old friends on facebook??

[misspessimist]

Hello! I just joined a minute ago. I am so shy that I have not had any friends for four years-I am a natural loner. I have been depressed badly not even leaving the house for small things.

I just wanna get something off my chest. OK, this is what happened. Yesterday for no reason I happened to type in the name of one of my old best friends whom I knew since I was 3 years old, into google search. Then I clicked on the facebook link that came up and her picture was there! ???along with all my other old friends!

I just feel so angry that I have nobody whatsoever, and then all of a sudden, I see her friends lists filled with everyone (they have obviously forgotten me . I felt so lonely yesterday that I emailed one of them. Now I absolutely, positively regret doing that. I can't stand the thought of them knowing what I have been living like over the years and what the causes are for me being like this. I can just imagine them feeling sorry for me or talking about me behind my back.

I feel so left out I don't know who else to tell all of this to. . I broke up with my never-bothers-to-call-me excuse for a boyfriend 2 months ago. So I really have no one.

I even noticed that the vast majority of them have swanned off to uni. What about that old saying a friend in need is a friend indeed??? I was the one that introduced some of them to one another in the first place. They know where I live so why have they not been around to visit? They used to visit me before I got really depressed and when I was able to work most of the time. I bet they visit each other though.

Why are they not here when I need them the most? I started therapy in December 2008. I talked about being molested at 3 years old and about having a schizophrenic mother--things I have not told them -only my ex- about. And the one I emailed knows about my suicide attempt, yet no visits or anything. When they come down to visit family why don't they visit me aswell? Why were they there when I didn't need anyone?

I am not the sort that begs for friends, but anyone would feel bad about being left out, wouldn't they? I feel all alone in this cruel, cruel, cold world.


Maybe I don't care anyway. Or it doesn't matter at all. But, I feel so pathetic. Thanks for listening.

[arizona]

I am so sorry you are hurting, yet you may have come to the right place. I think almost all of us knows the feeling of having had friends, and having those friends eventually drift away from you and leave you, and you don't know why.

Myself, I still mourn and miss a handful of people whom years ago I thought were good friends, only to have them suddenly start ignoring me, ignoring messages, and doing there best to cut you out, and I still wonder why that started. Something about me eventually turned them off, I guess.

So, this is a good place to vent and try to unload some of that hurt. This is a good board, and there are a lot of good people here. Please stay.

[nigella]

I would be careful of facebook cos ive been on there and had someone hacking into my account.Not only that certain people i knew from school came out of the wood work just to look at my business as they hadnt been bothered before.

[arizona]

These so-called "friend" sites are a bit of a misnomer. Are the users really "friends"? Are they communicating all the time? I'm doubtful. It is possible, misspessimist, that this is the case with those folks you know on Facebook. Just because they list each other as "friends" doesn't mean it is really so.

Please post again and let us know you are okay.

[misspessimist]

I have been thinking that for the past couple of days arizona. I mean they couldn't be like super close or anything, could they? it is quite doubtful. I am feeling a little better about the whole thing now that I have had a few days to think about it. I still regret emailing one of them though-it was a bit desperate.

[nigella]

Arizona put it across in a better way than me but that was wat i meant.Also its personal information u put on that site and i didnt find it very secure.Havent u got any freinds at work or even a close cousin.

[misspessimist]

I don't work. The last time I worked was in July 2005-but I quit after 2 weeks. I do have an auntie and my brother that I can call whenever, but they call me more than I call them, which is probably quite terrible. They are so good for being so patient with me.

[nigella]

Why dont u go out with your brother just somewhere quiet like a local pub.He might be able to introduce u to some of his freinds.Also u might get to know a few of the regulars in the pub they may have freinds for u as well.

[HybridMoment]

If neither you nor your old friends made much of an effort to keep in touch it's probably best just to move on and try meeting new people. Maybe you can make friends at a therapy group or at a part time job.

