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Post by griffins on Aug 10, 2005 22:06:32 GMT -5
I've tried therapy (free because it was for research) where the therapist was supportive and listened and encouraged and another therapist who tried to set goals and who tried to use logic to cure my social phobia/shyness etc etc. But the supportive therapy didn't do much...it felt good to talk about it but I didn't change. As for the goals, I just got stressed trying to achieve them and logic- I know my fears are irrational but I can't help it! I've read books, many books, I've had hypnotherapy, not sure if he was reputatble but I didn't really feel like I was in a trancelike state and didn't feel any changes either. Finally: I have tried to force myself, will myself, push myself to be more assertive and outgoing...now after years of gradual change, I'm able to live a normal life but not fulfilling...I know I could be so much more if it wasn't for my shyness/low self esteem.
I'm contemplating therapy once again...has anyone tried this and has it helped? I really don't want to spend much money, but feel that I'm stuck in neutral and can't change myself anymore. I need help. Thanks!
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Post by Knox on Aug 12, 2005 19:35:46 GMT -5
Ive never tried therapy but Im sure if you can find the right therapist who knows their stuff i suppose it can help....
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Post by shygurl6069 on Sept 26, 2005 14:34:21 GMT -5
I tried therapy, I wouldn't waste my time. It doesn't work 4 me. I think the best thing u should do is think positive thoughts, and when negitive thoughs huant u backfiore it w/ positive solution. MY therapist continued to say that, and write out a plan or list of things 2 talk about. 2 me therapy is CRAP! My therapist would compliment me on how well done and talk the same thing over and over again. ONLY oneself can improve NOT through therapy but through desire. If u really want 2 change you'll change, u jus need 2 commit 2 it.
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Post by CaryGrant on Sept 27, 2005 20:09:14 GMT -5
There are many ways to overcome SA. Therapy works for some at certain times. Ultimately, whether you try therapy or any other approach, it will come down to you doing the things you are afraid to do.
I've tried various drugs, legal and not, read hundreds of self-help (including shyness) books over the years, even went to a Tony Robbins fire-walking seminar! Yet, I made more progress in about a year-and-a-bit than I did in the previous 20 by...taking baby steps.
What worked for me was making the steps small enough that I could force myself to do them. One of the first things I did was go sit in a coffee shop, get a tea, and read for awhile. Then I started holding people's gaze a bit longer. Etc.
The results build on themselves. Once you find yourself not really scared any more of doing X, you find a new X. Each X should be a bit of a stretch, but not so much that you won't be able to make yourself do it.
It doesn't matter how small your beginning steps are! Pick a step, then take it!
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Post by Shan-Chan on Oct 8, 2005 2:59:58 GMT -5
i have had many therapist and only one was the right one fore me
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Post by Naptaq on Apr 29, 2006 22:25:37 GMT -5
Yet, I made more progress in about a year-and-a-bit than I did in the previous 20 by...taking baby steps. What worked for me was making the steps small enough that I could force myself to do them. One of the first things I did was go sit in a coffee shop, get a tea, and read for awhile. Then I started holding people's gaze a bit longer. Etc. The results build on themselves. Once you find yourself not really scared any more of doing X, you find a new X. Each X should be a bit of a stretch, but not so much that you won't be able to make yourself do it. It doesn't matter how small your beginning steps are! Pick a step, then take it!!refresh
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Post by griffins on Apr 30, 2006 9:32:14 GMT -5
Well in another thread someone who was in therapy was told to tell people he was doing a survey and ask them questions. He was suppose to go up to 20 people. I don't think I'd have too much of a problem though I'd still be a bit anxious.
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Post by respectful on Apr 30, 2006 10:25:11 GMT -5
griffins,
Seems to me that the more people aim at curing shyness the less successful they are. Also the more they try to make friends the less they end up having.
When I was in high school, I suddenly woke up to myself and realized I was chasing others and keeping up with the gang. When I decided to stop that they couldn't stand it and started following what I was doing - eetsa weird world.
I think many are repelled If you appear to them as though you are starving for friendship. I have found it to be a great relief to accept and admit my flaws/shyness whatever, and aim at other things in life, and let the matter of friendships look after themselves.
Indirect impetus works better in so many areas.
metwocents............
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Post by Stranger on May 1, 2006 7:20:22 GMT -5
When I was in high school, I suddenly woke up to myself and realized I was chasing others and keeping up with the gang. When I decided to stop that they couldn't stand it and started following what I was doing - eetsa weird world. Well there's also the chance that they don't start following what you're doing, and they ignore you. And so does the rest of the world. And then you're on your own. And then it's really really hard to claw your way back in. That's sorta what happened to me. I have found it to be a great relief to accept and admit my flaws/shyness whatever, and aim at other things in life, and let the matter of friendships look after themselves. I think I agree. I find when I can outwardly express my shortcomings, it lifts a huge burden off my chest since it's something I don't have to subconsciously worry about hiding or handling if it comes up. At least that's what feels like is going on. It's hard to do though, because not only are there so few chances to bring it up, but then you've got to get over the fence and say it. Indirect impetus works better in so many areas. Unless you procrastinate...
