Acting differently when chatting online vs talking in person

[Outcast]

I feel weird. Because when i am chatting online with another person, i can act and say things that i don't normally say or do in person. I guess in my effort to gain friends through chatting with them online, i act way friendlier and talk more.

Am i just fooling myself and others when i do this? Sometimes i can't help myself. I'm not as conscious of the things i say when i am chatting with other people online. And of course, if you want to chat with them, normally you have to be the one to start and keep the conversation going.

Should i try to imagine i am talking to that person IN person instead? That way i think i can be my usual shy quiet self. Or should i think, ok, normally i wouldn't or don't say those things to other people i physically meet. So why should i say those things online to other people right?

I am such a fool ain't i? It seems more easier to type the things i want to express and say. Rather than say them out loud in person.

[Outcast]

Ok. Searching online for help i came across these.

link1

This usually happens to people who are shy. And have difficulty in expressing their trueselves in front of others. These people are good at heart.

Other type can be pretenders. On social media fear of being judged (cuz we cant look at persons facial expressions) is less as compared to talking in person. So a person can pretend to be what he isn't. Thats why u see a change in their behavior while talking in person.

In person the communication depends on a lot of factors like the surrounding environment , confidence level of speakers, understanding of the listener, compatibility between the speakers, etc, etc. While chatting they are no boundaries of your appearance, you can review your texts and make changes. And now with new feature of whatsapp can even undo the sent messages. You can think about your replies. (In person you have to give instant replies)

Also some people like talking in person rather than hiding behind a smart screen and talking online.

All these factors lead to changes in the behaviour of a person on two platforms

Now the kind of person they actually are is a difficult question. Cuz they themselves dont know what they are. Maybe giving them few meetings can describe what they actually are!

Because it's far easier to consistently act out an assumed life style or personality, perhaps subconsciously representing one which you would ideally like to have, when you only do so virtually.

When you're face to face with a person it needs a consummate actor, complete with lifestyle props, to consistently be able to carry off the same feats of deception, especially if the relationship becomes close.

I think anyone's online 'personality' has to make up for certain missing elements of 'real life.' When people speak to each other face to face there is voice inflection, facial expression, and physical cues that all help to deliver whatever someone is saying. Online, all anyone has is text and maybe emoticons to state their case. Tone is often misunderstood and something everyone simply has to guess at.
A large vocabulary and a gift for storytelling serves one much better in text communication whereas those things might seem pretentious in verbal communication.
Add to this that it's much easier to say certain things to strangers or an audience from the comfort of one's couch, chair, office, etc ... than it might be in reality where one has any number of fears, insecurities or simply lacks certain social graces.

For my own experience, I write better than I speak. I have a much better command of written language than I do when I talk. Having grown up in New York City and it's New Jersey suburbs I have a strange mix of accents and speaking habits that make me sound like a mixture of Rocky Balboa and the cast of the Sopranos. So I'm more confident in text communication than I am face to face with certain people or speaking about certain subjects. I don't expect people to take me seriously sometimes in the same way that someone speaking about quantum mechanics with a southern drawl would sound strange to me.

We behave differently in different situations. I think whichever makes someone more confident and best able to draw on their own knowledge, wit and character traits is great for an individual. I've seen the Internet bring out the best and worst in people. Things like Facebook have made me respect certain people more and vice-versa when I see others unable to spell or string together a coherent sentence or thought.

Unless someone's intent is to use anonymity as a tool to create a completely false identity ... I think it's just a matter of people either playing to their strengths or being undone by their weaknesses.

Personality is just a combination of both, but face to face interaction takes more credit as it's like the easy way to the other's inner-self. When interacting in person with someone we experience all sorts of different feelings than by chatting. How the other person looks like, its gaze, its gestures, etc. influence a lot in the given message, and a lot more that chatting (that I think is more like wearing a mask).

The core message could be the same but when chatting you miss a part of the other person intentions. When your eyes get connected this intention gets clearer and you get "extra parts" of the other person's personality.

Shy people are not an exception. When they are in company of their closest people they fully show how they really are, but use chatting as a tool for helping them interact. This happens to us all in different scales as shyness is not a black or white feeling.

People are rather peculiar things and are not machines.
For instance, when I am online (posting those ungodly amounts of responses that I usually do), I get unreasonably and uncharacteristically excited about the whole process: finding material, finding it funny, and sharing it with others. I am a poster child for being an extrovert.
Yet... Yet I am protected from others by the anonymity (well, relative one) and a screen: if someone is trying to reach me or converse with me, the conversation will happen on my schedule and on my terms, making me in control of the situation.

Then, when I am at work, and I am writing a report on something related to risk/compliance, there won't be a hint of my usual funny self: everything will be structured, limited, specified, and I will come across as cold and assertive.
(Yeah, not many people want to be around me at work).

Then I come home, and I am a picture of a domestic goddess - things to do, bills to pay (well, they are mostly automated), homeworks to be done, and a new culinary masterpiece to be prepared; I also present myself as a bastion (the unconquerable kind) in terms of parental stoicism when it comes to eating veggies, and other parental enforcement of values, including a set bedtime.

Bottom line: they aren't accountable. At least not immediately. Most peoples thought process is that they can say whatever they want online and don't have to deal with the repercussions.

