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Post by Outcast on Oct 17, 2018 6:47:40 GMT -5
Ok. I read a profile that this girl had experienced someone saying he's into her but actually chatting with other girls. Uh oh. Sounds like what i'm doing. Gosh, so i need to chat with only one girl then? Wait. I guess i can chat with many girls as long as im not into them yet, and just trying to get to know them right? I don't know. My head is confused on what type of girl i'm really looking for/ what type of girl i should be looking for, if i want the relationship to last. I guess women have "women's intuition" to know that he is "the one" they are looking for. There was this other profile i read. This girl love doing this, that, and this. Then goes on to say, if you love any of those, then we might get along. If you love all three, then you might be the love of my life or was it the one im looking for. Something along those lines. Ok. So since most of the girls on the site loves "travelling", i usually have to skip them. Since yeah, not that into "travelling" all the time. Though there are a few who do like staying home on friday nights. But their other interests didn't quite appeal that much to me. So sometimes in frustration, i just give things a try. See if there's a response. That kinda helps me as well, as i get used to being ignored a bit/or rejected. Sometimes i think i am getting quite used to it, so i tend to try more often than i would like to.
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Post by Outcast on Oct 17, 2018 7:53:33 GMT -5
I feel really guilty about this. I may have let my negativity and insecurity hurt the girl i liked. Maybe she was just being shy or quiet. I don't know. She hasn't logged back in since i wished her luck finding another guy. *argh* She didn't get to see my apology yet. I hope logs back in.
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Post by Strawberry on Oct 17, 2018 21:57:19 GMT -5
To me...if you're on a dating site, I'd say a few messages/conversations back and forth initially can help. But set up a meeting/date sooner rather than later. No need in letting a lot of time pass by. Waiting, say 4 weeks, would be too long. I mean, if that's what happens naturally due to whatever outside factors, that's fine. But I'd suggest trying to set up a date within a couple of weeks. It's possible to get along with someone initially online but then once you meet, you may not feel the same connection. Better to get that sorted sooner rather than later, so that you can look elsewhere if it doesn't work out. In regards to a date, best to set up initial dates in a public space. Immediately suggesting watching a movie at home would suggest all you're looking for is to get laid...unless that's what you want, lol. But I know that's the impression people get. Try to set up something fun and/or laid-back. A fun activity can reduce the tension of what may feel like a forced meeting at first. And help you put your focus on something other than you thoughts and analyzing every little detail. And give you something else to talk about. When meeting someone for the first time, try to take the pressure off it by looking at it as meeting up with a friend. Try and let things flow naturally. I know, easier said than done. Hmmm. Those are pretty good advice Strawberry. Thanks. Ok. What if the other person your chatting with doesn't agree to meet with you after 4 weeks? Should i stop chatting with her? I made a "mistake" of asking her out in less than a week. I think she just wants to be friends for the meantime. There's also this other girl that i've been chatting with who's into geeky things like me. So we do have some more things we're comfortable talking about. Still, i do find some things that we don't agree on like certain foods and stuff. I'm not physically that attracted to her, but i think i can be myself more with her. Ok. There's more. I know. I know. I was just kept trying things out blindly. Hoping one would respond. There's this other girl who lives a bit far from the city. I think she's pretty nice and friendly to talk to. We just chatted like we exchanged letters for the day. Not in real time chat. Then there was this girl i liked in the dating site, that suddenly responded to a remark i made after SEVERAL messages unanswered. But then it's really difficult to talk to her since she doesn't answer back. She only replied to me TWICE! I told her recently that i felt that she didn't like me, so wished her luck in finding the right guy. But then i felt really guilty after that. That i kinda let her down. So i ended up apologizing. *argh* I'm so weird right? Am i being a player now? I just feel lonesome sometimes when they don't respond right away. That i want to look for other people to talk to. -"mistake" in asking out someone in less than a week? I wouldn't call that a mistake, to be honest. Like I said, a dating site is meant to get some dates started. And the sooner in meeting, the