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Post by MissAnxiety on Dec 2, 2003 16:18:35 GMT -5
Our organization is having a Holiday Party Thursday afternoon. This is where all the offices in the organization get together to have a big social lunch, entertainment and games. I don't really like attending the organization functions because everyone has their friends to hang around, and it's not fun if you don't have anyone to talk to. There are people I know like from my office and even outside my office, but they have their friends they run and talk to. There have been times I went and I tried talking to people, but they will turn around and walk away, or start talking to someone else. I don't want people thinking I'm a bum or anti-social, but it's not fun going "alone," if you know what I mean. People have been asking me why I'm not going. One guy in my office understands because he feels the same way. Other people don't. I try to tell them without making them think I'm anti-social, thinking to negative of me. I don't know how to exactly explain to them because most people don't understand...A LOT of these people are very bubbley and sociable. I use to do the excuse "I have homework I need to work on" and sometimes take the afternoon off  . I'm taking a break right now with that so I can't use that excuse. Has anyone faced this situation where you don't want to do office functions so you try to avoid them somehow? What did you usually do? What do you usually tell people why you don't want to go? |
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Post by spitzig1 on Dec 2, 2003 19:10:41 GMT -5
Sometimes, I'd go, try to talk to a few people. Then when I felt like I was standing around looking like an idiot, I'd leave soon. I'd be there maybe half an hour or an hour, to "be seen", so I wouldn't seem anti-social.
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Post by Boblouie58 on Dec 2, 2003 21:56:44 GMT -5
Right on about leaving after visiting or showing up!  Parties of any kind are usually some sort of social event. My mother loved to go to any kind of party. Not me but I usually will show up for a few minutes and see if anyone will chat or include me in the conversation. If I feel it isn't going well, I tell my host or hosts, thank you but I have to go handle some other business. Hope this helps. |
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Post by CaryGrant on Dec 3, 2003 12:19:19 GMT -5
Miss M,
If you go to show your face, then try and get some good out of it - you could treat it as an experiment. See how many other people you can spot who don't seem to be fitting in very well - standing at the edges of groups, not really contributing, or people with only one other person, not really talking much, etc. You may even spot individuals you could go be with, like the guy you mentioned.
This way you will be considered less of a loner (and more likely to be included in future events of all sorts), and will also realise that there are many other people who don't really fit in that well, either.
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Post by MissAnxiety on Dec 3, 2003 12:57:12 GMT -5
Thanks for all of your suggestions  . The hard thing about us leaving is that it isn't easy to sneak out early. See, I work for a military base, and they're kind of strict about staying for these events at least during the core hours, so I would have to stay for three hours  (until 3 pm). Now there have been occasions where I did go to these functions, and I would leave early because the people from my office did: our office have a few rebels . Well anyway, I guess I still have time to think about it...they said they have extra tickets in case. Thanks again. |
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2shy
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Post by 2shy on Dec 4, 2003 5:02:39 GMT -5
I'm also not a fan of office functions - or any other function for that matter.
What I have noticed however - after it was pointed out to me rather forcefully by a friend - is that there is a lot of coming and going between people at parties and that it is nothing personal when people stop talking to me and join another group; they do this with each other as well.
Also once I realized this, I've noticed that at some stage during the event even the social, bubbly ones are on their own at some stage. Not that this knowledge always helps when I'm hugging the wall all on my own, but at least it cuts down on the anticipation anxiety when I know there is no way of avoiding the damn function.
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Post by MissAnxiety on Dec 4, 2003 19:59:04 GMT -5
Well I didn't go. I had more "fun" staying back at the office than if I went, I'm sure. There was a few of us that stayed back and we ended up leaving early.
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2shy
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Post by 2shy on Dec 4, 2003 22:30:13 GMT -5
I must agree, if the choice is between going (theraphy practicals, I call these things) and getting off early to do my own thing.... is there any question? ;D
I was actually thinking of my previous observations last night when I paid an impromto visit to a friend (full marks for doing that, tho) and halfway through she got phone call:
From what I could hear from her side of the converstation, it was clear that another friend was asking her to go out and she was saying no, 2shy is here, come over and then we decide what to do. Friend never pitched, but phoned again later. This time she totally disappeared to take the call. Verrrrry uncomfortable because clearly I was in the way and when I said she must phone back because I had not planned to stay that long, she was quite indignant and said no, we're chatting and all....
But I can't help thinking that it would have been more fun for her to go out. And of course the fact that the other did not want to visit with me.....well, doesn't that just make you feel loved and wanted!
Actually I feel a lot better now - should have seen me while it was happening.
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Post by MissAnxiety on Dec 4, 2003 22:35:38 GMT -5
sorry to hear that 2shy. I wouldn't have felt great either. I bet it was very uncomfortable as you said!  Glad to hear that you are doing better now . |
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Post by Boblouie58 on Dec 5, 2003 1:20:55 GMT -5
Miss A- I didn't know you had an option of staying back versus going?  I wouldn't go to anything you don't HAVE TO until you feel comfortible enough. Why put yourself thru that turmoil. Glad you had some people to hold back with, this makes it more fun for everyone. This time of year there are many parties and sometimes it can be difficult to avoid all of them but over time, somewhere and sometime you may feel like going. But only go when you feel comfortible. |
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Post by CaryGrant on Dec 5, 2003 11:51:25 GMT -5
Just wanted to question 2shy's assumption that her friend would have preferred to go out but was stuck talking to 2shy: not necessarily. It sounds like your friend was enjoying talking to you - and is a decent person, besides. She could have dumped you, twice, and did not. She could have made some excuse to get rid of you, or suggested you both go out to meet the other friend.
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2shy
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Post by 2shy on Dec 5, 2003 15:19:23 GMT -5
You see, that is why I have a problem with social interaction. My interpretations are erratic and depends on my mood: how do I feel about myself, have I had a bad day, did I make a mistake at work.
I already felt a bit awkward phoning her and inviting myself over, so I was probably not at my best. And you're right, she is a very decent person; she would do the right thing even if she did not want to, which was what I sensed was happening. But, yes, I might be wrong.
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Post by spitzig on Dec 6, 2003 20:23:56 GMT -5
Maybe your friend would have rathered talk to you. I've heard some pretty extroverted people say that some of the best parts of parties have been with just a few people, in some area without many people. Even extroverted people don't always want to act extroverted. It's possible that the other friend didn't want to come there, not because of you, but because it would've been difficult to take the bar with her. |
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. I'm taking a break right now with that so I can't use that excuse. Has anyone faced this situation where you don't want to do office functions so you try to avoid them somehow? What did you usually do? What do you usually tell people why you don't want to go?
. The hard thing about us leaving is that it isn't easy to sneak out early. See, I work for a military base, and they're kind of strict about staying for these events at least during the core hours, so I would have to stay for three hours 
(until 3 pm). Now there have been occasions where I did go to these functions, and I would leave early because the people from my office did: our office have a few rebels 
I wouldn't go to anything you don't HAVE TO until you feel comfortible enough. Why put yourself thru that turmoil.