I Think I Just Messed Up...

[Jeremy]

I won't bore you with too many details, I just felt the need to vent a bit (mainly at myself) so feel free to ignore if you wish.

Long story short - I had a 'date' this evening with someone who I've known for a fair while and who I am assured has been waiting for me to pull my finger out and ask her out for quite a while, although apart from this obvious flaw in her character she is a lovely, sweet, intelligent, kind, beautiful girl, although pretty shy.

I said 'date' because there were seven off us there in total so it was a pretty unthreatening social sort of evening (stand-up comedian at a
theatre), and she seemed to enjoy it. She laughed at the show, considerably more than she laughed at my couple of attempts at cracking jokes, which proves she's fairly normal.

Anyway, it naturally was my job to pick her up and drive her home, about a half hour drive to her house. By the time we got back it was almost midnight, and I was, and still am, pretty tired. I thought it had gone quite well until she asked the fatal question:

"Do you want to come in for a cup of tea?"

And being the stupid, idiotic and pathetic dullard that I am, replied,something along the lines of "no, I'm fine thanks, I'd best be getting back".

Now please don't get the wrong idea, this is not in any way about 'getting my end away' or anything like that, but I do like her and I'm worried I've probably offended her, because it must have taken a lot to ask me that.

I'll be seeing her again on Sunday, and driving her home again (usual monthly social gathering where I see her), but...I can't believe I said that.

I am a socially inept dullard of the highest order and would someone please shoot me.

[Sweet Pea]

if you're shy, it's no secret and she already knows. if she's shy too, she understands and won't judge you. try to put this out of your mind. dwelling on it will just make you more nervous next time you see her.

[Jeremy]

Nov 18, 2011 22:49:54 GMT -5 Sweet Pea said:

if you're shy, it's no secret and she already knows. if she's shy too, she understands and won't judge you. try to put this out of your mind. dwelling on it will just make you more nervous next time you see her.

Thank you, I probably needed to hear a dose of rationality after Friday night. Over-analysing stuff is one of my many character flaws.

Saw her again today, and apologised for not staying, I basically said it was a bit rude of me but I was really tired and didn't want to fall asleep on her sofa - that would have been embarassing. She laughed and said don't worry, her dad was asleep in his armchair when she got in anyway. So I think I got away with it.

We didn't get to talk a huge amount this afternoon, but when I was dropping her off this evening I took the plunge and asked if she wanted to go to the cinema next week; after a pause when I thought she'd either get out of the car and run away screaming or ploitely say no, she actually said "why not". So we're going out next saturday afternoon. (Although of course someone could arrive to serve a restraining order at any moment).

[ura]

Nov 18, 2011 22:49:54 GMT -5 Sweet Pea said:

if you're shy, it's no secret and she already knows. if she's shy too, she understands and won't judge you. try to put this out of your mind. dwelling on it will just make you more nervous next time you see her.

This is good advice, don't dwell on it.

Also at least she invited you so she clearly likes you so that should put your mind at ease.

[Jeremy]

Nov 20, 2011 20:05:03 GMT -5 ura said:

Nov 18, 2011 22:49:54 GMT -5 Sweet Pea said:

if you're shy, it's no secret and she already knows. if she's shy too, she understands and won't judge you. try to put this out of your mind. dwelling on it will just make you more nervous next time you see her.

This is good advice, don't dwell on it.

Also at least she invited you so she clearly likes you so that should put your mind at ease.

Thank you for the reassurance. As I said, over-analysing, etc etc. I spoke to a good friend of mine about this last night and that's pretty much what he said.

As it happens, she messaged me on Facebook the other day and said can we go next weekend instead as she has a lot on this Saturday. But at least it wasn't just left as 'can we make it another time?' without specifying when.

[putter65]

I'm in a similar situation with a woman I've known since September.

What you've got to do is not to get too down hearted over every little set back. And of course not too excited when things go well. I'm learning this. The times I've thought it's over between us. That little niggle at the back of my mind, constantly worrying 'I'm am doing the right thing here ?' - You've got to ignore it and just take each day as it comes. You can't predict anything.

