Clingy?

[arizona]

Yeah, me too.

[GoldenRose82]

I think I tend to be clingy myself. I try not to be, but I never had many friends.. In high school I had 4 friends total. Today I have three, but two of those friends seem to be too busy with their lives to ever contact me anymore. They come online every day, but claim they "forget" to log onto msger. If I send them an email, they respond with a really short msg, IF they respond at all. So that leaves me with only one single friend who takes time to chat w/me a few times a week. Now she has a new relationship, and between work, her other friends, and her new bf, she's been talking to me less and less, and I admit, I don't like it and sometimes I become short-tempered with her as a result.

Like I said, I don't mean to be clingy... I know she needs her space and has other people in her life she'd rather be with sometimes. It's just that, who wants to be alone 24 hours a day? It's hard, and loneliness hurts like hell. And when you only have one friend, they're the only one in the world that can alleviate that loneliness. Going out and finding new friends is extremely difficult for shy people. I haven't made a new friend in about 3 or 4 years. I've met a few people in college, but when they discover how quiet I am, it seems to really put them off, and they just stop even saying hi and avoid me altogether and stick with the people who have no problem at all holding a conversation.

My advice on how to deal with your friend would be to let her know that even though you need your space, you're not going to completely abandon her. If she ever needs you for something important, you're just a phone call away. And tell her that while you may not be able to hang or speak with her every single day, you will still set time aside every week (or a few times a week) to spend with her alone.

[arizona]

Beautifully said, Golden Rose. As someone who has been accused of being clingy, I identify with everything you say completely.

[arizona]

The problem is also, some people who completely abandon their friends don't always even realize they are doing it.....they get a message from you, and at that moment they are too busy to respond, and think "I'll get back to him/her later", but because this person really doesn't think as highly of you as you do of him/her, the thought is quickly forgotten. But by the time they have completely abandoned you, they barely remember you anymore. I have come to realize it was this way with a couple of former friends of mine (who were a couple). I loved them, thought they loved me back, but the day came I started hearing from them less and less, I would seem to get a brush-off if I initiated contact, and finally I stopped hearing from them altogether.

This is in the past, but sometimes when I think of them, I still feel very sad.

[gaia]

Aug 25, 2009 20:02:32 GMT -5 arizona said:

The problem is also, some people who completely abandon their friends don't always even realize they are doing it.....they get a message from you, and at that moment they are too busy to respond, and think "I'll get back to him/her later", but because this person really doesn't think as highly of you as you do of him/her, the thought is quickly forgotten. But by the time they have completely abandoned you, they barely remember you anymore. I have come to realize it was this way with a couple of former friends of mine (who were a couple). I loved them, thought they loved me back, but the day came I started hearing from them less and less, I would seem to get a brush-off if I initiated contact, and finally I stopped hearing from them altogether.

This is in the past, but sometimes when I think of them, I still feel very sad.

Yeah, that can happen sometimes.
It's tough when you're not wanting to cut the cord, but you can't force someone to spend time with you.
But hey, one door has to close for a new one to open (... yes, i'm trying to convince myself too.. :.

[arizona]

I know. I was just kind of belatedly following up on Golden Rose's post.

[jenkydora]

Dec 30, 2008 14:57:27 GMT -5 love4life said:

I'm not going to complain about how clingy my friend is, because I suspect she is for a good reason, and I can't say that I haven't been clingy too...but I'm just growing tired of how she constantly makes no effort to step outside her shell. I try to help the both of us, but it feels like she's being very demanding, by telling me how hurt she is when I 'ignore' her. I've tried to include her in conversations with other people, but she doesn't seem to feel comfortable in that sense. Of course, she's a very nice person, but she can get quite moody or snappish at me if I'm not with her 24/7, and it's starting to take up quite a lot of my energy. I know she's having many problems with her home life, but it feels as if she's always criticizing me for everything.

I just want the both of us to be satisfied with our lives.

I dont mean to be cold or anything like that. But my first thought to this post is that she is draining your good energy for herself without any effort on her behalf.
The red flag I see here is narcisisism and because she has emotional issues doesnt excuse her from not trying.
Correct me if I'm wrong, just my initial thought.