etn
Full Member
Posts: 107
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Post by etn on Sept 30, 2007 19:13:08 GMT -5
Hi,
In my attempts to curb my shyness, after all the smiling and saying hello, I often find myself worn out after my attempts at being social (while still in the social setting). Does anyone else run into the problem? If so, how do you handle it?
Thanks,
Erich
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Post by Sweet Pea on Oct 1, 2007 1:30:43 GMT -5
Hi, In my attempts to curb my shyness, after all the smiling and saying hello, I often find myself worn out after my attempts at being social (while still in the social setting). Does anyone else run into the problem? If so, how do you handle it? Thanks, Erich i stay home alot.  seriously, it does take alot of energy to socialize doesn't it? you just wanna go home and collapse afterwards sometimes. one thing you can do is make sure you get plenty of rest beforehand if you know you'll be going to some social thing that's likely to do that. another thing you can do is not demand too much of yourself. when i socialize i actually let the others do alot of the work and sit back and enjoy the spectacle. if i'm with someone who's less extroverted than i am (which does happen sometimes, believe it or not), i tend to get more animated and talkative....and although i might be tired afterward...it's a good tired. i dunno, i guess if it's a good experience, it doesn't really matter to me if it makes me tired or not. it's only when it's a drag that i feel exhausted, drained and never want to do it again, lol. |
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Post by audioalone on Oct 1, 2007 14:13:04 GMT -5
Yeah, socializing tires me out. I can handle the "Hi how are you today I am fine" simple socializing at the drugstore and food stores, but anything more than that and it fatigues me. And in a room full of people getting to know different ones I find difficult (likes on those Church trips I take in the autumn - I didn't go this year, btw - not enough funds, lol!) - we're all milling around fellowshiping, and the first day I get there, I'm dizzy from all the people in the room (not used to it yet) and I feel like I'm going to fall. So I sit every chance I get and still try to talk. But the other thing I find hard/difficult is talking to 2 or 3 in a gathering. I find it hard to focus on each person in the group. Then I feel guilty wondering if any of them think I was ignoring them. I, too, stay home a lot. My down time is coming over to the library to get on the internet and on SU here. I don't know if this helps, Erich, but I thought I'd put my 'two cents' worth in, fwiw  , lol! |
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Post by disengage on Oct 3, 2007 21:28:00 GMT -5
i found out something really interesting. i feel this way too, and i've been pretty sick of it all. i've felt tired, fatigued... yada, yada - the whole nine yards. but i found a really good cure for myself that seems to be working out. all i had to do was just admit it to myself. and then, i made up my mind that instead of being shy, and wishing to change [like most shy people feel], i've just decided to NOT make a change, and just accept myself as i am now. and you know what? it feels pretty damn good. and another thing - i don't even care about my shyness anymore! it rocks. i think this could be a universal thing.
