gaia
New Member
Posts: 9
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Post by gaia on Jun 11, 2008 20:16:24 GMT -5
my parents were terribly shy when they were my age, but they blossomed out of it, and are now a couple of the most social people i know. maybe i'm a late bloomer and snap out of it. i think shynesss is physicalogical and genetic. My parents were also shy, but unfortunately they haven't really grown out of it. Doesn't give me much hope.. haha
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Post by madiocre on Jul 15, 2008 4:28:40 GMT -5
i think also it is a combination .
in my experience i grew up in a single parent family my mum also was very protective and also shy . i think that definately influenced me . I specifically remember where we used to live in a block of flats which had a park in the backyard i would play out there and if others were to go play there too i would be called back inside .My mum was also very picky about any friendships i did begin to make . I remember too begining dance classes and i got alot out of that self esteem wise but then my mum pulled me out because i got too much of a "big head." . My mum though has made way with her shyness although she is not the most social she is more assertive and by the time my younger brother came along (8 years after I)i think his upbringing was quite different, he gets away with so much yet always pushes the boundaries . ( i cant help but think it was also because he's a boy and so his "naughtiness" was excused as being a boy ) He alternatively is the opposite of me he is extremely loud , and very outgoing .
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Post by Outcast on Aug 19, 2008 18:56:21 GMT -5
I don't know. Some books suggests Shyness is a defense mechanism. When we just don't love ourselves enough.
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Post by Procster on Aug 27, 2008 8:34:24 GMT -5
Interesting reading other peoples opinions on this subject For myself, I think its basically hereditary. I think dad was quite shy when he was young, hes still not particularly social. Dont know about mum, but shes much keener on people now I dont think they were at all overprotective of me or anything like that, but growing up I lived on a farm, well away from almost everyone. That probably didnt help my condition much..
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Post by gogojky1 on Oct 13, 2008 10:04:04 GMT -5
I think when I was around 4, my Nursery School teacher commented to my Mom that I was so cautious in things that I did. that if a water puddle was there, I'd walk around it instead of through it. So who knows? maybe shyness is genetic or it is also learned. Possibly a combination of both.
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Post by rukryM on Oct 13, 2008 17:00:51 GMT -5
I'd also stick to the combination theory, but it hasn't been exactly like that when it comes to me. I was, from the very beginning, a reluctant person who always had to analyze situations before I possibly would jump into them. It could be anything, from a simple conversation between my parents to my mates {actually, I didn't have any true friends when I grew up, and since English is a foreign language for me, I just had to pick a word which I think resembles to a "person you hang out with but who isn't your friend} playing together.
Then, I got "frozen out" from the society, I got teased and picked on at school and that lead to me being extremely shy, I would rarely talk to someone unless they talked to me {I still have that problem today}, I withdrew from ALL social situations involving people I didn't trust. My parents were a bit over-protective to me, but I actually don't think that their attitude towards what was best for me was the reason I became so introverted. I believe they just did what felt natural to them. They only wanted to ensure my safe childhood. And it was safe - but sad. None of my parents are shy, neither is the one and only sister I have. I see myself as the outsider of the family because of that. Plus, my sister did not get picked on at school, and she's now living more or less a normal social life. Even though she had to struggle at times with my parents' strict rules.
But I strongly believe that if parents are TOO over-protective, then, as a result, their progeny gets shy and introverted.
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Post by purple on Oct 14, 2008 12:15:24 GMT -5
the cause of shyness is just how you perceive the world when you're a kid, and how certain experiences and situations affect you. i'm extremely quiet, and i believe that the reason is that i was very sensitive/easily embarrassed, and with time i let it morph into this humongous blob of insecurity. i don't believe that the cause of shyness is hereditary--one isn't born with shyness. it is the experiences that mold who you are or have become
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unknownsoldier1991
Junior Member
Outside confident and strong but on the inside shy and confused.