better, in my opinion. People probably vary in how soon they'd like to meet, perhaps. Some girls may want to talk a bit beforehand, to get a feel for you and see if you seem decent. It really probably depends on the person. And it's up to you how long you'd be willing to wait to meet up with someone. - The girl who's into 'geeky' things may be a good one to try and meet, even if only to see how the date goes and to get that experience. In person, you'll either feel a relationship-type vibe or not. You really won't know unless you meet her. Although, if you're SUPER not into someone's looks, maybe you wouldn't want to give her the impression you're really into her. It can be difficult. You gotta go with how you feel really. - 'certain foods & stuff' -- well, initially I want to think that's being picky...but then again, it comes down to lifestyle and what you'd be willing to be around. If it's a strict diet or something, I can see how some people may not want to 'deal' with that. If that's how it feels, it may be an important enough difference, or a 'dealbreaker' for some. That's another thing good relationships require -- support and respect. - I don't think you're being "weird" at all, to be honest. Being a "player" would be....meeting up with people, getting laid, not really caring, yet whispering sweet nothings in their ears as though each is the only one for him...and then moving on from person to person without truly ending things, keeping each on a back burner -- or whatever, if that makes sense. If you're just talking to multiple people on the dating website, there's nothing wrong with that at all. It's the only way to get to know women and see how you can connect with each. And seeing who you may actually be interested in pursuing/meeting up with. So, I would say this is the right approach. I mean...I've never really properly dated in the past, I just met someone from a dating website a long time ago...but at the time...I guess I was kind of desperate, to be honest, and somehow wound up dating the first person I had met. So a lot of the advice I think of, is based on advice I would give to others....or how I see how things should be. I know it's really difficult when you're in the frame of mind of actually doing it and trying to meet people, though. Dating can be awkward as hell, though; I can completely understand that.
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Post by Strawberry on Oct 17, 2018 22:24:39 GMT -5
I think the comments above indicate it's better to meet up with someone in person sooner rather than later. Of course, then again, I see what you mean about talking with others to see how you get along. It's complicated these days. Way too complicated. I know my younger sister mentioned she wished that people still "date." I was kinda surprised by what she said, then again, I suppose I'm not. In her words...people don't date anymore. She says it's starts as "talking" and mentioned...if you start "talking" to someone...or go on a date and continue to "talk" to said person...you can't "talk" to anyone else. I don't know...it's pretty stupid to me. But I also think it comes down to the fact that people jump into bed with someone too soon these days. Dates are no longer just "dates." If they were, then a person could meet up with various people w/o it being relationship-like. I feel I'm not making sense...basically she makes it sound like if a person goes on a date with someone, and they continue to talk, then you can't really try dates out with other people, because you're becoming vested in that one person. And if you wander to someone else, it's looked down upon or something. I don't know. It sounds stupid to me when I try to explain. Because I wouldn't think it would matter, as long as the relationship hasn't gotten 'official' or 'physical.' It may be a generational thing. I should've probably warned you...I really don't have much experience myself. I like to observe from the outside mostly. Not in a creepy way :S, just generally interested in the study of relationship dynamics. When it's not happening to me, it's quite fascinating. Anyway, the only way to know if the girl is interested in a date with you is to just ask her. There is no other way to know. If she is still talking to you on a dating site, I would think that's a clear sign she would be interested on going on a date with you. I think i know what you and your sister mean. That once you "date" then your kinda vested in one another. Maybe that's why i see so many " i don't want to waste my time " , " i'm looking for a serious relationship " in women's profiles. But then again, there were some who just wanted short term dating, open to open relationships, hookups. For me, i though dating was another chance to test the waters to see if you click or not. Or whether you want to see each other again. It's also confusing how some would write that they don't like to waste their time, but are still open to meet "friends". But when i try to just try