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Post by Venus on Jul 24, 2003 15:24:46 GMT -5
I like a man who is in his early 40s, a professional, and very shy personally.
He has never been married and rarely - if ever - dated just because of his shyness. He gets embarrassed very easily.
On a professional level, he carries himself well and I tried to move things to a more personal level - actually I don't see him very often and I sent him an email message about a topic we have in common and suggested we make some time to get together at it as I would love to have him as a friend.
Well, he responded to the professional questions I asked but not to anything else. He has done this twice now.
How can I tell if he is just not interested or if his behavior is because he is shy?
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Post by Twice-Shy on Jul 26, 2003 13:54:53 GMT -5
That's a tough question. The fact that he has left out your requests to get to know him out of his replies suggests that he is shy of personal relationships. Send him another email, keeping it light, reminding him that he forgot to let you know whether he would be interested in getting closer.
Perservere.
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Post by g3netix on Jul 28, 2003 17:35:33 GMT -5
if i was him i would be intrested!
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Post by Venus on Jul 30, 2003 10:13:11 GMT -5
if i was him i would be intrested! What a nice thing to say. Thank you.
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Post by Venus on Jul 30, 2003 10:14:55 GMT -5
That's a tough question. The fact that he has left out your requests to get to know him out of his replies suggests that he is shy of personal relationships. Send him another email, keeping it light, reminding him that he forgot to let you know whether he would be interested in getting closer. Perservere. Thank you. You gave me hope If he were NOT interested, would he as a shy person have difficulty communicating that to me? The biggest problem has been not knowing whether to continue my efforts because I don't know if he is trying to brush me off or if he is just shy.
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Post by Venus on Aug 4, 2003 8:25:54 GMT -5
That's a tough question. The fact that he has left out your requests to get to know him out of his replies suggests that he is shy of personal relationships. Send him another email, keeping it light, reminding him that he forgot to let you know whether he would be interested in getting closer. Perservere. Update: I have noticed that he will not respond to an email messageunless there is a blatant direct question in it that he couldn't possibly miss. If I make it something general like "How are you doing" and then continue with my own news, I get no response. Is this common with shy people?
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Post by spitzig on Aug 4, 2003 15:00:16 GMT -5
Update: I have noticed that he will not respond to an email messageunless there is a blatant direct question in it that he couldn't possibly miss. If I make it something general like "How are you doing" and then continue with my own news, I get no response. Is this common with shy people? Sometimes, I don't respond to general things like that. Sometimes, people aren't actually interested, and just say things like that to be polite. That question doesn't ask much, though. It doesn't ask WHAT someone has been doing, which I'm guessing you mean to imply. Also, personally, I have no life, so things like "what have you been doing lately?" I can't give much of a response to. As far as brushing him off, I've only needed to brush off one woman, but the difficulty in that was not related to being shy. Just that I wanted to continue working with her in classes. I did so immediately, though.
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Post by Venus on Aug 4, 2003 18:20:02 GMT -5
Here's the general question I asked a few weeks ago to which I got no response. Please let me know how you would interpret this. This is the question it took me six weeks to muster the guts to ask:
"Perhaps if you are planning to attend one or both alpaca events, you would have some time to spare to give me an introductory tour. Even busy professionals need some down time now and then and, besides, I would like to have you as a friend and would really enjoy your company. Just let me know."
Maybe it was too general and could be considered just being polite. I dont know.
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Post by Venus on Aug 4, 2003 18:39:33 GMT -5
Then yesterday I asked a general question, such as "How are you doing" and then gave him an update on a few things, all of which really asked for no response - so I got none. (
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Post by Venus on Aug 4, 2003 18:42:17 GMT -5
As far as brushing him off, I've only needed to brush off one woman, but the difficulty in that was not related to being shy. Just that I wanted to continue working with her in classes. I did so immediately, though. I think this man would be able to brush someone off with not too much trouble really. Maybe he wants to brush me off but is simply ignoring me to see if I will go away because I am a client. He's a vet.
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Post by Naptaq on Aug 5, 2003 11:32:15 GMT -5
tough one mate...well i can't help u on this one..i dunno how
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Post by CaptainMatt on Sept 4, 2003 1:57:00 GMT -5
Confront him in person if you have the opprotunity. When he is behind a computer he has a place to hide.
Matt
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Post by Rob on Oct 9, 2003 13:35:54 GMT -5
Hi,
Being quite a shy guy myself, I thought I could offer you some insight. It is quite possible that he does not believe that you are interested in him. I had a similar experience with a co-worker once, but never came up with the nerve to ask her out. Six months later, she was married. Whatever you do, don't assume anything. Shy people have a hard time trusting and therefore letting people into their world. He is going to be a tough nut to crack. You might want to take that as a challenge. Have fun with it. Don't get frustrated. Flirt with him. Make an excuse to visit him and wear a short skirt and a big smile. He may get embarrassed but deep down inside he will be flattered. But first make sure he is not gay or otherwise attached. Keep us posted...............ROB
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Post by luvmyshyguy on Oct 11, 2003 22:44:07 GMT -5
Venus, this is so funny because when I read your opening post I thought maybe you were a troll posing as me or something! ;D
Every single thing you wrote (except the not seeing him often part, we hadn't met yet at the time) could have been written by me when me and my guy first started our "relationship". Same age, professionalism, dating circumstances - every detail you mentioned.
I didn't know what he thought of me for a long time. We emailed eachother back and forth about politics. I was concerned that I annoyed him but that he didn't want to hurt my feelings so kept responding. I finally got sick of wondering and asked him straight out. He said he loved me! Wow, never would have guessed because his emails were always so formal.
I'm flying out to London in a few days to be with him over the winter and spring. Once the visa process goes thru, he's moving here to the States and we are getting married. It's a good thing I asked him what he thought of me or I probably would have given up on him. (Would have continued the political conversations though, love the intellectual stimulation!)
He doesn't really know how to express his feelings yet and sometimes I have to ask him if he still loves me. I know he does but it's my way of bringing it out of him. Besides, I'm a female and need that reassurance.
Anyway, I would suggest that you just ask him point blank what he thinks of you so that you don't have to guess and read between the lines. Insist that he be honest. Who knows? Maybe he'll tell you he loves you!
I just noticed that this thread is fairly old. Oh well, someone somewhere might benefit from my post.
While I'm thinking of it, some shy guys (like mine) need to be hit upside the head with a brick to know that you are trying to tell them something. A short skirt like Rob suggested might not be enough (when that time comes). Something more along the lines of, "I'm horny and I want you now" might be needed! ;D
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Post by spitzig on Oct 12, 2003 15:19:10 GMT -5
Besides, I'm a female and need that reassurance. I'd say reassurance is good for low self-confidence(a BIG factor with shyness). This requires trusting the person giving it. Since a lot of people give false compliments to make people happy, I often don't take a compliment at face value. Point being--I think false compliments are to be avoided to avoid decreasing trust. If he's a bad kisser, don't tell him he's a good one--he might figure out you are lying. If he asks, tell him you'll have to have fun learning, or something.
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