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Post by Sexy Spork #37 on Nov 8, 2011 7:42:54 GMT -5
I think because I've never had a friend, I don't really have a desire to have one, if you know what I mean.
Whilst I do see my parents (because I live with them), I hardly see any of my other family and I can never think of anything to say to them when I do. I look after a few of my baby relatives now and again, and I think that helps me. They don't judge you or care who you are, and it's nice to just play with them or take them to the park.
Like you, I'm struggling to fit in with what others would call a 'normal life', but what's normal? Ive found things that make me happy, looking after my family when I can, writing my novels, my photography, my blogs, and a network of forums I find myself on.
I try not to get too down about who I am because this is who I am.
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Post by Grayback on Nov 8, 2011 13:41:57 GMT -5
Quite an interesting topic and discussion going on here, I feel like adding my own thoughts on this subject . I try not to get too down about who I am because this is who I am. I have to agree with this statement because it sums up my opinion quite nicely. The problem with us human beings is that too often we want to do like the majority of people ( that which we define as "normal' ) because if we don't, we end up being perceived as unconventional ( I actually don't know if there is a proper word for that in English, in French the word is "marginal" ). The fact is all of us have different ways of being happy. Of course, being shy, having social anxiety or both makes it that much harder to find happiness in life. But ignoring the shyness issue, I think we should indeed stay true to who we are. If I prefer spending my time alone after a hard day at work, is it really wrong ? Should I, should we be judged on such facts by others ? Yet all the same we sometimes feel guilty for preferring to spend time alone, reading, watching a movie, browsing the web, playing video games,... all because those activities done alone seem weird to "normal" people. I don't think it's a crime to not be "normal" because the truth is being "normal" ( my goodness, that's a lot of quote marks ;D ) doesn't even mean anything because you can't really define normality. As long as you are happy with who you are, never mind what the others think of you, it's only when you find your life meaningless and feel unhappy that you should start changing things but in that case, you will do it for yourself and not to please society .
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Post by missklew on Nov 8, 2011 20:40:46 GMT -5
I prefer to stay home also.
I would get invited to work things and would always decline or try to get out of them. Always. I hate all those team building sessions or team lunches or team bowling or team whatever. Absolutely hate those things and won't go.
I will warn you that doing this does hurt your career. Socializing is pretty darn important for a career; probably more than any actual skill is.
Like in college, the connections you make in college can often times help you in the future in your career.
But, there have been a few companies where I was a joiner by forcing myself to just to see how it was. It really did make a difference in how I was perceived and the opportunities I got while I was there. Organizing team lunches, secret santas, and other bs. blah
So anyway back to me, as I really am.
I am fairly anti social. I can perform for people but see that is short term like an interview or something. Keeping it up long term, I can't do it and don't want to.
I had some friends in high school and early 20s but lost them all when I was married to my 1st husband. I haven't had a real live girlfriend since. I always thought it would be cool to have a woman friend to call up and chat with and she would call me and we could go places.
I am utterly clueless at how to make friends. If I get on with someone with one of the short term chat things, it never goes farther than that. I get aloof. It turns people off.
My husband is my best friend and only real life friend. I am his too.
It seems to be a lot of effort to find friends and maintain the relationship.
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Post by sakura on Nov 10, 2011 2:01:18 GMT -5
I have exactly the same problem - being anti-social & forever declining invitations to dinners, get-togethers or parties. I only go when I don't have a choice ! And become a nervous wreck when I do !
Like missklew says, this will hurt your career. Networking is important to advance one's career; and to network you gotta know more people & in order to do that, you have to get out & socialise. I do look back in regret that I did not make the effort to overcome my fear of socialising in my younger days, otherwise I would not be stuck in a rut like now.
I too have lost my all "old friends" from schools & colleges due to my anti-social behaviour and yearn for a girlfriend to gossip or chat with. Nowadays I make new acquaintances from clubs & exercise classes I forced myself to join, but none whom I can call a BFF...
I think it is OK to decline some invitations to stay at home but not ALL the time..a healthy balance is the way...
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Post by dumpling on Nov 26, 2011 17:58:10 GMT -5
I wish I enjoyed going out. I guess I've come to expect the worst when in social situations. I think I like socializing but for the past while it's been so unpleasant. I can definitely see myself enjoying socializing but it just...never happens. So my only choice is to enjoy being home by myself. It's okay but every now and then I get lonely and depressed.
I do decline invitations to go places a lot. Not because I'd rather stay at home, it's just that I know how things end up being. If it's something one on one with a person I'm comfortable being around I'll agree to it, but it's it's a group or more than me and another person I'm not going to put myself through that. I always end up being the third wheel. If it's a group of people I'm easily forgotten about. One time I went to the museum with a group of friends (only one person was my friend and the rest I didn't know too well), and I felt very alienated so I went off on my own and no one cared. My friend barely noticed I was gone because she was too busy trying to impress her other friends.
I was forced into spending Thanksgiving with my not-so-immediate family. It was just...awkward. I was worried all week about having to go, but surprisingly they were very nice to me and they seemed genuinely interested in me. I was the only person my age there, most of the people there were 40+ with the exception of my 1 and 14 year old cousins.