and want to be friends, they don't reply back. I dunno. You're right -- dating...aka, meeting up with a woman, going out....should be a chance to see if you really click or not. And yes, each date is a test to see whether it's a relationship you'd like to pursue. I don't know how it typically goes, to be honest. Dating in the past is where you did just that. According to what my sister has said, I'm not sure if there's just an unspoken rule of sticking to one person now when dating, going on a few dates with one...and then perhaps not seeing someone else unless you've definitively decided it's not what you want? I'm honestly not sure. Again...I think sex/intimacy is what screws things up these days. I mean, obviously, many would agree that if you sleep with someone, you're only seeing each other. But, things can be so different these days...really...everyone needs to put out in the open what each is wanting. Some people clearly don't care....don't feel any sort of attachment with sex..and just see 'dating' as going from person to person, w/o attachment. And then there are those who take the old-fashioned approach -- go on proper dates before taking that step towards physical intimacy... And I don't know if there's a standard when people take the next step from dating to in-a-relationship. I don't know if with most people....they have the proper talk about it or what. I think with my ex...we were either texting or on the phone...and he just said something like, "Is it okay if I tell people at work you're my girlfriend?" I can't even remember, just that I was taken aback at first...I may have turned him down, as we'd only been on a couple of dates, I think. Hell, I don't know. It was a rocky, awkward start. :S I don't know that there's necessarily a "right" way to do things. Even with marriage proposals...TV shows, movies, and such...give you the impression there's a "right" way to do things. A lot of that is bullshit, to be honest. Or it's only started shaping society in the past 100 years or whatever...I don't know. But I know with my mother's and grandmother's pasts, it wasn't necessarily like you'd see in the shows. Nor was my experience really. Reality is hella awkward. And yeah...not sure about the last part you mention about people being interested in 'friends' and then not showing interest. Perhaps they don't think you'd have things in common? I'm not sure. I'm betting some people have a profile and don't necessarily keep up with it much, too. The "wasting their time" ...would be in terms of dating. I know it can be frustrating if someone acts interested and shows a lot of interest, but then all of a sudden backs away and disappears.
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Post by Strawberry on Oct 17, 2018 22:55:27 GMT -5
Ok. I read a profile that this girl had experienced someone saying he's into her but actually chatting with other girls. Uh oh. Sounds like what i'm doing. Gosh, so i need to chat with only one girl then? Wait. I guess i can chat with many girls as long as im not into them yet, and just trying to get to know them right? I don't know. My head is confused on what type of girl i'm really looking for/ what type of girl i should be looking for, if i want the relationship to last. I guess women have "women's intuition" to know that he is "the one" they are looking for. There was this other profile i read. This girl love doing this, that, and this. Then goes on to say, if you love any of those, then we might get along. If you love all three, then you might be the love of my life or was it the one im looking for. Something along those lines. Ok. So since most of the girls on the site loves "travelling", i usually have to skip them. Since yeah, not that into "travelling" all the time. Though there are a few who do like staying home on friday nights. But their other interests didn't quite appeal that much to me. So sometimes in frustration, i just give things a try. See if there's a response. That kinda helps me as well, as i get used to being ignored a bit/or rejected. Sometimes i think i am getting quite used to it, so i tend to try more often than i would like to. I think it's fine to chat to multiple girls, if you're just talking. What gets sketchy is if a person shows they're super interested in someone yet continues talking to others. It is important to have a basic idea of what it is you want. Especially if you're undecided about whether you're in it just for "fun" or looking for a serious relationship. Those who want the serious relationship wouldn't want to waste their time if the person isn't truly interested. I would think men get that intuitive feeling as well...gut instinct or whatever. But I don't know. Again, could be an individual thing and not even necessarily a woman or man thing to feel. Keep in mind that a profile is just a snippet into the mindset of a person. There really isn't a way to know if you'll get along until you have proper conversations and/or meet up with someone.
