|
Post by Sweet Pea on Mar 23, 2009 2:17:27 GMT -5
“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” this is a great quote and has been helpful to think about lately. I do think that is a good quote. Ignore them, really? I've buried my emotions for far too long. I have a tendency to keep everything to myself and bottle it all up, but I find that doesn't really help. I just get more depressed. I find that acknowledgement of my emotions is very important. That I am human, and I am going to experience a multitude of emotions/feelings that I don't like. I don't really think feelings can go away until you acknowledge them and work through them, though. I would think that totally ignoring them only buries them deeper inside of you. At least that's what I find happens with me. Of course, I think it depends on how you handle them. Or who you try to talk to about it. Every situation is different, too. But if someone thinks you are either weak or stupid for how you feel, than you should probably avoid going to them with your problems. They aren't worth your time. most likely in a months time looking back i'll be happy i didn't take action. often in-action can be the best action That's interesting. Lately, I had come to the conclusion that any action at all was better than sitting around idly. I often feel like an idiot that doesn't do enough. Which is true, at least for sure the not doing enough part. "Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” - Dale Carnegie
"The price of inaction is far greater than the cost of making a mistake.” - Meister Eckhart
"Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction.” - Will Rogers
"Thoughtless risks are destructive, of course, but perhaps even more wasteful is thoughtless caution which prompts inaction and promotes failure to seize opportunity." - Gary Ryan Blair
"There are risks and costs to a program of action, but they are far less than the long-range risks and costs of comfortable inaction” - John F. KennedySo, maybe you should take pride in the fact that you were brave enough to take risks and put your heart on the line. Otherwise, you would always be wondering, "What if, what if, what if?" As is always the case with me. agreed. i think i'm more from the 'do something, even if it's wrong' school of thought.
|
|
|
Post by shynesssucks on Mar 23, 2009 11:14:17 GMT -5
i like your points and i don't necessarily disagree. i guess completely ignoring what i feel isn't really possible so i'll let myself feel whatever and when i feel like crying i'll let myself cry but the big change for me is that i'll keep my crying in private. just too many times i've told someone i missed them or loved them and that didn't really get me anywhere.
someone once told me that you aren't suppose to let someone know that you miss them. should really let them miss you. pull yourself away and they'll come to you. instead i just poured my heart out..
and it seems most people are strong outwardly. ive cried in front of a number of people this year.. i don't recall anyone else crying... this doesn't mean people don't cry they just don't show their emotions...
i think acting is important on occasion like jumping at a great opportunity where you'll benefit or acting to pull yourself away from an abusive situation ..
what i really need to do is stop acting on my emotions that's my problem. i need to use my brain more than my heart. i need to think of consequences years down the road...i think this is just being mature.
i just feel very immature when it comes to planning and making wise decisions i just too often take life as it comes and rely to heavily on my emotions
|
|
|
Post by Sweet Pea on Mar 23, 2009 14:16:31 GMT -5
i like your points and i don't necessarily disagree. i guess completely ignoring what i feel isn't really possible so i'll let myself feel whatever and when i feel like crying i'll let myself cry but the big change for me is that i'll keep my crying in private. just too many times i've told someone i missed them or loved them and that didn't really get me anywhere. someone once told me that you aren't suppose to let someone know that you miss them. should really let them miss you. pull yourself away and they'll come to you. instead i just poured my heart out.. and it seems most people are strong outwardly. ive cried in front of a number of people this year.. i don't recall anyone else crying... this doesn't mean people don't cry they just don't show their emotions... i think acting is important on occasion like jumping at a great opportunity where you'll benefit or acting to pull yourself away from an abusive situation .. what i really need to do is stop acting on my emotions that's my problem. i need to use my brain more than my heart. i need to think of consequences years down the road...i think this is just being mature. i just feel very immature when it comes to planning and making wise decisions i just too often take life as it comes and rely to heavily on my emotions you have to do what you feel works for you. i'm a very emotional person, and in our culture displaying emotion in an uncontrolled way is looked down upon...no question. so i tend to avoid emotionally loaded topics in public, or severely limit the extent to which i'll discuss them in a public place. falling apart in public rarely accomplishes anything good, nor does it work in my favor on a personal level.
