Who would you want to date?

[Outcast]

Who would you want to date?

Given the opportunity to do either of the two.

Would you go out with the person you are physically attracted to?

Or

Would you go out with the person you have a lot of things in common?

If you want to explain your answer, you can always do so by posting it here. Thanks.

[Strawberry]

hmm...

If it's either/or....I'd definitely go out with the person that seemed to have common interests. It's possible that, through sharing common interests, the 'feeling' could show up. Worst-case scenario, you have a fun/pleasant time. That could be the perspective of being female, though. I have a feeling more women look beyond looks more often than men.

The way the question is phrased, it seems to me there's no chance of having common interests with said person you're initially attracted to. Looks alone means nothing to me, personally. It could be an extremely boring night. If that's all that's there, all it would be is a one-night-stand. Personally, that wouldn't mean anything to me.

[Outcast]

Oct 16, 2018 23:18:52 GMT -5 Strawberry said:

hmm...

If it's either/or....I'd definitely go out with the person that seemed to have common interests. It's possible that, through sharing common interests, the 'feeling' could show up. Worst-case scenario, you have a fun/pleasant time. That could be the perspective of being female, though. I have a feeling more women look beyond looks more often than men.

The way the question is phrased, it seems to me there's no chance of having common interests with said person you're initially attracted to. Looks alone means nothing to me, personally. It could be an extremely boring night. If that's all that's there, all it would be is a one-night-stand. Personally, that wouldn't mean anything to me.

I see. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the subject Strawberry. You might be right that looks alone might have you ending up with a boring date if you have nothing much to talk about.

I don't know. I thought relationships usually start with one's attraction to another. So i should be looking for someone with similar interests as me, or if we get along while we talk i guess. Someone that's similar to me? If its someone similar to me, then she must also be an introvert? or shy?

Sometimes i get confused, with the personality type being more compatible to this other personality type. Usually the opposite of your own personality. Introvert being compatible to an Extrovert and so on.

[Strawberry]

Oct 17, 2018 6:31:59 GMT -5 Outcast said:

Oct 16, 2018 23:18:52 GMT -5 Strawberry said:

hmm...

If it's either/or....I'd definitely go out with the person that seemed to have common interests. It's possible that, through sharing common interests, the 'feeling' could show up. Worst-case scenario, you have a fun/pleasant time. That could be the perspective of being female, though. I have a feeling more women look beyond looks more often than men.

The way the question is phrased, it seems to me there's no chance of having common interests with said person you're initially attracted to. Looks alone means nothing to me, personally. It could be an extremely boring night. If that's all that's there, all it would be is a one-night-stand. Personally, that wouldn't mean anything to me.

I see. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the subject Strawberry. You might be right that looks alone might have you ending up with a boring date if you have nothing much to talk about.

I don't know. I thought relationships usually start with one's attraction to another. So i should be looking for someone with similar interests as me, or if we get along while we talk i guess. Someone that's similar to me? If its someone similar to me, then she must also be an introvert? or shy?

Sometimes i get confused, with the personality type being more compatible to this other personality type. Usually the opposite of your own personality. Introvert being compatible to an Extrovert and so on.

Yes -- there really should be some sort of attraction. I think for guys, physical attraction is HUGE. Just, from what I see/hear. It's definitely the first thing a guy would notice. And I mean, women too.....but I can't be the only one that doesn't see it as a main thing, though. I don't think. I mean...the meaning of what it is to be "attractive" is different to everyone too. Body shape...certain physical attributes....some people have a "type." But there can be the seemingly smaller qualities that are attractive to people...such as a "nice smile" or looking genuine, not necessarily about body type and physical fitness or whatever. Like everything else, it's different for everyone. It's really only something you can know. 

I wouldn't put too much emphasis on certain similarities...or quiet/shy....as I feel you don't necessarily know what it is you want. It may just take getting to know different people, dating a few different people, to see what it is you like about someone. Are there certain qualities you are drawn to? Or personalities you're drawn to? Think of crushes you have had in the past.

Just because you're shy/introverted, doesn't necessarily mean you can't date someone who's extroverted. Again, people are on a spectrum....some are extremely introverted and others are extremely extroverted...these two types may not be the best fit. But there are many that are in between. Sometimes different qualities can complement each other. Some introverted people may not generally be attracted to extroverted people and vice versa. Or the opposite can be true. Some may be attracted to the opposite. Again, there are varying degrees of each and most people aren't extreme either way. It depends on what each is wanting to find in a partner. I hear a lot of people talk about doing tons of things every weekend, and personally, that would be way too exhausting to me. Others may seek that out in a partner. It just really depends. 

