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Post by dodo on Nov 24, 2003 22:25:52 GMT -5
Hello.
I've been reading the posts here for some time and I've noticed that many of the girls that participate in this forum have already a boyfriend and some are even married (I don't want to name but I know they are). On the contrary, many guys are still lonely and some of them struggling hard to initiate their first loving experience. I have a question to the people: Why isn't that hard for a (shy) girl to have a love relationship as much as it is for a (shy) guy?
I've seen this kind of question being discussed widely in other forums, but so far, to my knowledge without any serious arguments. I've heard some guys complain absurdly that girls are always luckier or simply pretentious. These kind of arguments are obviously wrong and misleading.
The fact is that because I am shy myself, I've been through a situation recently, in which I was attracted to a cute girl that in the end I turned out to be somebody else's girl. She seemed so sweet and shy and it lead me to believe she was like me. No she wasn't. Of course I never talked to her directly. I knew it from other friends. But I felt so frustrated cause that I had invested a lot of hopes and feelings in trying to start a conversation with that girl, not knowing that it was impossible, right from the beginning.
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Post by Boblouie58 on Nov 25, 2003 0:52:17 GMT -5
dodo- I would think that whichever male or female that speaks about themselves on here would think they are the most shy.  Shyness is mostly a feeling that we all experience. It depends on alot of the situation of which you are referring too, as some situations may be uncomfortable to one and not the other, etc.  The more you date and the more experience you get under your belt of what people are like or not like etc. will make for a better experience for you and others. The more we know about most anything gives us a better insight and confidence across the board.  Just b/c a girl is with a guy doesn't necessarily mean she wouldn't go out with you. Guys usually date more than one girl as well as girls dating more than one guy. If you feel their may be a chance, there's no harm in asking. If you never ask you will never know and could have missed out in case she would have gone out with you. Its sort of like in high school, some guys wanting to ask a girl out but see her with a good looking guy and thinking she wouldn't be available on Friday night. Well, it happened to me and the girl stayed home alone b/c al, the guys thought she was so popular she would be out. Moral of the story.......unless you know for sure...you are probably missing a good date.  |
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Post by CaryGrant on Nov 25, 2003 10:57:57 GMT -5
Dodo, I have read, and it makes sense, that it is easier for a woman to be shy than a guy because it is more socially acceptable. Even after 30+ years of women's lib, guys are still expected to take the initiative. Therefore, shy girls can be passive and will still get asked out, but shy guys will not.
Making things worse, confidence is a trait many women want a man to have, and shyness kills confidence. Even a guy who is confident after getting over his initial shyness will appear to lack confidence until he does so.
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2shy
New Member
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Post by 2shy on Nov 25, 2003 11:11:01 GMT -5
Hello. Why isn't that hard for a (shy) girl to have a love relationship as much as it is for a (shy) guy? It's like that because mostly it is still the guys who initiate contact. Forget 'Sex and the City', society still teaches girls to be prey rather than predator. There are not that many girls out hunting, so unless you take a chance and ask her, either some other bloke will ask her or the both of you will be sitting home tonight. The other thing is that shy folk like us tend a to live in fairyland a little bit. I say this 'cause I do the same thing and it took me a looooong time to learn that if you want to know what is going on, it's best to stop dreaming about what might be and speak to the person, not their friends or anyone else. In the end only the girl (or boy) can say if she is still looking or whether she's happy with someone else. (just a tip from a shy girl - there is not a woman alive who will not remember with fondness, not derision, the guy who asked her out even if she did not go out with him. We basically admire the hell out of you guys for having to take the initiative.) |
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Post by Robert on Nov 25, 2003 23:53:05 GMT -5
LOL... To tell you the truth I do not know. I was allways too shy to ask them.  |
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max
New Member
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Post by max on Jan 2, 2004 0:49:17 GMT -5
Like others have said, because guys are expected to be more dominant and outgoing, be the 'pursuers', it is more a liability for a guy to be shy than a girl. While they both may be just as shy, the effects of shyness will be felt harder by a guy. Probably why more men than women seek therapy or counseling for social anxiety and related disorders.
And it is obvious that NiteFalz's arguments fall into the 'misleading' category you mentioned .. more likely a reflection on some unfortunate personal experiences than actual fact.
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Post by NiteFalz on Jan 2, 2004 13:38:18 GMT -5
Like others have said, because guys are expected to be more dominant and outgoing, be the 'pursuers', it is more a liability for a guy to be shy than a girl. While they both may be just as shy, the effects of shyness will be felt harder by a guy. Probably why more men than women seek therapy or counseling for social anxiety and related disorders. Yes, hence the inequality of todays society. Society allows girls to "have it easier". For guys its IS much more of a problem to be shy, just as it IS much more of a problem if a guy is raped, bullied, is bulimic etc etc... I could go on and on but the point is, for girls SOME of these problems can be sometimes bad admittedly but for guys its MUCH worse emotionally. |
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Post by Guest on Jan 6, 2004 3:09:15 GMT -5
I am a shy female, 22 turning 23 in a few months, and never been kissed by a guy or never been asked out...
and it depresses me...
i get really shy around guys, especially guys i like, i will just go numb, and blank and it is an awful experience.
on many occasions i have wanted to be okay around the guy i like, but i think there is something physically wrong with me, i get a frog in my throat, i break out in sweat, and my words barely come out if they come out at all...
here is a something which happened today, i went to the post office and ordered a money order, and she said who it was to, and i could barely tell the post office lady who it was to, i had to spell it out, and my voice was so shaky and i felt like i physically could not say the letters...they were coming out funny
that experience was post- job interview... and job interviews are really bad for me, and especially group job interviews... it was a group...and i am terrible shy in groups especially...
i'm sorry to go on like this in this thread...
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Post by rosie818 on Jan 7, 2004 21:58:07 GMT -5
I think it is easier for the girls tohave boyfriends becuase the guy does the asking out
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Post by Sanity FreeZ0ne on Jan 8, 2004 19:52:27 GMT -5
i'm sorry to go on like this in this thread... Don't be sorry, that's what this place is for. |
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Post by Vanessa110 on Jan 9, 2004 3:46:47 GMT -5
I do not think you should feel bad. I've known people male and female who did not kiss someone until they were older than 23.
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The more you date and the more experience you get under your belt of what people are like or not like etc. will make for a better experience for you and others. The more we know about most anything gives us a better insight and confidence across the board. 
