Never been in a relationship before

[Outcast]

So i have never been in a relationship before.

If i am going to be in one, is there anything i should know about? What should i expect?

What if the girl asks me, what do i expect from her? Hmmm. Thinking about it, i guess i would expect her not to cheat on me? Hehe. I am not sure what else is there i should be expecting from her.

Do you guys discuss things like these? What to expect from each other? I'm thinking there would be a whole lot more to discuss i suppose. *gulp*

[matthewtheshyperson]

Nov 5, 2018 5:16:34 GMT -5 Outcast said:

So i have never been in a relationship before.

If i am going to be in one, is there anything i should know about? What should i expect?

What if the girl asks me, what do i expect from her? Hmmm. Thinking about it, i guess i would expect her not to cheat on me? Hehe. I am not sure what else is there i should be expecting from her.

Do you guys discuss things like these? What to expect from each other? I'm thinking there would be a whole lot more to discuss i suppose. *gulp*

I know this is not gonna be much help, but you're not alone, I've never been in a relationship also.

[ura]

I was never in a relationship or had ever had much interaction with the opposite sex until I was 26 years old. I had to catch up so speak on what people have done years ago. All I would say is it sort of feels natural, it can be nerve wracking at first and a bit terrifying but it gets easier as the relationship progresses.

From conversations with friends who have much more experience and are in healthy normal relationships I get the impression you don't really know much. I feel like I don't know a lot as this is my first relationship. I think one thing that I like to keep in mind is not being walked on but also not being too controlling either. Also I think what you expect depends entirely on you, some good advice I got from a friend is that no two relationships are the same and it depends on each person, but I think you'll find that out as you go out with someone.

[Outcast]

Nov 5, 2018 18:12:25 GMT -5 matthewtheshyperson said:

Nov 5, 2018 5:16:34 GMT -5 Outcast said:

So i have never been in a relationship before.

If i am going to be in one, is there anything i should know about? What should i expect?

What if the girl asks me, what do i expect from her? Hmmm. Thinking about it, i guess i would expect her not to cheat on me? Hehe. I am not sure what else is there i should be expecting from her.

Do you guys discuss things like these? What to expect from each other? I'm thinking there would be a whole lot more to discuss i suppose. *gulp*

I know this is not gonna be much help, but you're not alone, I've never been in a relationship also.

Well thanks for letting me know. It is comforting in a way to know that there are other people here who knows what it feels like to have no experience in these kind of situations yet. Thanks for liking my post too.

[Outcast]

Nov 6, 2018 19:19:26 GMT -5 ura said:

I was never in a relationship or had ever had much interaction with the opposite sex until I was 26 years old. I had to catch up so speak on what people have done years ago. All I would say is it sort of feels natural, it can be nerve wracking at first and a bit terrifying but it gets easier as the relationship progresses.

From conversations with friends who have much more experience and are in healthy normal relationships I get the impression you don't really know much. I feel like I don't know a lot as this is my first relationship. I think one thing that I like to keep in mind is not being walked on but also not being too controlling either. Also I think what you expect depends entirely on you, some good advice I got from a friend is that no two relationships are the same and it depends on each person, but I think you'll find that out as you go out with someone.

Thanks for sharing your experience, the things you've learned from them and the advices Ura. It was kind of nerve wracking and a bit terrifying at first indeed. But so far the girl i'm referring to (let me call her "Rene", not her real name of course) didn't give me any list of her expectations. Rene said it was easier for her to give me a list of things she doesn't expect from me. Simple things like she doesn't expect me to go with her everywhere or drive her anywhere. She doesn't expect me to prioritize her over my parents. She doesn't expect me to answer her texts ASAP. She doesn't expect me to pay for everything when we go out. Of course she said she wouldn't mind if i wanted to do them. Like pay for everything when we go out. She said this jokingly. So overall, i thought these things weren't that bad at all. She doesn't seem to be all that controlling.

She is really kind and easy to talk to. Even some of her friends already know about me. One of them is even coming home this December and wants to meet me?

Well, Rene and I are gonna meet again this weekend. So far so good. No problems yet encountered.

