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Sorry
Aug 30, 2006 5:59:20 GMT -5
Post by jaeksmith on Aug 30, 2006 5:59:20 GMT -5
<ok ive spent the last 20 minutes sitting here thinking, typing, and retyping my response for this post, the definition is beyond my ability to convert thoughts to words in a way most could understand> Heh, I do that quite a bit too - sometimes I will take hours or even days. (The post I posted two posts ago I started writing and finished a day or so later after posting against another thread). let's just say i feel guilty for posting negative thoughts, views, and experiances because sometimes your negative thoughts, views and experiances make me feel guilty because they are worse than my initial and I fear i could have the same effect on you. I also would feel really bad if i worsend your perspectives with one of mine, although for some reasons unknown i get comfort from such feedback and i feel guilty for that too. (feedback on my perspectives that is) I'd say don't feel guilty... One big issue I have with the world is that most people present themselves as perfect... This makes one wonder why they are not perfect like everyone else. I'd rather our society were free-er to express imperfection. Thus, I find it comforting just to know that there are others out there with similar issues, etc. (In fact, in my own strange world, I don't tend to seek after solutions as much as validation). I'm not some broken strange monkey child - woot! my guilt is a man and my brain is a circus mirror maze Dang... I need a shirt with that written on it! I know exactly what you mean i use to avoid subway because of this i guess you could say i broke through the subway barrier I actually went to one the other day... and survived.
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Sorry
Aug 23, 2006 16:37:49 GMT -5
Post by jaeksmith on Aug 23, 2006 16:37:49 GMT -5
I expect that I will always be heavily affected by social anxiety... My own situation is, I suspect, aspergers related. I'm socially quite slow and continue to have issue in dealing with unexpected situations. Back in 7th/8th grad I remember realising that I was different and started searching for why. (At first I wonderd if I had mental issues - in fact, teachers tended to identify me as deficient). I remember seeing a commercial that talked about social anxiety as an actual situation and almost falling off my chair... For me, it has helped just to know that there is an explanation / reason. (School / society-in-general were not generally helpful at all in discovering this... I worry that many people exist in solitary fear due to social anxiety). In a book on shyness that I've read, the author suggest that some people will never lose the anxiety, but that we still have the ability to become "successfully shy". The idea being that we learn to live with our situation in a manner that allows us to move forward with life. One good thing to realize is that many of the situations we have involve barrier issues. For example, it usually takes a shy person alot longer to feel comfortable around other people - but once you do, things tend to be fine. (I'd almost suggest that the shy are more intimate - with both close friends and loves). Though buying a sub at subway still weirds me out (the people who prepare the sub don't provide explicity enough info so I often don't know exactly what they are asking), I've done some interesting things in life - including teaching, consulting, etc. i was affraid i'd upset people coming here with my negative views I'm realitively new here - but it feels like there is a good amount of acceptance and leeway for expression. (Thus, a great place for us to discuss our voodoos).
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Sorry
Aug 23, 2006 4:46:28 GMT -5
Post by jaeksmith on Aug 23, 2006 4:46:28 GMT -5
i can't regret how others treat me I can definately regret it! Shy is not our fault... People's inexperience with and inability to comprehend shy is an issue... Modern day culture has been developed around social interactions that not all of us are precisely capable of... (Most of us have issue with any performance not going exactly as planned - ex: when the girl asked you if you'd like free fries). As much as we need to try to help ourselves break out (as much as possible) of the shy shell... It's often an falsidity for people to assume it's something you can wash away. Often, our break-out is just learning to live with the issues. Interestingly, I've heard that David Letterman actually has social anxiety issues and that he has a hard time when his show doesn't go as planned. Interesting question for everyone who wants to answer: How many of you know someone who isn't also socially anxious (to a good degree) that really understand how you feel? i ordered a chicken sandwich at burger king By the way, at your age, there was no chance of me going into almost any place an buying almost anything... I actually would never go to a store alone for many years. Once I fealt comfortable with being able to buy stuff - I started forcing myself out to a store in order to force myself out of the house for a tiny span. (I've worked mainly from home much of my life). - - - Your verse, by the way, was a beautiful play out of the experience many of us have...
