Hi, I'm 18 and very shy. I have just broke up with my boyfriend. I had been going out with my boyfriend for 4 years. We were always incredibly close until he started uni this year. He changed. He disn't call and rarely visited.
My friend, who goes to the same uni as him, told me saw him kissing a girl in a cafe. I told him and he admitted it all to me. I blame myself because I know for a fact that we would still be together if I wasn't shy. What can I do?
Post by unionjackattack86 on Apr 7, 2003 13:10:13 GMT -5
Hello, don't blame your shyness, if your shyness was such a problem, I don't think the relationship would have started let alone lasted four years. As for what to do, well its what you want to do, do you want to continue being in a relationship with him? If you want to continue being in one with him then your both going to have to address the reasons he cheated on you and work out what you can do to change them reasons for the better. You will also have to decide if you can trust him again, if any part of you feels that you can't, then I wouldn't advise you to continue going out with him as you will be paranoid whether or not there's a reason to be and it will only cause bad feelings between both of you. Either way you're both going to have to communicate with each other alot, when I had problems with my girlfriend, I didn't address them and neither did she so they were just left and in the end I finished with her because the problems didn't go away; and they don't go away unless their addressed. At the end of the day though it boils down to whether or not you would still want to be with him and if he still wants to be with you.
Post by unionjackattack86 on Apr 7, 2003 13:12:15 GMT -5
Sorry I forgot the bit were you said you had broken up with him, when you say what can you do, what are you reffering to? What can you do to get back with him and put things right or what can you do to cope with the breakup?
Post by NewOrleansLady on Apr 7, 2003 16:01:44 GMT -5
I'm sure it's not because you are shy. If he was with you for four years and didn't mind your shyness, than being shy wasn't a factor in his cheating on you. Dateing for four years, at your age, is a very long time. Your ex-boyfriend probably felt the need to "sow his wild oats" so to speak. I think that he would have acted the same, regardless of who he was dateing for four years. He should've talked with you first but, most young people aren't so considerate. I think that you should take his cue and start dateing other people as well. At your age, I think that it's best to see what all types of men have to offer and not just limit yourself to one guy. If you two realize, after you both have dated other people, that you are still right for each other than so be it. I definitly don't think that you should be beating your self up over this. Just take it as a lesson learned and move on.
"There are two things I hate, people who are intolerant of other peoples cultures and the dutch!" Nigel Powers
Yeah, people at college often become different people. They get to meet a wider variety of people, get interested in new things, and generally have a wider variety of experiences. This tends to translate into a "personal transformation" a lot.
Also, distance doesn't just "make the heart grow fonder". It also makes you look for closer possibilities.