Of course I can't seem to take my own advice, I haven't had a friend in 11 years.

[strawberrysweetie]

May 30, 2009 17:37:58 GMT -5 arizona said:

These so-called "friend" sites are a bit of a misnomer. Are the users really "friends"? Are they communicating all the time? I'm doubtful. It is possible, misspessimist, that this is the case with those folks you know on Facebook. Just because they list each other as "friends" doesn't mean it is really so.

Yep. Absolutely true. I know of people with as many as 400-600 "friends" on their facebook. I've come to realize that's just insane.

I suppose it could be a good way of networking, though. If you get to know a lot of people and keep that connection, even as small as keeping them on your "friends" list, that could potentially come in handy one day if they are in need of some sort of help or something.

But....it seems to me more than anything that people are just nosey.

I cut off many of the people I went to highschool with off of my list; I never really talked to them anyway. And even with the list that I have now, I could still cut some people off and not care too much.

May 29, 2009 14:26:33 GMT -5 misspessimist said:

I even noticed that the vast majority of them have swanned off to uni. What about that old saying a friend in need is a friend indeed??? I was the one that introduced some of them to one another in the first place. They know where I live so why have they not been around to visit? They used to visit me before I got really depressed and when I was able to work most of the time. I bet they visit each other though.

Why are they not here when I need them the most? I started therapy in December 2008. I talked about being molested at 3 years old and about having a schizophrenic mother--things I have not told them -only my ex- about. And the one I emailed knows about my suicide attempt, yet no visits or anything. When they come down to visit family why don't they visit me aswell? Why were they there when I didn't need anyone?

College/university can really be life changing. There's just so much going on....going to a new place, meeting new people, trying to balance all that with school work and work and whatnot...it's just a lot. Another stage in life just leading into another stage. My point really, is just that with new experiences, some people sort of leave their past behind them.

I know what it's like to hurt from feeling like old friends don't care about me anymore, though. For example, there's this one girl I met my freshman year of college....and eventually I came to tell her just about every personal thing about me....from my lonely childhood to my severe depression in high school even to how I still experience social anxiety. I'm definitely not the type of person to want to reveal all that stsuff about myself to someone, particularly someone who seems quite outgoing (though I was aware of her own depression/misc problems) but she just seemed different. She always seemed open and understanding. Unfortunately, she apparently couldn't grasp what I explained to her. We pretty much went our separate ways, I guess...I don't know, really. Other things were happening too. I sort of tried to contact her a few times, but she just didn't seem interested. It just really hurts further to know that she knows all that stuff about me and yet doesn't even seem to wonder about me anymore. If you can't tell, I'm still quite bitter toward this person.

Anyway....(I'm very sorry about my rambling on)...

May 31, 2009 23:39:53 GMT -5 HybridMoment said:

If neither you nor your old friends made much of an effort to keep in touch it's probably best just to move on and try meeting new people.

I have to agree with this.


Anyway, sorry I'm not really much help. But welcome to the site. Maybe it'll help you feel less alone here.

[k151]

Do these people know you need them? To be fair to both you and them, there has to be some sort of initial communication before they will do anything.

Very few people will ever deliberately "shun" anyone. I've lost touch with many of my high school friends. We simply go our separate ways and have less in common. It's not that I don't give a shit about them. I'd be sad to hear if any of them were having problems with depression or anything like that.


As for facebook, try not to take it too seriously. Looking at all those pictures will make anyone feel sad about their own situation. I see pictures of people I knew in high school, and of course they look like they are having the time of their life in the pictures.

I can look like the happiest guy in the world in pictures too, but of course it's a lie. Anyone is a good actor in pictures.


Facebook isn't all bad though. I added a girl I knew early in elementary school. I think she moved away in grade 3 or so. Anyway, she added me and sent me a message telling me she had a big crush on me in kindergarten. Hell, that message made my day. I hadn't had any contact with this girl for at least 11 or 12 years and she not only remembered me, she actually remembered having a crush on me.


