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Post by Kiera2276 on Dec 24, 2018 5:02:51 GMT -5
Hey, everyone. My name is Kiera, and I have joined here today because I find it very difficult for me to just open up and be myself in front of others. This gets in the way of me forming close friendships. This whole situation has become very frustrating and upsetting for me, so any advice will be greatly appreciated.
Okay, so I have been involved with the youth at my church since this last February. I have hung out with the same people many times. I have been going to church every Sunday, going to the monthly hangout events for the youth, going to weekly Bible studies, and just last week I went to the Christmas party they were having. I love hanging out with all of the people - they’re really amazing people and I try to go to every church event. But, no matter how many times I’ve hung out with the same people, I just get so nervous when it comes to opening up and being myself. I guess my fear is that people will judge me.
I find myself hanging out more with the older people. In fact, I feel closer to people such as the youth leaders. It has been especially hard recently because one of the girl youth leaders, and one of my closer friends, moved across the country to another state. I’ve never had a friend move away like that before. I keep trying to remind myself that she’s not gone forever, that I’ll get to see her from time to time (she said she’ll definitely see me whenever she visits here), and that I can always contact her through text and phone call. But it’s just not the same. I was very sad the night we had to say goodbye. It’s just so difficult for me to be able to open up and be myself in front of others. But it was so much easier with her. I was actually able to have conversations with her where I wasn’t feeling like everything I’d say would be stupid. And whenever I felt I would be lonely sitting by myself, she was always there, and I could always join her.
I honestly just don’t understand how other people can be so outgoing. I have some smaller friendships, I guess. I’ll have conversations with them, but whenever I do I feel like I have to go over everything I say, and then I hate myself for something I say. But then when I don’t say something, I feel horrible, too. Another one of my closer friends is another female leader. With her, I find myself having more comfortable conversations.
I can’t think of anybody at church who is as quiet as me. Whenever people are in a large group having normal conversations, I feel extremely left out and lonely. But I just don’t know how to jump in. It’s been nearly a year since I’ve been with this church and all of the people in it. Why is this so difficult for me??
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Post by ShyBorg on Dec 29, 2018 1:24:04 GMT -5
Hi Kiera, welcome to the forum 🙂
Don’t be upset if nobody replies back to you, it’s been pretty empty on here lately.
Of course shy people have difficulty making friends, so I suppose what you need to do is forgive yourself if things don’t go well when socializing with someone. You may not be the best at it, but that’s okay. I mean, you have to start from somewhere, because conversation is like a skill and you only learn when you practice.
If they’re good people like you say they are, then they won’t judge you for it. Here’s an idea, when they ask for prayer requests in your youth group, you could tell them that you need help overcoming your shyness, and they’ll likely understand, and keep you in their prayers.
When it comes to opening up to other people, I suppose the only way would be to work up enough courage to talk to people.