[Jeremy]

As it happens, I think I've more or less salvaged the situation. We went to see a film on Saturday, then to the pub for a drink, and ffinished drinking tea and chatting in her living room (her parents were out). Left at 9.00, agreed to go out again somewhen. When I got home she messaged me on facebook, saying thank you for a lovely afternoon and evening, next time come round for dinner afterwards.

I'll be seeing her again on Sunday (usual monthly social gathering), so we agreed to fix something up then.

Things aren't exactly moving a pace because she's almost as shy as me (if that's even possible), but I don't mind. As I said before she's a lovely, sweet, kind, intelligent, beautiful young woman who I enjoy spending time with, once I get past the mind numbing fear and stop wandering what the hell she sees in me in the first place. I suppose I must be doing something right, just not sure what.

But I'm also trying to not get too carried away about things. It's early days yet.

[putter65]

What worked for me was kissing her. That moved things along nicely. It shows you are interested in more than being friends.

[Jeremy]

Dec 7, 2011 12:11:37 GMT -5 putter65 said:

What worked for me was kissing her. That moved things along nicely. It shows you are interested in more than being friends.

I think whatever it was seems to be fizzling out into friendship now, and my failure to do as you suggest has probably caused that. I've spent the last two days feeling inept and slightly stupid.

[putter65]

you never know what is around the corner. Every day I think it is over between me and my girlfriend for some daft reason. I have to force myself to chill out and take whatever comes my way !

[1229]

I've spent the last two days feeling inept and slightly stupid.

You mean human? Maybe you should just confess your thoughts to her as you have to us. Now, I know it's way easier said than done, but maybe she's wondering why you're not interested.

[Jeremy]

An update for anyone compelled for whatever reason to be interested in my sad pathetic life.

Christmas presents were exchanged yesterday evening after going to see another film and having dinner, and now things have 'moved on' (in a good way).

So thanks for listening to me witter on in the last few weeks, and the re-assurance that I may not be a total plank.

[putter65]

Good for you !

Women are like that, they blow hot and cold. They are interested and then they are not.
Just go with whatever happens.

My girlfriend is acting very cool at the moment, no texts unless she is answering mine. And they are short without any XX in them. Maybe she has lost interest ?

I did everything I could, I sent her a text saying I care for her. She says we could meet this afternoon. Whether we will or not I don't know.

[putter65]

It's over !

She told me last Sunday she was going away for xmas for 2 weeks. An holiday abroad with the kids. We exchanged xmas presents, I spent alot on her. She thanked me.

Early part of the week, she sent me progress reports (at the airport etc, stuff like that)

On Thursday her last text was 'thinking of you X' - a few hours later one of my friends rang me to say my girlfriend was in fact still at home. They live in the same street. I sent a text to my girlfriend and after a few hours she admitted it, said 'sorry' but she was depressed and wanted to spend xmas alone. I went round to her house last night because she stopped replying to my texts and there was a man there. I walked away before any arguments could happen.

So obviously she wanted to spend xmas with him and fed me the 'going on holiday' bullshit to keep me out of the way. She hasn't replied to any of my texts since.

[Jeremy]

Dec 24, 2011 12:01:33 GMT -5 putter65 said:

It's over !

She told me last Sunday she was going away for xmas for 2 weeks. An holiday abroad with the kids. We exchanged xmas presents, I spent alot on her. She thanked me.

Early part of the week, she sent me progress reports (at the airport etc, stuff like that)

On Thursday her last text was 'thinking of you X' - a few hours later one of my friends rang me to say my girlfriend was in fact still at home. They live in the same street. I sent a text to my girlfriend and after a few hours she admitted it, said 'sorry' but she was depressed and wanted to spend xmas alone. I went round to her house last night because she stopped replying to my texts and there was a man there. I walked away before any arguments could happen.

So obviously she wanted to spend xmas with him and fed me the 'going on holiday' bullshit to keep me out of the way. She hasn't replied to any of my texts since.

Oh that's such a horrible thing to do, so sorry to hear what happened.

Not sure what I can say, except she's treated you like dirt and the loss is all hers. Take care, mate.