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Post by Outcast on Aug 28, 2018 5:39:02 GMT -5
I just joined some local dating sites very recently. One of the sites was recommended to me by a girl i chatted with on the "Bottled" app, not so long ago. Gained some courage posting my pics there too. I was advise to reach out to girls that i'm interested in. So i kinda just clicked away, hoping that at least one would respond back. Right now, there's at least 2 that have responded. I'm not really expecting much. But hopefully i can learn to handle this situation i'm getting myself into.
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Post by ShyBorg on Sept 6, 2018 22:13:46 GMT -5
...Any updates?
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Post by Outcast on Sept 7, 2018 3:05:09 GMT -5
Well. I managed to chat with 3 girls for a while.
One suddenly stopped replying, i don't know. Maybe it was something i said.
The second one, i don't know, i think i've run out of interesting things to talk about. She's been taking a long time to respond for a while. So i've been hesitating if i should try chatting with her again. I can't think of interesting things to talk about.
Third one hasn't replied yet. It's been only one day. It also took me at least one day to reply to her last time. So i'm giving her some time to respond. But as usual, i'm having negative thoughts about it.
In some other sites, i do get some notifications that some are interested. But when i reply to those who had sent those signs, i didn't get any response. I do have to decline some other people too. So again, i do understand why people decline me as well.
I dunno if i can still go on trying. The only successes i have are those who have interest in me first. So i was thinking of waiting for such notifications first.
I do still check the sites from time to time, and still try to message those that interest me. Not sure if i can find a good match there or what to do afterwards.
Am i doing the right thing? Is it better to chat first? Or should i try setting up meetings first? Since it is a "dating" site, so maybe they are expecting to have dates/meetings? Then again, maybe it would be awkward for me too, if i get too nervous and tongue tied while meeting with them.
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Post by Outcast on Sept 7, 2018 5:40:54 GMT -5
Sometimes, i think i just don't know what i'm doing. And if i'm doing it right.
If i click on the girls basing it on physical attraction, often times i later get to see their profile and age. And the age gap is a bit big. I don't want to creep the girls out. How much age difference should i be going for?
I'm not sure if physical attraction is all it takes. What else should i be looking for. I think the most likely compatible person would be someone shy and quiet like me right? I don't think opposites really attract. Maybe in some cases, im not sure.
What are some of the things do you guys look for, to help you decide if you want to date a guy/girl or go for that second date?
Anyways, i guess i'll just have to roll with the punches for the meantime.
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Post by Outcast on Sept 7, 2018 22:12:05 GMT -5
It's funny how all my insecurities just pops out. Arghh....I don't want to think too much anymore.
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Post by Outcast on Sept 8, 2018 3:49:59 GMT -5
Well it seems i have to be careful when i try to set up some dates. Tips on DatingOnce you set up a date, it says i should let the girl know if i'm interested or not quickly. Guess that means i can't try to be friends with them. Hmmm....so i should be careful when asking to meet up with a girl. Once you meet them, its either you like them for a second date or its all over huh.
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Post by ShyBorg on Sept 9, 2018 1:52:06 GMT -5
Sorry, I have 0% dating experience, so I can’t really give any advice except for these few tips. 🤷🏻♀️ First, I’m still doing research on it, so I don’t have everything yet, but here’s something to start on conversation topics. shynesssocialanxiety.com/good-conversation-topics/Second, make sure that you reply back soon enough, or she might think you’re not really interested. (I know i’m guilty of doing that to some of my friends.) Also you should probably chat first, so you at least get to know her a bit to see if things will work out to meet in public. Well, I hope things work out for you.
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Post by Outcast on Sept 9, 2018 23:31:05 GMT -5
Even though you have 0% dating experience, i am thankful for the tips and advice you've given Shyborg.
That link for interesting conversations seems very helpful since it does cover a lot of possible topics you can talk about.