It’s not much advice, but I hope it helps. Good luck in the future 🍀
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Post by Kiera2276 on Jan 2, 2019 6:02:12 GMT -5
Hi Kiera, welcome to the forum 🙂 Don’t be upset if nobody replies back to you, it’s been pretty empty on here lately. Of course shy people have difficulty making friends, so I suppose what you need to do is forgive yourself if things don’t go well when socializing with someone. You may not be the best at it, but that’s okay. I mean, you have to start from somewhere, because conversation is like a skill and you only learn when you practice. If they’re good people like you say they are, then they won’t judge you for it. Here’s an idea, when they ask for prayer requests in your youth group, you could tell them that you need help overcoming your shyness, and they’ll likely understand, and keep you in their prayers. When it comes to opening up to other people, I suppose the only way would be to work up enough courage to talk to people. It’s not much advice, but I hope it helps. Good luck in the future 🍀 Thank you so much for the reply, ShyBorg!  Thanks for the tips and reminders. I understand that I need to forgive myself a bit more, but whenever I feel I say something stupid or even if I feel stupid for not saying anything at all, I just keep replaying that one embarrassing moment in my head and I can't stop myself from being so angry at myself for it. That's a good idea for the prayer requests. Thanks again. I'll definitely keep this all in mind. |
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Post by matthewtheshyperson on Jan 9, 2019 18:01:22 GMT -5
Hey, everyone. My name is Kiera, and I have joined here today because I find it very difficult for me to just open up and be myself in front of others. This gets in the way of me forming close friendships. This whole situation has become very frustrating and upsetting for me, so any advice will be greatly appreciated. Okay, so I have been involved with the youth at my church since this last February. I have hung out with the same people many times. I have been going to church every Sunday, going to the monthly hangout events for the youth, going to weekly Bible studies, and just last week I went to the Christmas party they were having. I love hanging out with all of the people - they’re really amazing people and I try to go to every church event. But, no matter how many times I’ve hung out with the same people, I just get so nervous when it comes to opening up and being myself. I guess my fear is that people will judge me. I find myself hanging out more with the older people. In fact, I feel closer to people such as the youth leaders. It has been especially hard recently because one of the girl youth leaders, and one of my closer friends, moved across the country to another state. I’ve never had a friend move away like that before. I keep trying to remind myself that she’s not gone forever, that I’ll get to see her from time to time (she said she’ll definitely see me whenever she visits here), and that I can always contact her through text and phone call. But it’s just not the same. I was very sad the night we had to say goodbye. It’s just so difficult for me to be able to open up and be myself in front of others. But it was so much easier with her. I was actually able to have conversations with her where I wasn’t feeling like everything I’d say would be stupid. And whenever I felt I would be lonely sitting by myself, she was always there, and I could always join her. I honestly just don’t understand how other people can be so outgoing. I have some smaller friendships, I guess. I’ll have conversations with them, but whenever I do I feel like I have to go over everything I say, and then I hate myself for something I say. But then when I don’t say something, I feel horrible, too. Another one of my closer friends is another female leader. With her, I find myself having more comfortable conversations. I can’t think of anybody at church who is as quiet as me. Whenever people are in a large group having normal conversations, I feel extremely left out and lonely. But I just don’t know how to jump in. It’s been nearly a year since I’ve been with this church and all of the people in it. Why is this so difficult for me?? Hi Kiera, welcome to the forum. I can relate to the problem you have, I don't go to church, but during school I feel I never can make friendships with any new people. I pretty much have one close freind and that's because we have been friends since lower school (kindergarten), I've made a few close friends during middle school, but we kind of just drifted away and at high school I've made a few friends, but I only occasionally talk to them. I also feel that no matter how many times I speak to these people I still feel awkward and nervous. When I speak to people I feel I have to pretend to be someone I'm not, as I can't show my true self without being judged. I don't know what advice to give as I've never got over this myself, but just try and join in conversations where you can and don't get yourself too nervous as I do this all the time and it's never half as bad as it seems. |
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Post by Kiera2276 on Jan 18, 2019 13:42:50 GMT -5