|
|
|
Post by rukryM on Mar 23, 2009 14:44:50 GMT -5
ive lately come to the conclustion that it's time i grew up and started acting like an adult. i use to way too often just blurt out how i felt. like telling people that i miss them or loved them and cried right in front of people when i was hurt but the result of that is just that you appear weak and retarded to the observer. If you let others know that you practically are dependent on them for having a great life, then you're only digging your own grave. Unless it's very good friends we are talking about here. The second you realise that you don't need people's constant attention to become happy your life will become easier, but of course this must be considered to some degree since most of us need human contact every now and then to survive {mentally}. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you don't have to remind your peers on how you feel for them all the time, one time is enough, and sometimes you don't even have to remind them, if they seek your presence, then it's mostly because they enjoy your company ^^.
|
|
|
Post by shynesssucks on Mar 24, 2009 13:52:14 GMT -5
lately been thinking that i won't have kids or get married. i think there are way too many people on this earth already. too many people need help. my first pay check goes to pay off my loans next pay check will go to people who need it. just want to keep enough to have a tiny apartment with just the bare necessities. don't even want a tv. as long as the place is clean... if i get married and have kids won't be able to help as many people..kids are too expensive and relationships are too stressful.. i think living alone and being able to help people is what will make me truly happy..
hm, do i want to die alone? why not...i felt the loneliest when i had someone..if you feel lonely and you have no one that is not as lonely as if you have someone and they don't treat you right and ignore your existence..
|
|
|
Post by shynesssucks on Mar 26, 2009 11:52:26 GMT -5
i still have feelings for him. he changed his facebook profile picture to a picture of his neice. she's already so big now and so cute. his brother's wife is absolutely drop dead gorgeous and i guess the little girl will grow up to be as beautiful as her mommy.
seems like everything in his life is perfect now. as if their family is complete. i feel jealous and have evil thoughts as i study about different diseases i find myself hoping he gets that or this disease and i hope he loses all his hair ..then i think..no that disease is too painful i don't want him to suffer that much and even if he did suffer it wouldn't really undo the hurt that he caused me.
he told me about his grandfather who had lost his hair at a very young age i hope he got those genes. remembering that time when we were driving by the church that his grandfather was married in he told me how much he missed him and what a great person his grandfather was ..i remember looking at him as he drove and i sitting in the passenger side i thought how much i loved him then and what a good heart he has...still brings tears to my eyes.
i haven't cried in a long time though..i can't remember when i last cried lately and i remember i use to cry every single day and how much i've lost in the last few years and it is amazing what i was willing to lose to just be with him. it makes me wonder what exactly is wrong with me. why did i love someone that much.
i wonder if i'll see him in a month or so or will he have gone somewhere else. i no longer know what his plans are but i do know where his girl friend lives so maybe he'll still be around for the sake of his girl friend.
i sometimes day dream about the near future about running into him on the subway and i go over how my reaction will be will he be sitting there with his girl friend holding hands.
i haven't spoken to him since i found out about her and i wonder what he is thinking. i wonder if he has forgotten me completely. he was good at rationalizing his actions but i guess we all do that but no matter how much we rationalize deep down we must feel some guilt.
he is kind of business minded. he once told me ..words i can't exactly remember but kind along the lines that if you want to pocket the money you kind of have to step over other people because it's about competition. and that is exactly opposite of me. i would never hurt someone else for my personal gain because i wouldn't be able to live with myself. but he could. knowing that, i still love him and idon't know why. because i find that to be a very negative character and i wouldn't want someone like that in my life.
this is just not fair.
