Diary

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So I've been off work for a while and now for the rest of the week

I'm trying to be productive but I do feel the time slipping away.

One good thing is I've finally found a Zumba class after everything turns out there's one just up the road from me, not sure how I've managed to miss that one. Hopefully I'll enjoy it and won't make a fool out of myself!

oh and I've re-installed windows on my computer and finally tidied up my HDDs I have so much stuff on them. I've managed to free up some space so I've been downloading some new things to watch. I've been doing well with Breaking Bad on about the fourth series and I've just started The Walking Dead. I'm so far behind on TV! Also finished Attack on Titan the other day so I'll be started a new anime soon


edit: So at the moment we have people fixing our roof and it's really starting to set of my anxiety most of the next they are pretty much right next to my window so I've had my curtains drawn and windows closed the whole time which is not very nice as it's quite warm outside.

They've been dropping some of the old tiles off the roof so if I go outside I need to shout up to them to stop which is really awkward agh cam't wait for them to be finished

[silence]

Thankfully they've now finished doing the roof. Persuaded by my dad I managed to climb up the ladder on to the scaffolding, it was a bit wobbly but the view ended up being worth it. I caught the end of the sunset and nosed into other people's gardens 

Also I think my first Zumba class was a success. When I turned up I had a chat with a nice older lady who was there, she hadn't been going there for long so I felt better about not being the only new person. The exercise itself was exhausting! Constant movement and while I am completely uncoordinated I still managed to keep moving even though I did get lost with a few moves. I did look around the room and noticed a few other people were doing the same thing. I think there was about 16 of us in total, there was a group of teenage girls who knew each other and seemed nice a few middle aged women, the older lady and me! I didn't feel like I stood and was happy hiding in the back. I'm glad I went and will definitely be going again. It's nice to have something to look forward to in the week, gets me out of the house and make me feel like I'm doing something. Thursday night is Zumba night!

[silence]

So I'm going back to work tomorrow after a week and a half off and I'm really hoping I'll be able to keep it together there's been a lot of changes there and I'm trying to see this as a new start.

I've been thinking about the ways I send my time and the things that can be seen as constructive or wastes of time. I've been watching a lot of new TV series/playing lots of computer games and while I feel a sense of achievement when I'm finished I wonder how useful it is to my life. Then there's the things that I see as being more positive like going to work, Zumba class/exercise, playing the keyboard. What I want to do is spend more time doing the positive things and adding new activities. But I'm struggling to think of what to do next. I know the major thing I lack is social activities but I don't feel up to that a t the moment.

Or am I fine just staying the way I am. I have no idea.

[puppet]

Isn't there a group activity you would like to try?
I have been playing djembe for while. And, even though I'm not talking much to the others, with the time I spent with them (6 years) I feel like I'm part of a group. That's one of the things keeping me sane.

Congrats for your first zumba class. ;-)
Hope it went well at work!

[silence]

hey

I had to look up what djembes were! That's a cool thing to do I can imagine it's fun a play with a group. Sadly the keyboard doesn't really lend it's well to a group activities (and I'm not good enough )

I'm trying hard to think of things to do...

It's not really a group activity but I'd love to start writing poetry again I'm so sad I lost the ability to do that.

The Zumba is definitely a good step. This week there were more people and the space was slightly limited so I found myself a bit more conscious of my movements. There was one lady who kept looking over at me at the start like she wanted to talk to me but I wasn't really sure of what to say. I can only manage smiling at people so far. I have found out there are two classes a week and I'll be trying the one on Monday for a change as I'm busy on Thursday. I'll see if there's a different set of people, maybe even find someone to talk to. If I wanted I think I could do the class twice a week or I might just do the one and then go back to pilates.

[puppet]

Yes. It can be fun.
At the beginning, I just picked something which seemed like the "less worst option". So maybe you could do the same? Pick a group activity where you could try to get to know the other members even if you're not sure you'll like it. If you had to pick something, right now, what would it be?

I like to read poetry. I never had any ability for it and just kept writting sentences which rhymed for a time.
Could we read one of yours?

Hope you get to break the ice at your zumba class.