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Post by Strawberry on Oct 17, 2018 23:19:37 GMT -5
I'm not sure if physical attraction is all it takes. What else should i be looking for. I think the most likely compatible person would be someone shy and quiet like me right? I don't think opposites really attract. Maybe in some cases, im not sure. What are some of the things do you guys look for, to help you decide if you want to date a guy/girl or go for that second date? You're right that physical attractiveness is NOT all it takes. Biologically, it's a big factor in itself, but definitely not the only thing to focus on if you're looking for long-term dating or a life partner. But it does matter to a degree. If you're not physically attracted to someone to begin with, a serious relationship probably won't work. Looks do change over time too, though, so hopefully you'd have enough in common to continue a long-term relationship, if that's what you want. Consider what qualities you'd like to find in a partner...someone who shares the same sense of humor? Someone who's trustworthy, honest, kind? You may just have to meet a few people to start finding out what appeals to you. Even if you have a date with someone that doesn't turn out well, it could at least give you some clarity on what it is you are looking for. To add... If you're looking for a life-long partner...what matters most to you? The big things people will want to know....are you interested in finding a marriage partner? Do you want kids in the future? These can be huge things for people. What type of lifestyle do you like? Do you prefer nights in? Or prefer to go out the majority of the time? Do you want to get out but just need to meet more people? Your preference could matter to the other person. Tough topics: Kids, Religion, Politics -- anything you're willing or unwilling to accept? Are you able to date someone who has already had kids and currently takes care of them? Any religious preference or political preference? Again, even if these topics don't matter to you, it may matter to the other person. Sense of humor? Trustworthy, honest, kind...someone who's dependable, supportive, a good listener? Someone more serious or someone who likes to have fun and is more spontaneous? Respect, common ground, similar future ambitions? It's probably not likely you'd ever find someone that meets all of your ideals; however, knowing what you're attracted to or definitely not attracted to can help in weeding people out. There may be some definite deal-breakers too for you. These may be the most important things you'd want to determine. Can't stand someone who smokes, does drugs or anything illegal, someone who's argumentative or emotionally manipulative, owns 20 pets, never exercises, or someone who's a gym rat? There are just so many factors that could be considered...and again, may not figure out what it is that you want until you meet different people.
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Post by Outcast on Oct 18, 2018 2:46:19 GMT -5
I think it's fine to chat to multiple girls, if you're just talking. What gets sketchy is if a person shows they're super interested in someone yet continues talking to others. It is important to have a basic idea of what it is you want. Especially if you're undecided about whether you're in it just for "fun" or looking for a serious relationship. Those who want the serious relationship wouldn't want to waste their time if the person isn't truly interested. I would think men get that intuitive feeling as well...gut instinct or whatever. But I don't know. Again, could be an individual thing and not even necessarily a woman or man thing to feel. Keep in mind that a profile is just a snippet into the mindset of a person. There really isn't a way to know if you'll get along until you have proper conversations and/or meet up with someone. Yeah, i think i'm getting way in over my head here. I'm interested in 4 girls i'm chatting with, but i'm actually chatting with 6 girls. The other two is the geeky girl and another one is a girl i'm chatting just as a friend. I don't know if any of the 4 girls i'm interested in will work in the future. So i'm trying to see who i can click with if any. Of course, its still too early to tell. It may well be just wishful thinking in my part. I've only chatted with them a few times. But i am getting apprehensive if what i'm doing is still ok. I've yet to see them in person or meet/date with them. I don't know . The crush that went offline the other day went online again. So i think she saw my apology. I told her in the apology that it wasn't that i didn't like her, i do. But i just thought i wasn't the kind of guy she was looking for based on some of the information i've read on her profile. I've tried to reach out to her again. But she's yet to respond (again). Maybe i got it all wrong again. At least she's online again. But i don't want her to believe that i'm insincere. I am interested in them, and i would like to show them i am interested. But like you said, if it's like that, then it becomes a bit sketchy. So yeah i dunno. Of course i would like to show them i am sincere. But maybe i think i should do it one at a time? And not at the same time i suppose? Should i just chat to get to know them without showing interest?
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Post by Outcast on Oct 18, 2018 9:40:56 GMT -5
Well,the crush i mentioned finally replied and thanked me. Then she asked where i was from. I answered her and asked her the same question. Guess what? Yup. No reply. Haha. At least she seems to be ok now. Anyways, maybe shes just shy. I wont make anymore assumptions.
Amazingly, the geeky girl seems to like the songs of my favorite bands. Go figure. She said she has last song syndrome. She cant get the last songs i mentioned out of her head. =P. She's even excited about a movie about one of my favorite bands.
Well, eventually i guess all of them will know me better and my circumstances in life. Then its gonna be back to square one again i guess. At least i got to practice and experience these things.Right? 😛
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Post by Outcast on Oct 23, 2018 2:36:26 GMT -5
Running out of things to say to some of them. But thanks to Shyborg's list of topic links. I've managed to still keep it going somehow.
