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Post by Placido on Dec 13, 2003 20:46:19 GMT -5
Most weeks I see friends or something, but sometimes there's no-one around, and two solid days of absolute nothingness are almost too much to bear. There's only so much reading you can do...
Does anyone else live alone?
I didn't even used to mind, actually quite liked it, but lately...
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Post by CaryGrant on Dec 14, 2003 11:46:33 GMT -5
I'm with you, Placido. I work from home, so unless I make an effort, I see very few people! That's why I joined so many activities. Have you considered playing some sport, or volunteering on the weekends? It would give you something to look forward to. Better than watching TV...which I have wasted more than a few days doing...
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Post by InmanRoshi on Dec 14, 2003 22:37:24 GMT -5
I live alone, and weekends are the worst. Even if it does look like I'm going to spend the weekend alone reading, I'll at least try to get out of the flat and find somewhere to read where I'm around people. I often times go to the library of the local University and read in the stacks, with all the students studying for exams. Then I'll walk down to the local university student union movie theatre to catch a independant movie or documentary. This usually makes up my average Saturday Night.
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Post by mere phantom on Dec 14, 2003 23:32:18 GMT -5
thats just about every weekend for me for several years now  |
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Post by Placido on Dec 18, 2003 20:09:03 GMT -5
Oh dear god, here comes another one.... and then almost two weeks enforced holiday for Christmas - I wish I could just take a horse tranquiliser that will knock me out till January...
But really, it's good that I'm bored - it's making me want to change, seek out new friends, new situations, in fact it's probably my driving force right now.
But sometimes things don't happen quickly enough...
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Post by Placido on Dec 18, 2003 20:29:18 GMT -5
I'm with you, Placido. I work from home, so unless I make an effort, I see very few people! That's why I joined so many activities. Have you considered playing some sport, or volunteering on the weekends? It would give you something to look forward to. Better than watching TV...which I have wasted more than a few days doing... Yes, I'm looking into things, but of course things will be shutting down till after New Year now - but I'll be signing up for just about anything come January. I get bored watching TV, unless it's a quality programme - which is overall a good thing, but sometimes I wish I was more easily distracted. |
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Post by CaryGrant on Dec 19, 2003 12:20:35 GMT -5
True, scheduled events shut down. I've been wondering about what to do, myself. Here's what I have come up with:
1. Going to local restaurants/bars that have live music. Not talking deafening dance palaces, but one place has live jazz on Thursdays, another has Bossanova nights on Mondays.
2. Watching sporting events at pubs/sports bars, rather than at home.
3. Doing my reading/journaling at coffee shops.
4. Joined lavalife.com to try and line up some dates over the holidays. (This is MUCH easier for women than men, though. But still not a bad approach for shy guys, if you're patient and don't ascribe too much meaning to women not returning your emails, even if they were the one to initiate contact....)
5. Going to movies alone, rather than renting movies, alone.
6. Going to family events whenever possible.
7. Anything else I can find!
The idea behind all these things is to be out among people, even if I'm not "with" anyone in particular. I don't want to lose my momentum, or backslide! Also, many people get more lonely near the holidays, so you never know, I might find people more open to connecting.
All the best, Placido (and everyone).
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Post by Placido on Dec 19, 2003 19:23:41 GMT -5
I do many of those things (except the dating stuff) - but the thing is I've been doing them for years, in fact during my drinking days bars were my natural habitat, so I'm not really expanding my comfort zone.
What I'd like to be able to do is make a bit of small talk, but I just don't have ideas for things to say - not to complete strangers who never asked to be approached in the first place.
I could chat to the bar staff/coffee servers a bit, but even there I don't really have an 'angle' to come in on.