[silence]

I'm trying to think what else there is. I'll try and see what's offered locally but I'm pretty sure there's only things like probus clubs... I mean I'd be interested in maybe doing something like photography or join a cinema club as I keep missing out on films I want to see and I don't really have the confidence to go on my own especially in the evenings I used to go during the day which wasn't so bad but I'm working now. The exercise is perfert for everything but socialising.
I went to zumba last Monday and it was pretty much the same group middle aged women and teenagers and I was thinking to myself why but then I remembered that's what everyone around here is there are no people here my age unless they have a young family *sigh* think i will start going twice a week from now on as at least i know I enjoy it and won't be wasting my time!

anyway i'm in London today come to see a band which should be fun might try and talk to people in line.

I might share some poetry I think I did in the past on my old account but now most of it is 10+ years old and I'm not sure how I feel about it any more!

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Well I would try and talk to people in line but apparently no one speeks English XD it'll be a long wait lol

I am really enjoying having my phone with me I don't feel as lonely

[puppet]

Which band is it?
I hope you are having fun. :-)

[silence]

Just got back from London I'm exhausted!

I saw a band called Scandal they were really good. I was a bit apprehensive as it was a standing gig and I've had some bad experiences being pushed around but everyone in the audience was really considerate and there was no pushing so I really got to enjoy it instead of worrying.

I met a guy who'd travelled from Poland to see them while waiting. He talked a lot so I just listened but we did have some nice conversations for the 6+ hours we were queuing for. He also gave me his spare VIP ticket so I got to go in early and have a "Hi touch" with the band before the show. In exchange I brought him a t-shirt.

After the show we meet up and he again talked a lot which was ok but I was so tired and wanted to go back to my hotel. So I gave him an awkward hug and left. I did say I might try and find him on facebook but I'm not sure and I don't really use it.

[puppet]

I just googled it. Is it an all girl Japanese group?

Wow.. He came all the way from Poland? He must really like the group. ^^
And it's really nice of him to give his spare VIP ticket.
It seems you had a really nice experience out there.
It must feel good!

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Yeah that's them! It was really sweet they made a lot of effort to talk to the audience.

I like a lot of Japanese music and I try and see the bands when they come over here. One thing I have noticed is fans of Japanese music tend to be fairly dedicated a lot of people travelled to see them here not only form Europe but Asia as well and there was even a group of fans who travelled from Japan to support them. Although I think the guy I was talking to booked the tickets for London before they announced a show in Germany...

It was really good but I think I might have overdone it slightly with all the jumping at the gig I ended up going to Zumba tonight and my legs hurt so much! I was struggling to get them to move.

I do think doing small things like this a few times a year really keeps me going and staying positive it's all good life experiences.

[puppet]

They were struggling in English?
I went in Japan once and I barely found 2 or 3 persons really speaking a good English. (I'm not so good myself but I mean I could speak with.)
For the music part, I'm more into Anime music.

Yes. I get that feeling too. Japanese fans are really dedicated. It's a whole other level. ^^

You are fearless! After the gig jumping around, you go to the Zumba?? Hat down.

I wish I had something like that to keep me going.
Keep it going!

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Yes they were you could tell they'd rehearsed certain lines to say to the audience. It's something I always appreciate. The funny thing is even when they spoke in Japanese the whole audience still cheered even though I sure the majority of them didn't understand what they were saying.

I'd love to go to Japan but I feel I'd be too intimidated.

Thanks! Yeah I was really feeling the pain in my legs. I have a weak knee which doesn't help, I've been thinking about having it looked at I think I displaced something in there a while ago and it's been bothering me more lately. The next time I have a day off I'm going to try and get a doctors appointment. That's been high on my things to do list for a while just been worried I'll be wasting their time.

I also made it to the second class as well. No stopping me now!

[puppet]

Well, isn't that what fans are? ^^

From my experience, Japanese people are really respectful, welcoming and always try to help you out. I could ask my way to a complete stranger on the street without even speaking the same language. Just had to name the place and give a map and we could get the big picture. It was refreshing all their smiles in malls, restaurants,... I don't know how it is in England, but in Belgium or in France, you sometime face waiters in a bad mood or what not.
For the rest, you just have to plan everything so you know what you are doing (metro, visit location, price, hotel, ...). I had a GPS which helped a lot too. It was surprisingly easy in Tokyo and Kyoto.
That being said, I certainly wouldn't have tried alone. I was with my sister, her boyfriend and my brother.

For you knee, I hope it's nothing serious and that you can have it checked soon.

Yep. It seems there is nothing to stop you anymore. ^^