Kids don't usually like me but my baby cousin really liked me and kept wanting me to pick her up and she would smile at me a lot. So cute.
My immediate family however, they don't really like me lol. I feel like such a waste of space to them. The only thing that makes me feel like I'm not completely worthless is the fact that whatever they ask of me I'll do. Well...I wish they would ask me rather than order me.
I don't have any friends. Not even online friends. I had a few online friends, and even some friends in real life but I guess I'm more annoying or boring than I think I am.
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Post by Ram150 on Apr 6, 2012 22:52:53 GMT -5
Just wanted to add that "tagging along" is not such a bad thing. Some people are just natural observants and can have fun without participating or making their presence known. So don't feel compelled to participate, be the clown, the party animal, or whatever u think ppl should do at a party/gathering.
Another thing: forcing yourself to go out is almost ALWAYS the better choice than staying home. When u get back and turn your keys to open the door, you will have acquired memories, experiences, seen things, and meet people that you wouldn't have met other wise. Even if all what you're doing is just sitting there in the club/event holding a drink and watching the lights. I always insisted on not going out with family when i was a younger and I regret that a lot. Your growth and personal "evolution" depends on how often u step out of ur comfort zone. You don't have to talk to girls/guys, u don't have crazy photos of ur night out to show it off on facebook, but being out there in the real world will help u in a lot of ways that u don't even realize.
I does get better with time and age. Thing is how old are u going to be when u realize it. What i'm trying to say is that u shouldn't refuse opportunities/invitations when they come up. It's not about what's comfortable. It's about what's best for u and ur personal growth. When u get the wave, ride the wave!
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Post by boyzee on Jul 25, 2012 5:03:09 GMT -5
All of as is shy in some "key" moments, and one of the most important "investments" in the life - is work on yourself and on yours self-confidence. In fact, most people feel shy in certain situations, even if it does not seem so.
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Post by residentweevil on Jul 26, 2012 11:47:23 GMT -5
Ditto! Seriously, everyone. I can identify with a lot of these posts. I WILL BE YOUR (online) FRIEND!
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Post by firelfy on Jul 29, 2013 5:44:35 GMT -5
For me, I was outgoing but then went to secondary school and was bullied a lot over five years. It made me really introverted, I stopped talking to people and eventually I decided to stand up to these people and it made me a stronger person. I think by identifying the problem it gave some confidence to cope with person I am now. This is where my shyness stems from I think. After secondary school I kinda gave up on my friends (the couple I had) and prefered to stay indoors. Since then i've struggled to make new friends and apart from my gf and her few friends i dont have any genuine friends, which i'm ok with. think i've gone off topic but so glad i found this site - its great to be open about my shyness
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Post by Astroruss on Aug 23, 2013 1:00:27 GMT -5
Staying at home after work is a lifestyle for me, that's for sure. : I never would have guessed I'd grow up to be a computer nerd, but I am. I teach computer classes at work then come home to my beloved one afterwards and spend hours on it every night.
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Post by jimmyjjohn on Jan 6, 2014 23:51:32 GMT -5
I think I'm happy because I accepted this is who I am. I think the worse thing to do is convince yourself you're weird. You can't help who you are.
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Post by Outcast on Jan 7, 2014 22:12:13 GMT -5
I usually just lock myself in my room when i'm at home. And the people i live with have called my attention that i should change this particular habit of mine. They say that when i do this, it's like i'm living in my own world and oblivious to the cares and concerns outside of my room. They do have a point that often times i'm just too indifferent to what's happening outside my room/my world/my own thinking and desires. I sorely lack the ability to care for others. But that's what i've been doing for many years now. I think that's how i coped when i was feeling lonely and have no one to talk to. During those times, i've sought out other things to help me not mind the void in my social life. So much so, that I've became accustomed to spending most of my time alone.
I do rarely/occassional go out on my own to malls, theatres and restaurants. But i get really bored and restless when i'm outside for a long period of time. I really don't like going to parties and meeting new people. I feel very uncomfortable since i usually don't know what to say, and know people will find me boring because of this. In the end, i'll just feel out of place there.
Still there are times, that i want to reach out. To people who might be able to understand me, or people who also like the same things i do. But even then, i often find myself thinking and feeling the these people don't like me either. And i go back to my own world to find some solace and happiness.
The reason it feels weird is because most people i know aren't like this. So i think i'm alone and unique in being this way.
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Post by Astroruss on Jan 20, 2014 2:30:37 GMT -5
But I think we're missing the obvious point here. By being on the Internet and on this website, we're still talking to other people and sharing our lives. We're just doing it differently.
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Post by Outcast on Jan 20, 2014 5:43:36 GMT -5
Yeah. I know. Sorry if my post was negative or depressing. I think that's just how i feel most of the time, when i think about my situation too much. I know i am also in the wrong in justifying some of the things i do or don't do. That's why i do occasionally try to reach out sometimes. Although in a somewhat less riskier scenario like in websites while still at the comfort of my home/room/computer.
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Post by jimmyjjohn on Jan 29, 2014 4:51:57 GMT -5
I'll be honest and say I love going out and I generally always have a good time but I do tend to shy away from going out when I'm asked because of some shitty excuse I come up with but I not going, most of the time. Thanks How to Stop Blushing
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