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Post by Twice-Shy on May 6, 2003 11:15:04 GMT -5
What are you guys like at handling rejection? I know from my own experiences that I can't handle it at all either by being rejected by a friend or a boyfriend / girlfriend. I still feel the same amount of hurt when now as when I broke up with my wife almost 2 years ago.
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Post by inkysoftwhispers on May 6, 2003 13:51:28 GMT -5
Isn't that why some people are shy? Cos they're so afraid of being rejected? I think maybe it's easier to handle rejection itself than the fear of it. Or not... I don't know actually. It can cut you up pretty bad.
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Post by moogle on May 6, 2003 13:52:02 GMT -5
i seem to get over it pretty quickly. granted, i've only actually been rejected once, but when i've rejected others, i've been called some hurtfull things. and when i was younger i was called ungly a lot. i brush it off. all i really need is one person, and once i find him (or her), none of it will matter.
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Post by Twice-Shy on May 8, 2003 9:16:14 GMT -5
I wonder what is the worse? Being rejected or rejecting somebody else. Being rejected is tough but you do feel pretty guilty about rejecting someone else.
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Post by moogle on May 8, 2003 10:33:56 GMT -5
i think it depends on the reasons for the rejection. i once dumped a guy b/c i just didn't have feelings for him anymore. we'd been together for 4 years, and were living together, so that was very hard.
i can't remember why i broke up with this other guy, but when it happenend, i felt bad, but then he started being a jerk and i didn't feel bad at all, i got angry.
also, how long you've been together and how intimate (not necessarily sex, but in general) you've been are big factors. being dumped wouldn't have hurt so bad if we hadn't been living together, and on the other side of the country from my family.
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Tiff
Junior Member
25-year old Administrative Assistant who crochets and knits!
Posts: 80
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Post by Tiff on May 9, 2003 8:07:14 GMT -5
Hi,
I don't handle rejection well. I have been rejected twice by guys...and it was because I liked them and they didn't like me. Sure they liked to flirt with me and all, but when push came to shove...nothing happened. And I did try, I asked them both, just casually. No repeat dates.
I get upset that I'm not entertaining enough (there goes the whole feeling like I need to entertain) or not interesting enough for them...too shy..etc.
It's a sore spot with me, so for now I'm taking a step back and trying to concentrate on other areas in my life that are more important to me.
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Post by NewOrleansLady on May 10, 2003 23:48:08 GMT -5
I'm too hard on myself and being rejected would most definitly lead me to think that everything was my fault.
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Post by Mildman1 on May 11, 2003 10:57:32 GMT -5
I've been getting the same bus to work for about 2 years, and about 6 months ago this woman that I found very attractive started waiting at the same bus stop. At first I ignored her, because I didn't think there was any chance she would be interested in me, but over a number of weeks I noticed that she seemed to be looking in my direction at the bus stop and on the bus.
I started to think that I should somehow show her that I was interested, and after about 3 months I decided to make eye contact, not something I would have done in the past, but I definitely didn't want her to think that I was indifferent to her. One day on the bus, she was sitting sort of opposite me, and I looked directly at her several times, and each time for several seconds, and she met my gaze, she didn't smile but she didn't look away.
Her stop was before mine, so fortunately I didn't have to talk to her. I thought about it for a few days, and decided that I must speak to her, although the next 2 times that I saw her I was so nervous there was no way I could do it. Then one day I saw her standing alone at the bus stop as I approached it, and thought that I must try that day. I was extremely nervous, but after a few minutes plucked up the courage to ask her the time, then where she worked, and what time she had to get to work. She was polite but didn't seem keen. Then someone else appeared and I lost all confidence and stopped. When the bus came we both got on and I stood near her, but we were both embarassed.
I was still thinking about speaking to her again, but the next day she wasn't waiting at the bus stop.However, I did notice after a while that she was on the bus - but she had walked to the next bus stop in order to avoid me! This she has continued to do, and she even gets a later bus.
I now try to avoid her, as she clearly doesn't want to see me, and I do have some pride, but stating the obvious it hurts a little that someone will go out of their way to avoid you.
However, the funny thing is, I don't regret trying to talk to her. It would have been worse if I had never known whether she liked me or not - at least I'm sure she doesn't! And I think its good experience.
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Post by g3netix on May 11, 2003 15:05:41 GMT -5
yeah man i get that all the time, i only see girls looking at me and im thinking in my head "whats wrong with me now? do i got something on my face??". but ive never had the guts to talk to one of them, and after your post, i doubt i will for some time
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Post by Mildman1 on May 12, 2003 14:20:50 GMT -5
Sorry, I didn't mean to put anyone off, just sharing an experience.
However, I did meet my only long-term girlfriend at work, becoming friends before going out on a date. Maybe this is a better way for shy people to get to know others , rather than jumping in feet first.
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Post by Twice-Shy on May 13, 2003 8:06:16 GMT -5
Thanks for that story Mildman. It really is typical of what a lot of people on these boards have experieced, including me. As you said, at least you know you made the effort to talk to her. It's her problem - not yours.
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Post by moogle on May 13, 2003 10:49:11 GMT -5
Mildman, i'm amazed at your ability to talk to her at all. i could never do something like that. and when people talk to me, i clam up.
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Post by unionjackattack86 on May 13, 2003 14:23:50 GMT -5
I think i'm alright at handling Rejection. Usually when I first get rejected I take it personally and feel worthless and think lots of negative things but after a while I come round and just learn from the experience or accept it and don't let it get to me.
I don't think i've ever been rejected by a girl as such because i've only ever asked one girl out and she said yes but i've been rejected in other ways.
The last college course I did was a self development one and one time we had to raise some money by phoning buisness' requesting donations to go towards a raffle we were doing and then we had to sell the raffle tickets.
We got tons of rejections and it does knock your enthusiasm to carry on after a while and one place I phoned, because I was nervous phoning places, I tended to talk too fast and one woman who answered took the mick out of the way I was talking whilst I was still on the phone.
That really made me want to stop phoning places but I just took it in my stride and carried on but made sure I spoke at a more normal pace, so despite it being a bad experience to my confidence, I learnt something from it.
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Post by Mildman1 on May 13, 2003 15:04:13 GMT -5
I have been tempted in the past to become bitter when someone I'm interested in has had no interest in me. I've gone so far as to think/pretend that the whole romantic thing didn't interest me/ was somehow beneath me.
Now I am not embarassed to admit that it is an important, but not the only important aspect of my life, and if I do face rejection, I try to resist getting bitter, and even see it from the other person's point of view - after all if someone doesn't find you attractive there should be no problem about that, and I certainly don't want to blame them for that, as that would be absurd. Basically, I think the only way to deal with it is to accept it as one of those things, and move on.
Having said that, on the rare occasions since, when I have seen the woman who blanked me, I have regretted that she has no interest in me, but what can you do?
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Post by shane on May 16, 2003 8:05:51 GMT -5
The posts on this thread remind me of a short story by Irvine Welsh of Trainspotting fame. I cannot remember the name of the story (it was in Acid House) but the protagonist gets hit for six.
His girlfriend leaves him, he loses his job and he is turfed out of his footy team - all in the one day. I think we have it easy compared to him.
If anybody knows the name of the story let me know.
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