[ura]

Nov 8, 2018 2:32:45 GMT -5 Outcast said:

Thanks for sharing your experience, the things you've learned from them and the advices Ura. It was kind of nerve wracking and a bit terrifying at first indeed. But so far the girl i'm referring to (let me call her "Rene", not her real name of course) didn't give me any list of her expectations. Rene said it was easier for her to give me a list of things she doesn't expect from me. Simple things like she doesn't expect me to go with her everywhere or drive her anywhere. She doesn't expect me to prioritize her over my parents. She doesn't expect me to answer her texts ASAP. She doesn't expect me to pay for everything when we go out. Of course she said she wouldn't mind if i wanted to do them. Like pay for everything when we go out. She said this jokingly. So overall, i thought these things weren't that bad at all. She doesn't seem to be all that controlling.

She is really kind and easy to talk to. Even some of her friends already know about me. One of them is even coming home this December and wants to meet me?

Well, Rene and I are gonna meet again this weekend. So far so good. No problems yet encountered.

I didn't start off my relationship by talking about expectations but maybe I'm weird like that.

[Outcast]

Nov 8, 2018 15:18:04 GMT -5 ura said:

I didn't start off my relationship by talking about expectations but maybe I'm weird like that.

Oh i see. Well you did say each relationship is different and unique from one another. So i don't think its weird of you to do that. I haven't really given her any list of my expectations either. I just don't what i should be expecting of her. I guess it's really up to her to do what she wants to do, say what she wants/feel and how she would want to respond to me and my actions/inaction.

I do still consider this relationship, as kind of a long distance relationship still since she does work and stay outside the city for most of the week. So i think there would be problems there in the future. I don't know. Right now, we are just comfortable talking with each other and seem to have just enough few things in common that we can enjoy each other's company. I guess i'm trying to give this a chance. Maybe without thinking much of what problems that may arise in the future.

[ura]

Nov 9, 2018 0:44:11 GMT -5 Outcast said:

Nov 8, 2018 15:18:04 GMT -5 ura said:

I didn't start off my relationship by talking about expectations but maybe I'm weird like that.

Oh i see. Well you did say each relationship is different and unique from one another. So i don't think its weird of you to do that. I haven't really given her any list of my expectations either. I just don't what i should be expecting of her. I guess it's really up to her to do what she wants to do, say what she wants/feel and how she would want to respond to me and my actions/inaction.

I do still consider this relationship, as kind of a long distance relationship still since she does work and stay outside the city for most of the week. So i think there would be problems there in the future. I don't know. Right now, we are just comfortable talking with each other and seem to have just enough few things in common that we can enjoy each other's company. I guess i'm trying to give this a chance. Maybe without thinking much of what problems that may arise in the future.

That seems to be good mentality, I think over-thinking things in general can be quite sour for a person, particularly in the early stages of relationships.

[Outcast]

Nov 9, 2018 20:10:16 GMT -5 ura said:

That seems to be good mentality, I think over-thinking things in general can be quite sour for a person, particularly in the early stages of relationships.

I do overthink a lot at times. But Rene did admit that she sometimes does the same as well. I'm not really sure if i can really call myself her boyfriend. Or call her my girlfriend. Maybe i'm overthinking that part. Maybe we're just exclusively dating?

It's also hard for me to think of places to go or things we could do together on a date aside from eating.

Good thing she has a lot of things to share and talk about. So the conversation can still continue. Although she's an introvert and shy, she does have a lot of friends and spends time with most of them quite often it seems. So in that regard, i think she can be quite the extrovert too.

Anyway that's it for now. Don't want to overthink again now.

[Outcast]

Recently Rene just showed me a text conversation between her and her mom. Wherein she told her mom that she has a boyfriend already.

Well looks like we are indeed in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Was it stupid of me to doubt or think otherwise?

Still, i'm starting to have doubts. Whether i can handle everything that's bound to come my way. Meeting her family. I mean her parents and siblings. And what if she decides to stay outside the city permanently. What can i do about that? It's not like i can go where she is and find work and a place to stay there too. Shouldn't i be thinking of these things too?

