Uncomfortable Group Gatherings

[Shan-Chan]

This sucks because I really don't feel like typing, but I need help with this (also I don't see my therapist untill a few weeks). So, hi everyone, I am hopping that you can lend me some strength that I need to be able to do something without freaking out on the inside. Like something that I can tell myself, repeat in my head during a situation like the one I am about to tell you.

Well the thing is....I usually feel very different or undesirable when in a get together or gathering. I felt the most anxious I ever felt in my whole life a few years ago when trying out for enrollment and seminars at a college (-_- Jesus Christ). But on a positive note, here I am again trying to do something worthwhile! But not for myself, for animals. I am going to be volunteering at a humane society. I already went to the orientation and it amazed me how people that didn't even know each other could brighten up and start talking and carrying on conversations and just jump out there like RAH!! XP I offered smiles and I would say things, but me I am more quiet until I feel that someone actually wants to talk to me or whatnot.

It's just weird. I am going to have to go to a lot of more group gatherings because they are going to be teaching us how to deal with the animals and what to do. I mean I totally (not a valley girl) want to do it, but I always feel in my heart that I'm so different. For one I look a lot younger then my age. I don't mind this but I feel people don't take me seriously. I talk friendly like when need be and I do not have an intimidating demeanor, but I feel that people look at me overlook me or they either think I'm icky cause I am not behaving like them or not. I really hate that feeling. Though I am more concerned being 'cool' or 'popular', more about being an outcast when having to deal with strangers.

I do know that I am different from most 23 year olds. I am playful and cute in mannerisms versus independent and outgoing. Yeah, so that about it. I really would like to hear similar situations or feelings or advice from whoever can offer it ^^ (<<<see cute! UGH!!)

[Scotty]

I suck in most group situations. In a social setting, I just feel boring next to a bunch of extroverts who are able to talk about nothing so easily. And then there's when they put you inot groups in class, where you are forced to talk but I have no idea what I'm supposed to say,lol.

I don't really have any advice other than to stick with it. It's likely the more you go, the more comfortable you'll be. Working with animals sounds fun, and once you know what you're doing and talking about, you'll be fine.

By the way, there's absolutley nothing wrong with having cute mannerisms.

[Tal]

I do know how you feel. I can be quite playful and friendly, but often feel overlooked and as if I'm an outcast.

However it's very good that your volunteering and putting yourself out there.

Playful and cute mannerism are the best imo. You will find people who appreciate those as well as people who don't. You've just gotta keep being friendly and people who are worth being friends with will notice you eventually. Don't stop being cute

[Shan-Chan]

@ Scotty
Actually I liked being put into groups by an instructor better then splitting up and making a group yourself. @_@ Especially if no one you know is in that class. To me it took off the pressure of having to feel left out and without a group to be in XP (sigh). Most of the people in my classes were loud and wanted nothing to do with a a seemingly meek girl. Why do you think you are boring? I bet you're not ^^. Try to talk about your interests with people and stuff that is more interesting.

And yeah working with animals does sound like a lot of fun =). I really just wanna help them out. I'm goign to an onsite training tomorrow btw (sigh). I'm just gonna go and be like yeah...here I am. And whatever, I'm not going there to make friends anyway. If I make em, I make em. And thanks, aboput the cute mannerisms comment. I don't think I'm all that =o bad. I just feel totally different and uncomfortable with myself around other people I guess. Just like left out....

@tal

Hi Tal again. You get around don't you? I've seen you on lots of threads. ^^ Oh well, nothing wrong with that. Thank you for answering. You're openly friendly? Sometimes I wish I could be, but I get self concious and bottle it up on the inside. I have trouble like feeling confident in starting conversations with strangers. I have run across some people that don't mind my personality, and some that don't know how to handle it. So I guess you're right about finding those that appreciate it and don't XP.

Thanks ^^

Sometimes I have to tell T_T myself that being afraid doesn't mean that you can't do it. *kicks self*

[sakura]

Shan-Chan, welcome to the club ! I feel the same way in a group too - everyone else always seem to have something interesting to say except me. All I ever do is listen & nod my head dumbly.
But do give yourself a pat on the back for being brave enough to sign up for this noble cause! I'm sure as time goes on, the people in your group will get to know you better & like you for who you are. I'm also trying to find something to get involved in but till now, have yet to take that first step...my fears are still holding me back....

[Shan-Chan]

Thank you sakura Yeah I know how it is, just listening to everyone else while trying to look happy. I wish that people were more outreaching. But instead I feel like I always have to reach out to them. And yeah I do feel really glad that I was able to do this. I normally would have kept putting it off, but I saw this video that made me want to get off of my but and help animals who really could use the help. But yeah when you fell scared within yourself it's hard. You kind of have to pump yourself up it seems lol or kind of try to get help to do something you want. I hope you have a burst of energy to shoot you forward to something you wanna do =)

[Outcast]

Hi. I think you've been a good opportunity here to overcome your fears and practice communicating with people who have more or less the same interests with you. (like with helping animals..)
I've also watched some videos that made me want to change/improve myself lately. It's hard work. But...i think if you constantly remind yourself that changing yourself is really what you want to do. You can tap that desire to be your source of strength. To do the difficult things even under uncomfortable situations. Take small steps and work your way up. Best of luck to you.

[Shan-Chan]

*Teary eyed* Thank you. Yeah and small steps are good.