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Post by theinfiniteabyss84 on Oct 3, 2007 23:04:52 GMT -5
all i had to do was just admit it to myself. and then, i made up my mind that instead of being shy, and wishing to change [like most shy people feel], i've just decided to NOT make a change, and just accept myself as i am now. I agree with this. I found myself more depressed the more I wished I was different. It was only recently that I came to accept that I am shy and its part of my personality, not something to fix. And it does feel really good to begin to accept oneself. |
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Post by strawberrysweetie on Oct 4, 2007 13:40:02 GMT -5
all i had to do was just admit it to myself. and then, i made up my mind that instead of being shy, and wishing to change [like most shy people feel], i've just decided to NOT make a change, and just accept myself as i am now. I agree with this. I found myself more depressed the more I wished I was different. It was only recently that I came to accept that I am shy and its part of my personality, not something to fix. And it does feel really good to begin to accept oneself. I can kind of relate to this as well. I'm more accepting of myself...However, my shyness still affects my life negatively...most particularly regarding finding work. I've been avoiding that. I find socializing extremely tiring, as well. Sometimes I don't want to try...yet there's still that longing for close, meaningful relationships (those are really the only ones I care about). It just takes so much effort to form those types of relationships, and they're hard to find to begin with. When I am around people and do get talkative, it sometimes feels fake...especially when meeting people for the first time or talking with people you don't know all that well, it always feels you have to be presenting yourself well...and it's just exhausting and unnatural for me....so much so that I often avoid talking with acquaintences if I can. But yeah...there are times that I do get sick of everything, the way that I am, etc...and that's when I get really depressed again. |
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Post by audioalone on Jan 8, 2008 15:23:12 GMT -5
i found out something really interesting. i feel this way too, and i've been pretty sick of it all. i've felt tired, fatigued... yada, yada - the whole nine yards. but i found a really good cure for myself that seems to be working out. all i had to do was just admit it to myself. and then, i made up my mind that instead of being shy, and wishing to change [like most shy people feel], i've just decided to NOT make a change, and just accept myself as i am now. and you know what? it feels pretty damn good. and another thing - i don't even care about my shyness anymore! it rocks. i think this could be a universal thing. Hey, you should talk to "shyiscool" (For Obvious Reasons!) - if this person still has an account on here! Sounds like you two would have a pretty good rapport! (sorry is I'm speaking out-of-turn - just trying to be helpful) |
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Post by sunkissed on Jan 13, 2008 20:35:07 GMT -5
As far as with people I know, I can be as extroverted as I want, and I feel normal afterwards. But, if I'm forced to socialize with completely new people I get pretty sick of it after awhile.
But, I realized something. Sitting at home afraid to step out the door is far more tiring than being out there. And mainly, I'm sick of my shyness around new people.
I'll tell ya, there's nothing more frustrating than finding out an extremely attractive women was into you, but the retarded shyness got in the way! So many opportunites...long gone...
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jan 13, 2008 21:39:44 GMT -5
But, I realized something. Sitting at home afraid to step out the door is far more tiring than being out there. And mainly, I'm sick of my shyness around new people. I'll tell ya, there's nothing more frustrating than finding out an extremely attractive women was into you, but the retarded shyness got in the way! So many opportunites...long gone... i agree, it takes a lot of psychic energy to generate all the paranoia and fear around what you'll confront outside the door than it does to just go out there and check it out. after all, you can always go back home whenever ya want. now that you know the woman is into you, why not strike up a conversation? did she get married or somethin? |
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Post by sunkissed on Jan 13, 2008 23:38:26 GMT -5
I meant women as in the plural definition. Those specific opportunities have passed, sadly.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jan 14, 2008 0:07:32 GMT -5
I meant women as in the plural definition. Those specific opportunities have passed, sadly. well, put your new awareness into action and perhaps future opportunities will not. by the way, might wanna think twice about the vodka. if you think the opportunities are passing quickly now, just watch how many fly by while you're drinking. |
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Post by sunkissed on Jan 14, 2008 12:40:33 GMT -5
Yeah, I know. It was just a one-time thing to take the edge off....hopefully.
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Post by annaa on Jan 14, 2008 20:24:52 GMT -5
Yeah, I know. It was just a one-time thing to take the edge off....hopefully. There's no hopefully about it. Take care of yourself. |
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Post by ProdigiousGamer on Feb 5, 2008 1:51:10 GMT -5
yes. i have tried a lot of medications for it.
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Post by rubytuesday on Feb 16, 2008 16:38:47 GMT -5
I've been on various meds too and now on nothing. I don't trust them. They may have given me a bit of a lift and some numbness but nothing worth the side effects. Has anyone tried anything that has helped them - prescription, herbal - whatever? I've been using alcohol too long for my shyness. Its gotten me into alot more trouble than its worth. Despite knowing this I can't imagine life without it! In fact the other night I said something stupid due to my drinking and can't shake the feeling of shame. Vicious circle.
(for those interested there is a new book called "How normal behavior became a sickness - Shyness" by Christopher Lane, which has an interesting look at the pharmaceutical industry. Unfortunately no tips on how to over come shyness yet and I'm 3/4 throught the book.)
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, lol!