She also has a lot of friends she frequently goes out with. Sometimes i'm happy for her. But sometimes, i feel kinda down about it too.

Anyway, yeah just thinking about these things recently. Not sure how things will turn out.

[matthewtheshyperson]

I'm glad to hear that you're in a relationship with Rene. If I can give you any advice, it's to not spend your time overthinking and worrying about the doubts you have. I've never been in a relationship, but this is something I've done with friends before and it's for a start very time consuming and just generally bad to think about and secondly, most of the doubts you have may either turn out to be false or just insignificant. All I can say is just try not to let it worry you too much, I've done this before and let it draw me apart from friends which lead to me losing them altogether. Anyway, I hope everything turns out great for you.

[Outcast]

Nov 20, 2018 18:07:27 GMT -5 matthewtheshyperson said:

I'm glad to hear that you're in a relationship with Rene. If I can give you any advice, it's to not spend your time overthinking and worrying about the doubts you have. I've never been in a relationship, but this is something I've done with friends before and it's for a start very time consuming and just generally bad to think about and secondly, most of the doubts you have may either turn out to be false or just insignificant. All I can say is just try not to let it worry you too much, I've done this before and let it draw me apart from friends which lead to me losing them altogether. Anyway, I hope everything turns out great for you.

Thanks for sharing that advice Matthew. I will try not to think too much about it then. I have all these worries popping up in my head. I am gonna try to ignore them for the time being. Yeah, just try to go with the flow then. See if i can handle these unexpected situations that go with it.

[Strawberry]

Nov 19, 2018 4:58:49 GMT -5 Outcast said:

Recently Rene just showed me a text conversation between her and her mom. Wherein she told her mom that she has a boyfriend already.

Well looks like we are indeed in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Was it stupid of me to doubt or think otherwise?

Still, i'm starting to have doubts. Whether i can handle everything that's bound to come my way. Meeting her family. I mean her parents and siblings. And what if she decides to stay outside the city permanently. What can i do about that? It's not like i can go where she is and find work and a place to stay there too. Shouldn't i be thinking of these things too?

She also has a lot of friends she frequently goes out with. Sometimes i'm happy for her. But sometimes, i feel kinda down about it too.

Anyway, yeah just thinking about these things recently. Not sure how things will turn out.

I wonder if it's possible she showed it to you to 'test' you -- to see how you would respond. That, or maybe to her, "exclusively dating" implied being girlfriend/boyfriend. 

Personally, I don't think it was dumb of you to question your status. I'm not sure how it works...if men typically ask women to be theirs or if people just have a conversation about it in general or what. 

I don't think suggesting dating exclusively implies an automatic relationship and would've just assumed it meant just that. Dating, to see if a relationship was desired. 

Anyway, I hope it made you feel good about it. 

As others have said, try not to think too much into it. Enjoy the courtship. 

I would hope the distance thing would be discussed, if you guys plan on pursuing a long-term thing. If that's the goal, one would have to be willing to move. Knowing your own stance will help guide you when you discover what her thoughts are. Have you asked her what her future plans are? Not sure what stage in life she is in -- if she's 'settled', etc. Even then, she may not necessarily mind moving. If neither of you are willing, though, then that's a red flag.  

[Outcast]

Nov 27, 2018 21:52:05 GMT -5 Strawberry said:

I wonder if it's possible she showed it to you to 'test' you -- to see how you would respond. That, or maybe to her, "exclusively dating" implied being girlfriend/boyfriend. 

Personally, I don't think it was dumb of you to question your status. I'm not sure how it works...if men typically ask women to be theirs or if people just have a conversation about it in general or what. 

I don't think suggesting dating exclusively implies an automatic relationship and would've just assumed it meant just that. Dating, to see if a relationship was desired. 

Anyway, I hope it made you feel good about it. 

As others have said, try not to think too much into it. Enjoy the courtship. 