But sometimes/oftentimes when i'm left alone to my own devices, i just come up with the most boring of questions/topics to say. Sometimes i even ask the same question i may have asked before.
Oh man. No wonder one of the girls i chatted with said i was kinda boring and she felt like i was interrogating her. That girl deactivated her account on the dating site. She said she wanted to be alone for a while, and the site was becoming a distraction. So i kinda expressed how sad i was that she was leaving, so she felt sorry for me and left me her mobile number. Sometimes i still try to text her as a friend. Albeit as a boring friend at that.
The crush i had, is working in another country. I think she is looking for someone with lots of money, so i kinda given up on her.
Another one just didn't reply to me anymore and may have been turned off by my interests. Oh well. Sometimes i think of just changing my interests and hobbies. One that won't make me feel ashamed of myself. Or make other thinks i'm weird.
Ok. Tried talking to someone new after those experiences, but behold. I gave her the impression of being suicidal?! Man, that was something new. She is a fun loving religious kind of girl who likes to laugh and sometimes tease people. So she was a bit hesitant to reply back to me because i looked too serious. But when i tried making a joke, she took it seriously. It seems she's the only one who can make jokes. So i was very careful talking to her. Eventually, her jokes were a bit too much for me. So i just politely thanked her and backed away. She's from a different religion anyway, so from the start i knew there wasn't really any hope. I thought i could be friends with her at least. But i just couldn't take or handle her "bubbly" teasing/joking personality.
Since i do have a few things in common with the geeky girl,i'm considering trying to meet with her in the future. Sometimes though i am a bit hesitant/nervous. Maybe because she's of a different ethnicity to me. I dunno. I guess it won't hurt to try.
I guess that's the update i have for now.
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Post by ShyBorg on Oct 30, 2018 2:18:37 GMT -5
Running out of things to say to some of them. But thanks to Shyborg's list of topic links. I've managed to still keep it going somehow. Good to know that it helped you. 🙂 Yeah, apparently if you ask someone too many questions, it will turn your conversation into an interview and likely make them uncomfortable. So maybe when you ask someone a question and they give you an answer, tell them about something related to that subject, like an experience you had or something you like about it. What kind of interests? You shouldn’t have to ashamed of the things you enjoy. You do kind of seem that way in writing. Maybe you could try acting more warmly. I think if you do that irl people will be more likely to open up to you as well. That’s the spirit 👍🏻
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Post by Strawberry on Oct 30, 2018 20:40:12 GMT -5
----------------------------- ------------------------------- I think the best advice really ....is to do what you feel is best, what you are comfortable with. I spoke with my younger sister...who's more experienced in terms of using dating sites (yet sort of laughed at me for asking so many questions as though I made her sound like an expert, hahaha)... Anyway...that seemed to be her stance too. It's what you make of it. It's what you're comfortable with, and also what the other person is comfortable with. It's completely individual how someone approaches it. However, of course, transparency and conversation are important. Whatever it is you're looking for, just be clear about it and honest. It didn't seem bad to her to set up a date with several and go from there. A first date is really meant to see if you 'click' with someone at all. You can't get that just from messages online. Meeting will be the first major clue if you'd like to actually go on more dates with that person, or if you even see them as a potential partner. One date really doesn't hurt. But again, do what you feel is right for you and what you're comfortable with. Running out of things to say to some of them. But thanks to Shyborg's list of topic links. I've managed to still keep it going somehow. But sometimes/oftentimes when i'm left alone to my own devices, i just come up with the most boring of questions/topics to say. Sometimes i even ask the same question i may have asked before. Oh man. No wonder one of the girls i chatted with said i was kinda boring and she felt like i was interrogating her. That girl