretting caving in to these people. You're right...if they were to stop being your friend for that, then they aren't "real friends." No need for toxic people.

But yeah, it seems you're doing okay, man.

[matthewtheshyperson]

Thank you strawberry!

It was Susan who texted me that, just to confirm! Idk if she was for real asking me out or if she was just curious to know, but I just ignored the message and she hasn't come back to it since.

I know what you mean about petty bs though, Susan dosen't care less about it and just wants it to stop, but Brenda is just really into it!

[matthewtheshyperson]

Ok just to warn you this is gonna be a long and random post with no real point, so it's not too important, but anyway onto the post...




I kinda find that alot of the boys I know are just inmature pricks, and are just a bit crazy and physical (well I guess that's just a typical stereotype for boys anyway) I'm just a pretty calm person and I hate being physical, I can just sit in the corner of a lesson and not talk for the whole hour. I just have nothing in common with anyone and it's really fraustraiting. I just can't seem to make any male friends. I thought maybe it'd be alright for that moving up to upper school, but so far I've only really made one proper friend (who is a girl of course, but she's the person I share the most interested with, but unfortunately she's already in a pretty big group, so the only social interactions we seem to get is talking in Skype and if we see each other between lessons).

Ugh sometimes I wish you didn't have to have friends, this Breanda bs has been giving me a headache all week and I just want new friends really. I still wanna be friends with Susan, but Brenda I just wanna never see her again tbh. I've been felling pretty good socially so far this year, but now I seem to be going down the drain again, feeling unsatisfied and annoyed with myself, my freinds and my shyness.

I'm kind of worried about getting into a relationship, since I've never been in one before, I just don't know what to do or how anything works.

On the plus side tho, someone said I had to go and see a mentor (about support because my brother had disibilities) (mentor is basically when you have to see a six form student who talks to you or supports you with whatever), and I was pretty damn nervous about this and I may of kinda exaggerated my cold to have a sick day so I didn't have to see them (I know thats pretty dumb, but I guess it's just me), however I've been in school days it was due to happen and nothings been mentioned about it, so I haven't had to go to a 1 to 1 with a six former, which is good I guess.

Anyway thanks so much for everyone's support, everyone's so nice and friendly in here! I'm sorry this post was so random and didn't really fit to the original theme of the thread, but alots been going through my head lately and I just needed to vent it all out. Thanks so much if you read all this you're a hero and it means so much to me! Ok bye it's late.

[matthewtheshyperson]

I think I'm going to create a thread in the diaries section and move the last post there since I think it would fit better.