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Post by jaeksmith on Aug 23, 2006 15:42:50 GMT -5
though i would choose to go out and do stuff with local people over people i know in the online video game Agreed. on a side note it's all online with people you don't know and will never meet in real life so it's a little easier to relax and be more yourself than your shy personality. Yeah, there are several differences... Most of them having to do with social-physical presence. Interestingly, the online medium can provides varing dimensions of social interactions which, ideally, could give us phobes more practice... - Forums such as these, no timing nor visual nor vocal queues. - Chat rooms, simpler timing, but no visual nor vocal queues - 'VR Spaces', simpler timing, controllable visual and audio queues - Web Cam, simpler timing, visual and often no audio queues "LIFE - STILL A POOR SUBSTITUTE FOR VIDEO GAMES" Heh, nice! One fun thing for us all to remember is that the real world (you know, the vocal-social world?) is the biggest virtual reality of them all (given that the social domain is completely conceived and mostly not based on physics rules).
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Post by jaeksmith on Aug 23, 2006 5:01:28 GMT -5
Today I actually started my next semester into school, but this time in the core courses for computer database. Interacting with people of the same interest can be huge. (For myself, there was a Dr. Jeckle / Mr. Hide difference between me outside the CS lab and inside of it - though not in the killing sense ). jaek... lol computer project... Well my last computer project was to build a "Tivo" like computer to hook up to my TV. It would record and play just like a VCR or a Tivo machine. So far so good =-) Very cool - What OS? What tools? All my nice friends live in different places around US/Europe on a massive multiplayer online role playing game. Get this - I've been planning on working on virtual world software systems for years ( The Interconnector Project)... but have rarely had time (and focus) to produce anything... I enjoy games but am not overly interested in 'working a character' within an RPG as much as just hanging out / having human-made fun...
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Post by jaeksmith on Aug 21, 2006 3:27:24 GMT -5
or help me out on this computer project I'm doing. Inquiring minds want to know ... what's this computer project your working on?
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Post by jaeksmith on Aug 18, 2006 23:36:36 GMT -5
They are not just socially phobic - they're virtually phobic to.
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Post by jaeksmith on Aug 18, 2006 21:07:20 GMT -5
I have decided not to abandon the friendship but to continue to look for friends who aren't ashamed to tell others that we hang out regularly and introduce me to others. As an interesting point of view - one could say that your friend (the one who doesn't want others at work to know you two hang out) abandons the friendship at work each day. However... it's possibly that she is not mature enough to be able to deal with cetain conflicting goals/ideals. Now the girl that I invited is the youngest of the group and sometimes they exclude her but I try to include her and help her out when I can even though she too thinks I am too quiet. I know how uncomfortable it feels to be excluded so I try to include her when I can. But most of the time everyone tries to make sure no one feels left out. May I say that you sound like the strong one in all these situations. Bravo! People you work with really can't be close friends. By the way, I highly with this - as a general rule. Only people where one or both have issues in separating personal issues from professional situations will have problems. (It can be hard, I know). My best work is with close friends - and, in fact, working with / via friends has been an aid in my own situations.
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Post by jaeksmith on Aug 23, 2006 4:15:48 GMT -5
I've always thought that shy people are people who think about things more than others. I agree that shy people tend to evaluate their situation unendingly... (In fact being lost/hidden in anxiety is probably the default state of a shy person in any social situation). ...however, it might be good to remember that your brain wiring and interactions are very physical. The cells of the brain actually reach out, connect, and bind or loosen based on feedback strength, etc. (When you learn to do the Vulcan hand sign for the first time, you didn't change any physical capability - you actually refined interactions in your brain allowing you to separate control of your fingers just a bit more...). If we can lose inhibitions via drugs (whether alcohol or prescribed drugs (or chocolate, for that matter)), then it implies that inhibitions can be caused by whatever factor the drugs are altering. I've always thought that shy people are people who think about things more than others. Things like aspergers syndrome hint at being wired a bit atypically (as do deeper autism cases). Such a person tends to have little cognitive support for social interactions - as much as that's a thinking differences, it's a physical difference. In the end, it is 'thinking' that is our resulting predicament - but it's easy to see that biological issues could easily be a source...
