Why are people so insensitive

[christine220]

Why are people so damn insensitve? I so wish I was loud and obnoxious and aggressive and I'd just tell everyone who irritates me off.

Less than 2 weeks ago my fiance's dad died suddenly. Had a heart attack at home. My fiance didn't even get to say goodbye because his dad died on the way to the hospital. I don't know if my nerves are just raw since then but it seems like 9 out of ten people are just a**h*les about everything. First I had to take time off work to go to the funeral. At work we have a policy that states you get bereavement leave if anyone in your immediate family (including grandparents, cousins etc) dies. I know that some people have gotten this for a long lost third cousin that passed away so I sent an email to HR asking if I was allowed to use bereavement leave for this or if I had to use vacation time.

I explained the situation to the HR manager and her response was "You have to use vacation time, have a great day". No "I'm sorry to hear that, are you ok? Nothing. Just fcking have a great day. Sure I'll just try to have a fabulous day now that my future FIL just died and his entire family is in shock and mourning. I mean she didn't have to counsel me or ask what happened or anything but a simple acknowledgement is all I think was appropriate. My immediate boss didn't even say sorry or anything. He asked for all the gristly details about what happened! Such as "did he die in front of his wife? Did he have heart problems before? did he say anything before he died. Geez.

And I volunteer at an animal shelter. I'm a private person and don't really tell people my business. I have a friend there (so I thought) and the day it happened I was supposed to volunteer but I couldnt' so I sent her a text saying I wouldnt' be in for a few days because I had to go to a funeral. She just ignored my text and two days later sent me one back saying she had enough help and not to worry. that wasn't so bad, but the day after it happened I was at the shelter because I wanted to take my mind off stuff and I told the lady I work with what had happened (guess I needed someone to talk to) SHe was like oh thats terrible! and 2 minutes later she is yelling at me for something stupid. I didn't fill the water bowls up to her liking or something. I wanted to punch her in the face and be like hello someone close just DIED and you want to bitch at me about water bowls not filled to your EXACT specifcations?

And then there is the hassle of sending flowers. My parents (who live out of the area) wanted to send my fiance's mom some flowers for the funeral. My mom asked me to take care of it since I'm local. I called a local florist that had a website and ordered the flowers my mom told me to. They were to be delivered to the funeral. When the funeral was over (by two hours) the florist called to say they couldn't deliver because they were waiting on a certain kind of flowers from their supplier. They said they'd deliver the next day. I didn't want the hassle so I okayed it. The next day same story. So I decided to cancel the order and order from a different florist. this one was in the same town my fiance's parents live in. I called (no web site) and told the lady I'd had trouble with the other florist and wanted to know if she was able to deliver something that same day.She assured me it would be no problem, asked what I'd like and how much I wanted to spend.
Well they delivered those flowers alright and my fiance's mom called him crying. The flowers were delivered and they were smashed, torn, dead, wilted and as she put it looked like they sat on a shelf for two weeks and they didnt' even dust them off. They made her think of death and depression and she wasn't upset over the flowers, they were just a trigger.

So I called the florist and told her. I had pictures and offered to bring them in. She said no, she'd have to go to the widow's house and pick the flowers up before she could replace them. How ridiculous. Bother a woman who had JUST lost her husband about picking up flowers?? Have some compassion. I finally threatened her I'd post the pictures on the internet with bad reviews of her shop and she agreed to make a new arrangement and exchange it for the old one. She would NOT take responsibility for the poor quality of the first flowers, blaming it on my MIL saying she must have damaged them herself. She even wrote a personal handwritten note to my fiance's mom saying she was sorry "you didn't feel the flowers were up to your standards" I seriously need anger management about now because I wanted to hunt that woman down. How rude!!

