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Post by Outcast on Feb 25, 2014 16:31:44 GMT -5
Really impressed with how you were able to abstain from alcohol. Congratulations on having a healthier liver as a result.
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Post by Crashtastic on Feb 27, 2014 22:13:49 GMT -5
That is awesome beyond words, Marley. My very close friend has struggled with alcoholism for many years now and she has had a very difficult time quitting. She did for about 8 months and only just recently relapsed. It's been hard for the people who care about her, including myself. If you could see the difference between the way she is sober and the way she is drunk....breaks my heart. So yes, it is an incredible achievement to overcome alcoholism. Congrats.
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Post by Zoe on Mar 1, 2014 7:36:46 GMT -5
So happy for you *BIG HUGS* Congratulations on leading a more healthier lifestyle
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Post by marle on Mar 2, 2014 12:12:09 GMT -5
Thank you all for your supportive comments and for taking the time to read my post. I really appreciate it. The comments about how alcoholism affects others around you- I think that was less the case for me, as I was by myself when I was drunk (although I remember posting a few embarrassing comments online). Of course if my health had gotten progressively worse, that would have worried my family. I don't think my family realized the extent of how bad my drinking was. I didn't receive "interventions"... maybe that's why it went on for so long. Crash, I hope your friend has better success quitting. Eight months is a really long time - it's a good sign that she has it in her to quit permanently.
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Post by Astroruss on Mar 18, 2014 12:24:10 GMT -5
Thank you all for your supportive comments and for taking the time to read my post. I really appreciate it. The comments about how alcoholism affects others around you- I think that was less the case for me, as I was by myself when I was drunk (although I remember posting a few embarrassing comments online). Of course if my health had gotten progressively worse, that would have worried my family. I don't think my family realized the extent of how bad my drinking was. I didn't receive "interventions"... maybe that's why it went on for so long. Crash, I hope your friend has better success quitting. Eight months is a really long time - it's a good sign that she has it in her to quit permanently. I think that as shy people with emotional problems we tend to be more prone to substance abuse, of many kinds. The norm is for men to be the ones to get intoxicated repeatedly and abuse the drug, but we're seeing more women become prone to it also. It's hard to beat an addiction or problem on your own.
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Post by marle on May 4, 2014 17:34:45 GMT -5
I just met someone in person for the first time who responded to my roommate ad. It was a guy in his late twenties who saw my ad on the company website. He works on the floor below me in a different department.
He came over and I showed him the apartment, and we talked shortly about a few related things. Naturally, I was awkward and on the quiet side. I guess it's better to be awkward if that leaves him with an accurate impression of me. However, it bothers me to think if something I said came off the wrong way, though. Like when it came to the exercise bike I own and he asked if I went to the gym. I responded no, that's why I have the exercise bike and kind of laughed a little bit. Maybe there was something about the way I responded that came across as snarky when I didn't mean to? Anyway, as I said, above all I want to leave an accurate impression.
I'm just not good at talking to people. It's stressful. I'm also not a smiley person which hurts.
As far as the roommate search goes, the prospects have been far and few between. I'm also not sure which is really the better prospect: getting a roommate from a public online ad or from a workplace ad. The obvious advantage of a workplace ad is that I get more stable, professional types responding. The advantage of a public online ad is that I can oddly be more open about who I am. In my workplace ad, I didn't really describe my personality at all. I'm concerned with what people at work know and think about me. In my non-work online ad, I'm much more open about my personality and interests. For example, I'll mention that I'm gay. I feel somewhat paranoid about getting into a situation where I'm roommates with a woman who didn't know that about me from the start. But I'd be too shy to mention that to someone at work, who I may not become roommates with anyway.
Oh well... life.
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Post by marle on Jul 5, 2014 15:06:20 GMT -5
I found someone who might be a roommate possibility. It could easily not happen, though. It's a 50/50 chance at best. She messaged me through an online roommate ad. We spoke on the phone a little bit. Awkwardly, of course. Wouldn't expect it to be anything else. She said she would be in the area and we can meet up next Saturday for coffee. Based on that, she will decide whether to check out my place.