|
|
|
Post by shynesssucks on Mar 26, 2009 20:54:17 GMT -5
i still have feelings for him. he changed his facebook profile picture to a picture of his neice. she's already so big now and so cute. his brother's wife is absolutely drop dead gorgeous and i guess the little girl will grow up to be as beautiful as her mommy. seems like everything in his life is perfect now. as if their family is complete. i feel jealous and have evil thoughts as i study about different diseases i find myself hoping he gets that or this disease and i hope he loses all his hair ..then i think..no that disease is too painful i don't want him to suffer that much and even if he did suffer it wouldn't really undo the hurt that he caused me. he told me about his grandfather who had lost his hair at a very young age i hope he got those genes. remembering that time when we were driving by the church that his grandfather was married in he told me how much he missed him and what a great person his grandfather was ..i remember looking at him as he drove and i sitting in the passenger side i thought how much i loved him then and what a good heart he has...still brings tears to my eyes. i haven't cried in a long time though..i can't remember when i last cried lately and i remember i use to cry every single day and how much i've lost in the last few years and it is amazing what i was willing to lose to just be with him. it makes me wonder what exactly is wrong with me. why did i love someone that much. i wonder if i'll see him in a month or so or will he have gone somewhere else. i no longer know what his plans are but i do know where his girl friend lives so maybe he'll still be around for the sake of his girl friend. i sometimes day dream about the near future about running into him on the subway and i go over how my reaction will be will he be sitting there with his girl friend holding hands. i haven't spoken to him since i found out about her and i wonder what he is thinking. i wonder if he has forgotten me completely. he was good at rationalizing his actions but i guess we all do that but no matter how much we rationalize deep down we must feel some guilt. he is kind of business minded. he once told me ..words i can't exactly remember but kind along the lines that if you want to pocket the money you kind of have to step over other people because it's about competition. and that is exactly opposite of me. i would never hurt someone else for my personal gain because i wouldn't be able to live with myself. but he could. knowing that, i still love him and idon't know why. because i find that to be a very negative character and i wouldn't want someone like that in my life. this is just not fair. this is why i feel like such a dumbass. why can't i be more mature and professional. this sounds like a 13 yr old wrote this.. do people my age actually think like this or say these things? well, i wouldn't actually say this but still to post something like this is pretty silly. and i wrote this after having a full-nights sleep and so i can't even blame it on being sleep deprived. although right now i feel like im going to drop dead from exhaustion..who knows how i'll feel tomorrow about my post...
|
|
|
Post by Sweet Pea on Mar 26, 2009 23:32:21 GMT -5
i still have feelings for him. he changed his facebook profile picture to a picture of his neice. she's already so big now and so cute. his brother's wife is absolutely drop dead gorgeous and i guess the little girl will grow up to be as beautiful as her mommy. seems like everything in his life is perfect now. as if their family is complete. i feel jealous and have evil thoughts as i study about different diseases i find myself hoping he gets that or this disease and i hope he loses all his hair ..then i think..no that disease is too painful i don't want him to suffer that much and even if he did suffer it wouldn't really undo the hurt that he caused me. he told me about his grandfather who had lost his hair at a very young age i hope he got those genes. remembering that time when we were driving by the church that his grandfather was married in he told me how much he missed him and what a great person his grandfather was ..i remember looking at him as he drove and i sitting in the passenger side i thought how much i loved him then and what a good heart he has...still brings tears to my eyes. i haven't cried in a long time though..i can't remember when i last cried lately and i remember i use to cry every single day and how much i've lost in the last few years and it is amazing what i was willing to lose to just be with him. it makes me wonder what exactly is wrong with me. why did i love someone that much. i wonder if i'll see him in a month or so or will he have gone somewhere else. i no longer know what his plans are but i do know where his girl friend lives so maybe he'll still be around for the sake of his girl friend. i sometimes day dream about the near future about running into him on the subway and i go over how my reaction will be will he be sitting there with his girl friend holding hands. i haven't spoken to him since i found out about her and i wonder what he is thinking. i wonder if he has forgotten me completely. he was good at rationalizing his actions but i guess we all do that but no matter how much we rationalize deep down we must feel some guilt. he is kind of business minded. he once told me ..words i can't exactly remember but kind along the lines that if you want to pocket the money you kind of have to step over other people because it's about competition. and that is exactly opposite of me. i would never hurt someone else for my personal gain because i wouldn't be able to live with myself. but he could. knowing that, i still love him and idon't know why. because i find that to be a very negative character and i wouldn't want someone like that in my life. this is just not fair. this is why i feel like such a dumbass. why can't i be more mature and professional. this sounds like a 13 yr old wrote this.. do people my age actually think like this or say these things? well, i wouldn't actually say this but still to post something like this is pretty silly. and i wrote this after having a full-nights sleep and so i can't even blame it on being sleep deprived. although right now i feel like im going to drop dead from exhaustion..who knows how i'll feel tomorrow about my post... don't be so hard on yourself. it's not that bad, lol. i don't care for mean people who tromp on other people to make a buck either. can't fault you there at all.
