Up until 2 years ago I was married with 2 step children - twin girls. I raised them, along with their mother, from the age of 3 until 9. They grew up looking at me as their father figure.
I think I was a great role model for them. I took them to school, helped with their homework, fed them and enjoyed every second that I was with them.
I don't think being shy hampered our relationship in any way. In many respects, like NewOrleanslady said in a previous post, it made me work harder to overcome it for their sake.
If you have children, has being shy made you a better parent? If you plan to have kids in the future, what will you be able to offer them. Is anybody out their the son or daughter of a shy parent? How has your relationship been?
i think is would force me to overcome some of my own issues, i'd only hope that they wouldn't rub off on them too much. also, if the child turned out to be outgoing, i would probably have more trouble helping them with any social problems as opposed to if the child were shy, simply because i wouldn't be able to identify.
I don't have children yet but when I do someday I know that I would want to overcome shyness or social problems even more so for their sakes. I would want them to be comfortable expressing themselves as individuals and developing their talents and trying new things.
I remember being in school and not trying new things that I might have enjoyed simply because for example, the kids that teased me were in those activites therefore I avoided it because I knew I wouldn't enjoy it if they were there. So for my children, I will hope to show them to stand up for themselves and not be afraid to try something new or learn something new or meet people.
Tiff "I want to sing as if nobody heard me, I want to love as if nobody hurt me, I want to dance as if noone saw me"
I think that my mother being shy and father being introverted are major factors in me being both. There were other factors directly related to my parents, too.
Kids learn by example. I didn't have much of an example on how to be outgoing from my parents. A major consideration that might prevent me from having kids--I don't want to mess them up with my shyness.
I think shyness hasn't affected our relationship, though. It's those other factors that've messed that up.
Last Edit: May 16, 2003 19:16:41 GMT -5 by spitzig
Oh my father being extremely shy was and STILL is very difficult for me. As a child, he used to play of course with me. But him being shy has had a major effect on me for being shy and introvert. THe way you interact as a parent with your child has a major influence on them. Later my father has never had the ability to have any role in my life. I have never seen him as a person i could return to for support, he was not able to give it to me. I am even angry at him for several years now ..he is 56 and has never done anything to have a more active role in our home. He puts himself in the role of 'victim'. But i think that is irresponsible of him. My parents have had many fights about it, coz for my mom its not easy to always be the strong person and make all kinds of difficult decisions. A few weeks ago i told him in a fight that it was really time to do something but he s never gonna do something about it. Do you think i should be more sympathetic towards him ? Coz for all I should understand him right ! My mom a few weeks said to me that she thinks i sometimes am like my father social phobic. It sounded awfull the way she said it. And i m afraid of relationships after what i ve seen at my home, and i m afraid of ever having children coz i dont want them to suffer. I want to say that i dont blame my dad for every problem i have now, coz the circumstances you grow up in are also a factor if you will stay shy as an adult, like going to college & different environment, but i m afraid that that didnt make me less shy, even not getting a college degree. I still am very insecure.
I think it's natural for you to feel anger towards your father. When my father's son was diagnised with HD his response was to give up. He used that illness as an excuse to give up on life and that caused a lot of anger in my family.
The intensity of hate has waned with time but it is still there and perhaps will always be there.
Positive website for people who are shy and/or are interested in self-help.
I agree. When you have somebody that's helpless relying on you than, you're kind of forced to put your reservations on hold while you take care of things for them.
i know it's not quite the same as having children (to most people), but i have noticed that when i take my cats to the vet, i am not shy at all. i'm there for them and too busy worrying about that than my own reservations.
Post by NewOrleansLady on Jun 4, 2003 1:17:18 GMT -5
That is exactly what I meant, Moogle. I have had to bring my son to the doctor many times by myself and have had no problem speaking up and asking questions. Part of it is also because I don't want to "teach" my son that people are something to be afraid of. I want him to grow up with parents who are comfortable with themselves. My parents are shy too so part of me believes that it was because I grew up in their household that I am shy also. I don't want to do that to my son.
"There are two things I hate, people who are intolerant of other peoples cultures and the dutch!" Nigel Powers
That was me as well up until a couple of years ago. It's amazing how strong I become in a crisis. I become a different person. Some of the things I've seen over the last 6 years have been unbelievable and yet I think I've coped well.
Positive website for people who are shy and/or are interested in self-help.
Post by urbanspaceman on Jun 4, 2003 14:28:17 GMT -5
Although I'm not strictly a parent, I am very protective of my nephew. It is amazing what it can do to you when they are in trouble, or are reliant on you. All of your attention is placed upon them rather than you being self-conscious or worrying what other people are thinking.
My mother was and is still VERY outgoing and gregarious. My dad, on the other hand is extremely introverted. (is it any wonder they're divorced?) I think people are born shy. Or at least predisposed to it, and for me I actually think my outgoing mom made it worse. I guess she didn't understand me. I always felt she was disappointed in me for not having more friends and boyfriends in high school. I think even my own mom thought I was a nerd. (HAHA) Anyways, I actually always felt shy around both of my parents. When I had my first daughter I prayed that she wouldn't be like me. I always told her all the time how beautiful, sweet, smart , talented and special she is. I have always loved her unconditionally as she is. I have always tried to be careful with discipline and when angry, knowing full well how words can wound a sensitive soul. So, in that, I think that shyness has made me a better parent. The hardest things for me are pretty much what you'd expect. Parent/teacher conferences, field trips, birthday parties and extracurricular activities. I had all these big plans when she was a baby. I'd be a home room type of mom and get totally involved in all the school activities, I'd go to PTA meetings, I'd give the biggest, most lavish birthday parties, etc., etc. But, as she grew older, and I began doing some of those things...it began to feel horribly familiar. On field trips, I'd be the only mom with no one else to talk to. All the other moms already seemed to be in a clique!! Ditto with gymnastics lessons, swimming lessons, etc. I joked with my sister, "Remember all those snobby bitches in high school? Ever wonder what happened to them? Well, they're ALL soccer moms at my kid's school!" She's 11 now, and thank GOD...she's NOT like me! She has lots of friends, she's confident and she's sweet and also very sensitive. She's not afraid to try new things and she doesn't give up on herself. I have two more daughters. One who's almost 2 and one who is 3 months. I hope neither of them grow up to be shy.