I can't speak for everyone, but in my experience, shy people either don't know what to say or are embarrassed to talk in person. However, when talking online they can think of how to say something before they say it.

As for what their true personality is; personality is extremely complex and everyone has a "different personality" in different situations. Its all just a small part of that persons personality.

Im clearly not an expert on the subject, but through experience and hypothesis I figured it out. At least on the surface.

All of us play many different roles, and behave differently in different social settings. It's not usually the case that one of these roles is "true" while the others are lies, instead the normal thing is that you see different aspects of the same person in different situations.

Think about it. Does your wife, in the privacy of your home, see precisely the same person you are when you are at work? Does your boss at work see precisely the same person your friends do? Do you display the same parts of your personality when comforting a friend whose mother died, and when arguing political matters ?

Most of the time all of these different behaviours are "true" in the sense that it's people behaving in ways that are natural for them, under the given circumstances.

It's not uncommon, for example, for shy people to be less shy in text-based media. It's less personal in a way when you're not looking the people you're talking to in the face. And often you also have the luxury of being able to spend time thinking about what you want to say when using text, and it matters.

Both the text-Eivind and the offline-Eivind are real. They're both me. And they've got a lot in common. But yes, there's also some differences. People who only know me from Quora tend to have a hard time believing that I tend to be pretty introverted, for example.

The answer may be both. One persona is their wild side and the other is a reserved side.

Either way it is still them. Some people have different sides to their personalities that show through during different situations. Some people have the same all around then occasionally appear moody at random time. I'm sure you as we all do have times we are on our best behavior. Possibly ask them, they would be the best to give a true explanation.

[Outcast]

link

I'll admit it: technology has made the early stages of dating a lot easier. For instance, you no longer have to work up the nerve to call a guy you're into — just fire off a witty text message or IM and avoid awkward pauses on the phone altogether! It's a lot easier to type out something you might have trouble expressing in a face-to-face situation. (Exhibit A: Texts From Last Night. Do you think half of the things said via late-night text would ever see the light of day in a face-to-face or phone call situation?)

Another admission: it's a whole lot easier for me to talk to a guy online than it is in person. And if it's easier for me, I assume it's easier for a guy, too. But that creates a whole other set of issues. What happens if you connect great with someone while chatting online or via text, but there's still a ton of in-person shyness and awkwardness. It's happened to me more than once, but I was able to overcome it. To find out how,

After meeting a guy and exchanging information, we started chatting online and immediately hit it off. We didn't see each other face-to-face for a week or two, and when we did we both suddenly reverted to our shy selves, never mind the amazing, insightful conversations we'd had. Thankfully, we both realized the problem and were able to overcome it. Here's how:

Stop online chatting. OK, that may be a little extreme, but at least slow it down. One of my favorite Someecards reads, "Let's temporarily avoid each other's blogs, tweets and Facebook updates so we have something to talk about on our date." This is so true! Not only is it easy to virtually stalk him, it takes all of the fun out of getting to know each other.

Talk about your online conversations. A simple, "That story about your dog that you told me online today was hilarious," worked wonders. It reminded him that I was the same girl that he happily typed to all day — and that I was paying attention.

Don't overshare just because you're online. It's much easier to divulge more personal information when there's a computer screen in front of you instead of a real person. When you're just getting to know someone, If you wouldn't say it to their face, don't type it out, either.

It's tough, but a little online distance will only make the face time you spend with your new guy even more exciting.

Ok. I think it would be better for me to limit or stop my online chatting.

EDIT: I am not sure i can stop my online chatting for now. I've met some new people online. And i think we are somewhat getting along well. So i don't think it would be nice if i would cut off communication with any of them.

[ShyBorg]

Sept 19, 2018 23:58:58 GMT -5 Outcast said:

I feel weird. Because when i am chatting online with another person, i can act and say things that i don't normally say or do in person. I guess in my effort to gain friends through chatting with them online, i act way friendlier and talk more.

Am i just fooling myself and others when i do this? Sometimes i can't help myself. I'm not as conscious of the things i say when i am chatting with other people online. And of course, if you want to chat with them, normally you have to be the one to start and keep the conversation going.

Should i try to imagine i am talking to that person IN person instead? That way i think i can be my usual shy quiet self. Or should i think, ok, normally i wouldn't or don't say those things to other people i physically meet. So why should i say those things online to other people right?

Maybe it’s that you feel more comfortable talking to someone online rather than in person, because you are shy?
I think that’s fine, as long as you are friendly because you want to talk to them, rather than doing it because you feel like you have to.

edit: ^ Okay, that’s also kind of what the article above said.

I am such a fool ain't i? It seems more easier to type the things i want to express and say. Rather than say them out loud in person.

Well, I don’t know you that well - but I’m willing to bet that’s not true.
Try not to be so hard on yourself.

[Outcast]

Sept 24, 2018 0:30:53 GMT -5 ShyBorg said:

Maybe it’s that you feel more comfortable talking to someone online rather than in person, because you are shy?
I think that’s fine, as long as you are friendly because you want to talk to them, rather than doing it because you feel like you have to.

edit: ^ Okay, that’s also kind of what the article above said.

Well, I don’t know you that well - but I’m willing to bet that’s not true.
Try not to be so hard on yourself.

Thanks for the kind words Shyborg.
Yes, i'm trying not to be too hard on myself. But sometimes the feelings just rushes in or is it they come pouring out.