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Post by Outcast on Nov 1, 2011 2:22:03 GMT -5
When people usually invite me to go out, i often decline the offer. I just don't enjoy going out like most people do. I'd rather just watch tv ,play video games or rest at home. Guess i'm just weird. Or that i've just relied too much on tv and computers. I can't imagine what i'd do if these weren't around. I often wonder, is there life for me outside these boxes? Yet even if i did go out, i don't think that would help me gain any friends. I've tried joining clubs before, didn't gain any friends there either. I was too aloof and kept mostly to myself to do myself any good. I probably need to open up to people more, but what could i possibly talk about? When introduced to new people, i wouldn't know where to start. How to make good conversation, etc, etc. Yeah, that's just me. Lousy at making any friends.
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Paper
New Member
Posts: 25
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Post by Paper on Nov 1, 2011 14:23:44 GMT -5
Are you me in disguise?
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Post by Sexy Spork #37 on Nov 1, 2011 14:24:38 GMT -5
I was always brought up with the belief that there are always others worse off. It might not seem possible to you but I can assure you that I am a lot worse off than you are.
I never had any friends. When I was in college I declined offers of others to go out into the town (to get to know me). I'd rather stay home and watch the TV or write my stories on my computer. Nightclubs are terrifying. I'd rather read a book. You're not weird at all. I'm weird and I don't care, but I know why a lot of people do.
I think I'm happy because I accepted this is who I am. I think the worse thing to do is convince yourself you're weird. You can't help who you are.
Yes, we can rely too much on TV, books, music, the internet - but that's fine. Especially the internet. It's what's made me happy. Not just forums like this whereby you can reassure yourself you're not alone but general forums where people don't know about your shyness. I didn't want to do any of these things but I forced myself and I'm glad I did. Create a blog. I did. I still can't believe I did. Lot's of shy people have one. One hit alone a week cheers me up.
You're not weird, you're not lousy at making friends. I've had many days when I think this. You're just having a bad day. Find something that makes you happy. For me it's pictures of my family.
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Post by Outcast on Nov 2, 2011 13:06:12 GMT -5
Not sure. Who knows? Thanks for the comment though. It's reassuring to know i'm not alone in feeling this way. Well, at least someone understands what i'm feeling. I was always brought up with the belief that there are always others worse off. It might not seem possible to you but I can assure you that I am a lot worse off than you are. I never had any friends. When I was in college I declined offers of others to go out into the town (to get to know me). I'd rather stay home and watch the TV or write my stories on my computer. Nightclubs are terrifying. I'd rather read a book. You're not weird at all. I'm weird and I don't care, but I know why a lot of people do. I think I'm happy because I accepted this is who I am. I think the worse thing to do is convince yourself you're weird. You can't help who you are. Yes, we can rely too much on TV, books, music, the internet - but that's fine. Especially the internet. It's what's made me happy. Not just forums like this whereby you can reassure yourself you're not alone but general forums where people don't know about your shyness. I didn't want to do any of these things but I forced myself and I'm glad I did. Create a blog. I did. I still can't believe I did. Lot's of shy people have one. One hit alone a week cheers me up. You're not weird, you're not lousy at making friends. I've had many days when I think this. You're just having a bad day. Find something that makes you happy. For me it's pictures of my family. Thank you for your words of encouragement and advice like making a blog and all. Yeah, i also find nightclubs a bit terrifying myself. Or any other unfamiliar places too, especially when i'm all alone going there. I'm just not sure if i can gain any friends, if i stayed like this.
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Post by marle on Nov 2, 2011 18:21:51 GMT -5
I think I'm happy because I accepted this is who I am. I think the worse thing to do is convince yourself you're weird. You can't help who you are. I'm glad to see a diversity of perspectives when it comes to this board. We're all shy in different ways. Some people believe they can fix their shyness if they just work on it hard enough. Others are looking for self-acceptance. I think we can all improve ourselves, but we need to understand our own personal abilities to know what we can change and how much. And of course, as Sexy Spork #37 says, understand what makes us happy.
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Post by lostmyself on Nov 3, 2011 3:32:24 GMT -5
Very good point Marle, it doesn't help your shyness if you beat yourself up but it also doesn't help if you don't push yourself. I probably need to open up to people more, but what could i possibly talk about? When introduced to new people, i wouldn't know where to start. How to make good conversation, etc, etc. Yeah, that's just me. Lousy at making any friends. You're doing it here right now, we're all talking because you started a conversation I think we can all agree that making friends is hard.
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Post by Outcast on Nov 3, 2011 11:21:32 GMT -5
You're doing it here right now, we're all talking because you started a conversation Thanks. I appreciate all the comments you guys are sharing. I've been trying to come up with a good reply, and maybe keep the "conversation" going....but i can't seem to think of one. Just more questions come to mind which i think are a bit off topic. I do know that for some people, even though they are shy. They are still able to make/meet new friends. While they also prefer to stay at home, it seems they also like going out with their friends. I wish i knew how they do it. Maybe they're just moderately shy or something. So they're able to balance everything.