I know it would be easiest to just get all the answers from someone, but really you just have to try through trial-and-error. 

I think something that can be unfortunate is that even if a shy/introvert would get along best with another shy/introvert, it can be a difficult match to make unless one is willing to make the move. It seems to me, those with less experience may only get experience if a more extroverted or more forward person "breaks" them, so to speak. Not that that's a bad thing per se. Just an observation. 

[Outcast]

Oct 17, 2018 22:45:24 GMT -5 Strawberry said:

Yes -- there really should be some sort of attraction. I think for guys, physical attraction is HUGE. Just, from what I see/hear. It's definitely the first thing a guy would notice. And I mean, women too.....but I can't be the only one that doesn't see it as a main thing, though. I don't think. I mean...the meaning of what it is to be "attractive" is different to everyone too. Body shape...certain physical attributes....some people have a "type." But there can be the seemingly smaller qualities that are attractive to people...such as a "nice smile" or looking genuine, not necessarily about body type and physical fitness or whatever. Like everything else, it's different for everyone. It's really only something you can know. 

I wouldn't put too much emphasis on certain similarities...or quiet/shy....as I feel you don't necessarily know what it is you want. It may just take getting to know different people, dating a few different people, to see what it is you like about someone. Are there certain qualities you are drawn to? Or personalities you're drawn to? Think of crushes you have had in the past.

Just because you're shy/introverted, doesn't necessarily mean you can't date someone who's extroverted. Again, people are on a spectrum....some are extremely introverted and others are extremely extroverted...these two types may not be the best fit. But there are many that are in between. Sometimes different qualities can complement each other. Some introverted people may not generally be attracted to extroverted people and vice versa. Or the opposite can be true. Some may be attracted to the opposite. Again, there are varying degrees of each and most people aren't extreme either way. It depends on what each is wanting to find in a partner. I hear a lot of people talk about doing tons of things every weekend, and personally, that would be way too exhausting to me. Others may seek that out in a partner. It just really depends. 

I know it would be easiest to just get all the answers from someone, but really you just have to try through trial-and-error. 

I think something that can be unfortunate is that even if a shy/introvert would get along best with another shy/introvert, it can be a difficult match to make unless one is willing to make the move. It seems to me, those with less experience may only get experience if a more extroverted or more forward person "breaks" them, so to speak. Not that that's a bad thing per se. Just an observation. 

Thanks again for sharing your advice/observation Strawberry.

I believe common interests can also have a limit though. Interests can change over time too. Some may lose and change interests in any point in time. I've seen couples that don't share every interest they have and yet somehow their relationship still remains intact and strong. It's more than the interest and looks, its as if they share a common bond or something. I dunno. Have you ever liked someone, then liked something they liked which you previously didn't? I don't know, i think for some people that is a possibility. Yeah i probably keep note of what i seek in a partner. That might help a little bit. But i do know what kinda turns me off. Arrogant, conceited people. Those people who swear kinda puts me off too. But i do understand the need to sometimes. Oh, and inconsiderate people too.

[Strawberry]

Oct 18, 2018 3:27:31 GMT -5 Outcast said:

Oct 17, 2018 22:45:24 GMT -5 Strawberry said:

Yes -- there really should be some sort of attraction. I think for guys, physical attraction is HUGE. Just, from what I see/hear. It's definitely the first thing a guy would notice. And I mean, women too.....but I can't be the only one that doesn't see it as a main thing, though. I don't think. I mean...the meaning of what it is to be "attractive" is different to everyone too. Body shape...certain physical attributes....some people have a "type." But there can be the seemingly smaller qualities that are attractive to people...such as a "nice smile" or looking genuine, not necessarily about body type and physical fitness or whatever. Like everything else, it's different for everyone. It's really only something you can know. 

I wouldn't put too much emphasis on certain similarities...or quiet/shy....as I feel you don't necessarily know what it is you want. It may just take getting to know different people, dating a few different people, to see what it is you like about someone. Are there certain qualities you are drawn to? Or personalities you're drawn to? Think of crushes you have had in the past.

