Lying

[Michael1973]

A discussion I was having on another board prompted this question. How do you shy people feel about lying? I'm not talking about constantly lying to people, or lying about big important issues. I just mean telling little lies when you feel like the truth would shock or upset someone, or when you feel it's really not their business anyhow.

Me, I feel guilty for telling even the slightest lie. And yet in some situations I consider it as a possibility to protect myself from the embarassment or awkward situation that would result if I told the truth.

How about the rest of you?

[Chester8o5]

lieing is lieing any way you put it. big or small, short or tall.........in a box with a fox........wrong story. anyhow, little lies lead to medium lies which lead to big lies. after a while youre lieing to cover up other lies. lies are, any way you cut it, a bad idea. you can try to justify it all day, but in the end the only thing it does is cause hurt to you or others. you may get away with fooling others with your little lies for the rest of your life, but you will always know you did it.

[Boblouie58]

Why would you ever want t6o consider lying? What are you trying to prove..that you can and get away with it?

Lyining is NOT a good idea for any reason and I can't understand why you would even consider it. Obviously, you have something to hide and don't want to be found out. If so, come clean and clean up your act.

[siri]

Michael1973 said:

A discussion I was having on another board prompted this question. How do you shy people feel about lying? I'm not talking about constantly lying to people, or lying about big important issues. I just mean telling little lies when you feel like the truth would shock or upset someone, or when you feel it's really not their business anyhow.

Me, I feel guilty for telling even the slightest lie. And yet in some situations I consider it as a possibility to protect myself from the embarassment or awkward situation that would result if I told the truth.

How about the rest of you?

sometimes i do lie because some things can hurt some one but im not a good liar because people can tell that im lying... i feel guilty for telling a lie of course but sometimes a lie is necessary so that others wont get hurt...

[Michael1973]

As i said in my initial post, I hate lying in most cases. I would only consider it if I did something stupid and wanted to avoid anyone knowing about it. See, I have a tendency to beat myself up over doing stupid things, and to then have someone else come along and go off on me for making a bad decision just makes me feel even worse. If there's any way I can avoid telling the person what really happened, I will consider it.

[spitzig]

I think lying is generally a bad idea. Lying to avoid hurting someone's feelings can be good or bad. Sometimes it's better to know the truth, sometimes not. Of course, it helps if that "mean truth" is phrased nicely, but that's not always possible.

I actually think I'm decent at lying. I attempt to "temporarily believe" the lie. "Believing what you are saying is a way to break lie detectors. Of course, it's not absolute, since you can't COMPLETELY convince yourself like that.

Also, I try to avoid stating any "extra" lies. The more you lie, the more likely you are to get busted for it. It's better to just avoid mentioning any conflicting true statements. It's an old saying that "the best lies are mostly true."

I had to lie at a fundamentalist church I was attending(for a sociology paper) recently. I did this because saying that I was an atheist would've made ME the subject of conversation. This would've prevented me from getting data for my paper(the paper was about them--not me). I might've gotten upset when attacked for my beliefs, which would've reduced my objectivity, as well. I also lied in this circumstance, by stating things that were true(regarding my beliefs) when I was a kid, but no longer are true.

[Chester8o5]

i feel i must respectfully disagree with spitzig on this one. a lie is a lie. i too have been in that situation. i know how to cover my tracks. and i know that doing that only sets up you or sombody else for even more hurt. eventually they will find out. the best policy is not to do it.

[spitzig]

But, often, by the time they find out the truth, it doesn't matter. Now, I don't care if the fundamentalists find out I'm an atheist--my paper is done and I'm not returning to the church. My only concern about it now is that they will guess the guy with my name in the yellow pages is me and they will come accost me. Telling them I was an atheist just would've gotten me accosted earlier, though.

[Vanessa110]

Sometimes I've had to lie or hold back the truth. Depends on the situation. Like when I was younger, I did not fully realize I was shy. I did not know how to verbalize what was wrong or bothering me. And from time to time I do lie because when I do tell the truth, some people get mad or it becomes awkward etc. For the most part though, I don't care anymore and just tell the truth. I suppose it is different in each case. But you're definitely not alone.

[Jarous]

Chester8o5 said:

a lie is a lie

Not so. I distinguish two kinds of lies.
Lies to cover your own failings, sins, mistakes. Generally lies which you profit from. These are bad and should (and could) be avoided.
There is another kind of lies though. In which you forsake your honor and conscience for the greater good of someone else. Consider a not so beatiful girl (too young to understand that beaty is in the eye of the beholder) asking you how she looks. Would you tell her the truth? I think not. Or a hypothetical situation when a simple lie (is there such a thing) would save a human life? I would lie in such situations.

Is there someone else who always get blamed of lying although innocent? People always say 'look me in the eyes' thinking they'll discern a liar in this way. I just can't and it's 'so you're the culprit, we'd better watch the quiet ones...'

[Julie]

I hate liars.. I believe there is no need to lie.. If there was a situation that was difficult then I'd find an alternative way but truthful way to deal with it..

I do feel that i have a problem myself though as being classed as a liar and I feel the need to prove my innocence.. kinda strange.. but my blood boils when someone lies about me..

I always think If someone wants to know something .... then ask..

[Michael1973]

Hi Julie,

I too prefer finding truthful ways to handle situations whenever possible. Sometimes, though, this is far more difficult than it seems.

Let me ask you something. How would you handle it if someone asked you a question you felt very awkward about answering truthfully, and yet you felt equally awkward telling them it's none of their business (truthful as that maybe be)?

[Jarous]

Michael1973 said:

How would you handle it if someone asked you a question you felt very awkward about answering truthfully, and yet you felt equally awkward telling them it's none of their business (truthful as that maybe be)?

And what is the dilema here? If it's not their business, tell them so. It's way better than concocting a lie to cover the awkwardness of the situation.
Of course should they insist, you'd better tell the truth as you know it - or at worst twist it to your advantage (naturally, in the boundaries of truth).

[Chester8o5]

Jarous said:

Not so. I distinguish two kinds of lies.

correct me if im wrong, two kinds of lies are still lies.

[Jarous]

Chester8o5 said:

correct me if im wrong, two kinds of lies are still lies.

Righ, just different. Obviously you can't change the nature of a lie by calling it something else. Better said then 'a single kind of lie with two distinct ends to it'?

You can't adhere to principles (no matter how noble) without regarding external circumstances. You will say it's evil to rob someone for example. But what about robbing a would-be-murderer of his weapon? Our world is hardly black and white.

That said, a lie is still a lie - and I, personally, don't like it. When it has to be, though...