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Post by jaeksmith on Aug 18, 2006 20:40:38 GMT -5
I think it could be both biology (physical) as well as environmental. A good way to look at it is thus: There's cause and effect. Cause can be various elements - physical differences (horimonal or cognitive). These elements bring us into a situation where we start self and situational evaluation. The effect tends to be harsh self/situational evaluation - one that (with or without the support of continuous cause) tends to be cyclic self evaluation. A friend and I had dinner at the how of a couple where the husband had schizophrenia, but was doing well (as can be expected) via drugs. Just like people often have pause in communicating with me, we had pause in communicating with him. He took the situation as if we were judging him - which we weren't. (In my case it was poor ability to talk about random stuff). (It hurts bad to be the cause of such things - often making it more difficult to want to interact - but it also gives me reason to try harder - so as to help others). I don't believe we choose to be shy. Rather, I believe we choose not to take an opportunity because we are overwhelmed with social anxiety. (Which is probably what was meant, actually). I read somewhere the the shy actually tend to need more social contact than others... This, I imagine, produces an even heavier effect. Interestingly, there are some situations that are problematic. Our physical present society is actually requires a bit of social timing. (Wish I had the pause button in Click to give me time to think). As well, many of us has issue interpreting physical queues (if you avoid eye-contact, this may be the case). We become alive on these message boards partly because it reduces (or removes) both of these issues... the other reason is that most of us really need an outlet. (It's also great to be amoung people who understand!
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Post by jaeksmith on Aug 18, 2006 19:57:40 GMT -5
It becomes easier (although not necessarily easy) to shrug off any rejection because your mind doesn't dwell on it so much and you is focused instead on finding those you do click with. I also believe this is key... I am one who is actually a bit slow (but quite deep). (I believe I fall into the Aspergers domain). My social-physical interactions are constantly flawed - and people don't know how to respond (thus there is often pause or confused expression) - thus I do have what could be seen as constant 'alternate' feedback. The turds of the world will give me negative feedback, but then, the turds of the world will give anyone who trips negative feedback... Thus, not we're actually not alone in having to wave off some judgement. (...though we may receive a larger dose of it). One problem though, is that it seems that our society pushes people to be more and more more reactive - meaning, it's harder to tell the difference between a turd and someone who has learned to respond quickly. I remember someone swearing at me ("F*** You!") one time when I simply asked "Are you looking for Kevin?". Impressive.
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Post by jaeksmith on Aug 18, 2006 19:43:31 GMT -5
a lot of our behavior is fairly tough to change, as is obvious for shy people. Interestingly, I'd like to suggest that social anxiety actually overrides behavior. For example, if I weren't anxious, I'm sure I'd perform stupid male stunts infront of any girl that attracted my eye. I recall back in church / school - alot of people thought I was a well behaved kid. In reality, I just did not want to draw any attention. I was actually rather rambunxious (sp?) and almost mischevious - not really differen than most other boys. (I'd also suggest that social anxiety often puts us in an observers position where we actually become a bit more accute about our social interactions even if we can't participate in such situations). Back on subject though... I definatley have feelings of inadequacy - that mixed with the usual social anxiety creates one of the toughest situations. Trying to mearly come into contat with a girl I'm attracted to has me shaking and burning up. Falling in love with someone is quite awesome - at least when they seem attracted to you. Taking two years to build up enough courage (or maybe insanity) to express your feelings - and being way too late is the most horrid thing ever.
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Post by jaeksmith on Aug 18, 2006 20:05:22 GMT -5
Heh - What strikes me strange about Santa is lieing to our kids. Though, I don't have any kids so I may be missing something... (It's funny though, how far we push the idea - "Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus" ... Even if it's a philosophical answer - that answer is fodder for the adult mind ... The force is strong with this meme, Obi-wan! ).
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Post by jaeksmith on Sept 15, 2006 7:13:12 GMT -5
I like when people flick me off when I make a mistake... it makes me self conscious and shy.
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Post by jaeksmith on Sept 1, 2007 18:13:51 GMT -5
Sweetpea that's absolutely vile! It's also highly natural.
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