Just because you're shy/introverted, doesn't necessarily mean you can't date someone who's extroverted. Again, people are on a spectrum....some are extremely introverted and others are extremely extroverted...these two types may not be the best fit. But there are many that are in between. Sometimes different qualities can complement each other. Some introverted people may not generally be attracted to extroverted people and vice versa. Or the opposite can be true. Some may be attracted to the opposite. Again, there are varying degrees of each and most people aren't extreme either way. It depends on what each is wanting to find in a partner. I hear a lot of people talk about doing tons of things every weekend, and personally, that would be way too exhausting to me. Others may seek that out in a partner. It just really depends. 

I know it would be easiest to just get all the answers from someone, but really you just have to try through trial-and-error. 

I think something that can be unfortunate is that even if a shy/introvert would get along best with another shy/introvert, it can be a difficult match to make unless one is willing to make the move. It seems to me, those with less experience may only get experience if a more extroverted or more forward person "breaks" them, so to speak. Not that that's a bad thing per se. Just an observation. 

Thanks again for sharing your advice/observation Strawberry.

I believe common interests can also have a limit though. Interests can change over time too. Some may lose and change interests in any point in time. I've seen couples that don't share every interest they have and yet somehow their relationship still remains intact and strong. It's more than the interest and looks, its as if they share a common bond or something. I dunno. Have you ever liked someone, then liked something they liked which you previously didn't? I don't know, i think for some people that is a possibility. Yeah i probably keep note of what i seek in a partner. That might help a little bit. But i do know what kinda turns me off. Arrogant, conceited people. Those people who swear kinda puts me off too. But i do understand the need to sometimes. Oh, and inconsiderate people too.

As I think I've said in another post....I don't think a couple needs to have EVERY single thing in common. Some people, perhaps it works...but I think there can also be too much time spent together. But again, it just totally depends on the individuals involved. Some people may feel the need to be 'joined at the hip' -- and maybe that's how it can be sometimes in the beginning anyway, I don't know. But you by no means need to have or expect to have every single thing in common. It's going to be natural that some interests won't coincide, and there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, especially with introverts, it's nice to do certain things alone anyway. I actually think it can be very healthy to keep and maintain your own interests/hobbies. And separate time with friends as well. 

That said...from my own experience and from my own perspective, it's very possible to just not have enough in common. If you're constantly compromising and the other doesn't seem to in return, it can feel very exhausting. Relationships are a two-way street and take different levels of compromise anyway. All relationships take work. If one puts in the effort, and the other doesn't, it's possible that person will get exhausted and stop trying -- which can lead to a point of doing the vast majority of things separate and feeling alone within the relationship anyway. Which is really not good. 

You are right about couples having a "bond." This can happen to begin with and may be a reason you want to start dating someone. But I think, over time, it can also strengthen. The more you go through together, the deeper that bond can get. As long as it's a healthy relationship, this is a great thing to happen. 

Interests can definitely be malleable too. Sometimes, one may be introduced to something new or a person can show you something you'd never even thought of looking into before. 

Long-term couples/marriages: my parents are an example of sharing certain interests that they might not have otherwise had individually. Again, they don't have everything in common -- but I don't think my mom would've been into watching old Westerns if it wasn't my dad that it appealed to first. And this makes me laugh -- but the last time I was there, I think it was around the lunch hour and my dad had the day off...they were eating lunch and he was with her as she was catching up on a soap opera. Now, he may not have stayed there and watched the whole thing....but here is where "respect" certainly comes in. I've gotten to a point where I kinda scoff at those types of shows (I try not to now, out of respect)....but he had lunch with her and didn't make any negative comments, and actually asked her some questions about it. I think that's really important. Mutual respect. Even if you're not totally into something the other is into, it's important to at least respect each other and not completely dis something the other likes. I think this is a good rule to follow in general anyway -- treat others as you want to be treated.