I would hope the distance thing would be discussed, if you guys plan on pursuing a long-term thing. If that's the goal, one would have to be willing to move. Knowing your own stance will help guide you when you discover what her thoughts are. Have you asked her what her future plans are? Not sure what stage in life she is in -- if she's 'settled', etc. Even then, she may not necessarily mind moving. If neither of you are willing, though, then that's a red flag.  

Thanks for replying Strawberry.

Hmmm. She showed it to me to 'test' me and see how i would respond? Well, it is a possible i guess. She did ask me if she used the "wrong" term afterwards. Since i did think of that way too when she asked me about what my expectations were, i said she didn't get the term wrong. And i guess that how we ended up being in a relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend.
When my brother and sister learned of this, they were surprised as to how fast it was that she became my girlfriend and i her boyfriend. So this made me feel a little unsure if what i'm doing is correct.

Well we are indeed still getting to know each other as time goes by. I think that's also how it works when people enter into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Nothing is really set on stone and things can still change i suppose. Still, i don't know if i can really break her heart when things don't really work out. At least the reason for a break up should not be something that may be shallow or trivial. Well that's the tricky part. Identifying what things would be reason enough to warrant such a heart breaking decision. I guess its possible if there's too many "red" flags involved in the relationship. What those "red" flags are, i am still not sure on how to go about identifying them.

It feels good to be in a relationship where feelings are mutual and reciprocated. And so as others have advised, i'm trying not to think too much into it. My only misgiving about that one, is if we do that, there's a chance we might get closer or deeper in the relationship without considering the real situation involved or the sacrifice needed for the relationship to work.

At this stage of her life, i think she's pretty much settled in her job there outside the city. She likes her job there and it promises to be a stable one. I, on the other hand, don't think i have a areally stable job, and my resume isn't really that impressive to give me confidence enough to find a much more stable job. I guess this is now what you call a "red" flag in the relationship. But for her at least, i don't think she minds being in such a "somewhat a little bit of a long distance relationship". I've learned that her parents were pretty much in a "long distance relationship" while she was growing up. Her father worked abroad or sometimes in the city, while her mother and the rest of the children stayed and lived outside the city. I guess these kinds of relationships do happen. I've gotten to know recently of a former officemate being married like that. She lives here with her sons and daughters while her husband works abroad and only comes home 3 to 4 times a year. They on the other hand get to visit him once a year. I'm really not sure if i can handle or truly accept being in such a relationship. In the event that things do get really serious to warrant marriage.

So for now, even my sister advices me not to worry about the distance we have. But to try and get to know each other more. She said it's still early to worry about the distance thing. So ok, i guess i will know when that time comes when i can worry about it. Hehe.

I don't know. So now, i'm still figuring what other things might be there for me to decide whether it's a "red" flag or a "green" flag i suppose. It's not like everything is perfect. And we agree on everything or like the same things everytime.

Well a little more update on where things are. I plan on letting her see the rest of my family, like my brother and my mom this Christmas. I think she mentioned to me that she would have like to meet them, so when i asked if she would like to meet them this coming Christmas, she agreed. I mean there's nothing wrong about introducing one's girlfriend to the rest of the family right. I think that's what everyone would do eventually. And since she did talk about me being her boyfriend to her mom, the mom now wants to meet me. Her parents are now in the their city house, and i think i might need to show myself to them when we go out again this weekend. The only problem with that is that her father is known to be "not" that friendly or in her words "scary". So even she nor the mom hasn't said anything about me to her dad. She says i should be the one to tell him. I don't have the faintest idea on how to go about it. I'm sure my nervousness would be pretty obvious by then.

Anyways. I think that's about it for the update. Oh i did muster enough courage to hold her hand in our last date. So....yeah. Managed to get to that part at least.

Oh and one more thing. Dating every weekend is nice and all. But it can be really expensive. I don't know. I hope i can control myself and stay within a reasonable budget at least. Am i wrong to think this way? Am i being a scrooge if i think i'm spending more than i think i'm earning? Anyways, i may have hinted to her that i may be spending too much on our dates. A bad move? Hmmm. Pretty sure it was stupid of me to mention such a thing on a date. Still, i think she was able to control herself enough or be kind enough not to hate me for it. Ok. That's really it for now.