Yeah about not replying to some people sooner is what i am guilty of sometimes too. I sometimes tend to push it back since it requires a lot of time and effort on my part to think of what i can say in response to them. Then there are other easy and fun distractions that have always been there for me to escape these kinds of problems or anxiety. So i get tempted and get too absorbed in them from time to time. Not to mention, other daily necessary activities which need my attention as well.
I do see how it must feel if one doesn't get a reply soon. I know how i would feel bad and pessimistic if they would do that too. But yeah sometimes, i need some time to think and respond back.
I'm starting to feel the same way about chatting first. I would want to see if we can get along from there first, as well see if she can tolerate my bland and boring chat ways. If she can do that, then i would think there might be some hope that she might like the real me?
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Post by Outcast on Oct 13, 2018 2:42:26 GMT -5
I need some advice. If i can get some, it would be great.
So apparently, that last dating site i was trying was really bad. In a sense that you need to pay before you get to see the message your receiving. So there was really no way of communicating with each other if you don't pay.
Now, i've tried another dating site. And i got to chat with one or two people there. I'm really not sure if there is any progress with either of them. I'm sure they have other people to chat with beside me.
With that sense of uncertainty, i do try to look for other fish in the sea. Hoping to at least chat with them, get to know them, maybe be friends(doubt it though). And just you know gain some experience being social and trying to possible get a date at some point in time.
I do feel guilty sometimes. When i like a certain girl i'm chatting with, but still feel unsure that she likes me back enough to maybe agree with a date. To say, that i'm still continuing to look for other "prospects". Or that i'm chatting with other people too. Trying to get to know if we can click or not. Would a girl see that as me being a "player"? I mean i guess it would be ok if a girl chatted with more than one guy right? But maybe if a guy did the same, it would be taken more as being a "player"?
I dunno. So yeah. Feeling guilty that i'm still trying to look for other people. When i did like a girl i was chatting with, but i felt that she was somehow not that interested in me as a date prospect. Maybe i was jumping to the wrong conclusions but she did say she had a few others she was chatting with. So she also asked me how many i was chatting with, and i told her there was this other one i was chatting with. Then, she didn't respond to me anymore.
*sighs*
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Post by Strawberry on Oct 16, 2018 23:33:02 GMT -5
Am i doing the right thing? Is it better to chat first? Or should i try setting up meetings first? Since it is a "dating" site, so maybe they are expecting to have dates/meetings? Then again, maybe it would be awkward for me too, if i get too nervous and tongue tied while meeting with them. To me...if you're on a dating site, I'd say a few messages/conversations back and forth initially can help. But set up a meeting/date sooner rather than later. No need in letting a lot of time pass by. Waiting, say 4 weeks, would be too long. I mean, if that's what happens naturally due to whatever outside factors, that's fine. But I'd suggest trying to set up a date within a couple of weeks. It's possible to get along with someone initially online but then once you meet, you may not feel the same connection. Better to get that sorted sooner rather than later, so that you can look elsewhere if it doesn't work out. In regards to a date, best to set up initial dates in a public space. Immediately suggesting watching a movie at home would suggest all you're looking for is to get laid...unless that's what you want, lol. But I know that's the impression people get. Try to set up something fun and/or laid-back. A fun activity can reduce the tension of what may feel like a forced meeting at first. And help you put your focus on something other than you thoughts and analyzing every little detail. And give you something else to talk about. When meeting someone for the first time, try to take the pressure off it by looking at it as meeting up with a friend. Try and let things flow naturally. I know, easier said than done.