Hey, everyone. My name is Kiera, and I have joined here today because I find it very difficult for me to just open up and be myself in front of others. This gets in the way of me forming close friendships. This whole situation has become very frustrating and upsetting for me, so any advice will be greatly appreciated. Okay, so I have been involved with the youth at my church since this last February. I have hung out with the same people many times. I have been going to church every Sunday, going to the monthly hangout events for the youth, going to weekly Bible studies, and just last week I went to the Christmas party they were having. I love hanging out with all of the people - they’re really amazing people and I try to go to every church event. But, no matter how many times I’ve hung out with the same people, I just get so nervous when it comes to opening up and being myself. I guess my fear is that people will judge me. I find myself hanging out more with the older people. In fact, I feel closer to people such as the youth leaders. It has been especially hard recently because one of the girl youth leaders, and one of my closer friends, moved across the country to another state. I’ve never had a friend move away like that before. I keep trying to remind myself that she’s not gone forever, that I’ll get to see her from time to time (she said she’ll definitely see me whenever she visits here), and that I can always contact her through text and phone call. But it’s just not the same. I was very sad the night we had to say goodbye. It’s just so difficult for me to be able to open up and be myself in front of others. But it was so much easier with her. I was actually able to have conversations with her where I wasn’t feeling like everything I’d say would be stupid. And whenever I felt I would be lonely sitting by myself, she was always there, and I could always join her. I honestly just don’t understand how other people can be so outgoing. I have some smaller friendships, I guess. I’ll have conversations with them, but whenever I do I feel like I have to go over everything I say, and then I hate myself for something I say. But then when I don’t say something, I feel horrible, too. Another one of my closer friends is another female leader. With her, I find myself having more comfortable conversations. I can’t think of anybody at church who is as quiet as me. Whenever people are in a large group having normal conversations, I feel extremely left out and lonely. But I just don’t know how to jump in. It’s been nearly a year since I’ve been with this church and all of the people in it. Why is this so difficult for me?? Hi Kiera, welcome to the forum. I can relate to the problem you have, I don't go to church, but during school I feel I never can make friendships with any new people. I pretty much have one close freind and that's because we have been friends since lower school (kindergarten), I've made a few close friends during middle school, but we kind of just drifted away and at high school I've made a few friends, but I only occasionally talk to them. I also feel that no matter how many times I speak to these people I still feel awkward and nervous. When I speak to people I feel I have to pretend to be someone I'm not, as I can't show my true self without being judged. I don't know what advice to give as I've never got over this myself, but just try and join in conversations where you can and don't get yourself too nervous as I do this all the time and it's never half as bad as it seems. Hi, Matthew, thank you for responding. It sounds like we have very similar problems. Although, I don't go to a public school and haven't in 4 - 5 years; I do virtual school now. When I did go to public school I remember being comfortable talking to all of my classmates. I had several close friends back then, but like you and your middle school friends, we kind of drifted away. Honestly I'm sick of virtual school because I feel that it contributed to the problem I have now. I spend a majority of my time home now working on school. It's strange because I enjoy being out of the house and around others but find it difficult to hold a comfortable conversation with them. I've told my family how I feel about the school but my parents don't want me going back to public school. I feel that if I were at public school it may help me open up some more. Anyways, thanks again for the reply. I hope we can both find some way to get over this. |
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Post by matthewtheshyperson on Jan 29, 2019 18:12:53 GMT -5
I see how doing virtual school can be frustrating, as the social aspect is taken away from school. Personally the social aspect if probably my least favourite part, but that's because it generally just makes me so stressed and nervous.
I think the reason I don't connect with anyone is that I just find most the boys in my grade to be just horrible people. I just don't really relate to any of them and I don't enjoy like pushing each other and stuff like that, that they do.
That's why I spend most of my time at home with my own company, usually online looking at things and talking to people that relate to me more. I know it's an unhealthy way to live, but until I get more friends it's all I can do.
I guess all I recommend is to just try and not worry about it too much and carry on hanging out with the people from church as the more you do the you'll all get along and like each other.
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Post by shychristina on Jul 4, 2019 22:25:59 GMT -5
Hi Kiera,
Me too. Me too. Me too! I can make friends...sort of. But my issue is maintaining those friendships and developing them beyond surface level. For instance, I've had the same friend for maybe a three years now. We don't hang out all the time, which is mostly my fault because I say NO to a lot of invites. So when we finally do, I'm still nervous like it's our first time meeting! I also overthink conversations, replaying my stupid comments over and over again in my head. It's so strange that we torture ourselves that way.
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Thanks for the tips and reminders. I understand that I need to forgive myself a bit more, but whenever I feel I say something stupid or even if I feel stupid for not saying anything at all, I just keep replaying that one embarrassing moment in my head and I can't stop myself from being so angry at myself for it. That's a good idea for the prayer requests. 