Hopefully, her decision to check out my place will be based on me not seeming like a scary psychopath, rather than on whether we seem to get along like friends (although of course who wouldn't want that). I can only imagine it would be awkward if at the end of the meet-up she says she's not interested in coming to see my apartment. This will be on my birthday, too. Happy birthday to me!
Before the coffee meet-up, I am going to ingest something high in sugar. I notice I feel more relaxed and social when I'm on a sugar/carb high.
If this doesn't work out, I am half-seriously asking members of this forum if you would consider being my roommate, if you have a reason or a desire to live in eastern Connecticut.
A requirement, though: you must like the distant sound of wind chimes from one my neighbors (I'm hearing it a little bit now, it's very nice)!
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Post by marle on Jul 12, 2014 9:37:23 GMT -5
I just met with the prospective roommate at the coffee place. She had booked an appointment right after our meeting so she will text me later about whether she wants to see my apartment.
She didn't say it, but my impression is that she wants someone she could become friends with and she thinks I am probably not that person. She also said something along the lines of "I don't know really know what you're interested in."
It's hard, because I really don't have any clear interests. I mentioned I was interested in "health" and I exercised at home, but not really anything else.
It goes without saying that I was awkward. I don't think we had "chemistry" or whatever you call it, but I never have that with anyone.
'Sucks.
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Post by Strawberry on Jul 12, 2014 22:29:28 GMT -5
If this doesn't work out, I am half-seriously asking members of this forum if you would consider being my roommate, if you have a reason or a desire to live in eastern Connecticut. A requirement, though: you must like the distant sound of wind chimes from one my neighbors (I'm hearing it a little bit now, it's very nice)! Well...hot damn. If I wasn't in a decent position right now....I would have definitely considered it. Finally a full-time job with benefits. Though I don't plan on sticking with it or even living here for forever (I still dream of moving away)...I think my primary goal right now is to stay put and pay off my student loans in full. It won't necessarily be for a very long time, in the grand scheme of things (even though it may feel like it ), but...oh crap, I'll stop going on about my own stuff..... -------------------- Since I haven't figured out this double quote thing, for whatever reason (my stupidity/lack of interest).....You said:
"It's hard, because I really don't have any clear interests. I mentioned I was interested in "health" and I exercised at home, but not really anything else.
It goes without saying that I was awkward. I don't think we had "chemistry" or whatever you call it, but I never have that with anyone.
'Sucks."I used to feel this for the LONGEST time--regarding both the feeling of lack of interests and chemistry. And, quite honestly, I still feel the whole 'lack of chemistry' a lot (perhaps most) of the time. However, personally...I have come to realize certain interests of mine. And I feel like...maybe they were interests all along; it was just the problem of not being around people to VALIDATE those interests for the longest time...if that makes sense? It's like...when I live in a location where all the people have similar goals (such as...simply staying put, being comfortable with where they are at, etc--avoiding going into detail actually :S).... the fact that they don't understand my interests (like moving away), kind of really irks me and makes me feel distant automatically. Or you know...just when people have never been anywhere else and don't desire to do so.... I feel like I'm not explaining my stuff well enough. Especially since I'm not very specific. :S But in a nutshell, I used to struggle with the idea of what my 'interests' were...and by becoming involved in various things...being exposed to kind of a variety of things (either by choice or sort of by circumstances)...I definitely learned what I like (and also what I don't like)...which can be a continuous learning experience throughout our lives, I believe. Sometimes new interests evolve from other things. For example, there was a time that I never thought I'd be the type of person that enjoyed exercise...more specifically running...and yet, I proved to myself that it happened. Even though I totally didn't expect it to. Sometimes people can introduce us to new things, too. (and yes, I realize the friend dilemma here) None of it's easy. :/ Anyway...I think you definitely *do* have interests. It's just a matter of finding people who share similar interests. Like some sort of a health group? If you can find someone that shares your interests, it'll seem more believable to you that it's an actual 'interest'...and it is, it totally is. Some people live for health-related things and exercise. *I really need to stop editing this thing before posting....feeling totally out of practice with writing things like this. :S Even though it hasn't really been all that long. It feels like it, though. Ahhh
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Post by marle on Jul 13, 2014 18:48:39 GMT -5
Update: she did come to see my apartment. Whatever her preference for a more sociable roommate, she obviously thought it was worth checking out my place (I mean, I do have a washer/dryer in my unit and she gets her own bathroom). She said she will make her final decision tomorrow. It sounds like she's leaning towards moving in here. I'm aware of all of this, but she pointed out some things that reminded me of feeling like an empty, personality-less person. My apartment is so empty. It's not just the couch and coffee table I purposefully didn't buy in case a roommate had them (she does). There are almost no decorations. And whatever is there is very plain. She also said she felt weird about being with someone so very quiet. And there was the comment yesterday about not knowing what I'm interested in. Since I haven't figured out this double quote thing, for whatever reason (my stupidity/lack of interest).....You said:
"It's hard, because I really don't have any clear interests. I mentioned I was interested in "health" and I exercised at home, but not really anything else.
