I can't stand up for myself

[sweetnlow]

I think a rant would feel good right about now ;D. As shy people, I am sure most of you can relate to the issue of feeling powerless and not being able to stand up for yourself.

I wish I had a backbone! I can live with the fact that I am socially awkward, but I just can't forgive myself for letting people walk all over me. I want to be able to do something about it but I feel so scared and powerless, it makes me hate myself. Growing up, I can remember people calling me every name in the book while I just sat there and excepted their insults. I would try in vain to avoid these people by taking the long way around the school and avoiding the bathrooms if possible. It was the only thing I could do. I lived my life in fear. As an advanced student, I liked learning in school but hated breaks and times where I had to face people. Panic attacks were a way of life back then and I became severely depressed.
As an adult, things have got worse and I feel powerless like I did as a child. We live in a low income neighbourhood where bullies and horrible parents are the norm. We stick out here as a good family and people have told us we really don't deserve to live here. Its hopefully a matter of time before we can better ourselves and move away. We have a bully who lives a few doors down. She is a horrible person with eight children. She is raising the children to be little heathens, for lack of a better word. The children have no morals, don't even go to school and they bully my children to the point that they don't want to go outside. This woman has swore and yelled at my children and she has made our lives miserable. I have been so angry that I just cried but the thought of confronting her scares me and makes me feel sick. I just feel powerless against her. My children don't stand up for themselves as well. The cycle is continuing and it tears me up inside. I just wish I could tell her what I really though of her. Trust me, it wouldn't be pretty. I have never hated anyone more than I hate this woman. I have A LOT of pent up anger inside from a really hard life and abuses. Maybe its best that I am this way. I think I could probably do something bad that I would regret

[additive]

What would happen if you stood up to her? And what would standing up to her entail?

[sweetnlow]

Oh, I don't think it would go well at all. I can't find the words to describe how horrible this woman is. Picture someone who is drunk, belligerent, and just plain ignorant. She acts like this when she is sober, its just her personality. If I even tried to talk nicely to her about a concern, she would yell, swear at me, and quite possibly try to get physically violent. The police have been called on her several times for issues with other neighbours and issues with her older kids. This person is personally responsible for running several people out of the neighbourhood because they just can't take her actions anymore. Our housing is government sponsored and the process of having her evicted involves court, testimony and it is not likely that we would be successful. Our landlord even said she would like to see her go but it is out of her hands. It's just a bad situation!
I honestly don't want to be an obnoxious person who confronts people and acts out of anger like her, but I do wish that I was a bit more outspoken and more inclined to stand up for myself and my family. There have been a couple times in my life that someone had done something to upset my children and I actually surprised myself by acting out of anger over the situation and I did say something. It felt good lol. My maternal instinct is strong and I am more likely to say something if my children are involved than I would be if someone did something that only effected me. In this particular case though, I am afraid of the woman and that is enough for me to back down. In a nutshell, I just can't wait to have enough money to move out of this area.

[additive]

Hmm, she sounds quite unstable. Best to just ignore her. Don't give her any emotional responses or ques to feed on. Pretend she literally doesn't exist, she'll hopefully lose steam and go look for more entertaining victims.

But protect your children though, or move them out of the bad situation the way like you'd deal with a drunk, loud but harmless uncle. Quietly, quickly and without encouraging them.

[Twice-Shy]

Seems to me that the government sponsored housing needs to be made aware of this person, her actions toward her kids and children of others.... there are rules. Most people that are bullies are good at avoiding the trouble they should get into for the disrespect of others. They become Good at what they do. Chances are, this did just come about. This woman has been like this most, if not all her life. She gets by with it, so she continues.