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Post by ura on Nov 3, 2011 16:45:17 GMT -5
I'll be honest and say I love going out and I generally always have a good time but I do tend to shy away from going out when I'm asked because of some shitty excuse I come up with but I not going, most of the time.
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Post by Sexy Spork #37 on Nov 4, 2011 7:58:36 GMT -5
Interesting. When I was in college and they asked me to go out with them I just said no. I didn't care what they thought. I try not to let what others say bother me.
Someone in that class once asked me if I've always been shy and I think it raises an interesting question. Personally, I think how it happened and our environment shapes who we are. Maybe if you could identify how you became shy it might help.
For me, I was outgoing but then went to secondary school and was bullied a lot over five years. It made me really introverted, I stopped talking to people and eventually I decided to stand up to these people and it made me a stronger person. I think by identifying the problem it gave some confidence to cope with person I am now.
I think shy people fundamentally just want to be accepted and feel 'normal' even though we are normal.
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Post by Karen on Nov 4, 2011 9:20:34 GMT -5
When people usually invite me to go out, i often decline the offer. I just don't enjoy going out like most people do. I'd rather just watch tv ,play video games or rest at home. I'm the same way, I usually decline any offers to go out. I prefer to stay in and watch tv, play video games, read etc. But, there is also a part of me that hates being this way. I feel bad sometimes that I don't go out and do more things, or accept invitations. I'm torn because part of me really likes my small, quiet life, and part of me wishes I had some friends to hang out with now and then. Or, at the very least, that I didn't feel so uncomfortable in most situations.
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Post by Outcast on Nov 6, 2011 0:58:34 GMT -5
I'll be honest and say I love going out and I generally always have a good time.. When i think about it, it's not that i don't totally enjoy going out. I really don't mind going out alone and going where i want to go, but when people invite me to go somewhere to babysit someone, be their financer, driver, or drinking buddy (i don't like drinking), it's just not the same. I get the feeling that I'm being used somehow. I guess it's just hard for me to meet someone with similar interests.Or maybe the only ones who invites me out wants something from me. Talking socially is another thing i'm really poor at, so going to parties sometimes feel like torture for me. I'm always thinking, "When will this party end? Can i go home now?". College or office group outings are no different. I always feel all alone even if i am with other people. It's not that i don't talk to other people then, i do talk. I tend to force myself sometimes to "act" as if i belong with the group. But somehow, by the end of the day, i feel unsatisfied. As if all of us are all putting this "act" of being "friends and all". I don't know. Maybe I just want more things out of friends. I want real friends i can hang out more than just once every outing. Friends i can talk to more than once a week. Someone i can confide my problems with. Someone who i can share my interests with, and not be ashamed doing so. ...Personally, I think how it happened and our environment shapes who we are. Maybe if you could identify how you became shy it might help... When did i become shy? I'm not sure. I know my parents said i wasn't like this when i was a kid. Back in elementary school, i played with the other kids. I used to be good at sports like basketball. But after some time, i wasn't invited to play anymore. Eventually, basketball became too physical a sport anyways so i didn't miss it that much. I then ended up being good at pingpong and chess in high school. But despite these group activities, i still didn't talk much and often kept to myself. At one point in my high school life, I did have a friend i considered my best friend. I'd visit his house and he'd visit mine. We were into role playing games at the time. So it was great. One day, I don't remember clearly why. I think i felt that he didn't treat me like a best friend like i did. So i started avoiding him. I guess i wanted him to come to me and ask me what's wrong. But he didn't. It made me realize how i was only fooling myself that i had a best friend. While all the while, i guess i was the only one who wanted to be friends. After that, i promised myself not to get too close to anyone ever again. Lonely, i then started buying books to help me learn how to have friends, and so i tried once again. By following the tips i learned from the book, i managed to gain a few friends again. About 3 friends. My relatives also noticed a change in my personality and gave positive remarks about it. But later i started questioning myself, was i being true to myself? Or was i just being a fake following advices from a book? I started to waver in my efforts and one my friends noticed it and commented that i was strange. These doubts persisted in my head, and i eventually decided to stop following the book's advice. We eventually graduated and went to different colleges. Ever since then, I have lost contact with 2 of those friends. I guess i became my regular self again afterwards. Mostly just keeping to myself and talking less. In college, i simply went straight home after school. Content with playing video games and watching tv. But, there is also a part of me that hates being this way. I feel bad sometimes that I don't go out and do more things, or accept invitations. I'm torn because part of me really likes my small, quiet life, and part of me wishes I had some friends to hang out with now and then. Or, at the very least, that I didn't feel so uncomfortable in most situations. Me too. I like the freedom that comes along with my quiet, simple life alone. But sometimes i feel weird/different from the rest, sad and sometimes jealous when i see people who can be themselves can still have friends.