|
|
|
Post by strawberrysweetie on Mar 27, 2009 1:41:48 GMT -5
lately been thinking that i won't have kids or get married. i think there are way too many people on this earth already. too many people need help. my first pay check goes to pay off my loans next pay check will go to people who need it. just want to keep enough to have a tiny apartment with just the bare necessities. don't even want a tv. as long as the place is clean... if i get married and have kids won't be able to help as many people..kids are too expensive and relationships are too stressful.. i think living alone and being able to help people is what will make me truly happy.. hm, do i want to die alone? why not...i felt the loneliest when i had someone..if you feel lonely and you have no one that is not as lonely as if you have someone and they don't treat you right and ignore your existence.. I've had similar thoughts, actually. I think sort of in a defensive kind of way, though...a way to protect myself....like, ah, I will be alone because that's what I'm destined to be (which is kind of absurd, I know)...but that it doesn't have to necessarily be a bad thing. Though I know that deep down, I really do not want to wind up all alone. this is why i feel like such a dumbass. why can't i be more mature and professional. this sounds like a 13 yr old wrote this.. do people my age actually think like this or say these things? well, i wouldn't actually say this but still to post something like this is pretty silly. and i wrote this after having a full-nights sleep and so i can't even blame it on being sleep deprived. although right now i feel like im going to drop dead from exhaustion..who knows how i'll feel tomorrow about my post... In answer to your question, I have no doubt that other people definitely think similar thoughts to the ones you mentioned. I know what you mean, though....about feeling like a child for having these sorts of feelings. I feel like a baby so often for my complaining and rants that I go into. It does feel ridiculous sometimes. But no one is perfect. Everyone, no matter how old, gets hurt and needs time to heal. And that'll never change.
|
|
|
Post by shynesssucks on Mar 27, 2009 10:29:32 GMT -5
ha, thanks to both of you.
i am not sure whether it is really a defense mechanism for me or not. i think i really believe that i want to be alone. i don't see too many happy couples out there except my parents (knock on wood). my mom told me the other day that i had the best father in the world. i believe i really do and if i could be half the person he is i'd have accoplished something. same goes for my mom she is so amazing. and hopefully theyll be have forever.
my mom's sisters have crappy marriages and their husbands are just ridiculous. and ive done some reading mainly online of people that claim to have found true love one story i read about comes to mind that was written by a guy who was describing how he met his fiance. it was the most superficial thing i've had read he talked about her curves and her hair color and the rest of what he had written showed how self-absorbed he was just into his looks.
i don't know what the point is anyway. i mean imagine if the perfect guy came along perfect in everyway then i can't see myself turning him away. perfect ofcourse means that his imperfections are things i can live with/put up with.
*** people think of the rest of their lives as being such a long time but looking back at my own life the last two and a have decades feel like two and half weeks. time flies. and being alone isn't such a big deal because before you know it you're going to be out of this world. i think what i really want in life is to make sure my life contributed in making the world a better place to the best of my abilities. if i can bring myself to a position where i can create opportunities for other people then they can help themselves and the next generation will have it a little bit easier.
i've been to places where people are sick and have poor access to education and if things are left as they are they'll never escape from that situation.
this morning as i lay in bed i was thinking that it would be good to set up a scholarship type thing for them. but i think sometimes the rich kids often can be at an unfair disadvantage as their parents can afford to give them proper nutrition, tutoring what have you to make them competitive whereas kids that are no so fortunate may therefore never be so competitive. This made me think maybe i'd set up like a free tutoring center for kids. There's alot i want to do...
