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Post by xblamxstrainx on Oct 5, 2007 16:47:04 GMT -5
Hey guys thats awesome you have a shy forum set up. my experiance isnt really that significant, but i figured i could post it anyway. i think i had something mixed up with this whole shy thing. i feel like i may have mislabeled myself. most shy people i meet seem optimistic, but just a little afraid of breaking out of their shell... but i never felt that way. but i came to a weird revelation about myself and it actually has some scary truth to it. i think i just hated myself. really. i think it was a problem way more deeply rooted than just shyness. everytime i tried to like myself it was just a false attempt, because it would be in the vein of wanting others to like me because of my confidence. and since it was all fake, that's how i began to feel. just like being a liar. well anyway, i know it might sound stupid to you, and why did i post this? no idea. all i know is i need to start liking myself... and fast! can anybody offer me advice? i'd much rather be a little shy than to feel this guilty over pretty much lying to myself. i need to actually feel love for myself in order to let all this shit heal. thanks for checking out my post, please comment back if you can...
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Post by Sweet Pea on Oct 5, 2007 18:18:41 GMT -5
Hey guys thats awesome you have a shy forum set up. my experiance isnt really that significant, but i figured i could post it anyway. i think i had something mixed up with this whole shy thing. i feel like i may have mislabeled myself. most shy people i meet seem optimistic, but just a little afraid of breaking out of their shell... but i never felt that way. but i came to a weird revelation about myself and it actually has some scary truth to it. i think i just hated myself. really. i think it was a problem way more deeply rooted than just shyness. everytime i tried to like myself it was just a false attempt, because it would be in the vein of wanting others to like me because of my confidence. and since it was all fake, that's how i began to feel. just like being a liar. well anyway, i know it might sound stupid to you, and why did i post this? no idea. all i know is i need to start liking myself... and fast! can anybody offer me advice? i'd much rather be a little shy than to feel this guilty over pretty much lying to myself. i need to actually feel love for myself in order to let all this shit heal. thanks for checking out my post, please comment back if you can... you definitely have yourself between a rock and a hard spot dontcha? on the one hand you seem to want to reach out to people, but on the other hand you seem to feel like a fraud when you do because you don't think that is your authentic self. most of us have to fake it a bit until we get enough practice to start feeling more comfortable in a new role. you shouldn't be hard on yourself for that. just keep practicing socializing until things smooth out, and then you'll begin to feel more comfortable. there's nothing wrong with trying to do new things. you're just trying to improve yourself and your life, right? that's a good thing, and it doesn't make you a phony. maybe it would help to not shoot quite so high in terms of trying to act all confident, and just focus on being friendly to people. also, one thing that helps me when i'm trying to stop being hard on myself is to imagine someone else in the same situation and ask myself - would i be this hard on that person? if you do this, chances are you'll realize you probably wouldn't. chances are you'd cut that person a break and give the benefit of the doubt. you'll benefit by doing the same for yourself.
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Post by annaa on Oct 7, 2007 20:17:55 GMT -5
I used to hate myself too and I mean really hate myself. The affirmations I made to myself were just awful "I can see why I don't have friends.. I mean, I wouldn't even be my friend".
Now though it's very different. The change was gradual and if i'm realistic it's been about 10 months since i've got myself out of that mentality (having spent 5 years hating myself).
Like I said, it's gradual. You've got to pick one thing you like about yourself and build on it.
I couldn't ever find anything physical, so I chose an aspect of my personality. I remember thinking "I'm really caring about animals". Sounds pretty insignificant now, but that eventually turned into "I'm really caring about humans - i'm very empathetic and compassionate". Then it kept building until eventually I got to "I'm a good person. I'd be a great friend to have because i'd never intentionally hurt someone".
Physically speaking, though there are parts of myself I don't like (find me a teenager, or anyone in fact, that doesn't have a hang-up), i'm much more accepting of my appearance. You've got to make an effort, even if it's with someone simple like a haircut or a new top. Little things like that really can give you a boost.
You need to start caring about yourself and as I said, find one thing you like about yourself and build on it. There has to be one thing - just one.
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