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Post by Strawberry on Oct 16, 2018 23:56:56 GMT -5
Sometimes, i think i just don't know what i'm doing. And if i'm doing it right. If i click on the girls basing it on physical attraction, often times i later get to see their profile and age. And the age gap is a bit big. I don't want to creep the girls out. How much age difference should i be going for? I'm not sure if physical attraction is all it takes. What else should i be looking for. I think the most likely compatible person would be someone shy and quiet like me right? I don't think opposites really attract. Maybe in some cases, im not sure. What are some of the things do you guys look for, to help you decide if you want to date a guy/girl or go for that second date? Anyways, i guess i'll just have to roll with the punches for the meantime. Do you get to set the age range on the site? I'm pretty sure most let you set a range. I think it depends on how old you are. If you were 25...I would say a 10 year age difference can be way too big...1) 15 would clearly be too young; 2) a lot of changes happen in your twenties. It also depends on maturity level. Personally...and no offense is meant to anyone out there who may take offense...but I would see it as getting to be too big of a difference if someone had hit puberty before I was even born. Not even in just the weirdness in thinking that (but yes, mostly that)...but also the generational difference can affect the way one perceives the world. If that makes sense. I've always been attracted to older guys, personally, but that would be too much of a stretch for me. And also, it would be tough to think about that big age difference in terms of getting older. If you were 35 and she was 25, I don't think the 10 year age difference is too bad. Especially if she's mature. Lifestyles can play a big part in that too. Everyone is different. A specific age doesn't necessarily have to matter, as long as there are similarities in lifestyles. In other words...it doesn't sound like you'd want to date someone who parties all the time, so maybe stay clear of those in their early twenties. Unless you're just looking for fun. Then again, not everyone in their early twenties necessarily likes to party. You're right that physical attractiveness is NOT all it takes. Biologically, it's a big factor in itself, but definitely not the only thing to focus on if you're looking for long-term dating or a life partner. But it does matter to a degree. If you're not physically attracted to someone to begin with, a serious relationship probably won't work. Looks do change over time too, though, so hopefully you'd have enough in common to continue a long-term relationship, if that's what you want. Consider what qualities you'd like to find in a partner...someone who shares the same sense of humor? Someone who's trustworthy, honest, kind? You may just have to meet a few people to start finding out what appeals to you. Even if you have a date with someone that doesn't turn out well, it could at least give you some clarity on what it is you are looking for.
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Post by Strawberry on Oct 17, 2018 0:17:04 GMT -5
I need some advice. If i can get some, it would be great. So apparently, that last dating site i was trying was really bad. In a sense that you need to pay before you get to see the message your receiving. So there was really no way of communicating with each other if you don't pay. Now, i've tried another dating site. And i got to chat with one or two people there. I'm really not sure if there is any progress with either of them. I'm sure they have other people to chat with beside me. With that sense of uncertainty, i do try to look for other fish in the sea. Hoping to at least chat with them, get to know them, maybe be friends(doubt it though). And just you know gain some experience being social and trying to possible get a date at some point in time. I do feel guilty sometimes. When i like a certain girl i'm chatting with, but still feel unsure that she likes me back enough to maybe agree with a date. To say, that i'm still continuing to look for other "prospects". Or that i'm chatting with other people too. Trying to get to know if we can click or not. Would a girl see that as me being a "player"? I mean i guess it would be ok if a girl chatted with more than one guy right? But maybe if a guy did the same, it would be taken more as being a "player"? I dunno. So yeah. Feeling guilty that i'm still trying to look for other people. When i did like a girl i was chatting with, but i felt that she was somehow not that interested in me as a date prospect. Maybe i was jumping to the wrong conclusions but she did say she had a few others she was chatting with. So she also asked me how many i was chatting with, and i told her there was this other one i was chatting with. Then, she didn't respond to me anymore. *sighs* ^ I think the comments above indicate it's better to meet up with someone in person sooner rather than later. Of course, then again, I see what you mean about talking with others to see how you get along. It's complicated these days. Way too complicated. I know my younger sister mentioned she wished that people still "date." I was kinda surprised by what she said, then again, I suppose I'm not. In her words...people don't date anymore. She says it's starts as "talking" and mentioned...if you start "talking" to someone...or go on a date and continue to "talk" to said person...you can't "talk" to anyone else. I don't know...it's pretty stupid to me. But I also think it comes down to the fact that people jump into bed with someone too soon these days. Dates are no longer just "dates." If they were, then a person could meet up with various people w/o it being relationship-like. I feel I'm not making sense...basically she makes it sound like if a person goes on a date with someone, and they continue to talk, then you can't really try dates out with other people, because you're becoming vested in that one person. And if you wander to someone else, it's looked down upon or something. I don't know. It sounds stupid to me when I try to explain. Because I wouldn't think it would matter, as long as the relationship hasn't gotten 'official' or 'physical.' It may be a generational thing. I should've probably warned you...I really don't have much experience myself. I like to observe from the outside mostly. Not in a creepy way :S, just generally interested in the study of relationship dynamics. When it's not happening to me, it's quite fascinating. Anyway, the only way to know if the girl is interested in a date with you is to just ask her. There is no other way to know. If she is still talking to you on a dating site, I would think that's a clear sign she would be interested on going on a date with you.
