I feel like a kid again

[miles2go]

For me to clearly express the way I feel right now I have to first explain why the feeling is special.

I lost a girl that I loved very tragically about three years ago. Before I lost her I was young and very immature, taking for granted most of the things I had especially her. I just assumed that things would stay the same and never expected them to change so quickly, I was going to marry her. Losing her was the worst thing that ever happened to me and I carried her everywhere I went. I had bouts with depression and anxiety, and still do sometimes. I became very closed off and people who never knew me before she passed cannot stay friends with me for long cause they eventually start feeling like I am not letting them in and I lose them. I haven't dated or been with anyone since her because I still carry the guilt of the event and cause I haven't connected with anyone since her.

Enter Allyson. I met her about a month ago volunteering at a hospital and we connected immediately. She is so smart and has such a goofy sense of humor that I cannot get enough of, and the most beautiful blue eyes that I have ever seen. Every time I see her smile I feel as though I just might give her anything she wants and that feeling terrifies me. She actually makes me feel young again cause I spend most of my time thinking about her and I can finally after all this time say that there is a girl that I really like.

The problem is that she is now getting to the point that she feels really comfortable with me and has told me so much about herself that she is starting to realize that she doesn't know who i really am. I haven't told her too much about myself and she is starting to feel cheated and that I really don't care about her. She thinks that me not opening up to her by now is an indictment on how I feel about her and I feel like she might be slipping away. Couple this situation with the fact that my closest friends don't like her because they don't think she is anything like the girl I lost and that she isn't my type makes me second guess everything. I ultimately doubt it will work in the long run anyway because she is 28yrs old and I am 21. If anyone could offer some advice or comments I am all ears.

If you read all the way to the end thanks for sticking with it and sorry for the long winded post.

[Karen]

I'm sorry to hear you lost the girl you loved, I can only imagine how difficult that must be.

I would suggest talking to the girl you are with now, and explaining why its difficult to be open with her. Being open and sharing after having gone through what you went through would be difficult for anyone, if she knows that you want to be more open, but are finding it difficult, she will probably be patient with you.

As far as your friends not liking the girl your with now, its not their opinions that matter, its yours. I would say the same about the age difference, as long as your okay with it, thats all that matters. Good luck miles2go, I sincerely hope everything works out for you.

[Zoe]

I absolutely agree with Karen, honesty is the best policy. Let her know your thoughts and feelings. It's not easy to find instant connection with people especially with all the things you have been through. Rather than wondering what if's, better to find out yourself and decide whether if she is your type or not. No one can replace another person however different people bring different types of happiness into our life and that is definately worth embracing.

The fact that she wants you to open up and let her know more about you, indicates she is more than willing to hear what you have to say.... Good Luck miles2go, hope it all goes well for you.

[casanova2]

She can give you a shoulder to cry on and support you a bit,i think that you have to be honest though as others have already advised you.
Good luck

[miles2go]

Thanks for the support and good ideas guys. I did have a long conversation with her and did as you guys suggested and she really appreciated my honesty, but she started feeling bad because she was keeping the fact that she got a really good Job offer in a different state away from me. She hasn't decided whether or not she will take it but if she does she will be gone by the end of the month and I just wish I would have known all this before the conversation. I've been sulking the last few days after I talked to her but I really don't want to be selfish and influence her decision one way or the other, I guess murphy's law wins again.

[Karen]

Sorry to hear that Miles2go. Hopefully even if she moves away you will be able to remain good friends or better.