With facebook, just be cautious. It can make you very happy or it can make you very sad.

[Stranger]

May 29, 2009 14:26:33 GMT -5 misspessimist said:

I even noticed that the vast majority of them have swanned off to uni. What about that old saying a friend in need is a friend indeed??? I was the one that introduced some of them to one another in the first place. They know where I live so why have they not been around to visit? They used to visit me before I got really depressed and when I was able to work most of the time. I bet they visit each other though.

I'm thinking the same thing as k151. Did you ever invite them? Initiate contact with them? Ask them how they were? Could it be that they may have felt like you didn't care about them?

I've felt the same way before about friends I once had. I could hardly blame them though in retrospect. I never tried to reach out to them, and it wasn't like I was a particularly exciting person. So why should I have expected them to call me?

May 29, 2009 14:26:33 GMT -5 misspessimist said:

Why are they not here when I need them the most? I started therapy in December 2008. I talked about being molested at 3 years old and about having a schizophrenic mother--things I have not told them -only my ex- about. And the one I emailed knows about my suicide attempt, yet no visits or anything. When they come down to visit family why don't they visit me aswell? Why were they there when I didn't need anyone?

I am not the sort that begs for friends, but anyone would feel bad about being left out, wouldn't they? I feel all alone in this cruel, cruel, cold world.

I'm very sorry to hear all you've been through.

But I wouldn't necessarily put all it down to people just not caring about you. The boyfriend, sure; if he really cared he should have definitely been more supportive. But aside from that, like k151 said, people drift all the time, especially during a big life transition like going from school to uni. Relationships change, old ones die, new ones form, and yeah, if you don't make an effort to keep in touch, they probably will forget about you, or maybe even come to resent you for it after a while.

If you felt like you were putting in your share of the friendship, then sure, vent your spleen out. But otherwise, if you want to try to repair the friendship, I think the best thing to do would be a short, friendly "hey, it's been a while... we should catch up some time!" kind of message. I'm not quite sure if you meant that you had mentioned your suicide attempt to the person you had contacted recently, but if so then any major stuff like that might be better off left out of the first message. It might leave them a little freaked out or unsure of how to respond. I know it's extremely hard to do otherwise when depressed, but I think when you wear your negative moods on the outside, it will usually only push people away. Even if they "should" care about all you've been through.

May 30, 2009 17:37:58 GMT -5 arizona said:

These so-called "friend" sites are a bit of a misnomer. Are the users really "friends"? Are they communicating all the time? I'm doubtful. It is possible, misspessimist, that this is the case with those folks you know on Facebook. Just because they list each other as "friends" doesn't mean it is really so.

I can understand the feeling of inadequacy with social networking sites, but I think that's the important thing to remember: they're just social networks. They're not proof that all these "friends" are out having a wild time smoking crack together every night. They're mostly just people who have met at some point and don't hate each other. It's like a way of saying to one another, "yeah, I've met that person, and they don't suck." Be happy for them, dammit!

[arizona]

A thread like this represents this board at its best. We all came together to give encouragement to a new member who was hurting. thank you all.

[GoldenRose82]

I know how you feel. I've never had many friends, but the few I did have in high school I thought I was close to. Then over the years they just starting contacting me less and less... I would e-mail them sometimes, or spend all day on an instant messenger waiting for them to get online so we could chat, but they never show anymore... If they do email me back, it's always a short msg. They never instigate a conversation first, I have to be the one that makes first contact. I thought friendships were supposed to be mutual give and take, but mine always end up being one-sided. I have now decided to just quit trying. I feel if they really wanted me in their life, they would find a way to keep me there instead of not even bothering to take 5 minutes just to write a short msg to say "hey" every once in a while. I really don't think that's too much to ask...

[arizona]

Yeah, that's almost exactly how its been with me sometimes.