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Post by theinfiniteabyss84 on Mar 7, 2008 22:16:26 GMT -5
have you ever had a crush on someone for 1.5 years that got stronger and stronger to then be rejected? its just not something you look back on and smile In Senior year of high school, after having a crush on a guy the entire school year, I wrote him a letter telling him how I felt. He wrote back, writing he didn't feel the same way. I still think about that. I was proud that I did that. I even still have the letter he wrote to me. There were absolutely no hard feelings and I didn't feel rejected. So yeah it is possible.
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Post by phoenixferret on Mar 7, 2008 22:18:37 GMT -5
just saying that I am wrong doesn't prove me wrong you'll need to back it up with something - otherwise I call BS in fact I think you just saying it out of spite Ooo, bad choice! SP: so where is all the angst coming from? Lsd: its obvious she likes guy #2 - but lost her attraction to guy #1 though feels she should still like him SP: no, i'm getting the impression she's already definitely through with her bf and the only problem there is discomfort over hurting him when she breaks it off. i'm getting the impression she feels she has ruined any chance she has with the new guy somehow...but i don't understand how. he told her he likes her too, he kissed her...seems to me the situation is salvageable simply by becoming single and contacting the new guy. OP: na it's cause i kind of messed it up with the other guy. Last week he told me he liked me and we kissed, but i told someone who is friends with him, dnt know why,s he's my friend too and she told him and now he's being weird with me so i take it i messed it up It's interesting that you were somehow dimly aware of being wrong, but have apparently managed to rationalize things so you're still right. Must be nice! I am in no way being spiteful; you're full of it. You really can't admit to being wrong, and therein lies the problem.
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Post by MrNice on Mar 7, 2008 22:18:56 GMT -5
well, my point exactly - in my opinion I think its better to avoid such learning experiences
eventually time heals all wounds but I doubt you'll ever really smile at this experience
because when they look back at what you said about the situation versus what happened to them vs the explanation found on seduction oriented advice sites, guess who explains their situation in a way that makes sense?
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Post by annaa on Mar 7, 2008 22:19:50 GMT -5
well, my point exactly - in my opinion I think its better to avoid such learning experiences ONCE AGAIN you've chosen to only quote part of what i've said to suit you. Shame on you...
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Post by MrNice on Mar 7, 2008 22:42:10 GMT -5
and just curious - would you want to repeat your experience or would you rather go about it a different way next time?
or better yet, if you saw another girl heading in exactly the same direction you went when it happened to you, would you try to warn her against it?
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Post by annaa on Mar 7, 2008 22:56:18 GMT -5
and just curious - would you want to repeat your experience or would you rather go about it a different way next time? I know for a fact i'll go through it a different way next time because i've grown since then. But i'll humour you and ignore that fact... Of course, in an ideal world, i'd want to go through it differently - but only if I knew the ultimate outcome would be rejection. Now I like to be spiritual about some things, but i'm not so psychic that I can know for fact whether or not i'm going to be rejected... so i'll plough on through as I did before (for arguements sake) and find out for myself the long way. As I said, I still think that guy was cool and have some pretty funny memories of the times when I used to hang out with him a lot. Also as I said, I would probably apologise for putting that pressure on him at the time. Soooo... in a way, yeah I would go through it again. And again, as i've already said, the thread in question was just one example of how i'm driving guys to join a community. Please, if you want to continue this "discussion", give me another examle of how i'm doing that. Because if I wanted to, I could manipulate one post from anyone and turn it into anything I wanted to.. e.g... Maybe you could get all your thoughts out in one post at a time, Lsdima, instead of constantly making major edits..? It makes the conversation so much easier to follow... Oh my god - there's something wrong with her brain!! LOLZ!! She needs to join a class to make herself smarter.. unless she's diseased!! LOLZ! *Disclaimer* Ferret, you know full well I don't think this of you. I was just giving an example. My initial reaction is "no".. because that experience was priceless to me because I learned so much.
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Post by MrNice on Mar 7, 2008 23:27:13 GMT -5
well, we will just have to disagree on this one I think no learning experience is worth THAT
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Post by annaa on Mar 7, 2008 23:40:31 GMT -5
well, we will just have to disagree on this one I think no learning experience is worth THAT We've agreed to disagree. Fantastic. Perhaps my opinion would be different if i'd have done myself some serious damage. But I was lucky.
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Post by MrNice on Mar 7, 2008 23:42:50 GMT -5
oh and ferret - this is this guy's dating history and experience - quoted from the website -- I'm currently in a two-year relationship. Before that I dated a little and had a few hook-ups. --
besides the long term gf its not different from mine
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Post by annaa on Mar 7, 2008 23:46:47 GMT -5
While this site has some useful things on it, even "experienced" men can actually be a bit shit when it comes to relationships. There's no miracle cure... i.e. websites like these.
Now that definately won't drive anyone to a community..
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Post by airburst on Mar 8, 2008 2:42:18 GMT -5
Wow, this thread really turned into a firestorm.
