Out, damned thought! Out, I say!

[StarFall]

What follows here are some of my thoughts and emotions. Sometimes it helps me to work through things if I talk about them, even if the only "talking" I do is online.

[StarFall]

I started my twenties so full of hope. There were so many dreams I wanted to accomplish before I turned 30, but as the years went on I chucked out dream after dream knowing that I didn't have enough time left to see them realized. Now with just a little over 4 months before I turn 30 I am down to my final two dreams. The two I wanted to make happen most of all. And I've come to the realization, one will definitely not be happening and the other is just barely hanging on.

I feel like such a loser.

[StarFall]

The last time I posted here I was having a pretty bad day. Actually, most of last week sucked. But today went well and I am more optimistic about the future, so that is good!

[StarFall]

I've gotta get this out somewhere so it might as well be here.

I'm taking an online class where we have to post our answers to the teacher's questions on the class forum. Then we have to comment on two other students' posts. We cannot see what anyone else has written until we post our answers to the teacher.

I try to be nice with my comments and usually only comment on people I agree with in order to avoid confrontation. I hate debate and I loathe confrontation, even online.

Anyway, for the last discussion one girl commented not only on my answers to the questions but also on every comment I made on other people's posts. It was almost like she went out of her way to find every post of mine and disagree with it. Even one of the people that I commented on (and agreed with) then backtracked and agreed with what she said. However, they both misunderstood my point and I would correct them but that stupid discussion is now closed for further comments.

And one more thing, I went to read her answers to the teacher's question - she basically said the same thing I did for one answer, something which she then later disagreed with me about. What the hell??!?

[marle]

I'm sorry that happened to you, StarFall. I just wanted to say I love "Today was going great until people."

[Astroruss]

Feb 17, 2014 18:08:26 GMT -5 StarFall said:

I've gotta get this out somewhere so it might as well be here.

I'm taking an online class where we have to post our answers to the teacher's questions on the class forum. Then we have to comment on two other students' posts. We cannot see what anyone else has written until we post our answers to the teacher.

I try to be nice with my comments and usually only comment on people I agree with in order to avoid confrontation. I hate debate and I loathe confrontation, even online.

Anyway, for the last discussion one girl commented not only on my answers to the questions but also on every comment I made on other people's posts. It was almost like she went out of her way to find every post of mine and disagree with it. Even one of the people that I commented on (and agreed with) then backtracked and agreed with what she said. However, they both misunderstood my point and I would correct them but that stupid discussion is now closed for further comments.

And one more thing, I went to read her answers to the teacher's question - she basically said the same thing I did for one answer, something which she then later disagreed with me about. What the hell??!?

I understand you completely about this. I hated those discussion classes too online, because my own comments were always worded wierd, and they'd come out so wrong from how I really meant it. Also considering that my own points of view and opinions were always different from my classmates and professors.

Perhaps you are a high profile poster, the kind who attracts a lot of attention? In that case, your posts will draw a lot views and reads from the other students, especially if you post early on in the discussion.

This other student you speak of, maybe she just strives to get good grades and good rapport with the instructor by being agreable. They do that, you know. They try to ride the wave of agreableness so that other students will provoke the discussions.

[Zoe]

Feb 17, 2014 18:08:26 GMT -5 StarFall said:

I've gotta get this out somewhere so it might as well be here.

I'm taking an online class where we have to post our answers to the teacher's questions on the class forum. Then we have to comment on two other students' posts. We cannot see what anyone else has written until we post our answers to the teacher.

I try to be nice with my comments and usually only comment on people I agree with in order to avoid confrontation. I hate debate and I loathe confrontation, even online.

Anyway, for the last discussion one girl commented not only on my answers to the questions but also on every comment I made on other people's posts. It was almost like she went out of her way to find every post of mine and disagree with it. Even one of the people that I commented on (and agreed with) then backtracked and agreed with what she said. However, they both misunderstood my point and I would correct them but that stupid discussion is now closed for further comments.

And one more thing, I went to read her answers to the teacher's question - she basically said the same thing I did for one answer, something which she then later disagreed with me about. What the hell??!?

Gee whiz Starfall… she sounds quite malicious…sorry to hear you had to go through that experience, unfortunately in life we need to deal with some unpleasant people but if we keep to our principles, things usually turn out ok. Aside from this, i hope you are enjoying the course?

[StarFall]

My brother's brand new girlfriend came over from out of town this weekend to stay at our house and celebrate my brother's birthday so I've been hiding out in my room as much as possible. I just get so anxious being around someone I've never met before, plus it's no fun being the fifth wheel with the two of them and my parents. Also, I'm kind of annoyed at the double standard. Even as an adult I know my parents would never allow a boy to stay the night in my room, yet it's no problem if my brother brings his girlfriend over. I can't wait until I can afford to get my own place.

[StarFall]

When I am relaxed and content my face usually looks sad or even angry. Over the years I've grown used to people asking "what's wrong?" or telling me to smile. It annoys me but there's not much I can do about it. However, yesterday I think I hit a new low.

I was walking on the sidewalk heading toward the doors of a building and I could hear someone coming up fast behind me. I thought perhaps they wanted to pass me since I was walking pretty slow, so I slowed down even further. (Plus I wanted to avoid the awkwardness that happens when two people reach the doors at the same time and you have to decide who will open them first.)

All of a sudden the person comes up beside me.

Stranger: "Are you okay?"
Me: "Huh?"
Stranger: "You were walking like you were really sad about something"
Me: "Ummmm, I just always walk slow...." (Not true, but it was the only thing my startled brain could think to say)

Then we both reached the doors where there was the usual awkwardness about who was going to open them.