Another thing my dad pointed out to me....if you live with someone, or just spend lots of time with someone, in a sense, you can adopt their habits over time...ways of speech, jokes, etc. Again, using my dad as an example...he tells some stereotypical 'bad/cheesy dad jokes' (whatever you want to call them) all the time. He can be pretty hilarious, honestly...he knows he makes us laugh even if he knows certain jokes themselves are kinda bad--that can make them even funnier really. I hate the way that sounds, because I quite love his sense of humor really. I've definitely grown to appreciate it even more over time, how he turns certain things into jokes...even when he intentionally pushes my buttons when I get into heated debates...I know he does it to try and make the conversation a bit lighter, which can work. I'm getting off topic. :S

Anyway...I've noticed a lot that my younger brother especially will 'take his place' when I've visited and my dad isn't there -- making the same jokes, lol. I've also heard my mom make certain comments that sound like 'dad comments.' My dad especially likes to get quotes from shows or movies...sometimes ordinary quotes others might not make anything out of...and he'll just use it in every day speech. Example: "This corn is special." (line from the movie "Deliverance") Anyway...some of those quotes he'll say over and over again...some of us, especially my mom (and myself and my brother really)...will do the same thing. Oh, it warms my heart thinking of my family. 

But yeah, over time, I definitely see people act more and more alike. It goes both ways. 

Same could be said with friends...sharing the same experiences, laughs, speech, etc. I know when I dated my ex, I certainly picked up some of his phrases. (My dad had to point that out. ) 

It can be the cautionary thing, though...especially with young people making their way through the world. "Show me your friends, and I'll show you who you are."

But yeah...in general, humans are social creatures and there can be certain expected trends in regards to who a person relates with or spends time with.

The above is all over the place, I think, but I hope it makes some sense. :S

[Outcast]

Oct 30, 2018 19:45:40 GMT -5 Strawberry said:

Oct 18, 2018 3:27:31 GMT -5 Outcast said:

Thanks again for sharing your advice/observation Strawberry.

I believe common interests can also have a limit though. Interests can change over time too. Some may lose and change interests in any point in time. I've seen couples that don't share every interest they have and yet somehow their relationship still remains intact and strong. It's more than the interest and looks, its as if they share a common bond or something. I dunno. Have you ever liked someone, then liked something they liked which you previously didn't? I don't know, i think for some people that is a possibility. Yeah i probably keep note of what i seek in a partner. That might help a little bit. But i do know what kinda turns me off. Arrogant, conceited people. Those people who swear kinda puts me off too. But i do understand the need to sometimes. Oh, and inconsiderate people too.

As I think I've said in another post....I don't think a couple needs to have EVERY single thing in common. Some people, perhaps it works...but I think there can also be too much time spent together. But again, it just totally depends on the individuals involved. Some people may feel the need to be 'joined at the hip' -- and maybe that's how it can be sometimes in the beginning anyway, I don't know. But you by no means need to have or expect to have every single thing in common. It's going to be natural that some interests won't coincide, and there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, especially with introverts, it's nice to do certain things alone anyway. I actually think it can be very healthy to keep and maintain your own interests/hobbies. And separate time with friends as well. 

That said...from my own experience and from my own perspective, it's very possible to just not have enough in common. If you're constantly compromising and the other doesn't seem to in return, it can feel very exhausting. Relationships are a two-way street and take different levels of compromise anyway. All relationships take work. If one puts in the effort, and the other doesn't, it's possible that person will get exhausted and stop trying -- which can lead to a point of doing the vast majority of things separate and feeling alone within the relationship anyway. Which is really not good. 

You are right about couples having a "bond." This can happen to begin with and may be a reason you want to start dating someone. But I think, over time, it can also strengthen. The more you go through together, the deeper that bond can get. As long as it's a healthy relationship, this is a great thing to happen. 

Interests can definitely be malleable too. Sometimes, one may be introduced to something new or a person can show you something you'd never even thought of looking into before. 

Long-term couples/marriages: my parents are an example of sharing certain interests that they might not have otherwise had individually. Again, they don't have everything in common -- but I don't think my mom would've been into watching old Westerns if it wasn't my dad that it appealed to first. And this makes me laugh -- but the last time I was there, I think it was around the lunch hour and my dad had the day off...they were eating lunch and he was with her as she was catching up on a soap opera. Now, he may not have stayed there and watched the whole thing....but here is where "respect" certainly comes in. I've gotten to a point where I kinda scoff at those types of shows (I try not to now, out of respect)....but he had lunch with her and didn't make any negative comments, and actually asked her some questions about it. I think that's really important. Mutual respect. Even if you're not totally into something the other is into, it's important to at least respect each other and not completely dis something the other likes. I think this is a good rule to follow in general anyway -- treat others as you want to be treated.