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Post by phoenixferret on Mar 8, 2008 7:48:45 GMT -5
oh and ferret - this is this guy's dating history and experience - quoted from the website -- I'm currently in a two-year relationship. Before that I dated a little and had a few hook-ups. -- besides the long term gf its not different from mine Um, I think that last sentence is a liiittle more significant than you're giving it credit. But that's really not the point. One does not need experience to give advice--no, stop! Don't hit the quote button yet; keep reading. It wouldn't matter if your dating experiences were exactly the same as this guy's. When you speak arrogantly, especially on subjects of controversy, people are going to want you to either put up or shut up. People are going to want to know what exactly makes you so knowledgeable that every scenario is black and white, cut and dried to you. If you advertise yourself as "pretty much always right," and go around talking about how people's motivations or desires are "obvious" in direct contradiction to the information given, and insist that you know what women think, feel, and want in spite of what they actually say themselves as though you have some unique and penetrating insight into the human condition, and yet your social life is noticeably lacking... That presents a problem. If you know women's minds as intimately and thoroughly as you seem to suggest, one wonders, why are you having no more success than the average clueless Joe? One of the female writers of The Rules and The Rules for Marriage got skewered by the press when her relationship with her husband dissolved just before the publication of second book. Can you understand why that would be? I don't claim to know men's minds intimately; I'm no expert, and if I presented myself as one, I would expect to be asked, where do I get my information? If not from interacting closely with innumerable males, then... where? I'd better have a pretty good response ready. "Well, it's just that I'm pretty much always right, according to myself" doesn't really cut it. And no, sleeping around or dating a lot wouldn't necessarily lend any more credence to your conclusions, but your lack of experience does make it very easy to dismiss those conclusions out of hand.
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Post by MrNice on Mar 8, 2008 8:40:12 GMT -5
yeah - I wouldn't need experience if I said something thats in agreement with your point of view if its a contradiction then experience plays a huge role all of a sudden, but of course there is not enough experience in the world to satisfy someone that disagrees
yeah sure - it makes all the difference of course somehow I think that if I had a 2 year girlfriend it wouldn't change your opinion one inch
as far as giving advice, the times I do it I am sure of the situation - its usually that specific situation that I have talked about and yes - its pretty much always the same. I don't need to know women's minds intimately to see this exact scenario play out again no matter what the little details are.
stop projecting - my social life is fine
neither do I - its just something you invented for the sake of the argument when I see a situation where guy has a crush - girl doesn't have a clue - guy asks what do I do? I give advice and yes I am pretty sure what the situation involves. This has nothing to do with knowing female mind intimately.
my most controversial point is that I said that there is a lot of useful information on the seduction type resources - in contrast to people saying that its nonsense - and this is where I get all kinds of ridiculous criticism thrown at me
how does this translate to me claiming to be an expert? beats me
as far as lucca's thread - yeah, I might have goofed - but I definitely stay away from advising women on their problems and no I don't have any experience with those
while I am having no more success then the average clueless joe [that would make you an average clueless jane] - which I am fine with, I have had enough success to speak about certain situations with confidence
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Post by Sweet Pea on Mar 8, 2008 15:26:58 GMT -5
Wow, this thread really turned into a firestorm. yeah. i hope we can all remember that the important thing is not necessarily being 'right' or 'wrong'. the purpose of this site is support. it's a good thing for shy people to speak up, share their thoughts and defend their opinions, but like anyone else it's also good for us to be open to hearing the thoughts and opinions of others...and to the fact that they may differ at times. i thought i would take the time to share some things that i have learned about participating on support forums. i think we really can't go wrong as long as we: 1) value each human being as unique, special in their own right and worthy of polite, respectful treatment, 2) respect their right to make their own decisions even if it means they disagree with us, 3) take a positive approach towards each other. how we word things can make all the difference. making suggestions works better than issuing orders or criticizing. name calling and insults are never appreciated or appropriate. if we choose to take a negative approach to others on a forum, we can expect negative feedback. if we take a positive approach, we're much more likely to be both listened to and appreciated. 4) wish them well whether they disagree with us or not. hey, we can be generous! even humble! and it doesn't cost anything! ;D hopefully, we all have something to gain by participating here. i know i learn something every day. i've seen many of the speed seduction aficionados come to this forum and criticize the people here for offering 'worthless advice'. but just knowing that someone who has been in the same boat as you gives a damn has real value. you don't have to know everything or produce instant answers for someone to support them. you just have to care and let them know you care. if you have something to offer in the way of advice that they may find useful, that's great too...but hardly a requirement. many people find it helpful just to know they're not the lone ranger out there struggling alone in the world with debilitating symptoms of shyness/avoidance/social anxiety. every member of the forum, no matter age, sex or whatever, has that to offer. and the cool thing is, this place is somewhat rare in that such experience is actually a plus here! ;D i don't like to see the value of such simple support devalued, often by people who come here looking for customers to sell a product to. i'm just not up for having those with a profit motive take over the site and try to turn it into a free source of customers for their products. but if members of the forum want to go try things promoted on other sites, or share ideas that have worked for them, more power to them...as long as they are full participants of the forum and don't just come on the scene suddenly and/or start pontificating, talking down to people, putting people down, shouting people down or spamming. i think the more we encourage every forum member to participate in the discussions, the more people will benefit from the forum. every shy high school kid, every older person who has struggled with social anxiety for decades, every lonely, friendless person who has difficulty making friends because of shyness, every avoidant trying to deal with the challenges of the working world, every frustrated shy guy or girl with a crush... everybody has something to offer here. that's the beauty of this site, and i think it's worth protecting. we all contribute to the atmosphere of this site, and have the power to make it a more positive and welcoming environment. sorry for being so long-winded, but this sorta thing seems to keep coming up so i wanted to express those thoughts.
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Post by annaa on Mar 8, 2008 16:13:58 GMT -5
I completely agree with what you're saying Sweetpea. I'm not completely innocent, I know that sometimes I say things that are just plain arguementative.... ...as for text book examples, your views on nice guy dating is a text book example of the BS that drives the 'nice' guys to things like the community [/i] ...But i'm not going to have people tell me that my advice is 'BS' that basically, does more harm that good. I put a lot of thought into my replies - I give the best advice I can with the experience I have. * Does anyone think my advice is really that shit? Should I just not bother?
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