deactivated her account on the dating site. She said she wanted to be alone for a while, and the site was becoming a distraction. So i kinda expressed how sad i was that she was leaving, so she felt sorry for me and left me her mobile number. Sometimes i still try to text her as a friend. Albeit as a boring friend at that. The crush i had, is working in another country. I think she is looking for someone with lots of money, so i kinda given up on her. Another one just didn't reply to me anymore and may have been turned off by my interests. Oh well. Sometimes i think of just changing my interests and hobbies. One that won't make me feel ashamed of myself. Or make other thinks i'm weird.Ok. Tried talking to someone new after those experiences, but behold. I gave her the impression of being suicidal?! Man, that was something new. She is a fun loving religious kind of girl who likes to laugh and sometimes tease people. So she was a bit hesitant to reply back to me because i looked too serious. But when i tried making a joke, she took it seriously. It seems she's the only one who can make jokes. So i was very careful talking to her. Eventually, her jokes were a bit too much for me. So i just politely thanked her and backed away. She's from a different religion anyway, so from the start i knew there wasn't really any hope. I thought i could be friends with her at least. But i just couldn't take or handle her "bubbly" teasing/joking personality. Since i do have a few things in common with the geeky girl,i'm considering trying to meet with her in the future. Sometimes though i am a bit hesitant/nervous. Maybe because she's of a different ethnicity to me. I dunno. I guess it won't hurt to try.I guess that's the update i have for now. 1 - I think if things are stagnant in keeping conversations going -- it may be the time now to start setting up a first (or several) first dates...just to see how it goes. See if you 'click' or just see if you're genuinely interested in the person. That goes both ways. It's a good way for each person to see if they get along with the other and want to move forward. This will give you more things to talk about, naturally. Especially if you set up a 'fun'/or active date. One where you can focus on something other than just the talk. When on the date, the environment/atmosphere may give you something more to talk about than just interrogative questions. Find something you have in common -- a hobby? Music? TV shows? Books? Movies and think about fun/interesting topics you could discuss vs. just the 'interrogative' questions. 2 - If you are seriously looking for a partner, please be yourself. There really is no other way to be, in my opinion. That gives the girl the opportunity to see if things could work out between you, just like you consider the same when looking at her profile. If you're dishonest, that'll catch up to you at some point. 3 - That sucks about the teasing person giving you a hard time. To me, it would be a clear sign our senses of humor didn't match up. Personally, I think that's a really important thing. If you can't laugh together at all or constantly offending the other...what kind of life would that be? :/ Here's a quick link I'd come across regarding sense of humor. 10 Different Types of Humor - I like it more so for just the list of different types, as it really can vary so much. I also think certain types can be difficult to get across online vs. in person. 4 - It definitely doesn't hurt to try setting up a date with 'geeky girl.' I hate saying it this way, because I hate the way it comes across...but it could be a really good experience for you just to get the dating experience. You never know, maybe you will click. If not, and you don't think you'll have those types of feelings, just let her down gently. There's no way around it really...it sucks so much for either when feelings aren't mutual, but it's best to be honest and just let someone down gently. It doesn't hurt to try at all. That's what dating is about. If you have stuff in common, that at least may make the get together less awkward. I am quite proud of you for putting yourself out there and talking to several people. It's difficult for anyone, but even more for introverted/shy folks, I believe, especially the not-so-experienced ones. And it's really hard making that first move, especially. So, try and be proud of yourself for that. I will say -- if it helps, it sounds like you are doing something right, having multiple women talk to you. I've heard, mainly through my sister, that many guys have a difficult time just getting responses from women to begin with.