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Post by MrNice on May 1, 2006 8:42:36 GMT -5
I think you would
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Post by respectful on May 1, 2006 9:28:32 GMT -5
I understand. I've never regretted the decision I made, and I would do it again if needed. (I didn't want them to follow what I was doing - but that's how it happened.) I guess I reappraised the link I had with them, and started to do things on my terms - I was still friendly, but found other directions to focus on. It was subsequently proved that those people were not worth being with after all. That is something one doesn't see at first until there's a crisis in some form. Yes, it's not easy as you say, but along the way you'll attract to yourself the right type of people who are looking for sincere friendship. Sorry, but I wouldn't want to "claw" my way back into some of the situations that life presents one with. I guess my refuge is my family, who also think for themselves..... It isn't an easy road to take, but I've had people admit openly and covertly that they agree with our stance on things. As far as admitting your shortcomings; even to yourself, is a step forward. Even using some short terms such as - "well that's beyond me" / or "I can't cope with that (yet?)" helps as you say, "it lifts a huge burden off my chest" I don't think it's wise to openly admit these things to others, but when/where you are ready - again tho', it isn't easy. But by it, you will find you will disarm adversaries... I try to see procrastination as a helpful thing - I have achieved more by 'interest' than any other way. Procrastination to me is like a gap in the 'merry-go-round' of interest - interest, which will soon come round after a break................... r
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Post by griffins on May 2, 2006 23:19:34 GMT -5
ahhh you underestimate me lsdima
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Post by Stranger on May 3, 2006 10:44:53 GMT -5
I understand. I've never regretted the decision I made, and I would do it again if needed. (I didn't want them to follow what I was doing - but that's how it happened.) I guess I reappraised the link I had with them, and started to do things on my terms - I was still friendly, but found other directions to focus on. It was subsequently proved that those people were not worth being with after all. That is something one doesn't see at first until there's a crisis in some form. Yes, it's not easy as you say, but along the way you'll attract to yourself the right type of people who are looking for sincere friendship. Sorry, but I wouldn't want to "claw" my way back into some of the situations that life presents one with. Sorry, I may have been on a completely different page with my last reply. I was never hostile or attention-seeking either. Nor were my friends particularly nasty. In fact, I didn't actually do that much "chasing" of others, and I could be pretty damn stubborn when it came to following trends. Heh, I remember defiantly opposing the mobile phone craze while just about everyone around me started giving in. Just a fad I thought... ;D I think my problem was more that I never really indulged in what I wanted to do out of fear of being ridiculed. That's still striving to "keep up with the gang" in that I was a spineless phony. So, around mid first year uni I thought I had it worked out. I found a new interest in computer programming and to some extent mathematics, which I knew I wanted to make both my hobby and career. I totally immersed myself in that stuff, but the price was that over time I drifted from everyone else. I was also pretty depressed which complicates things, because I removed myself from the world intentionally to a large degree. But the point I was trying to make is that while I thought everything would be cool if I just focused on what I was driven to do then, and just let the other stuff (like a social life) figure themselves out later or in the process, none of that has happened and now I deeply regret ever letting it all slip away. I feel kinda stuck now, and yes, I do want to "claw back in". Anyway, it sounds like you were talking about something else. Again, sorry! I try to see procrastination as a helpful thing - I have achieved more by 'interest' than any other way. Procrastination to me is like a gap in the 'merry-go-round' of interest - interest, which will soon come round after a break................... Perhaps that's a different sort of procrastination. If you put something off because you have a temporary loss of drive or writer's block or something, then it makes perfect sense to come back to it later. But if you're putting something off because you don't have the guts to tackle it now, then it is a problem. I often catch myself doing the latter.
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Post by respectful on May 3, 2006 20:45:33 GMT -5
Okay, I'll link in where those points have effected us: """I remember defiantly opposing the mobile phone craze while just about everyone around me started giving in. Just a fad I thought..."""We established a habit with the children in the early years of "waiting till the dust settles" when new fads came in amongst all the peer/school pressures - And yes it certainly paid off - they think through things without rashness. """But the point I was trying to make is that while I thought everything would be cool if I just focused on what I was driven to do then, and just let the other stuff (like a social life) figure themselves out later or in the process, none of that has happened""""I understand. My son studied so much, and that effected him in like manner. It took awhile, but he has found a great friend who is very studious, so that has worked out for the good Years ago we all shifted to another state leaving behind what were some horrendous experiences - it is amazing what comes from people when the crisis hits. Last year one ot the perpetrators visited us (few hundred miles) and apologized for all they put us through. Anyway, new state, new experiences, we opened up to others here and wham! the same sort of things started happening again. That was enough for us to be cautious, and more (politely) dismissive without feeling compelled. I wonder whether that "social thing" is really worth it after all. Just a friend here and there has been better. I don't feel that urge to be "involved", because in our experience it's not worth it. Procrastination: Yeah, that's a good point - you're right. That begs "a" question for me though, "Who does have "the guts" to tackle every difficulty one has?" A lot of things have a load of emotional baggage with them. I know it's different for each person - and what one may find impossible today becomes possible the next, or after a long time; if ever .............etc. Anyhow, be kind to yourself somewhere r:)
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