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Post by theinfiniteabyss84 on Jun 22, 2006 14:17:15 GMT -5
I am very amused with the "random image" thread, so I thought to myself "hey! Why not start a random quote thread? There is nothing else better to do in my time off of school and of work!" Also I wanted an excuse to post this quote from Conan a few months ago spoken by Abe Vigoda... "Come to bed Abe..." "Not now dear, I am squeezing avocados. " Ahhh that was worth starting a new thread Bored? Post a quote! ;D ~i.a.
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Post by Paulinus on Jun 22, 2006 14:46:06 GMT -5
ooh random quotage, inspired by my thread too ;D
Ok heres one for a start:
"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?" Paul Merton
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Post by Orionation on Jun 22, 2006 15:44:09 GMT -5
“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.” - Mother Teresa. If you only knew how true this is!
"There are times when silence has the loudest voice” - Leroy Brownlow
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Post by wonkothesane on Jun 22, 2006 18:16:37 GMT -5
“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.” - Mother Teresa. If you only knew how true this is! "There are times when silence has the loudest voice” - Leroy Brownlow 4' 33" still sucked ass- figure that one out if you get bored.......... Even if you win the rat race you are still a rat- can't remember who sadi that just found this annonymous one- Let he who is stoned cast the first sin.- Finaly I have found the priciple on which to found my new religion.............. There is nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself. -- Johann Sebastian Bach- actually that sums up my view of music, nice one JS check this out- I like the one about the ark and the titanic the best www.bush.cc/?page=wisdommight have to do ye olde cut and paste link button ain't working
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Jun 22, 2006 19:11:58 GMT -5
I love Mark Twain
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. ~Mark Twain
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Post by Buzzz on Jun 22, 2006 19:36:37 GMT -5
...commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night. Now, I wonder why we’re fucked up as a race. Anybody got any idea? You know, I’ve read the Bible. I can’t find the word "bunny" or "chocolate" anywhere in the fucking book. Where do they come up with this shit? Why not "goldfish left Lincoln logs in your sock drawer?" As long as you’re making shit up - you know - go hog-wild. At least the goldfish with a Lincoln log on its back going across your carpet has some miraculous connotations: "Mom, today I found a Lincoln log in my sock drawer!" "That’s the story of Jesus."
- Bill Hicks
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Post by nats on Jun 22, 2006 19:45:55 GMT -5
...commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night. Now, I wonder why we’re fucked up as a race. Anybody got any idea? You know, I’ve read the Bible. I can’t find the word "bunny" or "chocolate" anywhere in the fucking book. Where do they come up with this shit? Why not "goldfish left Lincoln logs in your sock drawer?" As long as you’re making shit up - you know - go hog-wild. At least the goldfish with a Lincoln log on its back going across your carpet has some miraculous connotations: "Mom, today I found a Lincoln log in my sock drawer!" "That’s the story of Jesus." - Bill Hicks lol, bill hicks is so funny.
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Post by Scotty on Jun 22, 2006 19:54:14 GMT -5
"God made me an atheist. Who are you to question his wisdom?"
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Post by Paulinus on Jun 23, 2006 3:52:47 GMT -5
Some from Eddie Izzard :
"There's a huge hole in the whole Flood drama, because anything that could float or swim got away scot-free, and it was the idea to wipe out everything, He didn't say, "I will kill everything, except the floating ones and the swimming ones, who will get out due to a loophole."
"And the National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, people do," but I think the gun helps, you know? I think it helps. I just think just standing there going, "Bang!" That's not going to kill too many people, is it? You'd have to be really dodgy on the heart to have that."
"Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun)."
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Post by urbanspaceman on Jun 23, 2006 6:34:44 GMT -5
A bachelor is a man who never made the same mistake once.
University President: "Why is it that you physicists always require so much expensive equipment? Now the Department of Mathematics requires nothing but money for paper, pencils, and erasers... and the Department of Philosophy is better still. It doesn't even ask for erasers." - Isaac Asimov
I have this horrible feeling that some of the less-readable works of James Joyce might just turn out to be early-release Windows/NT code. - Tanuki
Snacktrek, n.: The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have materialized. - Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Lactomangulation, n.: Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the "illegal" side. - Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Weaseling out of things is what seperates us from the animals. Except for the weasels, of course. - Homer Simpson
I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it. - Dylan Moran
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Post by phoenixferret on Jun 23, 2006 6:42:26 GMT -5
Snacktrek, n.: The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have materialized. - Rich Hall, "Sniglets" Hahaha! At last it has a name! ;D Some of these are really funny! I wish I could remember some of the quotes I really like off the top of my head, but I'll probably have to resort to sifting through quote sites when I wake up. It almost seems like cheating, buuuuuut too bad.
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Post by urbanspaceman on Jun 23, 2006 6:54:20 GMT -5
Some of these are really funny! I wish I could remember some of the quotes I really like off the top of my head, but I'll probably have to resort to sifting through quote sites when I wake up. It almost seems like cheating, buuuuuut too bad. Quote sites are our friend. I was trawling through some when I found that Asimov quote today. Homer Simpson quotes are always floating around my brain, rather worringly. And as for cheating, I feel no guilt. None, I tell you!
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Post by Paulinus on Jun 23, 2006 8:05:23 GMT -5
Quote sites are our friend. I was trawling through some when I found that Asimov quote today. Homer Simpson quotes are always floating around my brain, rather worringly. hehe I could quote Homer Simpson all day but I won't....for now at least. Instead I give you a line from a computer game: "Mortal fool. Release me from this wretched tomb. I must be set free or I will haunt you forever. I will hide your keys beneath the cushions of your own upholstered furniture, and nevermore will you be able to find socks that match!" - Murray the skull in "Curse of Monkey Island"
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Post by airburst on Jun 23, 2006 11:58:54 GMT -5
From Lewis Black:
"I realize I use the word 'fuck' a lot, and I'd apologize for that, but I don't give a shit."
"Michael Jackson is a punch line to any joke you want. If you forget the punch line of a joke, all you gotta say is Michael Jackson. Two Jews walked into a bar... Michael Jackson. Why'd the chicken cross the road? Michael Jackson. And so the farmer brought his daughter to the diner table; Michael Jackson. It works for fuckin' anything!"
"The one thing I think we learned this year is that the Democrats and the Republicans are completely worthless."
"How our government works... it doesn't."
"We buy bottles of water from Pepsi and Coke, because when I think clean water, oh yeah, I fuckin' think Coke and Pepsi!."
One from Bill Hicks: "I actually did that act one night in the south. Then, after the show, these three rednecks came up to me. 'Hey buddy, we're Christians and we didn't like what you said.' I said, 'Then forgive me.' Later on, when I was hanging from the tree ..."
"You tried your best and you failed, the lesson is never try" -Homer Simpson
"So many bands they go on with their career and they 'progress,' which means their ablums suck. But Slayer, it's like between albums they put 'em in a block of ice. You know, (makes ice chisling sounds) 'Alright it's still 1981 go!' 'Aaah!'" -Henry Rollins
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Post by Paulinus on Jun 23, 2006 16:24:31 GMT -5
All from Bill Bailey:
"I'm British, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise"
"All castles had one major weakness. The enemy used to get in through the gift shop"
"Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are all unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative."
"There's more evil in the charts than in Al Qa'eda's suggestion box"
"I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk The Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said was 'Dad, you're wrong.'"
"I'm a postmodern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically."
"It's true. Hitler was a vegetarian. It's a cautionary tale: in large doses, it can cause genocide."
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