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Post by sophii on May 5, 2008 6:16:22 GMT -5
Okay, I've made so much progress, but now I've discovered whats really stopping me from being more confident and less shy. As much as I want people to speak to me, I realise, that deep down I actually dread people talking to me, because when they do my body kinda goes into a mini-panic type thing, which I because I often stutter, mis-pronounce things, or just blurt out stuff because I'm nervous and say something really stupid. Because deep down I don't want people to speak to me, I think that kinda..puts up some kinda barrier type thing..because people have told me that I can be kinda unaphoachable. I suppose I need ways to stop me being nervous - to stay calm in social situations...
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gaia
New Member
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Post by gaia on May 5, 2008 7:06:03 GMT -5
So would you say it's the physical side of things that's letting you down? Because that's a tough one. The more aware you are of your body language, the more of a panic you work yourself into. Do you have any techniques at the moment for calming you down (maybe that other people have told you about)?
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Post by sophii on May 6, 2008 16:00:29 GMT -5
Yeah, I guess so, because mentally I'm very possitive. I don't really understand this shy barrier type thing though, cuz I mean not everyones a body language expert, so I don't get how I'm sending out "don't speak to me" signs..or whatever. D: As for calming down techniques..deep breathing and listening to music... which I obviously can't do when I'm talking to someone, and thats when I'm most nervouss~
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Post by Sweet Pea on May 6, 2008 17:17:08 GMT -5
Yeah, I guess so, because mentally I'm very possitive. I don't really understand this shy barrier type thing though, cuz I mean not everyones a body language expert, so I don't get how I'm sending out "don't speak to me" signs..or whatever. D: As for calming down techniques..deep breathing and listening to music... which I obviously can't do when I'm talking to someone, and thats when I'm most nervouss~ i think we are all body language experts...it's just that we do it largely unconsciously. we probably send out the 'don't approach/speak to me' messages unconsciously most of the time too.
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Post by MrNice on May 6, 2008 17:48:24 GMT -5
what do you mean by that? what are you positive about? often our 'positivity' is paper thin, on the intellectual level, but just a little deeper we want to run away from the situation
do you have memories of people approaching you with the result being an engaging conversation? how easy it is for you to 'trust' someone? how long does it take for you to share things with a new person that you would normally only talk about with friends?
if you say you dread people talking to you, thats very negative ---
as far as advice goes - you can't stop yourself from being nervous you have to accept your nervousness and work from there
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gaia
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Post by gaia on May 6, 2008 19:47:16 GMT -5
...i think we are all body language experts...it's just that we do it largely unconsciously. we probably send out the 'don't approach/speak to me' messages unconsciously most of the time too. I agree. Most people (I believe) have an in-built way of subconsciously analysing someones body language, and so react to it accordingly. Although you can't control every little move you make, there are things you can do to help yourself (such as walking with your head up, if you're usually someone that looks at the ground... or having a good posture). what do you mean by that? what are you positive about?.. Perhaps she just meant that she was an optimistic person. ...As for calming down techniques..deep breathing and listening to music... which I obviously can't do when I'm talking to someone, and thats when I'm most nervouss~ You know i've always found that sort of advice frustrating too. I've been given different types of 'relaxation therapy' where you shut your eyes, take deep breaths & focus on relaxing your muscles... but really, that's quite impractical when you're walking down the street and working yourself into a panic.
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