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Post by magic man on Mar 31, 2003 13:10:44 GMT -5
I am a terribly shy guy of 24. I have no friends inside or outside of Uni. I feel incredibly lonley. Has anybody any advice on how I could maybe break myself out of the rut im in?
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Post by unionjackattack86 on Mar 31, 2003 13:35:11 GMT -5
The only way of making friends is by talking to people and getting to know them, and if you have the same interests or something in common then it develops in to a friendship, however being shy puts a huge barrirer there.
The only thing I can suggest really is for you to start challenging yourself and reach out to people, make an effort to talk to people in your university class, even if its just simple things like what are we doing or I don't understand this, can you help me? its still a good start and it will get you use to speaking to people.
Once you become confident you could develop the conversation in to something else such as the war or their interests or anything really.
Making friends online is relatively easy so you could try meeting someone online who lives locally and arrange to meet up once you've known each other a while although there's an element of risk in that, plus it might be difficult to find someone online who lives near you. To add to this, you will have to overcome your shyness and speak to them if you ever meet up so you may as well try searching for friends from university.
"If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always got."
Hopefully this quote will inspire you to try and start talking to people because its the only way of making friends, I know its probably difficult for you but think of the rewards it will hold and once you've done it, it will become easier trust me.
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Post by ASolitarySoul on Mar 31, 2003 22:19:34 GMT -5
I would second what UnionJack posted, and add that posting in forums like this one, telling everyone about yourself, can help you shed your shell. Do you know about the forum alt.support.shyness on Usenet? You will need a newsreader to access it. I recommend Forte' Agent: www.forteinc.com/main/homepage.php |
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Post by NewOrleansLady on Mar 31, 2003 23:20:55 GMT -5
I've been forcing myself to do things that I would normally be too shy to do since I was 13 and decided to be in the school play. I wasn't trying out for a role in the play, just a backround character so I really didn't have to "try out".
I don't know about you but, the main reason that I am shy is because I am afraid of what people will think of the things I do and say. I'm extreamly self conscious.
To start off with, I suggest to do more things in public. Go to cafe to read a book or do some studing. Get comfortable with being around people first, and being by yourself in public, than build from there.
Maybe there is a club at school that shares an interest of yours. Do a little research and see what your community has to offer as far as groups go. I like to walk in a local park, for example, and I saw a notice posted in the park for a "walking group". They try to put together walk-a-thons for charity as well as meet with Head of Recreation and discuss ways to better the park. My point is, that there are a lot of options as far as intrest groups go. Just keep an eye out for postings on bulletin boards and stuff like that.
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Post by spitzig on Apr 1, 2003 2:33:21 GMT -5
Well, in college, you can always ask to get together to work on homework, or study. Very few people refuse this. During the study time, you can ask basic personal questions, like "What do you do for fun?" or "Are you/Have you ever been married?". I've had no success just getting to know people IN class. It's the stuff "around" class that's helped me.
And, as far as interest groups, you might try general social groups. Many of them have more extroverted people to counter your shyness. But, most have some introverts, too, who you may relate to. One thing that is usually helpful is that the group meet on a regular basis. That way, if you don't meet people one time, after ten times, you'll probably know several people. If the group is nice, they'll probably talk to you, even if you don't talk to them.
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Post by Twice-Shy on Apr 1, 2003 14:10:45 GMT -5
Building up your confidence in talking to people is something you should definitely look at. Follow the great advice above. Don't try to overwhelm yourself too early.
Talk about a book you are reading for a class with the person next to you. Talk about the weather and gradually build from there.
Joining an online community such as this one is great but you may also like to join something in the 'real' world. What sort of thing you join depends on your interests. It may be a soccer team or a book club. Join something that you have a passion for and that passion will shine through. I'm talking from experience here. I am shy yet on a soccer pitch I scream my head of like a demon!
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