Well..if you wanna know about me read this!

[lilangelxo]

...if you don't why have you opened the thread? ;D
Um..
Now i don't know what to say!
Well i am not sure whether i'm just shy or socially anxious or whatever! lol but it seems to still affect me..when i was at school and just being out anywhere really. I couldn't sit in a class without shaking an sweating, i did usually shake the whole way through the lessons but if i knew i wouldn't have to talk or the teacher didn't read the register out (how sad) i knew i'd be allowed to stay quiet so would calm down slightly. lol!
Cos i couldn't in 4 years at high school answer my name loudly and clearly! =$ i was just so quiet. the others would do it for me.

I hated school. I think if i hadn't been shy it woulda gone so different for me as i'd have fitted in. And i never felt that i fitted in which makes me sad lol!
I was remebering a r.e lesson today when the whole class (2nd years at the time) took the pxss out of me beacuse i was wearing a gap cardy or next or some unbranded thing. They really made me uncomfortable the whole lesson and i wanted out!
Then i was to sit next to this girl who would always move her desk cos she didn't like me and believed rumours about me and things like that..and i remeber the teacher wud put in my report that i had a problem with her as i was moving my desk away from her! which clearly was nt me >.< Lmao!
Then that tine in english the whole class ganged up on me and discussed (while i was there) how to get me into trouble. so they did all sortsa stuff like moving the teachers stuff, writing over the board pretending it was me and telling the teacher that i did some stuff that i did not >.< grr
i always got blamed for things i didn't do!
cos i was too damn shy to stand up for myself.
found myself in detentions for that kinda thing and for being late every day cos i'd rather have been anywhere else than school! xD

but to this day i still don't go out in anything unbranded. cos i'm v scared that people would start talking childish abut it..which i'm sure they wuldn't but still my mind won't let me believe it lol!
I don't really have any decent friends.
I get lonely all the time no joke. one day i'll be okay then my mood shifts and i get so lonely n just sit and cry again, bloomin pattern >.<
It hasn't really ever been any other way though. I've had some 'mates' at school and been alone after. And when i left school i just broke myself away from those mates i had. I have no intention of seeing any of them again, cos i don't think i will have changed much (in a matter of mnths lol) it's not as if it's been years. i'd rather at least TRY nd make new mates sumhow.

And it's not easy when you're me !
I seem to be rly attention seeking (well..i am vry lonely so dnt get much)
and i moan, all the time ;]
but i duno. i just hope someone will be my friend one day lol!
i've no idea how to do it.
people online have kinda been a help, but i seem to alwys fall out with them aswell! and cos it's hard to know what the other people are thinking i just always think they don't like me anyways so never bother with thum lol!
awk, i duno what to do with myself any more tbh
think i'm thinking of it too much tbh. it never seems to help doing that..i don't wana end up in a worse way feelin mor sorry about the whole thing awk, am sad now!
think i have said everythin i wanted to lol!
xxxx

[strawberrysweetie]

First of all, hello and welcome to SU.

Thanks for sharing some stuff about your life. But I am very sorry to hear you had such a rough time at school. People can be incredibly mean, even for no reason it seems...but to perhaps make themselves feel better, or whatever.

Jun 30, 2009 16:17:03 GMT -5 lilangelxo said:

I hated school. I think if i hadn't been shy it woulda gone so different for me as i'd have fitted in. And i never felt that i fitted in which makes me sad
.
.
.
I get lonely all the time no joke. one day i'll be okay then my mood shifts and i get so lonely n just sit and cry again, bloomin pattern >.<
.
.
.
awk, i duno what to do with myself any more tbh
think i'm thinking of it too much tbh. it never seems to help doing that..i don't wana end up in a worse way feelin mor sorry about the whole thing

I can relate to all these feelings.

Jun 30, 2009 16:17:03 GMT -5 lilangelxo said:

. . . cos it's hard to know what the other people are thinking i just always think they don't like me anyways so never bother with thum lol!

I so often assume people don't like me. Even if they say otherwise. :S

I'm not so sure what to do about that; it's an awful feeling. And it kind of sets any kind of relationship up for failure thinking that way, I believe.

I suppose we must somehow increase our self-confidence about ourselves before we can ever truly feel like people really do care about us and want to be around us.

How to do that, though...I don't know. I'm struggling with it, as well.

[Scotty]

Hi and welcome to SU.

Have a big huge hug from me for your school days. I hope you manage to find some new mates soon, even if it's only us online peeps.

[nicole555]

Hi!
I know how you feel. I had some bad experiences in school too (and I'm still going through it now). And I'm pretty lonely too-- I'm really only close to my family. I don't have any "real" friends right now.
Anyway, if you need a friend you could always talk to me. I'll be your friend- and I don't judge people by what they wear or anything. lol