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Post by Outcast on Nov 4, 2018 4:43:57 GMT -5
Running out of things to say to some of them. But thanks to Shyborg's list of topic links. I've managed to still keep it going somehow. Yeah it did. But I don’t rely on it too much, well because I easily forget them, and maybe I want to practice without relying on them too much. Yes. She did give me a similar advice. Of sharing more about myself and my experiences, even if it wasn’t asked of me. I dunno. Like my interest to watch Korean dramas and sometimes Japanese anime? Or that I still play video games sometimes. I’ve somewhat controlled my playing of video games now though. But every once in a while I still do. But I feel either interests may still be an obstacle or a liability when I really need to get out there and socialize, or do something more productive of my time. I also feel those are things a man of my age should like or should be doing. . Hmmm..yeah I do seem like it doesn’t it? Acting more warmly? How do I go about doing that? Hehe. Stupid question right? Ok. I will try to see if I can change how I act? To something warmer. . Yup. We did meet. Actually we did meet up 2 times already. I met with her the first time last week. Then met with her again this week during a holiday. The meetings with her was ok. We were able to talk about things continuously so there wasn’t a time that there was any silence or whatsoever. But I may have messed up afterwards. It was the day after the second meeting, she messaged me that she wanted to see this movie and that she was going to see it at either Mall A or Mall B? Then I asked her if she couldn’t see the movie at Mall C which was nearer to her home. She then answered that the movie was also showing at Mall C so she might watch it there. Then she asked why I asked and asked if I wanted to tag along. So I asked what time she was watching the movie. She said she planned to go at 6pm since it was still hot outside. Unfortunately, I always pick up my mom around that time. So I told her I won’t be able to tag along with her, and asked her to tell me what happens in the movie instead. After a while, she replied ok. It was a very short answer from her usually long answers. So I should have guessed something was wrong at that point. Later I kept asking her about the movie but she never replied. I then said I was sorry I wasn’t able to tag along, and if she won’t talk to me anymore? She replied the next day, saying she didn’t see the movie and decided that she was going to see it elsewhere. Near where she worked. She said sorry as well and that it was because she was embarrassed and disappointed and has a temper like her dad. I explained I had to fetch my mom around that time. So I invited her if she would like to meet next week instead and watch a movie. She said that we make time for the things we really want to do. Otherwise it just shows that we really did not want to do it. If there is a will, there is a way. She won’t ask again. She doesn’t like assuming and it just sets her up for disappointment. She also answered my invitation to a movie next weekend. She said she had plans with a different friend that Saturday. And on Sunday, she is going to see a musical. She said she didn’t want to encroach on my time. She also said she doesn’t mind making compromises, but doesn’t think she can have a relationship with someone who just sees her when it’s convenient for them. She knows how to adjust her schedule and make the effort to travel long distances. Especially if it’s people she really wants to see. She says she’s not mad at me but mad at herself for setting herself up for disappointment. And that she’s learned her lesson. She said that I should say what I think because we are not mind readers. So I guessed I messed up by not being able to adjust my schedule and make time for her. Whereas I was deliberating if meeting up with her again so soon after we just did the other day was too fast or early. Gosh, this dating and relationship thing sure is hard. She messaged me again to say, “ Please let me know if you need me to adjust my plans to make time for you, okay? “ and I replied that I will let her know. I couldn’t think of anything better to say. I think I was scolded and told off. With the “I can’t have a relationship with someone who is this and that.”. So I am a bit confused right now, and don’t know what to do or say.
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Post by Outcast on Nov 4, 2018 5:18:31 GMT -5
----------------------------- Yeah, when it started to feel like I was getting along with the geeky girl, I felt uncomfortable chatting with the other girls so I kinda stopped doing so. Especially, when some of them blew up or got mad at me for something I have said. Like, with one girl who barely talked to me and just gave short answers. I was trying to be friendly when I saw a new picture of hers in her profile. So I complimented her that she looked nice. Then she referred me to a more current picture of her. But there she was wearing shades. So I commented that it would have been nice if she had shown her eyes. Without the shades. I told her she had nice eyes from the other picture. Apparently, it was a mistake on my part. She blew up at me, and said why I was minding her pictures so much. Like I should mind my own business. And that I got a BIG problem. And that if I wanted to see her face, that I should go see her Facebook. That...was the last straw. Couldn’t take how scary and angry she was. Just decided to delete the convo and unmatched with her. Gosh. Am I in the wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t have commented on her picture. Running out of things to say to some of them. But thanks to Shyborg's list of topic links. I've managed to still keep it going