Post by robini123 on Oct 14, 2017 4:50:45 GMT -5
I was painfully shy and had social anxiety for much of my life. Today as an old man (52) I am still introverted but no longer shy beyond brief moments that get fewer as I get older. First, what is the cause of shyness? Shyness is simply a function of an extreme and unreasonable fear of the negative judgments of others.
So how does one overcome shyness? The short answer is care less what others think of you. While we are all unique individuals there is a common thread that runs between us all and that thread is emotion. Once one comes to objectivity understand that we are all insecure to one degree or another, this makes ones own insecurities seem ordinary, common and not as scary as when one errantly assumes that they are insecure while others are not.
Next a few words on confidence. Confidence comes from caring little what others think specifically about you. We need to care what others think in general, but caring about what others think specifically of you should be limited and contextual. It is good to care about what others think about us but not to the point where one bases their self-esteem and sense of self-worth upon the subjective views of others. The good thing about becoming confident is that it is not about trying really hard to be confident, it is simply a matter of caring less what others think of you which will inexorably lead to confidence. Note that there is a distinct difference between being confident and being cocky. Confidence largely comes from not placing much value upon the subjective judgments of others while cockiness is overcompensating for ones insecurity by wearing a facade of confidence without possessing the actual confidence to pull it off.
Once you objectively understand that how one judges another says more about the judge than the judged, you will come to see how silly it is to take on the subjective labels (judgments) that others try to apply to you. Becoming confident does not happen over night and will likely take an extended period of time for you to largely shed your insecurities.
I learned what I know largely through the study of philosophy. If you choose to take my route, do not approach philosophy in an academic way, approach philosophy in a practical way and read what philosophers have to say about fear, confidence, anger, etc., and see what teachings the philosophers taught that can make your life better.
One last thing. This will likely be the hardest thing that you have ever done in your life so make a choice, to continue on as you are or overcome shyness. I lived for decades as a shy guy and I am here to tell you that overcoming my shyness has massively increased my quality of life and happiness! If I could do it I have no doubt that you can too!
Best of luck my friends.
So how does one overcome shyness? The short answer is care less what others think of you. While we are all unique individuals there is a common thread that runs between us all and that thread is emotion. Once one comes to objectivity understand that we are all insecure to one degree or another, this makes ones own insecurities seem ordinary, common and not as scary as when one errantly assumes that they are insecure while others are not.
Next a few words on confidence. Confidence comes from caring little what others think specifically about you. We need to care what others think in general, but caring about what others think specifically of you should be limited and contextual. It is good to care about what others think about us but not to the point where one bases their self-esteem and sense of self-worth upon the subjective views of others. The good thing about becoming confident is that it is not about trying really hard to be confident, it is simply a matter of caring less what others think of you which will inexorably lead to confidence. Note that there is a distinct difference between being confident and being cocky. Confidence largely comes from not placing much value upon the subjective judgments of others while cockiness is overcompensating for ones insecurity by wearing a facade of confidence without possessing the actual confidence to pull it off.
Once you objectively understand that how one judges another says more about the judge than the judged, you will come to see how silly it is to take on the subjective labels (judgments) that others try to apply to you. Becoming confident does not happen over night and will likely take an extended period of time for you to largely shed your insecurities.
I learned what I know largely through the study of philosophy. If you choose to take my route, do not approach philosophy in an academic way, approach philosophy in a practical way and read what philosophers have to say about fear, confidence, anger, etc., and see what teachings the philosophers taught that can make your life better.
One last thing. This will likely be the hardest thing that you have ever done in your life so make a choice, to continue on as you are or overcome shyness. I lived for decades as a shy guy and I am here to tell you that overcoming my shyness has massively increased my quality of life and happiness! If I could do it I have no doubt that you can too!
Best of luck my friends.