Another thing my dad pointed out to me....if you live with someone, or just spend lots of time with someone, in a sense, you can adopt their habits over time...ways of speech, jokes, etc. Again, using my dad as an example...he tells some stereotypical 'bad/cheesy dad jokes' (whatever you want to call them) all the time. He can be pretty hilarious, honestly...he knows he makes us laugh even if he knows certain jokes themselves are kinda bad--that can make them even funnier really. I hate the way that sounds, because I quite love his sense of humor really. I've definitely grown to appreciate it even more over time, how he turns certain things into jokes...even when he intentionally pushes my buttons when I get into heated debates...I know he does it to try and make the conversation a bit lighter, which can work. I'm getting off topic. :S

Anyway...I've noticed a lot that my younger brother especially will 'take his place' when I've visited and my dad isn't there -- making the same jokes, lol. I've also heard my mom make certain comments that sound like 'dad comments.' My dad especially likes to get quotes from shows or movies...sometimes ordinary quotes others might not make anything out of...and he'll just use it in every day speech. Example: "This corn is special." (line from the movie "Deliverance") Anyway...some of those quotes he'll say over and over again...some of us, especially my mom (and myself and my brother really)...will do the same thing. Oh, it warms my heart thinking of my family. 

But yeah, over time, I definitely see people act more and more alike. It goes both ways. 

Same could be said with friends...sharing the same experiences, laughs, speech, etc. I know when I dated my ex, I certainly picked up some of his phrases. (My dad had to point that out. ) 

It can be the cautionary thing, though...especially with young people making their way through the world. "Show me your friends, and I'll show you who you are."

But yeah...in general, humans are social creatures and there can be certain expected trends in regards to who a person relates with or spends time with.

The above is all over the place, I think, but I hope it makes some sense. :S

It does make sense. Once again, thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience on the matter. All of them seem very insightful. I really should keep note of all of these.

[Audio the obscure]

Well a person could date someone just for the sake of dating, to practice that social interaction in a public setting so it would not necessarily be that the date be physically attractive. Just saying.  Having a few common interests would make for good conversation. If both have an interest in politics, for example, then they could talk about that. Or sports. Or religion. Or maybe discuss favourite books, music, movies, that sort of thing.  

I don't know if I'm being of any help, but I thought I'd put in a reply anyway lol.

I know that usually for men there has to be (for dating toward a long term relationship) a physical attraction. It's been my experience that women are more apt to date someone less attractive if the other factors (common interests and other compatibility traits) are present. I'm not so sure it's the same with men. I believe that with men unless there is that attraction, they are not so much apt to date someone less attractive unless as I mentioned earlier, they're just dating them as friends, or for the purpose of practicing social skills, etc. 

With me, it's a combination of both, although in the voting thing, I clicked the "common interests" part as more important. At least with that, both parties will be able to find something mutual to discuss (politics, books, etc.) or to take part in (concert, sports game, etc.).



I hope you can find that special someone, Outcast. All the best to you!

[Outcast]

Nov 11, 2018 21:20:21 GMT -5 Audio the obscure said:

Well a person could date someone just for the sake of dating, to practice that social interaction in a public setting so it would not necessarily be that the date be physically attractive. Just saying.  Having a few common interests would make for good conversation. If both have an interest in politics, for example, then they could talk about that. Or sports. Or religion. Or maybe discuss favourite books, music, movies, that sort of thing.  

I don't know if I'm being of any help, but I thought I'd put in a reply anyway lol.

I know that usually for men there has to be (for dating toward a long term relationship) a physical attraction. It's been my experience that women are more apt to date someone less attractive if the other factors (common interests and other compatibility traits) are present. I'm not so sure it's the same with men. I believe that with men unless there is that attraction, they are not so much apt to date someone less attractive unless as I mentioned earlier, they're just dating them as friends, or for the purpose of practicing social skills, etc. 

With me, it's a combination of both, although in the voting thing, I clicked the "common interests" part as more important. At least with that, both parties will be able to find something mutual to discuss (politics, books, etc.) or to take part in (concert, sports game, etc.).



I hope you can find that special someone, Outcast. All the best to you!

Thanks for replying sharing your thoughts,voting, and for the well wishes Audio.

Yeah for me its also a combination of both. It certainly helps a lot if you have common things to talk about and share.

[1229]

I think I’d want to date the male version of me. A five on the scale of looks and a 5 on the scale of personality. A perfect 10 if you do the math correctly.