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Post by Raspberry on Feb 24, 2009 5:19:16 GMT -5
I was just thinking today that I have a big problem in failing to connect with people. I don't have any friends or even acquaintances these days. It seems that even when I do talk to people at university or wherever else nothing ever develops further. It's just a conversation and then a parting of the ways. I hardly expect anything to develop further most of the time, but just once in a while I would like to luck into finding at least an acquaintance. There must be something I don't get or I'm doing something wrong.
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Post by rukryM on Feb 24, 2009 11:03:54 GMT -5
That's one of life big questions to me too. A simple conversation {or two for that matter} don't take me anywhere closer to the person I am talking with. So there must be something else we're not doing right or perhaps we're not doing it at all? Theorizing, I'd say it probably takes some time before we become acquaintances with the actual person. It may require something more than just simple conversation; perhaps we'd have to do something together, too?
What annoys me a lot when talking about this, is that due to my shyness which causes me to put on a cold, somewhat rejecting and serious fasade I have to work more on being attractive to people, and since I always end up waiting for the right moment and then go for it, even a blind person could see it's all forged^^. Doesn't come natural, and I don't know what to do about that since I've done nothing but practicing on that practically for my whole life.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Feb 24, 2009 11:13:35 GMT -5
after mulling over it for awhile, and trying to think about what's different when i do connect or don't connect with people...in my case, it seems to be that i connect with people as soon as i begin to care about them and they begin to care about me...for whatever that's worth.
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Post by nelo on Feb 24, 2009 14:55:07 GMT -5
It depends on how much sleep I've had and the amount of caffeine in my system. Sometimes I have no problem but most of the time, the other person seems to either catch me off guard while I'm thinking or seems intimidating...somehow.
Small talk is probably the easiest way to start a pointless conversation that could lead somewhere (i.e. What are your classes? Major?)
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Post by HybridMoment on Feb 24, 2009 23:20:18 GMT -5
I also have this problem. I can have conversations with people, enough where I think maybe there is a possibility that I could have a friend, but then I find out they really never cared for me in the first place. I guess people talk to me when they are extremely bored or need advice, but then only hang out with their friends they really like.
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Post by shynesssucks on Feb 26, 2009 3:50:47 GMT -5
I was just thinking today that I have a big problem in failing to connect with people. I don't have any friends or even acquaintances these days. It seems that even when I do talk to people at university or wherever else nothing ever develops further. It's just a conversation and then a parting of the ways. I hardly expect anything to develop further most of the time, but just once in a while I would like to luck into finding at least an acquaintance. There must be something I don't get or I'm doing something wrong. have you tried joining clubs. partaking in sports. whatever it may be that you find interesting so that you can possibly find some people with a common interest and so you would see on a daily basis. from my observation it doesn't seem people make very many new people at university. most of the friends are the ones people make in highschool because it's a smaller environment where you are seeing people on a daily basis. |
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Post by nicole555 on Feb 28, 2009 18:51:02 GMT -5
I feel the same way. I don't really have any real friends. The one person that I could maybe call my "friend" is just my friend because she depends on me to help her with everything. She can't do anything unless she asks me if she should do it first. At first, I was OK with helping her but now it's starting to get annoying. Also, when I'm with people I don't say anything unless he/she says something first and my answer is always a short one. I want to be able to say more but I just don't know what to say.
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jai
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Post by jai on Apr 15, 2009 7:39:30 GMT -5
nicole I'm with you. I don't speak unless I'm spoken too and it's a short answer. It the awkwardness we present that people tend not to talk to us. We need to be more cheerful, more upbeat, just be happy to live, enjoy life. Sometimes I don't know what to say but observe other people talking it helps! I notice that praising works so well, people love being praised. I also have problems connecting with people. However I can connect with other shy people so easily, because I know their like me so I tend to make the first move, but even with shy people it's hard to maintain friendship because their so shy. I don't know but I feel I'm not "cool" enough to talk to some people, but you what there's no such thing as being cool, its just how easily you can speak, if you can speak your mind easily - your "cool". I have some of the "cool" people try and talk to me, but I'm so queit, they assume I'm stuck up, but I feel I can't have a proper conversation with you because of that barrier or acting "cool". I can have a intellectual conversation with shy people and I love it! There aren't any awkward silences and we can talk for hours. Maybe its because I'm too nervous around the popular people?
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Post by Sweet Pea on Apr 15, 2009 14:07:31 GMT -5
We need to be more cheerful, more upbeat, just be happy to live, enjoy life. Sometimes I don't know what to say but observe other people talking it helps! I notice that praising works so well, people love being praised. certainly couldn't hurt! |
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Post by nelo on Apr 21, 2009 23:08:21 GMT -5
Well...some of us have chronic depression...but I'm not going into that now.
Edit: spelling.
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Post by 10010101001111 on Apr 21, 2009 23:32:26 GMT -5
Damn Depression.
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jai
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Post by jai on Apr 27, 2009 15:15:09 GMT -5
I never make that connection with many people. There's only been 3 people that a connections ever been made and they are my closest friends to this day. Just felt comfortable around them and I could be myself. They even found me funny!
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Post by meowmix on May 11, 2009 3:30:22 GMT -5
I can totally relate with you Raspberry. The acquaintances I do make are usually short-lived. I've been trying to make the first move these days and act outgoing even though I don't feel it. When I do get a phone number/email, yes I feel proud of myself. But then a few months later, I look at my cell phone, and other than maybe the same 2-3 people (which I really only talk to like once a week...), I may as well just delete everyone else.
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Post by madiocre on May 26, 2009 4:57:29 GMT -5
i think i relate to the whole connection problem but its hard to tell if i do or don't connect because even when i do i second guess that maybe i don't .
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jfc
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Post by jfc on Jul 23, 2009 22:11:28 GMT -5
i have gave up on these short connections. they do nothing for me and are incredibly hard work at this point. seems like i go thru cycles, there have been times when I have freinds, make acquiantences, and been somewhat comfortable with social exchanges. these times last a few months to maybe some years then things change and I am alone, introspective, disconnected, living as a hermit basically. it has been like this all my life, you'd think I'd be used to it by now.
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