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Post by Sexy Spork #37 on Nov 6, 2011 9:21:34 GMT -5
Yeah, I'm like that. I got offers to go out I felt empowered saying no and giving in to my quiet life that I crave. But later on I felt horrible - I had a bitter taste on my tongue just thinking about them all having fun, even though going out to clubs isn't my idea of fun.
It's a very complicated life being shy trying to balance that fight going on inside between wanting a quiet life and not. I generally give into my quiet side - I feel horrible for it sometimes, though.
One thing I've found from this thread is just how many people want friends and try everything to get them. For me, I've never had a friend, I don’t even try to make friends and I'm happy. If anything, I turn people away who want to be my friend because I don't want one.
I thought many shy people reject possible friendships because they want a quiet life or are genuinely happy being alone, but I'm quite taken aback by how hard the shy people on this thread try to get friends.
I don't know whether that makes me lucky because I'm in a better position because I'm happy with who I am or in a worse position because I'm so shy I've accepted it and given up.
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Post by geekguy on Nov 6, 2011 11:50:59 GMT -5
I'm the opposite, I prefer to go out than to stay home, but stuff like not having a car limits my options sometimes. I don't care if I go somewhere crowded on my own, where you're usually expected to go with friends, sometimes just soaking up the atmosphere of wherever you're going is a nice thing.
Not to mention, most of the time everything is better with friends. Meeting and making connections with new people is a wonderful thing that I've only really begun to appreciate in the past few months. I kinda lack in the conversation department but as long as I have a go, I find that most people are cool with it and though they may not fully understand, it's not like they hate me for it or anything.
That being said, too much social exposure can start to grate on me, so at that point, I'm perfectly happy to take time out just to myself, playing video games, browsing the net, practicing devil sticks, ya know, the general stuff. I believe that a balance of social interaction and alone time is healthy, as while the human is a social animal, we all need time to recharge our batteries, so to speak. I'm pretty sure not even the "social butterfly" types enjoy being in social situations all the time, they'd need time to wind down too.
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Post by ura on Nov 6, 2011 17:14:51 GMT -5
I wrote this post out an hour ago but either my laptop's mouse or something else caused it to get screwy and hard to fix the post, so I'll try and re-write: But, there is also a part of me that hates being this way. I feel bad sometimes that I don't go out and do more things, or accept invitations. I'm torn because part of me really likes my small, quiet life, and part of me wishes I had some friends to hang out with now and then. Or, at the very least, that I didn't feel so uncomfortable in most situations. I know the exact feeling you're mentioning, I enjoy staying at home and watching movies, playing games or browsing the internet but sometimes I wonder is there something better out there and if I'm not very social is it not making it worse by staying indoors while social people stay outside and improve their social skills. When i think about it, it's not that i don't totally enjoy going out. I really don't mind going out alone and going where i want to go, but when people invite me to go somewhere to babysit someone, be their financer, driver, or drinking buddy (i don't like drinking), it's just not the same. I get the feeling that I'm being used somehow. I guess it's just hard for me to meet someone with similar interests.Or maybe the only ones who invites me out wants something from me. Talking socially is another thing i'm really poor at, so going to parties sometimes feel like torture for me. I'm always thinking, "When will this party end? Can i go home now?". College or office group outings are no different. I always feel all alone even if i am with other people. It's not that i don't talk to other people then, i do talk. I tend to force myself sometimes to "act" as if i belong with the group. But somehow, by the end of the day, i feel unsatisfied. As if all of us are all putting this "act" of being "friends and all". I don't know. Maybe I just want more things out of friends. I want real friends i can hang out more than just once every outing. Friends i can talk to more than once a week. Someone i can confide my problems with. Someone who i can share my interests with, and not be ashamed doing so. I know that feeling, I got it when I had college friends, I would hang out with them but I never felt like I had much in common with them and found it quite hard to talk to them, thankfully I still have older friends who I find easy to talk to and don't get that feeling with them, it's just about finding people (like you said) who you can get along with and be yourself with, It's easier said than done however.
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Post by marle on Nov 7, 2011 20:02:10 GMT -5
One thing I've found from this thread is just how many people want friends and try everything to get them. For me, I've never had a friend, I don’t even try to make friends and I'm happy. If anything, I turn people away who want to be my friend because I don't want one. I thought many shy people reject possible friendships because they want a quiet life or are genuinely happy being alone, but I'm quite taken aback by how hard the shy people on this thread try to get friends. I haven't had a friend since I was 9 years old, except for a few online friends. Right now, I can't even say I have an online friend anymore. Whenever anyone tries to talk to me (not that often, but it happens) I don't really have anything to say in that moment. The only real conversations I have now are the occasional one with a family member. I've always wanted a friend, but I'm not interested in "going out" too much, certainly not clubs.
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