It goes without saying that I was awkward. I don't think we had "chemistry" or whatever you call it, but I never have that with anyone.
'Sucks."I used to feel this for the LONGEST time--regarding both the feeling of lack of interests and chemistry. And, quite honestly, I still feel the whole 'lack of chemistry' a lot (perhaps most) of the time. However, personally...I have come to realize certain interests of mine. And I feel like...maybe they were interests all along; it was just the problem of not being around people to VALIDATE those interests for the longest time...if that makes sense? It's like...when I live in a location where all the people have similar goals (such as...simply staying put, being comfortable with where they are at, etc--avoiding going into detail actually :S).... the fact that they don't understand my interests (like moving away), kind of really irks me and makes me feel distant automatically. Or you know...just when people have never been anywhere else and don't desire to do so.... I feel like I'm not explaining my stuff well enough. Especially since I'm not very specific. :S But in a nutshell, I used to struggle with the idea of what my 'interests' were...and by becoming involved in various things...being exposed to kind of a variety of things (either by choice or sort of by circumstances)...I definitely learned what I like (and also what I don't like)...which can be a continuous learning experience throughout our lives, I believe. Sometimes new interests evolve from other things. For example, there was a time that I never thought I'd be the type of person that enjoyed exercise...more specifically running...and yet, I proved to myself that it happened. Even though I totally didn't expect it to. Sometimes people can introduce us to new things, too. (and yes, I realize the friend dilemma here) None of it's easy. :/ Anyway...I think you definitely *do* have interests. It's just a matter of finding people who share similar interests. Like some sort of a health group? If you can find someone that shares your interests, it'll seem more believable to you that it's an actual 'interest'...and it is, it totally is. Some people live for health-related things and exercise. *I really need to stop editing this thing before posting....feeling totally out of practice with writing things like this. :S Even though it hasn't really been all that long. It feels like it, though. Ahhh I do think I have some kind of interests. There are not many things in *particular* that grab my interest for a significant length of time, though. I mention health because it is the closest thing to that. It doesn't dominate my life completely, though. Maybe she's wondering what else is there? I guess she'll find out if she becomes my roommate... I understand what you mean by other people validating your interests. What counts as an interest? It could be wanting to move away, I suppose. For me, it's whatever seems compelling to me. I read an article recently about how people feel disturbed by life-like but not quite human things, like mannequins and human-like robots (a phenomenon called the "uncanny valley"). I find that interesting. I am not going to recall that article though when trying to make conversation. And I wouldn't count it as an "interest", per se. If this doesn't work out, I am half-seriously asking members of this forum if you would consider being my roommate, if you have a reason or a desire to live in eastern Connecticut. A requirement, though: you must like the distant sound of wind chimes from one my neighbors (I'm hearing it a little bit now, it's very nice)! Well...hot damn. If I wasn't in a decent position right now....I would have definitely considered it. Finally a full-time job with benefits. Though I don't plan on sticking with it or even living here for forever (I still dream of moving away)...I think my primary goal right now is to stay put and pay off my student loans in full. It won't necessarily be for a very long time, in the grand scheme of things (even though it may feel like it ), but...oh crap, I'll stop going on about my own stuff..... Strawberry, you are definitely welcome in the future (if it makes practical sense) to be my roommate, if I don't have one at the time . It's great that you're in a decent position right now. It's definitely smart to get your financial/career situation in order.