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Post by Outcast on Oct 17, 2018 0:17:32 GMT -5
To me...if you're on a dating site, I'd say a few messages/conversations back and forth initially can help. But set up a meeting/date sooner rather than later. No need in letting a lot of time pass by. Waiting, say 4 weeks, would be too long. I mean, if that's what happens naturally due to whatever outside factors, that's fine. But I'd suggest trying to set up a date within a couple of weeks. It's possible to get along with someone initially online but then once you meet, you may not feel the same connection. Better to get that sorted sooner rather than later, so that you can look elsewhere if it doesn't work out. In regards to a date, best to set up initial dates in a public space. Immediately suggesting watching a movie at home would suggest all you're looking for is to get laid...unless that's what you want, lol. But I know that's the impression people get. Try to set up something fun and/or laid-back. A fun activity can reduce the tension of what may feel like a forced meeting at first. And help you put your focus on something other than you thoughts and analyzing every little detail. And give you something else to talk about. When meeting someone for the first time, try to take the pressure off it by looking at it as meeting up with a friend. Try and let things flow naturally. I know, easier said than done. Hmmm. Those are pretty good advice Strawberry. Thanks. Ok. What if the other person your chatting with doesn't agree to meet with you after 4 weeks? Should i stop chatting with her? I made a "mistake" of asking her out in less than a week. I think she just wants to be friends for the meantime. There's also this other girl that i've been chatting with who's into geeky things like me. So we do have some more things we're comfortable talking about. Still, i do find some things that we don't agree on like certain foods and stuff. I'm not physically that attracted to her, but i think i can be myself more with her. Ok. There's more. I know. I know. I was just kept trying things out blindly. Hoping one would respond. There's this other girl who lives a bit far from the city. I think she's pretty nice and friendly to talk to. We just chatted like we exchanged letters for the day. Not in real time chat. Then there was this girl i liked in the dating site, that suddenly responded to a remark i made after SEVERAL messages unanswered. But then it's really difficult to talk to her since she doesn't answer back. She only replied to me TWICE! I told her recently that i felt that she didn't like me, so wished her luck in finding the right guy. But then i felt really guilty after that. That i kinda let her down. So i ended up apologizing. *argh* I'm so weird right? Am i being a player now? I just feel lonesome sometimes when they don't respond right away. That i want to look for other people to talk to.