Posts: 53
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Post by unknownsoldier1991 on Mar 5, 2009 22:10:12 GMT -5
Well here is my story of why I think and also what my family says im shy.... When I was in kindergarten I used to be the school bully (i know i cnt believe it either) but then I went to far and pushed a kid when he was drinking water from the water fountain and accidantely knocked his tooth out. The teacher got really pissed and put me in time out for the rest of the day and made me face the wall the whole day with no recess, no food, no nothing I wa just standing facing the wall crying the whole day. My parents say since that day I really changed and turned to a innocent shy lil boy. I still remember that day. Ever since then ive been shy and when i was in kindergarten i always cried cause i didint like goin to school. So then for the rest of elementary I was the quiet one, the shy one, the one that got picked on sometimes for being shy and sensative. I also was really spoiled by my grandma as a little kid so that made me even more shy cause I always relied on her to do things for me and I was really attatched to her and didint trust other people that much. So thats how I got my hard shell on and Ive been trying to crack open and other people try to crack open So i agree with you guys that it has to do with your experiences as a little boy and its also genetic cause my mom and my little brother are shy. But my mom isnt crazy shy but she tells me that she knows what im going through and that i will eventually snap out of it even though i really am trying and im 17 and still shy lol
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Post by ghost1990 on Jul 5, 2011 14:40:48 GMT -5
Borwin Bandelow says, that their are many reasons why people are shy. You can be born this way (when the fear center in your brain is stronger than your rewarding center) or you can develop this habit in your life. Not just because of your parents or because of a tragic event, but because of anything that has influenced you a lot, even if you may no longer know it.
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Post by lostmyself on Jul 7, 2011 6:06:30 GMT -5
It seems a lot of us have shy parents. I got made fun of for years at school because I was quiet and that made me much worse and took away my confidence. I think a lot of what we are is related to our upbringing. Actually my dad said I was totally wrong in my theory and that: more knowledge=more confidence and assertiveness so I should just "study and read" more! Ummm...I don't think that's gonna do it (though I agreed with him knowledge is very important, it DOES NOT equate to confidence) I kind of feel like this sometimes, I never think I know enough about a topic to talk to someone about it but I think it's linked to my self esteem as I'm not sure most people that talk about things really know what they're talking about.
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Post by anticrank on Mar 27, 2012 16:00:38 GMT -5
shyness can result from all sorts of things and everyone's case is different. Bullying, humiliation and over-protective parents can definitely play a big role. Being constantly criticized, belittled and made to feel bad about yourself also has the same conditioning effect. Both of these things can negatively condition us. I mean, these things can condition us on a subconscious level to expect danger and judgment.
Not having your basic emotional needs met can directly affect your self-esteem. For example, loneliness, not having your needs for attention and friendship adequately met, can make you doubt yourself in your ability to relate. This can exacerbate the behavior patterns that develop. If you've been through a long period with few friends, perhaps not had a relationship before, this won't hep you. Shyness is certainly not genetic. It CAN all be changed.
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Post by Blueflower on Mar 16, 2014 12:35:14 GMT -5
I'm so terribly shy because I was bullied for 10 years. :/ I started to be afraid of people, that they could hurt me in some way. I believed that I can't trust to anyone, they would hurt me anyway... It was like a never ending cycle, the loneliness kind of fed the shyness.
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Astrodog
Junior Member
Yes I'm cute! Don't hold it against me!
Posts: 70
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Post by Astrodog on Mar 20, 2014 10:31:57 GMT -5
I know what the cure to shyness is. Get a dog. Adopt one of us at your local pound or SCPA shelter. We dogs will love you unconditionally, and you will always matter more to us than even ourselves.
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Post by Astroruss on Apr 3, 2014 10:24:38 GMT -5
I know what the cure to shyness is. Get a dog. Adopt one of us at your local pound or SCPA shelter. We dogs will love you unconditionally, and you will always matter more to us than even ourselves. Birds are equally helpful in this regard. They even talk to you, giving you the chance to practice your conversational skills.
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snfu
New Member
Posts: 12
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Post by snfu on Feb 14, 2015 1:56:43 GMT -5
I can't even talk loud or small talk and I'm 32.. It's been that way since birth.. I was getting comments as a toddler.. I never could conform like is typically suggested and just learned engineering on my own and do different things for a living..
My wife is the same. She was a little more social for the first 20 of her life(24 now), but after seeing nothing but let-downs from society pretty much did what I did and turned her back on it. We met online through gaming and have been married a while.. People react really crazy to us just for being quiet.. We're actually proud of it now, cause most people we know like us are trapped by society, mostly financially..
You'll either embrace it, solitude and deep analysis are awesome, or you'll hate it because you want to be among society.. We still catch a lot of passive-aggressiveness for not trying to change..
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