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Post by marle on Jul 27, 2014 21:38:10 GMT -5
Well, things didn't pan out with this person. I never heard from her again. To be honest, I was ambivalent about her being my roommate. She talked about how she liked to watch TV in the common area after 11pm, and not at a quiet volume, either. It seemed important to her that she sticks with her routine, and I was uncertain of how flexible she was. I'm glad we talked about expectations like that. I probably would have agreed to her being my roommate, anyway, as I'm fairly desperate. I guess I shall continue paying the full rent on my two-bedroom apartment. It'd be nice to save money, though. *shrug* I wish I had a pet. I haven't gotten one because I didn't want it to limit my roommate prospects. I think that's why I visited a zoo today. I miss animals. I never considered myself really to be an 'animal person', but that's because most of my life I've lived in a household with a pet cat or two. When I don't have that, I start missing them. I enjoyed seeing the wild animals at the zoo, although I'd probably prefer having a cat. My favorite part, though, was actually just sitting on a bench in this one area that was away from everything else. It was surrounded by trees, different vegetation (like these tall bamboo-like stalks. I don't know if it's actually bamboo, though. I'm kind of an idiot about this stuff) and the sound of birds. There was something very calming about it. I considered buying a membership to the zoo so I could keep visiting that one area, although I thought better of it. There must be some place like that closer to where I live, if I bothered to look/explore. Things have been more hectic at work. I think I'm actually having to learn how to deal with that kind of stress, in terms of decompressing after work and not spending so much time thinking about it. I hadn't really had that issue before.
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Post by marle on Oct 6, 2014 19:48:28 GMT -5
I'm very close to having a roommate right now. Paperwork is signed, hoping she passes the background/credit check. I'm pretty confident about the background check, and I hope the credit check doesn't mean much because I've been paying the full rent for quite a while.
*crosses fingers*
I don't see us as having similar personalities or background, but I hope the way I relate to her is better than how I relate to someone at work. It's a low bar I'm hoping to achieve.
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Post by marle on Oct 8, 2014 11:13:15 GMT -5
OK, it's official! She passed the checks, so she's now my roommate. We'll be discussing the details of exactly when she'll move in later.
This should be interesting...
The first thing I wonder about is how often she'll have guests over. I know she will bring them over occasionally, including some of her kids at least on the weekends. But how often it will end up actually being remains to be seen. I'm cool with the idea, at least in theory. It's just that I'm going to go from living like a hermit to living with someone who seems to be very sociable. Other people's lives seem so full, chaotic, lively when compared to mine. I'm hopeful it will work out OK somehow.
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Post by Strawberry on Oct 12, 2014 16:16:04 GMT -5
Good luck, marle....I hope this turns out to be a good experience for you.
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Post by marle on Oct 19, 2014 20:16:10 GMT -5
Well, this has been my first week with the roommate. I'm glad this has happened - she's a good roommate. She's respectful, clean, and on weeknights she goes to bed before 9:00 (no loud television in the middle of the night, yay!). From what I can tell she seems like a very decent, nice person. I'm disappointed, more than I should be, that we don't have a better rapport. I feel awkward talking to her, in the usual shy way. It's very rare that I do talk to her, and it's pretty much just a few words about apartment-related things. Today I told her about how some people were coming to take away some furniture tomorrow, and I think that's the first thing I said to her since last Wednesday. A lot of the reason for that is she's pretty busy, socially, hanging out with somebody/talking on the phone/out somewhere- and I don't have the chance or don't want to interrupt her. I think I'll just need to accept that any social opportunities will be very few and far between. I just wish they would become less awkward. So far it doesn't feel any more comfortable than talking to someone at work. I keep telling myself that I have to give it time, though. This is very early on. One thing about having a roommate is that I'm more often reminded of my lonely situation. I hear her talking to other people, laughing, when before I suppose I would just lose myself in my internet browsing, the show I'm watching, or my own thoughts. An awkward social interaction also reminds of my shyness problems. I still believe, though, that whatever stress that causes is worth it. It's important to try new situations if ones life is otherwise not going anywhere.
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