And the final straw (something small) I am keeping foster cats (you keep a cat for the animal shelter until they have room for it) All the others they've asked me to keep for up to 6 months. They gave me two cats just three weeks ago and my fiance really loves the one cat and he's a dog person. This cat cheers him up. I would adopt her but we have enough pets already. Well the manager at the shelter said she wanted me to bring them next week (after only having them 3 weeks) and I told her about my fiance's dad passing away and that my fiance really likes this cat and I'd like to keep the cat longer (they dont' have much space at the shelter) and that would free up room for cats that get dropped off there- they wouldnt' have to euthanize them) after all I"M paying for these cats food and stuff right now, not the shelter. Her response is dont worry I'll give you other cats. Yeah just what we need right now, different cats to have to get used to our house and pets and everything. Stupid bitch. I seriously hate people. Its not like I want or expect special treatment. But why don't people have a shread of human kindness or decency anymore? I'm just so tired of everyone.

[cyphrshy1]

Christine, I am so sorry about your fiance's dad's death. I know you don't know me, but when I read your heartfelt post, I had to login and say something.

I don't know what to say to comfort you but I want you to know I don't agree with the way these people you mentioned handled things. They should have been more understanding and compassionate to you and to your fiance's family.

I dunno...people today seem to be losing that sense of connectedness that they had years ago what with the internet and the cellphones and all that. I myself find that people are not as close as they should be. I was saying to someone last week that people used to drop by and chat with their neighbours...now it seems that one has to "make an appointment" in order just to talk to a so-called friend!

I don't blame you for being upset!!!!! I would be upset too if I'd been in your position! Just let it out and rant it's very thereaputic, my dear. Is there someone in your geographical area you could talk to on the telephone? Or go see in person?

I don't know what's the matter with people today also. Those florists should have been more compassionate after all it was for a funeral!!! They should have not refused to take responsibility for the damaged flowers and they were way out of line blaming your MIL!!!And the other things you mentioned: at the place you volunteered, no she should NOT have been so picky at you about the water bowls! - I mean you're a volunteer, you're not getting paid for the service you're doing for them, so they should be grateful for the help you give them!!! And your supervisor and boss should both have said they were sad for you about your fiance's dad's death! You needed a kind word - we all do - in this time of grief!

So let it out, my dear girl, you need compassion and understanding from others. It was their failing!

Also, that shelter should have let you keep that special cat you mentioned your fiance liking for a longer time instead of saying you can keep other cats.

Again, I am sorry about your fiance's dad and I hope you can get some comfort and closure. You are in my thoughts. I have lost people in my life that are or were important to me and I know it is hard to work through the grief. I am going through something lately myself, nothing like what you`re going through, but it is also very emotionally draining. Please accept my sincere sympathies.

Regards,

Cyphershy1

[Farouche]

Really sorry to hear about your future FIL.

I wonder if some people around you are acting insensitive because they assume you wouldn't be that close with your fiance's family, simply because most people probably aren't. If I knew you in real life and you hadn't specifically mentioned that you were close to his parents, I would have asked if your fiance and his mom were doing ok, but I'm not sure I would have thought to consider the effect on you personally.

But I definitely agree that it sounds like all the people you mentioned were being insensitive, at best. The second florist takes the cake, though, with the snotty attitude and the friggin' passive aggressive note. Handwritten, no less. If you still feel like pursuing this, I think it's a fine idea to take the wilted flower pics and the sarcastic note with you to the shop and illustrate for the owner why you won't be giving them your business ever again.

As for the cats, you’d think people who care enough to work at a shelter would get the concept that pets aren’t interchangeable parts. Sounds like it wouldn't affect them in the least if you kept this particular cat a little longer than they'd planned, so I bet they’d back down pretty quickly if you make a bit of a stink about it. You could try explaining to them in person why this cat is so important to you right now, or if that doesn't have the right effect, you might even go so far as to say that if they insist on getting this particular cat back right away, then you won’t be interested in fostering any “more cats” of theirs in the future.

And I guess I'll close with a final "condolences" to you and all the grieving family members.

[christine220]

Thank you both for your kind words. I was having a really bad week when I posted that. Not so much that I'm mourning my future FIL, I'm trying to help my fiance thru this and watching his poor mom just all alone breaks my heart and I don't know what to do. Maybe I'm extra sensitive right now but it just seems like everything negative is magnified and I can't believe what idiots some people can be. But then again you have the flip side- compassionate strangers I've never met, offering their comfort. Thank you, you are truly good people.