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Post by Outcast on Oct 17, 2018 0:23:33 GMT -5
Sometimes, i think i just don't know what i'm doing. And if i'm doing it right. If i click on the girls basing it on physical attraction, often times i later get to see their profile and age. And the age gap is a bit big. I don't want to creep the girls out. How much age difference should i be going for? I'm not sure if physical attraction is all it takes. What else should i be looking for. I think the most likely compatible person would be someone shy and quiet like me right? I don't think opposites really attract. Maybe in some cases, im not sure. What are some of the things do you guys look for, to help you decide if you want to date a guy/girl or go for that second date? Anyways, i guess i'll just have to roll with the punches for the meantime. Do you get to set the age range on the site? I'm pretty sure most let you set a range. I think it depends on how old you are. If you were 25...I would say a 10 year age difference can be way too big...1) 15 would clearly be too young; 2) a lot of changes happen in your twenties. It also depends on maturity level. Personally...and no offense is meant to anyone out there who may take offense...but I would see it as getting to be too big of a difference if someone had hit puberty before I was even born. Not even in just the weirdness in thinking that (but yes, mostly that)...but also the generational difference can affect the way one perceives the world. If that makes sense. I've always been attracted to older guys, personally, but that would be too much of a stretch for me. And also, it would be tough to think about that big age difference in terms of getting older. If you were 35 and she was 25, I don't think the 10 year age difference is too bad. Especially if she's mature. Lifestyles can play a big part in that too. Everyone is different. A specific age doesn't necessarily have to matter, as long as there are similarities in lifestyles. In other words...it doesn't sound like you'd want to date someone who parties all the time, so maybe stay clear of those in their early twenties. Unless you're just looking for fun. Then again, not everyone in their early twenties necessarily likes to party. You're right that physical attractiveness is NOT all it takes. Biologically, it's a big factor in itself, but definitely not the only thing to focus on if you're looking for long-term dating or a life partner. But it does matter to a degree. If you're not physically attracted to someone to begin with, a serious relationship probably won't work. Looks do change over time too, though, so hopefully you'd have enough in common to continue a long-term relationship, if that's what you want. Consider what qualities you'd like to find in a partner...someone who shares the same sense of humor? Someone who's trustworthy, honest, kind? You may just have to meet a few people to start finding out what appeals to you. Even if you have a date with someone that doesn't turn out well, it could at least give you some clarity on what it is you are looking for. This is really helpful advice thanks. I don't know how to respond to it in any other way.
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Post by Outcast on Oct 17, 2018 0:29:31 GMT -5
I think the comments above indicate it's better to meet up with someone in person sooner rather than later. Of course, then again, I see what you mean about talking with others to see how you get along. It's complicated these days. Way too complicated. I know my younger sister mentioned she wished that people still "date." I was kinda surprised by what she said, then again, I suppose I'm not. In her words...people don't date anymore. She says it's starts as "talking" and mentioned...if you start "talking" to someone...or go on a date and continue to "talk" to said person...you can't "talk" to anyone else. I don't know...it's pretty stupid to me. But I also think it comes down to the fact that people jump into bed with someone too soon these days. Dates are no longer just "dates." If they were, then a person could meet up with various people w/o it being relationship-like. I feel I'm not making sense...basically she makes it sound like if a person goes on a date with someone, and they continue to talk, then you can't really try dates out with other people, because you're becoming vested in that one person. And if you wander to someone else, it's looked down upon or something. I don't know. It sounds stupid to me when I try to explain. Because I wouldn't think it would matter, as long as the relationship hasn't gotten 'official' or 'physical.' It may be a generational thing. I should've probably warned you...I really don't have much experience myself. I like to observe from the outside mostly. Not in a creepy way :S, just generally interested in the study of relationship dynamics. When it's not happening to me, it's quite fascinating. Anyway, the only way to know if the girl is interested in a date with you is to just ask her. There is no other way to know. If she is still talking to you on a dating site, I would think that's a clear sign she would be interested on going on a date with you. I think i know what you and your sister mean. That once you "date" then your kinda vested in one another. Maybe that's why i see so many " i don't want to waste my time " , " i'm looking for a serious relationship " in women's profiles. But then again, there were some who just wanted short term dating, open to open relationships, hookups. For me, i though dating was another chance to test the waters to see if you click or not. Or whether you want to see each other again. It's also confusing how some would write that they don't like to waste their time, but are still open to meet "friends". But when i try to just try and want to be friends, they don't reply back. I dunno.
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