Post by Naptaq on Feb 6, 2008 22:25:37 GMT -5
Copy/Pasted from:
www.stevepavlina.com/forums/social-relationships/6254-some-advice-dealing-people.html
Become genuinely interested in other people. Don't try to impress others. Let them impress you. Be a good listener. You can have a greater effect on others by the way that you listen than by the way that you talk. People are most interested in themselves. If you share that interest, they will respond.
The greatest hunger that people have is to be needed, wanted and loved. Help create those feelings in others. People love attention, affection and appreciation.
Seek first to understand then to be understood. Everybody wants to be understood. Don’t interrupt. Others won’t pay attention to you until they’ve had there own say. Don't assume you know there position on something, until they agree that you do.
Be yourself. No one can make everyone happy. A fake relationship has zero value.
Never criticize, condemn or complain. People very rarely criticize themselves, no matter how wrong they may be. Your criticism will not be welcome. Criticism puts others on the defensive, hurts self-esteem and builds resentment.
Avoid arguments: you can only lose. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. Most arguments end with each contestant more certain of their opinions and less willing to change them and even if you win, you hurt the pride of the loser and the loser may resent you for it.
Choose to be kind rather than right. All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.
Listen to others’ concerns/complaints, you will ease tension and build relationships. Be eager to hear from those who may complain about you or those you represent, however wrong those complaints may be. Thank them for bringing up their concerns, be genuinely grateful as this is your greatest source of improvement.
Is anyone a little happier because I came along today? The greatest gift you can give someone is to make them smile. There is nothing worth more than to make someone smile.
Smile. Greet others with enthusiasm and animation. A smile tells others that you like them and are glad to see them.
To have a friend, you must be one.
Be a good finder, catch people doing things right rather than wrong.
We are all we have, we are all from the same tribe. If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm any hostility. Everyone is just trying to do the best they can with what they believe to be true.
We merely observe the actions and choices of others, we can not make demands upon that, but must allow everyone to function as they wish with no need from us to try and understand or influence. A true friend makes no demands on others. We must live in our own reality but allow the reality of others to exist also.
What you do is not nearly as important as how it makes people feel.
Learn to like yourself. Others will respond to you the way you respond to yourself.
Be enthusiastic. Nothing significant was ever achieved without enthusiasm - including deep, rich human relationships. Be positive. Positive people attract others; negative people repel others.
There is no value in judging others poorly and no matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame them, it will not change you. There are no justified resentments. If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each life sorrow, suffering and a series of bad choices that are enough to disarm any hostility.
No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted but if you give in order to receive you are merely trading.
Allow people to do things for you, give them the gift of being able to give to you.
Help people like themselves. The greatest compliment someone can give you is to say, I like myself better when I'm with you.
Key points
- Be genuinely interested in other people
- Listening is more important than talking.
- People want to feel important, understood, wanted, needed and loved.
- What you do is not nearly as important as how it makes people feel
- We can only observe others, we can't control or place demands on them
- Never criticize, condemn or argue, always seek understanding and then show you understand them.
- Make people feel good. Find the good in them, can they say "I like myself better when I'm with you?"
www.stevepavlina.com/forums/social-relationships/6254-some-advice-dealing-people.html
Become genuinely interested in other people. Don't try to impress others. Let them impress you. Be a good listener. You can have a greater effect on others by the way that you listen than by the way that you talk. People are most interested in themselves. If you share that interest, they will respond.
The greatest hunger that people have is to be needed, wanted and loved. Help create those feelings in others. People love attention, affection and appreciation.
Seek first to understand then to be understood. Everybody wants to be understood. Don’t interrupt. Others won’t pay attention to you until they’ve had there own say. Don't assume you know there position on something, until they agree that you do.
Be yourself. No one can make everyone happy. A fake relationship has zero value.
Never criticize, condemn or complain. People very rarely criticize themselves, no matter how wrong they may be. Your criticism will not be welcome. Criticism puts others on the defensive, hurts self-esteem and builds resentment.
Avoid arguments: you can only lose. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. Most arguments end with each contestant more certain of their opinions and less willing to change them and even if you win, you hurt the pride of the loser and the loser may resent you for it.
Choose to be kind rather than right. All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.
Listen to others’ concerns/complaints, you will ease tension and build relationships. Be eager to hear from those who may complain about you or those you represent, however wrong those complaints may be. Thank them for bringing up their concerns, be genuinely grateful as this is your greatest source of improvement.
Is anyone a little happier because I came along today? The greatest gift you can give someone is to make them smile. There is nothing worth more than to make someone smile.
Smile. Greet others with enthusiasm and animation. A smile tells others that you like them and are glad to see them.
To have a friend, you must be one.
Be a good finder, catch people doing things right rather than wrong.
We are all we have, we are all from the same tribe. If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm any hostility. Everyone is just trying to do the best they can with what they believe to be true.
We merely observe the actions and choices of others, we can not make demands upon that, but must allow everyone to function as they wish with no need from us to try and understand or influence. A true friend makes no demands on others. We must live in our own reality but allow the reality of others to exist also.
What you do is not nearly as important as how it makes people feel.
Learn to like yourself. Others will respond to you the way you respond to yourself.
Be enthusiastic. Nothing significant was ever achieved without enthusiasm - including deep, rich human relationships. Be positive. Positive people attract others; negative people repel others.
There is no value in judging others poorly and no matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame them, it will not change you. There are no justified resentments. If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each life sorrow, suffering and a series of bad choices that are enough to disarm any hostility.
No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted but if you give in order to receive you are merely trading.
Allow people to do things for you, give them the gift of being able to give to you.
Help people like themselves. The greatest compliment someone can give you is to say, I like myself better when I'm with you.
Key points
- Be genuinely interested in other people
- Listening is more important than talking.
- People want to feel important, understood, wanted, needed and loved.
- What you do is not nearly as important as how it makes people feel
- We can only observe others, we can't control or place demands on them
- Never criticize, condemn or argue, always seek understanding and then show you understand them.
- Make people feel good. Find the good in them, can they say "I like myself better when I'm with you?"