somehow. But sometimes/oftentimes when i'm left alone to my own devices, i just come up with the most boring of questions/topics to say. Sometimes i even ask the same question i may have asked before. Oh man. No wonder one of the girls i chatted with said i was kinda boring and she felt like i was interrogating her. That girl deactivated her account on the dating site. She said she wanted to be alone for a while, and the site was becoming a distraction. So i kinda expressed how sad i was that she was leaving, so she felt sorry for me and left me her mobile number. Sometimes i still try to text her as a friend. Albeit as a boring friend at that. The crush i had, is working in another country. I think she is looking for someone with lots of money, so i kinda given up on her. Another one just didn't reply to me anymore and may have been turned off by my interests. Oh well. Sometimes i think of just changing my interests and hobbies. One that won't make me feel ashamed of myself. Or make other thinks i'm weird.Ok. Tried talking to someone new after those experiences, but behold. I gave her the impression of being suicidal?! Man, that was something new. She is a fun loving religious kind of girl who likes to laugh and sometimes tease people. So she was a bit hesitant to reply back to me because i looked too serious. But when i tried making a joke, she took it seriously. It seems she's the only one who can make jokes. So i was very careful talking to her. Eventually, her jokes were a bit too much for me. So i just politely thanked her and backed away. She's from a different religion anyway, so from the start i knew there wasn't really any hope. I thought i could be friends with her at least. But i just couldn't take or handle her "bubbly" teasing/joking personality. Since i do have a few things in common with the geeky girl,i'm considering trying to meet with her in the future. Sometimes though i am a bit hesitant/nervous. Maybe because she's of a different ethnicity to me. I dunno. I guess it won't hurt to try.I guess that's the update i have for now. Thanks for all the advice, tips, compliments/support and links again Strawberry. Yeah I think being honest about who I am is the way to go to finding someone who will genuinely like me for who I am. I guess I still have a long way to go. I think it’s back to the drawing board if things don’t work alright with geeky girl. I have a few things in common with geeky girl, so I can appreciate that. She also had more to say when we talk. I was more of a listener. So that made things easier for me, on being myself. But maybe made me a little bit lazy. Maybe I got too comfortable with her. Or I don’t know. Well, you can check what happened with geeky girl from my reply to Shyborg. If things don’t work out. I will just have to try again. But I am a little bit cautious now. And it’s a bit hard when I try to look for girls that have the same interest as me. Anyways, when I look at the mirror, and I sometimes see this worn out face of mine, I try to pick myself up and psych myself up to think positive. I think that’s how it should be. And this is all just part of life. It is hard to get a response from the girls at the dating site. Maybe I just didn’t care how many I tried to messaged, so I did get a few responses. And I did my best to pester them with questions to keep the conversation going. Maybe I was just lucky I met with some kind or patient girls. In the end it didn’t last long. Either I turned them off with something that I did or say, bored them, ran out of things to say , or suddenly cooled off the daily conversations because I didn’t want to lead them on, when I was considering this other girl.
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Post by Outcast on Nov 4, 2018 8:56:12 GMT -5
From the look of things, i’d say things aren’t really going well with the geeky girl as I had hoped. Maybe she was right, and I only see her when it is convenient for me to do so. I haven’t done anything special or I haven’t really gone out of my way to see her. She asked if I considered a three hour drive a long distance relationship, and I said that I kinda thought it was. She probably saw in my profile that I don’t really go for long distance relationships. So maybe that’s why she didn’t bother replying when I asked her the same question. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. As you would have guessed, her work is a bit outside the city from where I am. Her family does have an apartment in the city, which she goes to every weekend or so.
Is it wrong for me to feel this way about long distance relationships? I would have preferred it if I can often be with the one I am having a relationship with. How can we do that if it takes a lot of time just to go see her. Wouldn’t it be bothersome for both sides concerned?
Yeah, things aren’t looking too good right now.
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Post by Outcast on Nov 5, 2018 5:48:22 GMT -5
Ok. Brief update.
Geeky girl apologized to me and said that she liked me. And i told her that i liked her too. So i think we are gonna see if we can make the relationship work.
Now she asked me, what i expect from her. At first i didn't know what to say really. Then thinking about it, i said an obvious answer of no dating of other guys.
Not sure what she will expect from me. I also told her she can go first and say what she expects of me. Now i am a little anxious of what those expectations could be.
Does this seem too fast? I dunno. I'm kinda nervous. Since i have never been in a relationship before. Does this mean we're gonna be like boyfriend and girlfriend now?
Funny how things turned out this way, when i was expecting things not to go so well.
Well, i guess only time will tell.
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