I've never had someone tell me I was walking sad. I hope this doesn't mean I have to go around adding a jaunty step to my walk now. I have a hard enough time trying not to scare people away with my "sad/angry" relaxed face. Also, why can't strangers mind their own business like I do? Even if I had been sad I don't think I would have wanted to talk to that person about it.

[puppet]

That's the reason why I always keep a fake smile when I see someone I know. I don't want any comment or anything on my cold and dark face.

Even though I find it kind of crazy that complete strangers come and say that to you. Well it is maybe because I'm a man that I never had it happened to me.

[marle]

I'm sorry that happened, Starfall.

Sometimes I really wish we could wear something that says "Please leave me alone, thank you" out in public like the "Do Not Disturb" doorknob hangers, without drawing even more attention.

I relate to having the sad/upset looking relaxed face so much. I've had many of those comments from strangers ("Are you OK?" or the obnoxious "You should smile"). And they're always from strangers. It's unfortunate, because these encounters just make me more uncomfortable around unfamiliar people.

I also try to avoid getting to the door at the same time as another person. I'd just rather not deal with that.

[StarFall]

Feb 1, 2015 14:39:04 GMT -5 puppet said:

That's the reason why I always keep a fake smile when I see someone I know. I don't want any comment or anything on my cold and dark face.

Even though I find it kind of crazy that complete strangers come and say that to you. Well it is maybe because I'm a man that I never had it happened to me.

I've always wondered if men get comments like that too. And I do try to plaster a smile on my face for my friends so I look on the outside how I'm feeling on the inside, I just can't keep it up 24/7 and that's when the concerned strangers strike.

[StarFall]

Feb 1, 2015 15:25:21 GMT -5 marle said:

I'm sorry that happened, Starfall.

Sometimes I really wish we could wear something that says "Please leave me alone, thank you" out in public like the "Do Not Disturb" doorknob hangers, without drawing even more attention.

I relate to having the sad/upset looking relaxed face so much. I've had many of those comments from strangers ("Are you OK?" or the obnoxious "You should smile"). And they're always from strangers. It's unfortunate, because these encounters just make me more uncomfortable around unfamiliar people.

I also try to avoid getting to the door at the same time as another person. I'd just rather not deal with that.

Yes, a "Do Not Disturb" sign would be great! Or a sign that said "I'm not mad, this is just how my face looks". Too bad the signs would probably attract even more attention.

Oddly enough I've sometimes cried (quietly) or been on the verge of tears in public before and never once had anyone ask what was wrong.

[Outcast]

I sometimes get comments like that. But they would be usually right. I think it's quite easy to read me sometimes. Most of the time though, i have this blank expression on my face. The kind that says i don't know what i'm doing. Or it would be a serious face sometimes. It's just hard for me to smile. This shows whenever i would have my picture taken. And why i made my avatar not smile.

[StarFall]

(Lack of) Vindication

When I got back from lunch at work today, one of my, usually nice, coworkers snarkily accused me of taking too long of a lunch. It probably sounds odd if I say that all she said was "good book?" (I always read a book while I eat my lunch) but the tone of voice she used was definitely sarcastic and accusatory. Then, later, I heard from another coworker that she said to him "Starfall's finally back from lunch" when he asked where I was.

Here's the thing - the coworker accusing me of taking too long of a lunch left for her own lunch at 1:30, by the time I left for my lunch at 2:46 she still was not back. I returned from my lunch at a few minutes to 4:00. Even if she came back from her lunch at 2:47, that's still a 1 hour and 15 minute lunch. Guess what? 2:46 to almost 4:00 is also a 1 hour and 15 minute lunch!! This same coworker is scheduled to come in at 10:00am and thinks nothing of showing up a half hour to several hours late, just about every day!

To clarify - I have no set lunchtime, but usually I am at lunch from about 2:10 to 3:10, give or take a few minutes, but today I had a lot to do before lunch and ended up having to go later - but she was still gone when I went to lunch. Why, if you were gone, and had NO idea when I left, would you automatically accuse me of taking a leisurely 2 hour lunch?!? Back up off me, bitch!

Unfortunately, I was not able to correct my coworker of her error in assuming my lunch was too long. I was, frankly, shocked and confused that she would act so petty and I was unable to form a response that would clarify what she was getting at and explain the situation.

Different Story, same theme:

A few weeks ago a customer was buying an item that was $9.95. She handed me a ten dollar bill and I remembered thinking "oh good, we need $10's because we don't have very many in the register right now". I put the money in the till and gave her the five cents she was owed. I started to ask if she needed a bag and she says flat-out "I paid with a twenty". This sent me into panic mode. I knew for a fact, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she paid with a ten. I would have bet my life on it. All I could do was look between her and the till where I had already put the money away, while she looked through the money in her purse, then declared that she was sure she hadn't had a ten with her and she had to have paid with a twenty. So, since I had no way of proving what bill she paid with, I did the only thing I could do and gave her $10 back as change. The exact same $10 she had just paid me with!! As I did so, she said, "let me know if your till is off when you count it out tonight" in a tone that implied she was sure our till wouldn't be off.

I told my supervisor about the situation and asked him to pay special attention to whether our till was off that night. The next day he tells me we were short exactly $10!! This was, unfortunately, a situation where we just had to eat the loss. There was no way either of us were going to march down the street to where this customer's business was and demand our $10 back. That would seem rather petty and probably come off as rude.

So now, whenever this customer comes in, I have to be nice and pretend I was in the wrong, because it's not like I can mention to her that she was wrong and I was right, and she sure as hell won't bring up the subject. But the whole time she's probably thinking, since we didn't contact her, that it means she was right.

The last time I had to help her she paid, once again, with a ten and I was itching so bad to tell her "YOU OWE US $10 MORE".