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Post by Boblouie58 on Dec 20, 2003 2:15:47 GMT -5
Small talk is a learn trait. Buy a newspaper, Time magzine, Newsweek, USA Today, etc. and get some information into your head so whenever an opportunity arises you won't feel so uncomfortable talking to a stranger.  Say you are in line at the super market or any line and you make eye contact with someone near, you could bring up the injustices of wars in the world or anything??? You will be surprised who will talk to you if you start the conversation. When I first began working after college I too hated weekends coming as I would rather be working as I liked it so much that I felt I didn't need a weekend off since I didn't date. But I worked for a bank and banks close on weekends, so I had to find something else to do.  I play golf and was invited by an older couple to play with them and I met some of their friends who happen to have daughters that either played golf or not and gave me someone to call to go out. Being alone most of us don't like. There is so much to life that is available for you to do...that you need to relish your opportunities. The world is before you...at least go out and meet it halfway.  Go to the library and bone up on a subject you would like to know more about; go to thye park and just sit and watch people and what they do for enjoyment. I can suggest but those of you who feel alone or left out; get yourself involved in something....a club, a discussion group, etc. Only you can help yourself. I can't make you go make yourself happy. But you certainly can do something about it.  |
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Post by mazo on Feb 3, 2004 17:06:38 GMT -5
Thats my Life since my wife left me. I'm alone 24/7. I feel your pain
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Post by EdgedInBlue on Feb 4, 2004 5:53:47 GMT -5
I hate weekends too, but not because I'm alone. Actually, during the weekends, my mom is off work. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom with all my heart but the only time I truly feel comfortable is when I'm alone.
Go figure!
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Post by CaryGrant on Feb 7, 2004 12:58:15 GMT -5
Hey Placido,
Since I first replied to you, here's what's happened with my weekends - here's the "schedule" for this weekend, which is typical:
Friday night:
5-7:30 Dinner date with H2
8-10 Volleyball
Saturday:
1-4? Play pool with guy from work
5-6:30 Cook for veggie potluck with H1
7-10 Veggie potluck
Sunday:
10:30-12 Outrigger canoeing with team
1:00 - 2ish Date with J
In addition, of course, I have a bunch of things to do for myself, so I actually ahve very little "free" time. Now that I'm working 40 hours/week in an office, this kind of weekend is a bit draining!
The good news is that I'm dating (nothing serious yet, that's why dates with different women), and I feel confident that if I keep doing what I'm doing, I'll soon have a circle of friends. One of the nice things about H1 is that she has also recently made a conscious decision to create this circle, so it was nice to find a kindred spirit.
Anyway, weekends don't have to be death. It took me only a few months of trying different activities to build up to this (somewhat exhausting) level of sociality.
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Post by Placido on Feb 7, 2004 22:59:59 GMT -5
Hello Cary!
It's always encouraging to hear from you. I was at a bit of a low ebb when I started this thread - and by buggery, I was glad to see the first signs of spring today, because this winter is one I'll be glad to see the dark and lonely back of.
But I got involved with a local panto, playing piano, and rehearsals took up most of every Sunday. In terms of overcoming shyness, I'd have to report mixed results. Most of the cast were under 20, and as a 30-year-old fart I felt a little out-of-touch - I'm sure even non-shy 30-year-olds would be wondering just how much they can fit in to the conversation.
But, I made some steps I couldn't have imagined myself doing a year ago - to any outside observer, I'd still appear timid and shy, but I know in my own mind that I'm maybe 20% less timid and shy than I was in October, and that's big news for me.
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Post by Placido on Feb 7, 2004 23:14:52 GMT -5
Maybe the biggest triumph was overcoming the whole freezing-around-nice-looking-women thing.
The director was somewhat younger than me, and for some reason shy around me (although she was pretty bubbly around people she knew) - I realised that, as the *cough* experienced pro, it was up to me to break the ice and move the working relationship forward a little.
Well, it only got moved forward a little - but it moved. A year ago, I'd have not even tried.
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Post by Placido on Feb 7, 2004 23:20:17 GMT -5
The irony is, now the panto's finished, I just can't WAIT to have a whole Sunday, all to myself...
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