I am not very intelligent probably but I am willing to work my butt off. Experience count for something and if I can climb to the top I can be in a position to help people.
That life that I imagine I don't think is possible if you are married/in a relationship. Marriage/relationships/kids can suck the life out of you and in the end what do you have but probably alot of debt and a broken heart and regret...
I don't really know what's going to happen in my life i guess i'll wait and see...
|
|
|
Post by shynesssucks on Mar 27, 2009 13:16:48 GMT -5
my grandma is sick. they don't have a diagnosis yet. she is a known diabetic takes insulin injections daily. they found her in her room after several people tried to contact her without success they found her in bed breathing heavily and unconscious. her blood sugar was ridiculously low when the paramedics arrived.
i remember seeing her last about 6 months ago when i visited. i remember that she kept forgetting important things like her medication and things people would tell her. at that time i remember being worried whether alzheimers was setting in and thinking that someone needed to make sure she took her insulin/medications properly.
i'm afraid she may have forgotten that she had already taken her insulin and re-injected herself causing her to become severely hypoglycemic.
she has been in the hospital for sometime. all i hear about her is through what my mom tells me when my uncle calls to give us updates about her.
she is in a coma and have had a couple of heart attacks and having some seizures. am MRI was done and they found diffuse damage throughout her brain. I'm afraid she this is the end for her. Even if she were to come out of her coma i am afraid she may not be able see/talk or even comprehend the world around her. basically she'll be a vegetable.
i feel so bad for my grandma for sufffering like this.
|
|
|
Post by shynesssucks on Mar 28, 2009 19:09:43 GMT -5
i can miss him ..that's ok...it's normal...at times it's suffocating..to be perfectly honest he hasn't left my thoughts for a minute no matter what im doing or saying...i don't know when this bs will end...
|
|
|
Post by shynesssucks on Mar 29, 2009 11:06:33 GMT -5
I am just trying to figure out whether the crap that goes through my mind is actually normal.
I constantly think about my ex and it's not done consciously. It's like breathing you don't think about it but sometimes you become aware that hey i'm breathing and i've been breathing the whole time. I often become aware of how everything that i do/plan for is somehow linked to him.
I don't cry over him anymore and I don't have the urge to call him anymore but it's like he's in my veins. Sounds creepy totally creepy.
I wonder what others think about. Some people claim that all that goes on in their minds is "dum dum dum dum dum". They just have music playing in their minds? How carefree that is...not a worry in the world?
Am I some kind of obsessed freak of nature? Is it normal to keep thinking about one thing constantly?
If youre reading this tell me what you think about the most. Be specific. Don't tell me "relationships". Is it one person that you think about? If you say it's your looks..is it your nose and does that affect your daily life in anyway?
Also tell me your gender because I want to see if what i believe is true that is that girls think more about relationships with 'a' guy while guys think of relationships in general with many girls.
|
|
|
Post by shynesssucks on Mar 29, 2009 13:50:18 GMT -5
ohh great. i am crazy
|
|
|
Post by shynesssucks on Mar 29, 2009 15:43:09 GMT -5
ive lost track of time. there was a long period where he basically stopped talking to me except a few times when he answered the phone and told me he was busy to call him back later. then one day he blocks me on facebook from seeing his wall... a day or two later he changes his relationship status and i find out he has been seeing someone..
i guess since my finding that out it may have been 2-3 months?
at first it was like a gut punch and self-loathing...comparing the new gf and trying to figure out how i sucked so he picked her over me..i've stopped thinking of that (kind of) and now i still think of him and i still have feelings for him ugh..
it's not like i can do anything about it though...
|
|