"The guy who never talks".

[Mythangel]

The Quiet Kid

[MissAnxiety]

So you have a husband!!. Then you should have told us before. Cause I thought you were extremely shy. I even read in one of your posts that you felt too ugly for people to ask you out. I never thought you were married. Ok, Miss Anxiety, good for you. But maybe you can help many people here by explaining how one can be so shy and still be able to marry!.

I have mentioned it before actually.
I am shy. I have social anxiety actually which causes me to be shy .
Yeah I felt too ugly for people to ask me out . (I think you're referring to the board I posted on the diaries? Anyway, I was never meaning "out to lunch" as a date thing. The whole thing was mainly about having female friends. Sorry I gave a wrong impression, but I was writing on how I was feeling at the time, not thinking about how others would read it. Sorry.) I was soooo shocked that my husband even liked me. (He's shy too by the way . My husband doesn't have SA and he doesn't understand it either.) He said it took him a lot of courage to ask me out. It wasn't like we didn't know each other and he came out of no where and asked me. (It's a long story about how we got to know each other.) I don't know how to explain it...I guess two shy people just had to get over their barriers to get to know each other. I dunno. I'm glad I'm married him though. My husband is my best friend and my ONLY friend...same for him. We sometimes both wish we had friends and family to do stuff with, but we don't. (Our own family puts us last and never wants to do stuff with us.) I guess we're just a shy couple to suffer together .

[Naptaq]

MissAnxiety said:

I guess we're just a shy couple to suffer together .

that's sooo romantic...ops ..well on the second thought it ain't so sweet after all but well u know what? i wish i could be like you too.. um i dunno... advice me Miss.. what should i do?

[MissAnxiety]

Yeah I can see why you say it's not romantic after all...because it's not fun suffering ? The only "romantic" thing I guess you can see out of this is that we're doing it together...I dunno. I'm just blabbering LOL. blah blah blah ;D

i wish i could be like you too.. um i dunno... advice me Miss.. what should i do?

Well I wish you the same.
Advice on finding that special someone? Well I dunno what to advice you...because I can say it was fate that brought us together . If it wasn't fate that brought us together, I would be still single...I know I would.

[spitzig]

MissAnxiety said:

Yeah I can see why you say it's not romantic after all...because it's not fun suffering ? The only "romantic" thing I guess you can see out of this is that we're doing it together...I dunno. I'm just blabbering LOL. blah blah blah ;D

Helping each other with the suffering sounds romantic.

[MorbidChild]

I'm really shy, and I don't speak much, but rumors go around about me. I've done nothing to deserve the title but sometimes, when I walk down the hallway in my Junior High, I hear whispers like "There goes that gothic girl" and "Isn't that the one who worships satan?" followed by giggles and points. Once a rumor even went around that I was pregnant. Im only thirteen. It's awful when people spread rumors just for fun, and it's really common in my school too.

[spitzig]

Tell them you are pregnant--with Satan's Child. Stuff like that. The best way to stop people from making fun of you(which all this is) is to deflect them by USING them. They say this stuff because it bothers you. So if you joke with them, it doesn't appear to be very effective to them. Whether it's effective or not, you won't hear as much about it.

[Boblouie58]

Howitzgoin- we as shy people don't have alot of friends most of the time b/c others don't see us as wanting any friends. It takes two to "tango as the saying goes" and either a shy person needs to find someone who they feel comfortable with talking or people who are not shy need to invite that shy person into whatever...conversation, joining at lunch table, etc.
None of us are mindreaders and all we know is either what we hear (which sometimes is all wrong) or what we observe. If we feel we are being ignored, we either stay ignored or we try and figure out a way to get involved in a conversation, or ask to join a group of people eating at a table etc. Sometimes, "the shy person" has to make his own move b/c it isn't going to happen anyother way.
What's going to happen, if you ask to join a group? They will invite you to sit down or will tell you they have someone else sitting there, when you know otherwise. Buy Hey!, you tried and should try again and again. Even if you are rebuffed, its not the end of the world.

Boblouie

[CaryGrant]

I second boblouie's comments. You won't make any friends unless you get really lucky and someone takes you under their wing, or you take the initiative.

To make friends, you have to take some risks and make some mistakes. The longer you put this off, the further you fall behind in your social skills, and the harder it gets (though you may also become more motivated!). It is never impossible, and it will not kill you - although it will probably feel like you're going to die. Something to do with the way the brain works, but feelings are not reality, only your perception of it.

Spitzig had a great idea; if done with a sense of humour, people may even realise you are human and likable!

[shyvegan]

"My husband is my ONLY friend...same for him. We sometimes both wish we had friends and family to do stuff with, but we don't. (Our own family puts us last and never wants to do stuff with us.) I guess we're just a shy couple to suffer together. "

This sounds just like us, unbelievable that someone else is the same.

[Binary Porcupine]

Guest-Nobody said:

This is now a name people refer to me as at college after only 6 weeks because I don't speak very often, I find it impossible to start and maintain conversations. What names do people often refer to you as?

I was fortunate enough to go thru uni mostly invisible to everyone else, therefore I wasn't subjected to name-calling, teasing, etc. I think someone tried to throw an empty water bottle at me once, but that might have been a coincidence.

[MissAnxiety]

hi shyvegan. ;D

This sounds just like us, unbelievable that someone else is the same.

Really? So you face this same thing? Just curious, where are you from?

[Placido]

What really annoys me is people saying things like 'Can't you shut up a minute? We can hardly get a word in!'

Oh my aching sides.

[Placido]

The other one I hate is when people see I look nervous and ask 'Are you alright?', especially when I've not even been aware of being nervous beforehand.

I mean if I can feel relaxed and still come across as self-conscious, what hope is there? I'm starting to think I might not ever have relaxed in the company of another human, and the times I've felt relaxed were only relative to a very unrelaxed norm...

I hate all this sometimes...

[comrade]

People see a shy person and immediatly dismiss them as boring. what I think made me turn out quiet is being judged everytime I spoke, growing up my brother always seemed to have some kind of insult or derogatory remark everytime I opened my mouth so I just learned rather than argue all the time the easiest thing was to remain quiet. There is a culture of rivalry here where people build their own egos up by bringing down others, hence my shyness transferred to social situations too as you feel every word you say is being scrutinized by those around you. Its strange because Im not always shy, sometimes I can talk for hours, but when Im uncomfortable with people I just hide in a shell.